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The 8th Dwarf is an Aussie, quite obviously. Can't you tell by his accent?
Hey Kobold...I have news for you...
There's also f#*^ing $#!+loads of us, too! We breed like crazy. I fathered eight or nine kids on the way in here. *starts handing out cigars*
It's all about magnitude. For every three of you, there's four of us. Also, we can insert a kobold adept 7 with nothing but components and holy symbol, accompanied by two fourth-level kobold warriors, into a first-level dungeon and it's regarded as totally legit.
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Hulk smash little Goblins!! Then give dissertation on the physics of crushing their bones!!
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Dear Kobold, why are you holding a rubber sword? Are you planning on pocking yourself in the eye? Do you realize that you can't hurt anyone with it?
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The smurf you talkin' 'bout?
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Oh, how CUTE!!! The little blue toothless "kobold" has appeared wielding his rubber mushroom.
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Meh. We're also incredibly marketable. Again...no plushy kobolds. Meanwhile I makes the girl gamers (and many of the guys) swoon with delight when presented with a box of chocolates, and...
...hold on...
...four more kids, I'll be damned.
...and anyway, like I'm saying, goblins are also downright pure marketing genius.
No, no, I don't want to hold them. I don't know, name them after your side of the family, I ate half of mine. Speaking of which, that blue one, you didn't name him yet, did you? I skipped lunch.
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Meh. We're also incredibly marketable. Again...no plushy kobolds. Meanwhile I makes the girl gamers (and many of the guys) swoon with delight when presented with a box of chocolates, and...
...hold on...
...four more kids, I'll be damned.
...and anyway, like I'm saying, goblins are also downright pure marketing genius.
No, no, I don't want to hold them. I don't know, name them after your side of the family, I ate half of mine. Speaking of which, that blue one, you didn't name him yet, did you? I skipped lunch.
I will hug you and kiss you and name you George!!
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I'm still waiting for my sunglasses! You don't want to see me when I'm angry.
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Have you considered working security at a textile factory?
When you show up, threads get locked at record speed.
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I will hug you and kiss you and name you George!!Meh. We're also incredibly marketable. Again...no plushy kobolds. Meanwhile I makes the girl gamers (and many of the guys) swoon with delight when presented with a box of chocolates, and...
...hold on...
...four more kids, I'll be damned.
...and anyway, like I'm saying, goblins are also downright pure marketing genius.
No, no, I don't want to hold them. I don't know, name them after your side of the family, I ate half of mine. Speaking of which, that blue one, you didn't name him yet, did you? I skipped lunch.
Ahhh! *grabs a random baby goblin and throws at Hulk as a distraction* Keep it away!
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Ahhh! *grabs a random baby goblin and throws at Hulk as a distraction* Keep it away!I will hug you and kiss you and name you George!!Meh. We're also incredibly marketable. Again...no plushy kobolds. Meanwhile I makes the girl gamers (and many of the guys) swoon with delight when presented with a box of chocolates, and...
...hold on...
...four more kids, I'll be damned.
...and anyway, like I'm saying, goblins are also downright pure marketing genius.
No, no, I don't want to hold them. I don't know, name them after your side of the family, I ate half of mine. Speaking of which, that blue one, you didn't name him yet, did you? I skipped lunch.
That's a tactic you definitely inherited from my side of the family.
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Hulk has PhD, he doesn't fall for amateur hour!! I will name you both George!!
I have more where that came from! We're strict orthodox Lamashtians, we not only don't believe in birth control, we believe it's rude not to impregnate strangers!
*two-weapon fighting/improved two weapon fighting/quick draw/rapid shot crazy chuck-fest of baby goblins*
I set at least two on fire earlier, so I get int to damage on that, sucka!
Meh. We're also incredibly marketable. Again...no plushy kobolds. Meanwhile I makes the girl gamers (and many of the guys) swoon with delight when presented with a box of chocolates, and...
They're all goblins. It counts for negative.
...and anyway, like I'm saying, goblins are also downright pure marketing genius.
Uh, excuse me, do you guys have your own goblinomicon sourcebook? Kobolds are beloved by gamers everywhere. We are used as "clever" subversions of expectations by masters such as Tucker, while you are used as comic relief.
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Have you considered working security at a textile factory?
When you show up, threads get locked at record speed.
That's why I need the sunglasses.
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I ban this pretender Kobold Cleaver. Accept not substitute for TheRealKoboldCleaver.
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Why are monkeys?
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I ban this pretender Kobold Cleaver. Accept not substitute for TheRealKoboldCleaver.Hmmm ... I'm not convinced ... let me hear you say "smurf". ;)
What does Smurfs have to do with anything other lunch time?
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Smurfs are great for lunch. Deep fat fry them and serve them up with candied yams. Yum!
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What does Sm^fs have to do with anything other lunch time?I ban this pretender Kobold Cleaver. Accept not substitute for TheRealKoboldCleaver.Hmmm ... I'm not convinced ... let me hear you say "sm^f". ;)
Hah, the real fake has been discovered, I see.
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Hah, the real fake has been discovered, I see.What does Sm^fs have to do with anything other lunch time?I ban this pretender Kobold Cleaver. Accept not substitute for TheRealKoboldCleaver.Hmmm ... I'm not convinced ... let me hear you say "sm^f". ;)
What is this? I have all ready told you who the real fake is.
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What is this? I have all ready told you who the real fake is.Hah, the real fake has been discovered, I see.What does Sm^fs have to do with anything other lunch time?I ban this pretender Kobold Cleaver. Accept not substitute for TheRealKoboldCleaver.Hmmm ... I'm not convinced ... let me hear you say "sm^f". ;)
Yes, and been proven a dirty liar in the process. Your avatar doesn't sm^f correctly.
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Dear Kobold, what happens if I submit an unworthy question?
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I ban this pretender Kobold Cleaver. Accept not substitute for TheRealKoboldCleaver.
Smurf it, the jig is up!
I am the real fake! That is to say, I am real. And he is fake. He is the fake real.
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Dear Kobold, what happens if I submit an unworthy question?
I dare not contemplate the possibilities.
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Dear Kobold, what happens if I submit an unworthy question?I dare not contemplate the possibilities.
Dear Kobold, what happens if someone unworthy asks a worthy question?
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Why on Golarion would anyone want to pretend to be a kobold?
I do have a legit set of questions - what would you say is the standard damage for a thrown goblin baby? One set on fire? Do they count as light or one-handed for two-weapon fighting? Are they ruined like ammunition, or can I reuse them? (That last one is almost irrelevant. I've got an efficient quiver filled with the little bastards the brood women keep adding to.)
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I ban this pretender Kobold Cleaver. Accept not substitute for TheRealKoboldCleaver.Sm^rf it, the jig is up!
I am the real fake! That is to say, I am real. And he is fake. He is the fake real.
Drats!!! Foiled again. I will get you one day.
I Blames Cosmo.
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In what ways are kobolds superior to goblins?
Let me explain: Kobolds are devious, evil, trap masters that trick their foes into destroying themselves in many varied and wonderful ways. Bravo!
But goblins have this amazing sense of humour that is right up a gremlin's alley, so to speak. Kobolds seem kind of serious and lack the joy that comes from a tormented and debilitating wound-fest.
Please help elucidate the situation.
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{appears, covered in broken chunks of rock candy} Kobolds are superior to goblins because they squish easier and make a more satisfying noise. They're the bubble wrap of the Bestiary.
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Why on Golarion would anyone want to pretend to be a kobold?
I do have a legit set of questions - what would you say is the standard damage for a thrown goblin baby? One set on fire? Do they count as light or one-handed for two-weapon fighting? Are they ruined like ammunition, or can I reuse them? (That last one is almost irrelevant. I've got an efficient quiver filled with the little bastards the brood women keep adding to.)
While I must confess some hesitance in aiding yet another would-be nemesis (I think I've gained three just on this thread alone), this is an issue that affects all of us and needs to be addressed.
By someone else.
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No guts, no glory there Kobold Cleaver. How "worthy" can you possibly be if you won't even stick up for your own young?
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So how many Kobolds can you cleave through?
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How many are adjacent?
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How many are adjacent?
MMM...Maybe a picture...
Y =Kobold Cleaver K= Kobolds
KKKKK
KKKKK
KKYKK
KKKKK
KKKKK
Does that help? Maybe you should practice on some of your tribe first...
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Any "practice" is fully accidental and due to their getting in the way. I see each "incident" as a generous donation to ensure that my cleaves will be able to reach the adventurers.
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You attack your own people? That's not very lawful. I at least have chaos to excuse my spawn cannibalism...that, and there's just so many of them!
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Oh Tiny and unassuming Kobold,
Steve Holt?
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BARBARIAN HAVE SIMPLE QUESTION FOR CLEAVING KOBOLD:
AM YOU BARBARIAN?
IF NOT, WHY?
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Any "practice" is fully accidental and due to their getting in the way. I see each "incident" as a generous donation to ensure that my cleaves will be able to reach the adventurers.
Why are you avoiding the question?
I mean do you realize how many edits I had to do to get that picture right?
I even took into account that you might have a reach weapon.
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Any "practice" is fully accidental and due to their getting in the way. I see each "incident" as a generous donation to ensure that my cleaves will be able to reach the adventurers.Why are you avoiding the question?
I mean do you realize how many edits I had to do to get that picture right?
I even took into account that you might have a reach weapon.
Really, it's a simple as two if he doesn't yet have great cleave, or as many as all that and a few layers extra. He might have lunge, long arm, four levels of abyssal bloodrager, or any other number of means to extend reach even greater, along with great cleave, allowing him to slaughter enough kobolds to look like the number of goblin babies I wade through when trying to make it from my bed to the fire pit.
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You are cutting it close GC, but you might be able to cleave it some more.
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BARBARIAN HAVE SIMPLE QUESTION FOR CLEAVING KOBOLD:
AM YOU BARBARIAN?
IF NOT, WHY?
Kobolds make awful barbarians.
Goblins, on the other hand, have a wonderful archetype that makes us awesome biting latch on grapple crazy barbarians.
Just further example of our superiority over kobolds.
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Or more accurately stated, a further example of Paizo's long-embedded pro-goblin bias.
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Meh. Kobolds can wait at the end of the line; it is clearly much more important that Paizo's rigid anti-slaadi bias is addressed first.
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Amen sister! attempts to raise fist, realizes the mayo and vinegar has made his arms to soggy
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Yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip ...
I would like to point out that there is no stat block for poodles nor even a passing mention in the bestiaries and I ... oops
Yip yip yip grrrrrr yip yip yip yip yip
<piddles all over the thread>
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Looks like KC has wandered off again... or a Sm*rfNet Sm*rfinator has TPKed him.
Either way, by Intertoobz salvage rights, that means the thread is ours! {starts hanging spider-themed wallpaper}