Official Critique My Item Thread

[Lorathorn]

Petty Alchemy wrote:

A big part of this contest was considering what would be appealing for me locally, at my gaming table, vs. what would be appealing to the global community.

I could be excited about getting a chef's knife that wants me to have cooking ranks in a game if it tied in to my concept, but most of the time? It'll probably get sold, hopefully to a rich chef.

Superstar items have a wider appeal, generally.

Of course. I think a superstar entry would have to be vastly different in concept to be in the running. Skill tied items are especially handicapped, it would seem. However, if I have any stake in this as a creative mind, I ought to at least eke out any worth from it that I can.

[Phil Greeley/Rochandil Calenlad]

Garrett Guillotte wrote:

Jacob Kellogg wrote:

Is it unique, unable to be recreated by "modern" spellcasters? Then it's an artifact.

To pick a nit, only major artifacts are unique by definition. Minor artifacts are special, but like major artifacts they can't be crafted and have specific destruction requirements. (1, 2)

Part of the confusion is that "specific magic item" in Pathfinder means the power is specific to that item design, not that the item itself is a specific object and therefore somehow unique.

** spoiler omitted **

Thanks for the input, Garrett. I remember that chicken... he owes me money!

[Mark Seifter]

James Risner wrote:

My item. I don't think they post the top 100 yet, so I don't know if I landed in top 100 or below. I did see it listed as a top 32 item of one poster, but obviously I needed more than one person to like the item.

Rod of Brilliant Steps
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 34,700 gp; Weight 4 lbs.

Description

This crystalline rod functions as a +1 light mace. The possessor and their gear are always clean as if by prestidigitation.

While held in hand more powers become available for use. Your every footstep leaves a soft silvery glow for one round equivalent in brightness to a torch, but it creates no heat and doesn't use oxygen. You may walk over liquids such as lava, quicksand, or water; difficult terrain such as ice, rubble, or tall grass; and vapors such as clouds, fog including magical fog, and mist. A column of force supports your weight under each foot and requires no Acrobatics checks to keep your balance. You may not run or take the charge action while holding the rod. You gain the ability to take 5-foot steps over these surfaces. The wearer is protected from temperature extremes of the surface (such as hot vapor or lava) and immune to harmful vapors including from spells such as cloudkill.

Construction
Requirements Craft Rod, alter self, feather step, lily pad stride; Cost 17,350 gp

*Formatting and wording issues. Price/Cost don't match.

*There have been many items that create little steps underneath your feet entered in RPG Superstar. Somehow, three of them have made Top 32. We don't need a fourth.

[Mark Seifter]

Hroderich Gottfrei wrote:

Ring of the Champion

Aura Moderate Enchantment; CL 9th
Slot Ring; Price 15,400 gp; Weight -

Description
This simple Elysian Bronze ring, originally forged for Nyle the Champion from the blade of a Titan he slew, is a testament to the warrior spirit. It grants its wearer a constant +1 morale bonus on attack rolls and against fear affects. While the wearer of this ring is subject to an enemy's Challenge ability (such as by a Cavalier) he gains a +3 morale bonus on attack and damage rolls against this opponent; this bonus replaces and does not stack with the constant morale bonus to attack rolls that the ring grants. Similarly, if the wearer himself uses the Challenge ability, he may add this bonus against the target of his challenge. In addition, once per day the wearer may as an immediate action double all morale bonuses effecting him for a single roll, save, or check. However, all of this power comes with a cost; the wearer may never flee from battle nor take a withdraw action in melee. If he does so, he immediately incurs the penalties of the Lesser Geas spell (-2 to all ability scores) as if 24 hours had passed. This penalty increases by 2 every 24 hours (to a maximum penalty of -8) until: he fights the enemy he fled from; he attacks another foe whose hit dice are greater than or equal to his own; or until one week passes, whichever comes first. If the Ring of the Champion is removed while the penalty for fleeing is incurred, the penalty remains for one week but does not increase.

Construction
Requirements Forge Ring, Bless, Wrath, Moment of Greatness, Lesser Geas; Cost 7,700 gp

*Formatting and wording issues.

*SiaC of the three requirements, with an added drawback/curse.

[Theory]

Thanks for all the feed back on the Lash of Wild Roses, everybody! I got a lot of good notes on my item, and a lot of insight into the community.

[Mark Seifter]

cameronst wrote:

I'm arriving a bit late to this thread but would appreciate feedback from the crowd!

Ghostspike Longspear
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 26,310 gp; Weight 9 lbs.
Description
This +2 ghost touch cold iron longspear features an unadorned wooden haft and a dark iron, leaf-bladed spearhead. Wisps of ectoplasmic vapor trail from the spearhead as it moves. Though originally crafted as a tool to combat ghosts, the weapon’s property of vibrating softly when within 60 feet of an incorporeal creature has made it a popular choice among those Mendevian Crusaders who face shadow demons on a regular basis.

In addition to its more mundane combat uses, a ghostspike longspear becomes fused to an incorporeal target on a critical hit, allowing its wielder to perform drag and reposition combat maneuvers against the target in subsequent rounds. The wielder may instead make a combat maneuver check as a standard action to deal normal weapon damage. A creature that is fused to the weapon cannot move, but may, as a standard action, make a combat maneuver or escape artist check versus the wielder’s CMD to free itself. The wielder receives a +2 circumstance bonus on all combat maneuver checks involving a fused target. The wielder may choose to free the weapon from a fused target as a move action.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, detect undead, ghostbane dirge, plane shift; Cost 14,310 gp

*Though including thematic descriptiond can be cool, this entry's quality of introducing an important special ability in the middle of a prepositional gerund clause makes it confusing to read, like this sentence, don't you think?

*Can the weapon see incorporeal creatures in a wall? If they're possessing someone? With shadow demons, you're usually going to have one of those two situations.

*Given that the base weapon costs 20,310 gp, this is adding a lot of extra benefit for 6,000 gp. Even a +1 equivalent more would be 34,310.

[Jacob W. Michaels]

Wow, I'm way behind everyone else this year. Sorry about that, but I do still intend to try to get through all the items.

Riftcarver bow:

I thought this was an OK item, but needed to bring a little more to get to the top range. I liked your descriptive text, particularly with the staves of the bow groaning (though that seems odd that they then also easily flex backward) and the tremors. But a ranged trip attack wasn't particularly exciting -- nor unique, this year. I didn't like that it works five successful times -- how in the world does the bow know whether an arrow it fires is successfully tripping someone? I realize it's magic, but that's poor design and makes it a lot less difficult to decide whether you're going to use that expendable resource or not.

I liked the groundbreaker power more -- and it was more fitting with the name -- though it clearly needed something to separate it from just having a class ability. Maybe if it had carved a pit (for 1 round) along its entire path, a la create pit?

Rerouting shield:

Couple typos in the first graf, then a British spelling in the second hurts you right off the bat. You're also using lots of "to be," which is a dull verb.

I think the powers seemed decent, but obviously moving/redirecting was a popular theme (I fell prey to that same problem myself) and I think it didn't quite have anything to stand out in that field. It also wasn't quite apparent how the bull rush worked to me. Normally that would push people away based on how much you exceed their CMD. Here, I'm assuming if you just meet/exceed the CMD, you can activate it, but it just doesn't feel like the right mechanic to me.

Rod of Illusory Casting:

Ironically, I think I found this item just wasn't very visible. Obviously there are times you don't want someone to know what you're casting (let them think I'm casting an illusion when I'm actually casting protective magics; or make them think this cloudkill is just an illusion), but it just didn't seem that exciting to me. It's technically strong, as I think we'd expect from you, Joel, but just didn't excite me.

Dwarven Armor of Exploration:

You start off with telling, not showing, which immediately has me in a bad mood. Just give me the item, and if they're appropriate, I'll be able to decide what the item's particularly useful for. Basically it turns me into an ooze, which is a neat visual certainly, but I wanted more details, I think. I'm not sure what not being suited to open spaces has to do with Climb -- also it's vague. If I'm in a large cave, is that considered an open space, even though it's underground? It seems odd that I can't attack, which really hurts the usefulness of the item.

Gnome Splat-Pelter (revised version):

Right off the bad, I hate the name. That just isn't something I really want to write down on my character sheet (or call out in combat, "Yeah, I'm going to pull out my splat-pelter and go to town!"). I'm also not often playing gnomes, so even though I know there are some racial weapons, that's not I think the best choice for a contest. That's compounded by my not associating gnomes with crossbows all that much; it feels like we've got an old-style attitude toward gnomes when they had more of a mechanical bent.
That said, I kind of like the idea of throwing ochre jelly, but it's also easy to dismiss as a monster in a can. You're literally throwing a monster at your foe.
It's odd to have a crossbow that can't shoot bolts. It seems to me it should be a sling (or possibly a firearm). Or a slingshot! That's what it really feels like it wants to be to me.
Lastly, your magic item's name should be lower case and italicized in the test of the item.

BLACK-AND-WHITE SWORD:

Oooh, is it going to be a cookie? Sorry, that sounds really flip, but honestly "Seinfeld" is the first thought that came to mind when I read the name. Naming's important for exactly that reason.
But, let's dig into this. Nice description. Lots of weapons aren't super visual -- a sword is a sword, after all -- but this countered that a bit. I'm not sure I like being cold iron and silver, though. That seems like it's just trying to game the system, saying my item's great against fey AND lycanthropes.
As for the powers, it feels a bit like an SAK. You get blur if you move, and then can use shadow evocation too. There wasn't enough new there. You did try to for something new, I think, by having the icy burst be illusory, but I think that wasn't presented the best way. You tell me it's an icy burst weapon, which follows standard rules, but then say, "oh wait, this doesn't follow standard rules." I think you'd have been better presenting it as a keen sword that then could do the illusory damage (though even then I'm not sure that's the best design space, since it seems odd to have a magic weapon doing fake damage).

Varisian Dancing Chain:

Nice name; I think one of my favorites in that regard. But not an exciting description (or really any). I'm picturing something with gypsy-esque silks but instead it's just a chain shirt.
Power's pretty simple but could be a neat trick that's not overpowered. But it's just kind of there. There's not really any link to the armor that explains why it gives the wearer the ability to do so.
I think there's the core of a good idea, but it just needed more, something to actually link it to the name.

Springheart:

Jeremy, I saw a lot of people who said they really loved this ring, but I have to admit I wasn't among them. There was nothing particularly wrong with it, it just didn't excite me that much. I loved the description of it uncurling and acting like a caterpillar, but I think some hint of what it was actually made of would have helped, as otherwise it seemed like an actual bug that acted as a ring. Ultimately, though, it's a sending spell in a can. It was dressed up really nicely, but I thought it just needed something more.

Raw Meat Hook:

Ogre hook's an interesting weapon, but why in the world does it smell of rancid meat? I don't want my PC to carry that around...
Magic items typically don't use the second person, though other than that, you've done a good job making sure everything's italicized properly and other style considerations.
Beyond that, it felt like a lot of the word count was repeating rules that basically could have been summed up by saying it was a grappling weapon.

Shield of the Fallen:

We start off with a couple spells in a can, as it's simply giving deathwatch and gentle repose with minimal changes from the standard spell (compounding the problem, the latter spell only affects the user if he dies, but it's not really fun to have an item that you don't actually get to use until you can't use it anymore because you're dead). Then we get into a whole paragraph of back story that likely doesn't fit in a lot of campaigns, which is a big no-no for the contest. I'd look at something like the horn of valhalla as an example, in that it obviously comes from a fairly specific earth myth/region, but there's no mention of that in the item. Let the item speak for itself.

Betrayer's Blade:

Decent description, but with passive writing. It's not playing with the most exciting rules area; in fact, I'd have already played with feint that way, which makes me wonder if I've been using feint incorrectly. If I have, then I'm wondering why feint would work with the extra attack from the speed property, but not iterative attacks on a full attack of someone with more than a +5 BAB.
The Bluff power really makes me think the name's wrong. It's not that you're betraying someone here, it's that you're juking them out of their shoes. I think the damage type probably needs to be made clear; I'm assuming it's meant to be precision damage, but that's not explicit. If it's not, then I think there needs to be some explanation for why the blade hurts more if you've managed to trick the target.

Warbreaker’s Staff:

This one was one a few of my friends' keep lists.
A little back story, though nothing horribly egregious. I think the theme's strong and the power is OK, but they don't feel incredible connected. I wish they were tied in together. This felt like I could see it in a book of magic items and be perfectly happy, but I wanted a bit more to be Superstar.

Ring of the Clockwork Sentinel:

This felt like someone got annoyed by a GM who kept stealing his stuff and made something to address it. And while normally I like a lot of description, this felt like it was on the verge of getting too much into the mundane aspects of how it works (i.e. it can only be removed by the wearer rotating the three rings to the specific combination when it would probably suffice to just say it can only be removed by the wearer or...)

Talon:

Not loving the name. If I'm a GM, and I tell my player you find a talon on the floor, I think they're going to think it's an animal part, not a ... <checks the item> ... composite longbow.
So the item acts as a composite longbow. That doesn't tell me what it actually is.
That said, I kind of like the actual abilities. I don't think it's breaking any new ground but I could see an archer liking one of these to be able to do some healing for a companion or have a nasty surprise for undead. Now I'm not sure if I'd like it enough for those aspects for that price, which is probably a bigger problem, but I think there was some potential here.
I think it probably needed a little more mojo, but I'd say you're on the right track.

Celerity Blade:

Hey Jeff, love the name of this item. Good job there.
I like the charge power, but it doesn't feel like something that should be part of the blade. It seems odd that it would let you move at angles when you're charging, since to me that's some sort of boot or footwear that would do that.
I also worried a bit about balance with the full round of flat-footedness. That seems pretty powerful for a rogue. I also didn't know how it would interact with, say, a rogue who can never be caught flat-footed.

Outrider's Band:

I thought this one was a bit gonzo, but in a good way. I really like what you were thinking, though I'm not sure how many characters would use this (as opposed to players). I loved that you made me look up a couple words (ipotane and digitigrade), but I wonder if that hurt you. I think the last paragraph of drawbacks probably hurt; I think people do not like drawbacks in the Superstar items.

Whew. That's page 2 done. Only 14 more to go...

[James Raine]

Joel Flank wrote:

Andrew Black wrote:

Joel Flank wrote:

Rod of Illusory Casting

Aura none (see below); CL 5th
Slot none; Price 5,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.

Description
This thin ebony wood rod is tipped with a shaft of white cedar. It allows the wielder to make illusions seem real, and spells that create tangible effects seem illusory. Three times per day, as part of casting a spell, the rod cloaks your verbal, somatic and material components in illusions that mask the spell being cast. Focus and divine focus components are not affected by cloaking a spell. When casting an illusion, pick any non-illusion spell on your spell list. When casting an non-illusion spell, pick any illusion spell on your spell list. Successful Spellcraft attempts to identify the spell you’re casting instead reveal the chosen spell. Cloaking a spell without a type of component can create false words, gestures, etc. Similarly, cloaking a spell as one that lacks a type of component will hide components under illusions.
The cloaked spell also responds to divination magic as if it had the aura of the chosen spell. For example, casting mislead and cloaking it as false life will respond to detect magic or arcane sight as a necromancy spell. The actual effects of the spell cast do not change, so casting a fireball spell cloaked as an invisibility spell will still produce a globe of fire, etc. The rod itself radiates no magic of any sort.

Construction
Requirements Craft Rod, magic aura, major image, misdirection; Cost 2,500 gp

This was an interesting one for me. I liked the idea behind its concept, but I didn't feel it was a magic item. Every time I read it I kept thinking this feels more like a metamagic Feat that allows a caster to disguise the type of spell they are casting. I voted for it several times but It was not in my top picks.

Andrew, thanks for the kind words. I have to...

I think the issue is that your item functions practically identically to your standard metamagic rod: 3 times per day, alter a spell as it is cast. While your item is functional and useful, it's still a mechanical retread of things that have been done before.

[Raynulf]

Lorathorn wrote:

Listen, I appreciate that you are taking the time to comment on my item and all, but your review could only be seen as abusive, and not at all constructive.

I'm the first one to call myself out on it; mine was a very bad item. Despite that, the point of this thread is not to lambaste someone for trying. I very pointedly do not appreciate that sort of treatment.

While Lady Firedove has already correctly guessed my intent (and far more eloquently than my coffee deprived brain can muster), I feel it appropriate to confirm: I was not intending to be abusive or even that critical. Rather, I was being sympathetic about what came across to me as an attempt to blend day-to-day practicality with the wonder of D&D magic items. (At least, that's what it seemed your item was doing to me at least).

My comments in that regard were that while there should be a place for such items in the various worlds we roleplay our characters in, the published game tends to focus on high adventure and combat, and as such a weapon blending kitchen practicality with combat abilities is likely to turn a lot of people off the item.

My other comments were that while you themed the abilities very well, and there was a lot of creativity shown, they weren't really weapon abilities, which is what is generally looked for in a weapon, and that the skill-rank approach means having to adapt a character to suit the weapon. E.g. finding this item around 12th level (given the price tag it) would then require the wielder to put 7-10 skill ranks into it over the next level or two to get the full use of the weapon, which for most characters is a huge investment and quite a bit of a wait for the item to real full capacity =/

I liked the item, and I appreciate the thought process that went into it, but for the above reasons, I didn't personally think it was the best choice for the RPGSS, and wanted to explain why.

I also wasn't actually joking about those items either; the little girl trying to mash my keyboard as I am typing this (literally) just turned 1 last week and while (to the deepest regret of my wife & I) such things can't exist in the real world, it boggles the mind that somewhere in the NPC wealth allotment there isn't a wondrous item or two of "Oh sweet gods let me sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!" :)

[Jaragil]

81) Motherly Love:

I think is just the right amount of creepy to arouse my interest. I definitely remembered this item - as did many other voters, it seems - which to me speaks of good design choices and working mojo. The problems that keep this from being truly Superstar are in my opinion mechanical. First of all, the bane special ability works against those that have "wounded" the wearer. Obviously this means that it applies if someone hits you with a sword, but can it also apply to, say, being poisoned. I'm sure there's a player that would argue that mere insults could count as wounding. You call the bane situational, but I'd be more inclined to use the word versatile, which arguably makes it more powerful than the normal version. Aside from that, I like the boosted Heal, very motherly. I think that the wording should suggest that the weapon has been enchanted to only work if it is called mother. Now there remains some ambiguity about whether the bow is sentient or not, which is a problem because intelligent weapons are their own very unique category with their own rules. All in all I like the idea and I have at least a couple players myself that would love to use this. Had the mechanics and the wording been a bit tighter, this might have been a contender.

82) Axle of Sky and Storm:

I think you overstretched with this one. Using a spear to form a chariot where the spear forms the axel seems very wondrous itemish to me and doesn't really scream a weapon to me, although it can be used to attack, evoking a very powerful cinematic image. I'd like to use something like this, but only if it was explained with better technical detail. Now it's all way too vague. First of all, beset by wind? I assume this causes wind related penalties, but the item never confirms, nor does it give any boundaries aside from the duration. For example, how high does the wind go, does it affect adjacent squares, does it use the wind rules exactly with no magical enhancement. Now I have to assume it does or does not, and that's always a bad thing. Secondly, the main ability forms a vortex, but how does it affect the creatures in that vortex while it assembles? Also, predominant material leaves too much for GM fiat. I might very well decide that the predominant material is loose soil and that the chariot cannot hold together because of that. A nasty move, but it could be done. Also, no maximum duration for the chariot? All in all I think you have a cool visual here, but you ran out of words to properly describe it.

83) Eremite Rod:

Gory, very gory. Definitely not something innocent little paladins should be using if they happen to loot it from some evil spellcaster. I like it. Though to point out some problems, I think that the wording needs some work. At first I kept reading that the spell already needs to have the pain descriptor, though apparently the purpose is to give any chosen spell said descriptor. Making this act as a weapon is also something I'm not too sure about. When I read the description, I don't really get the sense that yeah, I can beat people into submission with this. Adding that extra critical hit power also pushes this into a territory where I'm starting to question the pricing. Still, this fell just sort of making my keep list. I like the mechanic a lot, it just lacks that final wow-factor.

84) Hammer of Besting:

That's a pretty large bonus, even for that price. And a whole hour, yikes... Also, what does the word slay mean here. Drop someone below 0 hit points? Kill him? Does knocking someone unconscious through non-lethal damage count? Still, the main problem here is that it's really nothing more than a static bonus easily replicated through spells. And that just isn't that interesting. Also, you could have earned some bonus points by adding a sentence or two describing what the item looks like. All in all the mechanic itself would have been fine with the minor change of adding an upper limit. It's the rather common idea of giving static bonuses to normal throws that's holding this design back.

85) Ephemeral Staff:

Nothing wrong with this item, it's just not all that exciting. Mainly because the item doesn't really explain what seeing both of these planes simultaneously means. Now I have to assume a lot, leaving the staff looking devoid of visuals. Are the things transparent if they overlap like that, meaning can I see through walls with this staff or what happens if two objects reside in the same space relatively but the other one is substantially larger, will I just not see the smaller object within the larger one? Plus the ability just isn't all that much bang for your buck, though I'm sure it would come in handy in certain situations. As said, not a bad item, I could see this existing, but it's not giving me anything substantial to grasp and remember.

86) Staff of the Auraboros:

During early voting I upvoted this a lot. I just kept seeing it again and again for some reason, often paired up against items with awful ideas and/or no formatting at all. Good times, good times. The item itself is a mid-level one to me. Not Superstar, because it has a few problems, but I like the way it plays with and transfers auras. That's a niche I haven't seen a lot and I think it has potential. The problems, however. The description first of all. A crystal storm within wood? I could see a storm within glass, but wood? Hard time imagining that one. But that's a nitpick. The main problem is that the activation really should be a standard action, because it's a powerful ability and because it really should require a caster level check against the aura you're trying to suppress. This kind of automatic nullification is just unfair all around. Especially for such a low price. Also, petting doesn't really mesh well with the fierce imagery you have evoked earlier. So, not a bad item, but also nothing I'd be dying to use.

87) Staff of the Twinned Path:

Love the visuals. It's perhaps a bit too close to modern glass craze aesthetic, but it's just fantastic enough for that not to be a problem. I like that you try to take AoOs into account by making it an immediate action, but it should mention that it doesn't stack with haste and the like. It's also not a good thing to mess with action economy by allowing you to make two attacks with a standard action. Especially if the staff is so cheap. I'm also not a huge fan of the spell list, which is just a collection of the most popular spells there are. Lacks character. The last ability, allowing magus to use his spell combat with this one, is a nice touch, though for the longest time I thought it was superfluous because normally taking one hand off the staff would be a free action. Anyway, I like your style and imagination, but the actual main ability needs some work.

88) Cuirass of Distortion:

Anything that automatically hits something is to be regarded with suspicion. And here it just doesn't make much sense. Why doesn't the attack have to overcome the attacker's AC? The fact that the armor is always active is also not a thing I'm a fan of. I like that it's only a concealment chance, but there should be an upper limit to how many attacks it can redirect per day, if you want to stick with redirecting, which in and on itself is something of a cheat code. Causing the enemy to potentially kill itself is just not sporting. The teleporting attack of opportunity I do like, however. Interesting mechanic without being too powerful, though there should be a range to how long it can go. Not sure if flat-footed is necessary, though it makes sense that the enemy would be surprised. So yeah, the item lacks balance and it fell to the redirection trap, but there's potential in your ideas. Do keep on designing.

89) Energizing Breastplate:

I like the basic concept a lot. Splitting yourself into two different entities that can act with partial independence is a cool one and the activation method, while feeling like a minor drawback, is intriguing and fits the name and theme well. Unfortunately the mechanics have a few problems. First of all, why once per encounter? That's a pretty vague way to count time, because there are really no rules to define when an encounter starts or ends. Why not, for example, once per hour or per day, if you wanted something that cannot be used all that often? Secondly, I have hard time wrapping my brain around how this works exactly. You can move only one simulacrum per round, but can you attack with both if they're more than 30 feet away, as the text seems to indicate? Well, okay, the way I'm reading is that the original does the attacking if they're more than 30 feet away, otherwise it's either but not both, but the wording is just vague enough that I cannot be sure. So yeah, the activation mechanism makes this armor-like enough for me not to call it a wondrous item, but I could have used a more tighter wording. Love the idea itself, though.

90) Kudzu Wrap:

The main problem here is that you spent over half of your wordcount explaining what is essentially a new type of armor. Due to the magical way of putting it on and taking it off, it's appropriate to do this with a magical item, but it lacks that important wow-factor completely. The automatic escape/grapple bonus is also nothing revolutionary. Had this done something more original with the vines, it might have fared a lot better. As it is, it has good visuals and good writing going for it, but the idea itself just hasn't the depth to impress.

[He'sDeadJim]

Feros wrote:

The name doesn’t really connect with the powers of this spear. It also comes across as a Wondrous Item musical instrument rather than a weapon in its powers. You really have to pull out the awesome to have a weapon use non-combat attack/damage powers to have it work.

...

Thanks Feros!

A totem spear is an exotic 2-handed weapon that does 1d10 damage, can be thrown & it just also happens to be musical (wind) instrument to boot. I didn't make it that way, it just is. It also has a described "shovel-like" head which screamed "Peacock Feather" to me too for the spear's general shape. With the concept of a peacock feather (Which as far as I could find is the only known symbol ever used for the Peacock Spirit to date), and a musical wind instrument, so I picked the "Gust of Wind" ability because it made sense to me and it felt right. I gave the second ability to be used by those who were not monks or bards... basically because it made sense to me again. I could have been wrong there I guess.
I believe the coolest magic weapons are those with lower power levels you might be loathe to give up at higher levels. I felt this design fits into that for bards or monks willing to devote learning the exotic WP. I was never attempting to make a magical musical wondrous item, nor have I ever wanted to, but I guess I can understand the confusion which was my fault in the writing.

[He'sDeadJim]

Raynulf wrote:

QUILL OF THE PEACOCK SPIRIT: You should reference the source of the Totem Spear. Also, as this isn't a monk weapon (as far as I know), why include the ki option? There's only 11,025gp of weapon, and the remaining 47,825gp is for an ability that resembles a ki/music powered staff with two spells; horn of pursuit and gust of wind, which seems excessively expensive for not much gain. Would have been better doing this concept as a bard staff that functioned as a spear.

Thanks Raynulf!

I agree, I should have referenced the Totem Spear. I guess I thought everyone knew about them. Should have realized they were not well known when I noticed its absence in the Equipment Guide.

Nor are they are they a monk weapon. I felt it was a solid weapon and not every monk does the flurry of blows for every attack. Also not all weapons listed on a monk's weapon proficiency list is a monk weapon either. I have played a monk and not every attack can be a flurry, even when you want to do so, nor do you want to strike every opponent with your fists (Hence the mithral material and Planar special abilites).

The ki option was because of the monks of the Peacock spirit. They are one of the few and better known worshipers of the Peacock Spirit.

I have always been horrible in pricing items. I over-priced it probably because I was afraid of underpricing it. The main problem with avoiding a standardized "spell in a can" is the pricing usually goes very wonky to me when you try to do it.

[Feros]

He'sDeadJim wrote:

Feros wrote:

The name doesn’t really connect with the powers of this spear. It also comes across as a Wondrous Item musical instrument rather than a weapon in its powers. You really have to pull out the awesome to have a weapon use non-combat attack/damage powers to have it work.

...

Thanks Feros!

A totem spear is an exotic 2-handed weapon that does 1d10 damage, can be thrown & it just also happens to be musical (wind) instrument to boot. I didn't make it that way, it just is. It also has a described "shovel-like" head which screamed "Peacock Feather" to me too for the spear's general shape. With the concept of a peacock feather (Which as far as I could find is the only known symbol ever used for the Peacock Spirit to date), and a musical wind instrument, so I picked the "Gust of Wind" ability because it made sense to me and it felt right. I gave the second ability to be used by those who were not monks or bards... basically because it made sense to me again. I could have been wrong there I guess.
I believe the coolest magic weapons are those with lower power levels you might be loathe to give up at higher levels. I felt this design fits into that for bards or monks willing to devote learning the exotic WP. I was never attempting to make a magical musical wondrous item, nor have I ever wanted to, but I guess I can understand the confusion which was my fault in the writing.

Not so bad writing as a disconnect between the image of a spear and how that is usually used in combat with the powers you present. I'll admit knowing more about the totem spear makes it less confusing, but the powers remain outside the spear angle and more in line with the musical instrument.

As I said, if you are going to connect non-weapon like powers—even attack and damage powers—to what is at least ostensibly a weapon you are setting the challenge on hard mode. You really have to bring the awesome to overcome that breach in imagery. There was some good imagery here and an interesting concept, but it wasn't strong enough to feel like a weapon power.

[Raisse]

Jaragil wrote:

Staff of the Twinned Path:

Love the visuals. It's perhaps a bit too close to modern glass craze aesthetic, but it's just fantastic enough for that not to be a problem. I like that you try to take AoOs into account by making it an immediate action, but it should mention that it doesn't stack with haste and the like. It's also not a good thing to mess with action economy by allowing you to make two attacks with a standard action. Especially if the staff is so cheap. I'm also not a huge fan of the spell list, which is just a collection of the most popular spells there are. Lacks character. The last ability, allowing magus to use his spell combat with this one, is a nice touch, though for the longest time I thought it was superfluous because normally taking one hand off the staff would be a free action. Anyway, I like your style and imagination, but the actual main ability needs some work.

Thanks for the feedback. Based on your and others' feedback, perhaps I priced the staff too low. My extra attack mechanic was priced fairly cheaply due to the inclusion of the resource cost of 1 charge per extra attack. That restricts you to a maximum of 10 extra attacks in a day, and you only get 1 back each day after that. That tends to incur a significant amount of down time if you plan on having it fully charged for each adventuring day. Because of the difficulty to recharge staves and the fact that it forces you to use both ends of a double weapon, I intended the ability to stack with haste.

As for the spell selection, I agree that the spells are bland. I was trying to go for an inclusive spell list to allow multiple classes to use it properly (so no spells like Bladed Dash), as well as fit an iconic warrior-mage image (hence the fireball). Finally, since I was writing this on fairly limited time, I didn't have time to go delving into obscure resources unfortunately.

The last ability wasn't just for a magus, and had I thought more on the implications of magus action economy I probably would have bumped the price up a bit more. My primary goal with that particular ability, was for an Eldritch Knight to be able to dual wield the staff and a sword without forcing all of his spells to be Still Spells.

[Gregory Connolly]

Apparently this started last week. I won't improve without feedback, so even though I'm not in the best place right now I will ask for some.

Bodyguard Armor
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot armor; Price 19,925 gp; Weight 10 lbs.
Description
This fine set of +3 benevolent darkleaf cloth studded leather is constructed with gemstones for studs. The armor has an arcane spell failure chance of 5%, a maximum Dexterity bonus of +7, and no armor check penalty. It counts as light armor. When worn with a Courtier's Outfit or Noble's Outfit it counts as the appropriate jewelry, though a signet ring may still be required. It contains no metal and Druids are not prohibited from wearing it. The wearer can use the Aid Another action in combat to protect an adjacent ally. They make an attack roll against AC 10. If they succeed the ally gets a +2 bonus to AC against all attacks until the start of the wearer's next turn. This bonus is lost if the characters cease to be adjacent to each other. The benevolent property of this armor works with this modified Aid Another action to add the armor's enhancement bonus to the ally's AC. A character with the Bodyguard feat may use this modified Aid Another action in conjunction with that feat.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Aid, Righteous Might; Cost 10,425 gp

It was properly bolded and italicized but in saving it from the forum to word and back it lost that. I realize now that I wasted word count explaining a special material. I wasn't sure if Ultimate Equipment was common enough or if I had to explain it or reference it somehow. I also produced a wall of text because that is how the items in the CRB are laid out. I realized how big of a mistake that was once voting started.

[kaineblade83]

Well, why not! I saw after the fact that I had some wording issues, and I felt a little uncomfortable with pricing, but I'll let other folk give a critique. As the previous poster (and many) have said, we can't improve without feedback.

Scimitar of Dancing Lightning
Aura strong evocation and transmutation; CL 12th
Slot none; Price 70,615 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
The blade of this +2 mithral shocking burst scimitar is etched with images of arcing lightning along its length, which pulses with a shimmering violet light that becomes more erratic during a thunderstorm. Each time a wielder attacks with this weapon they may choose to either make a melee attack as normal, or make a ranged touch attack on a creature within 15 feet, causing a blade of arcing electricity to leap towards the target and strike. Any attacks made in this way deal the weapon's normal damage as converted into electricity damage. This does not grant the ability to make attacks of opportunity with the blade at range.

In addition, the scimitar of dancing lightning grants the benefits as the spell haste when the wielder successfully saves against an electricity spell or effect. This effect functions for 5 rounds. While so affected the wielder's body sparks with electricity that trails behind them as ghostly images of dancing lightning. This effect does not stack with itself, or with the effects of the haste spell or similar effects.

Neither of these abilities function if the wielder has used a command word to suppress the shocking burst property of the blade.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, call lightning or lightning bolt, haste, creator must be a magus with the arcing pool strike magus arcana; Cost 36,315 gp

[Mark Seifter]

Gregory Connolly wrote:

Apparently this started last week. I won't improve without feedback, so even though I'm not in the best place right now I will ask for some.

Bodyguard Armor
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot armor; Price 19,925 gp; Weight 10 lbs.
Description
This fine set of +3 benevolent darkleaf cloth studded leather is constructed with gemstones for studs. The armor has an arcane spell failure chance of 5%, a maximum Dexterity bonus of +7, and no armor check penalty. It counts as light armor. When worn with a Courtier's Outfit or Noble's Outfit it counts as the appropriate jewelry, though a signet ring may still be required. It contains no metal and Druids are not prohibited from wearing it. The wearer can use the Aid Another action in combat to protect an adjacent ally. They make an attack roll against AC 10. If they succeed the ally gets a +2 bonus to AC against all attacks until the start of the wearer's next turn. This bonus is lost if the characters cease to be adjacent to each other. The benevolent property of this armor works with this modified Aid Another action to add the armor's enhancement bonus to the ally's AC. A character with the Bodyguard feat may use this modified Aid Another action in conjunction with that feat.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Aid, Righteous Might; Cost 10,425 gp

It was properly bolded and italicized but in saving it from the forum to word and back it lost that. I realize now that I wasted word count explaining a special material. I wasn't sure if Ultimate Equipment was common enough or if I had to explain it or reference it somehow. I also produced a wall of text because that is how the items in the CRB are laid out. I realized how big of a mistake that was once voting started.

*Not counting the druid part, this armor lets a wearer with Bodyguard spend 1 AoO whenever an ally is attacked to give that ally at least +5 to AC (probably significantly more with things like the Helpful trait) against all attacks for a whole round? The only possible way to bypass a fully tricked out Bodyguard build is when it eventually runs out of AoOs, and this eliminates that concern entirely. And the cost is only slightly more than a normal +4 benevolent darkleaf cloth studded leather?

[Mark Seifter]

kaineblade83 wrote:

Well, why not! I saw after the fact that I had some wording issues, and I felt a little uncomfortable with pricing, but I'll let other folk give a critique. As the previous poster (and many) have said, we can't improve without feedback.

Scimitar of Dancing Lightning
Aura strong evocation and transmutation; CL 12th
Slot none; Price 70,615 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
The blade of this +2 mithral shocking burst scimitar is etched with images of arcing lightning along its length, which pulses with a shimmering violet light that becomes more erratic during a thunderstorm. Each time a wielder attacks with this weapon they may choose to either make a melee attack as normal, or make a ranged touch attack on a creature within 15 feet, causing a blade of arcing electricity to leap towards the target and strike. Any attacks made in this way deal the weapon's normal damage as converted into electricity damage. This does not grant the ability to make attacks of opportunity with the blade at range.

In addition, the scimitar of dancing lightning grants the benefits as the spell haste when the wielder successfully saves against an electricity spell or effect. This effect functions for 5 rounds. While so affected the wielder's body sparks with electricity that trails behind them as ghostly images of dancing lightning. This effect does not stack with itself, or with the effects of the haste spell or similar effects.

Neither of these abilities function if the wielder has used a command word to suppress the shocking burst property of the blade.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, call lightning or lightning bolt, haste, creator must be a magus with the arcing pool strike magus arcana; Cost 36,315 gp

*The ability to fling ranged touch attacks is clearly superior to brilliant energy (since it has an increased range, ignores natural armor, and hurts nonliving creatures). However, the cost is far below a +2 mithral shocking burst brilliant energy scimitar even not counting the haste power at all.

[Feros]

Bodyguard Armor:

This was a fairly solid magic armor set that had a cool look to it and would blend in well with a political style game. However, the actual mechanics and use of the item were not all that interesting and a touch hard for opponents to overcome; the visual of someone in armor protecting another isn’t very original or exciting.

Scimitar of Dancing Lightning:

Solid weapon with powers that fit its use as a weapon. Sadly part of the “mithral flood” this year. The haste effect is very situational and somewhat powerful in that niche, especially for the price. This is the cool visual image that is tied to this weapon; the fact that it won’t come up as often as it should and lasts for what in most cases would be the rest of the combat diminishes this interesting power somewhat.

[Vanessa Hoskins]

Raynulf wrote:

MANTICORE FIST: The item doesn't say, but I assume the spikes are intended to count as thrown weapons and thus apply the user's strength bonus? If so, this becomes a superior version of a +1 throwing returning adamantine spiked gauntlet with a piercing burning hands like AoE option and is seriously underpriced. If not, it's merely very underpriced. Turning melee weapons into ranged weapons is an extremely costly affair, I'm afraid.

I used the word shoot instead of throw to try and make that distinction; also by specifying 1d4+1 damage and not 1d4+1 plus Strength modifier damage. I'll try and be more specific about these things in the future.

While I agree that the general concept of turning a melee weapon into a ranged weapon is very advantageous and should be costly, I figured it's only 1d4+1 without any direct way of increasing the damage (as it's a named item so by RAW cannot be further enchanted, and doesn't add strength bonus to damage).

That all said, my original price of 13,005 was probably better.

Here's my original pricing breakdown:
Costs:
adamantine gauntlet -3,005 gp
+1 enhancement - 2,000 gp
“burning hands” free (CL 5) 2/day ish - 4,000 gp
abundant ammunition free (CL 1) - 4,000 gp
shooting spikes at people - priceless (actually 13,005 gp)

[Thunderfrog]

Raynulf wrote:

ROD OF ELDRITCH HORROR: Ambitious. Inspiration very evident. But… ugh.

Feedback:

* I can see the temptation angle "Want to risk… Another super-summons?" but by the time a player will be carrying an 80,000gp rod, they'll be at least 12-14th level and a CR6 gibbering mouther isn't so much of a threat as an annoyance.

* A summoner with this item has a long enough duration to use it out of combat, and just have their party members ready actions to go Mister T on any gibber-jabbering. Making the entire downside practically moot.

Thanks for the critique!

I'll never make a drawback in an item again. If I feel its so powerful it needs one, it might be too powerful. The thought wasn't so much the GM is strong enough to pose a serious threat, but its a waste of a casting round and a second hindrance to the party to kill it. It was also the most thematically appropriate monster, in my mind, short of have a star spawn dropped on someones head, which was never going to happen.

Summoners can't really use this more than anyone else. The description in the item was clear about casting a summon monster or summon nature ally spell, and the effect only applying to a single monster.

Thus.. no 1d3+x template creature and no summoner SLA. He or she would have to actually cast a regular summon spell for the effect to happen.

[kaineblade83]

Mark Seifter wrote:

kaineblade83 wrote:

Well, why not! I saw after the fact that I had some wording issues, and I felt a little uncomfortable with pricing, but I'll let other folk give a critique. As the previous poster (and many) have said, we can't improve without feedback.

Spoiler:

Scimitar of Dancing Lightning
Aura strong evocation and transmutation; CL 12th
Slot none; Price 70,615 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
The blade of this +2 mithral shocking burst scimitar is etched with images of arcing lightning along its length, which pulses with a shimmering violet light that becomes more erratic during a thunderstorm. Each time a wielder attacks with this weapon they may choose to either make a melee attack as normal, or make a ranged touch attack on a creature within 15 feet, causing a blade of arcing electricity to leap towards the target and strike. Any attacks made in this way deal the weapon's normal damage as converted into electricity damage. This does not grant the ability to make attacks of opportunity with the blade at range.

In addition, the scimitar of dancing lightning grants the benefits as the spell haste when the wielder successfully saves against an electricity spell or effect. This effect functions for 5 rounds. While so affected the wielder's body sparks with electricity that trails behind them as ghostly images of dancing lightning. This effect does not stack with itself, or with the effects of the haste spell or similar effects.

Neither of these abilities function if the wielder has used a command word to suppress the shocking burst property of the blade.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, call lightning or lightning bolt, haste, creator must be a magus with the arcing pool strike magus arcana; Cost 36,315 gp

[The black raven]

Tell me what you think.

BTW : this is the second item with the same name. The other was presented for critique on sunday by its designer ;-)

Ring of the Champion

Aura faint conjuration; CL 5th
Slot ring; Price 10,000 gp; Weight —

Description
A character can wear only one ring of the champion. Once per day, on command, this ring produces up to 2 duplicates of itself. Doing so dismisses any previously existing duplicates of the ring. A duplicate ring detects as magic and takes up a ring slot. As an immediate action and regardless of their respective positions, a creature wearing a duplicate ring may use the Aid Another action to grant half her Aid Another bonus to the next attack roll that the wearer of the original ring makes or to his AC against the next attack that targets him.

Construction
Requirements Bodyguard, Forge Ring; Cost 5,000 gp

[Feros]

Ring of the Champion:

Straight forward ring in powers and concept. However, it requires the sacrifice of other characters’ ring slots which is a bit much given the simple benefits to only one character. It doesn’t provide an exciting visual image when one character is able to hit better or be harder to hit then he normally would.

[Lorathorn]

Raynulf wrote:

Lorathorn wrote:

Listen, I appreciate that you are taking the time to comment on my item and all, but your review could only be seen as abusive, and not at all constructive.

I'm the first one to call myself out on it; mine was a very bad item. Despite that, the point of this thread is not to lambaste someone for trying. I very pointedly do not appreciate that sort of treatment.

While Lady Firedove has already correctly guessed my intent (and far more eloquently than my coffee deprived brain can muster), I feel it appropriate to confirm: I was not intending to be abusive or even that critical. Rather, I was being sympathetic about what came across to me as an attempt to blend day-to-day practicality with the wonder of D&D magic items. (At least, that's what it seemed your item was doing to me at least).

My comments in that regard were that while there should be a place for such items in the various worlds we roleplay our characters in, the published game tends to focus on high adventure and combat, and as such a weapon blending kitchen practicality with combat abilities is likely to turn a lot of people off the item.

My other comments were that while you themed the abilities very well, and there was a lot of creativity shown, they weren't really weapon abilities, which is what is generally looked for in a weapon, and that the skill-rank approach means having to adapt a character to suit the weapon. E.g. finding this item around 12th level (given the price tag it) would then require the wielder to put 7-10 skill ranks into it over the next level or two to get the full use of the weapon, which for most characters is a huge investment and quite a bit of a wait for the item to real full capacity =/

I liked the item, and I appreciate the thought process that went into it, but for the above reasons, I didn't personally think it was the best choice for the RPGSS, and wanted to explain why.

I also wasn't actually joking about those items either; the little girl...

Well, I apologize. I had taken what you were saying as being flippant about the need for such things. But thank you for being understanding. I'll have a re-read of what you said with a different perspective. For what it's worth, I had an especially bad day yesterday, and I think it just got to me in a way that it wouldn't have otherwise. It's not an excuse, though. Thank you for being considerate enough to address my reaction with such decorum.

[Jaragil]

91) Ring of Remembrance:

So, basically a versatile 3rd level pearl of power with a neat forgetting trick included. First of all, that's a lot of bang for your buck with only 2,110 gp added to the price. The versatility alone would be worth more than that, though yes, it does take up a ring slot whereas the pearl is slotless. But, not a deal breaker by any means. The reason why I didn't vote for this that often is that it is a lot like an existing magic item and because the new power, while useful and something I could see existing, is not that exciting. It lacks that kick to make it memorable. Going with such a bland description didn't help your case.

92) Clangoring Chime:

I like this. It's a vivid visual and the powers are a logical extension of that. Sure, the bull rush power is perhaps a touch clichéd and definitely something we've seen before, but it makes sense and the added deafening chance is a nice addition. The reason why this didn't fare better, at least in my opinion, is that it isn't anything all that new and because people don't seem to like drawbacks. Here the drawback is logical, though I do wish the bell wouldn't ring outside of combat. How hard is it to carry a bell in a way that the clapper doesn't move that much? Certainly not -10 worthy. Still, I like it.

93) Counter Shield:

Still not a fan of automatic hitting. Had this directed the attack to try and overcome the new target's AC it could have been better, but now it's something a party would use to cheat their way through the enemy's AC. "Hey, hit me with that poisoned sword. I'll make sure it hits." It says the enemy's melee attack, but I'm sure players would argue that if they are trying to hit me, they are my enemy, especially because there aren't any clear rules to define what's an enemy. Plus I'm not sure what turtles have to do with redirecting attacks. That seems like something a lot more nimble animal or warrior would do. All in all I applaud that you tried to insert some balance by not allowing the attack to be redirected to hit the attacker, you just didn't close all the loopholes.

94) Vestment of the Twin Soul:

The word vestment doesn't make me think of armor, first of all. You could have at least changed that. In the end you made the same mistake I did in that this was clearly meant to be a wondrous item. And for a wondrous item it would have been pretty good. It's versatile in that it affects multiple types of bonded animals. I kind of wish it had done something more for those animal companions that have no substantial range limitations. Now this is clearly meant to benefit summoners and their like the most. The spell-in-a-can ability at the end is also a bit clumsy, though it is logical extension of these powers. All in all I do like this and I voted for it a lot, but I'm not surprised it wasn't advanced.

95) O-yoroi of the Eternal Flame:

The biggest problem here is that this armor is merely copying phoenix's powers without adding anything of its own. The very definition of a monster-in-a-can. Personally I liked this armor a lot. It's cinematic, I have no problems it being an end-game armor - though I'm not sure it should cost quite that much - and all in all I would definitely use it. But, by the same token, I'm not surprised other people didn't like it at all, because the lack of original ideas is pretty clear. As it is, it could definitely be found in a book of magic item with some tweaking, but it doesn't really tell us a lot about its designer. Plus I'm not sure why this is an o-yoroi instead of a more usual armor. That Tian Xia tie-in probably cost some votes as well as there are people who don't like the continent in question.

96) Freebooter's Longcoat:

Yeah, a bit too obscure in my opinion. I didn't even know you were flat-footed while boarding, so I would have needed to look that up to know whether not being flat-footed made any sense. Or charging for that matter. Common sense tells me that it is a good thing, but this is still a pretty extreme niche to design for and I'm not sure many people would sacrifice their armor slot just for that advantage. In a sea campaign they might, but even then I'm not sure. Plus backstory is frowned upon by voters so you lost some votes there as well. If the abilities are logical and laid out well we can figure out ourselves that this is favored by pirates and the like. So yeah, points for taking a risk and a good cinematic theme, but unfortunately this time it didn't pay off.

97) Dagger of Dretch Dominion:

Talk about a niche design. Not sure how many people would be willing to pay that much gold just for that power, though because this is almost solely used by NPCs, the GM of course just waves it, but still. All in all the power seems about balanced, though it isn't anything I'd be dying to use anytime soon, which probably cost you a lot of votes as people don't seem to like evil items. Also the final sentence is pretty vague. Do you mean it does maximum damage or are you referring to its ability to bypass damage reduction? Good visuals, by the way, though the sentence about runes was a touch convoluted.

98) Corpse Thicket Javelin:

I liked this a lot. It's such a strange image, mixing just the right amount of dark humour and gruesomeness. The reason I think this didn't do any better is that you could have explained the effects of a tree growing out of you a lot better, especially because you had room for it. For one, I'd imagine adding that kind of extension would affect your balance a lot, which was never addressed. And because of that, the GMs will have this hit the creature's chest every time it flies because he doesn't want to come up with effects for what happens if this hits your calf, for example. And that's the sort of vagueness that turns people away. They can imagine the arguments in the future when some player wants to get creative with this kind of item. But, the idea itself is great. With some tweaking this could be turned into something awesome.

99) Ghastly Plate:

Very cool image of an armor floating in the air, held by a ghostly warrior within. I'd love to encounter or use something like that. Unfortunately the powers are somewhat lackluster. First of all, giving weapon special abilities for free like that means that the players never has to sacrifice gold for actual ghost touch weapons, plus it's a spell-in-a-can effect. Had this done something more with its ghost theme, I would have loved to vote for it because of its visuals, but now it's just too unoriginal to impress. Plus, ghasts are quite corporeal in Pathfinder, so the name doesn't really work for these powers. But do keep on designing, because I like your eye for cinematic visuals.

100) Rod of Eldritch Horror:

This fell just short of making my keep list. The Lovecraftian theme probably cost you some votes, but personally I liked it a lot. Usually drawbacks are not my thing, but here it makes perfect sense. One of the most iconic things about Lovecraftian mythos and Call of Cthulhu is that magic has its price. Unfortunately the rod has some flaws. The tentacles are somewhat clichéd way of making these monsters, I would have liked a bit more random way of giving them extra stuff. I'm pretty sure there are at least a couple tables of random mutations that could have been used. Plus the alignment change. So you can summon an angel with this, the very epitome of a pure soul, and then have her become evil without any kind of save. That seems extremely wrong to me. Evil clerics and the like cannot summon them to begin with, of course, but other kind of spellcaster can. Though this is a problem with summon monster spells in general, but at least they don't forcibly change the alignment.

[lair-master]

Andrew Black wrote:

lair-master wrote:

Mummer’s Slapstick

So I liked that you took a risk with this one, but I think it didn't pay off with the voters. I didn't vote for it because it was just too cartoony. I like the idea of an item a jester could use to cause a laughing effect against opponents but this felt way to modern day clown and not fantasy court jester enough. If you had let go of the coyote/road runner descriptions and the mentioning of modern pink flamingos and focused on the effects that taunting and beguiling has on others this might have been a lot better.

Thanks for the critique, Andrew! I wondered if the pink flamingo reference would be considered too modern, as it evokes images of the lawn ornament. Guess I should have gone with my gut. Thanks again!

[Jaragil]

101) Dreaming Star:

Good writing. The description is a bit on the convoluted side, but otherwise this is very understandable, structured and all around skillfully done. I like the idea of influencing and using dreams, but it's really hard to tell players what they can or cannot dream about so items like this are entirely bound to what the GM allows them to be. And that leaves too wide a spectrum for most groups. Whenever it is used the GM has to pull stuff out of thin air. Some things can be of course planned ahead, but that's still a lot of work, especially if it's used without a warning. Plus I don't really like the destruction effect. At least it destroys the item - at first I read that you could do that every night - but it's still a needless shortcut through item creation or the need for a specific individual. Not a bad item, but I don't like items that have such vague boundaries.

102) Lash of Wild Roses:

I like the rose imagery and the fact that the whip needs watering every once in a while. A minor drawback, which are frowned upon, but I think it fits. Unfortunately I'm not so crazy about the powers. Anything permanent like that screams to be misused by the players, if you ask me, in this case potentially causing them to attempt mischief by growing rose bushes everywhere. But then again, you should be able to trust your players more than that, at least in theory, so it's not a dealbreaker and I like the power itself. It's the entangle effect I'm bored by. What's up with that spell that makes it so popular? Well, in any case it's an extreme cliché. Though the addition of thorn damage was a nice touch, points for that. Also, don't tell me the command words. Allow the items to be used in homebrew campaigns, which might not have the standard languages, without modifying them in any way. Still, the item has some promise, I just wish it did something a bit more creative with its theme.

103) Foe Stitcher:

Isn't this Nuibari from Naruto? If so, I'd caution you against direct copying. Being inspired by a show can be a good thing, but you should always try to create something of your own. The other problem I have is that there seems to be no duration to this effect. The string should fade after a while, otherwise it can create some really odd problems when the two are still bound together days later if they don't have the power to cut the string. And what happens to the strings that are cut? Do they still hang from the wounds? Also, whose feats and abilities can affect the drag attempt? The item says to consider the enemy as the one initiating the attempt, but that would imply he voluntarily uses his feats to the maximum of his abilities. It would make more sense for the wielder to make the attempt, only dragging the first victim towards the second, using him as a pivot point. This item also seems to involve some extra bookkeeping because you have to remember how far apart the two can count. Also, if you hit a third enemy, does that enemy become the "second enemy" for the purposes of dragging the second enemy hit by the blade, thus releasing the first from the effect? Can the wielder voluntarily end the effect? So yeah, an interesting ability, but the blatant rip-off bothers me and the mechanics leave a lot of questions unanswered.

104) Ghost Moon Bow:

Wow that's a powerful effect. I like the visual, first of all. The bow sounds very cool-looking and the image of shooting ghostly arrows that can pierce anything is an attractive visual. Unfortunately the item mentions no range for the location effect. So when casting faerie fire the target cannot lose you for 12 minutes no matter what, no matter whether if he stays on the same plane or not? I also think that incorporeal arrows wouldn't do any damage, being incorporeal. All incorporeal creatures I can remember don't do any physical damage. I know that's not what you intended, but the wording needs to be clear on that. All in all I do like the effect, but it needs more boundaries to avoid misuse.

105) Sidereal Blade:

Of all the dimension door swords this year, this was probably my favourite. The description and theme are both really cool and I especially like the pocket dimension sheath you gave it. Still, there are some problems. First of all, do I roll the damage and then double it or do I throw double the amount of dice? Secondly, once per round is way too much for a blade this cheap. Three times per day would have been a lot better, especially because it allows you to use the dimension door as a spell. Though I do like the critical hit effect. It's a logical extension of the power and something you hope to get when you roll your dice. Not too sure whether the ghost touch property fits the theme all that well. I'm leaning towards no. All in all a really great idea, but the mechanics need a lot of balancing and unfortunately it well to the "filigree trap" of this year.

106) Mithral Shirt of Concealment:

A sneaky sneak shirt for a sneaky sneak rogue. Unfortunately this is not the first time I've seen an item like this, which cost it a lot of points. I do like that you covered most of your bases with this one. Usually people are satisfied with becoming invisible, but you took the need for silence and speed into account as well. (Someday I'll make an item that will nullify the other three senses as well. Shirt of Tastelessness it shall be called.) The biggest unbalancing factor here is the ability to take two standard actions. As a rule of thumb never mess with the action economy. The ability to pump six spells into three rounds - nine if you use quickened spells - would be vastly overpowered all by itself, but this shirt allows you to take all kinds of standard actions. 21,800 gp doesn't even begin to cover that. So yeah, the idea is not too original and there are some amazing balance problems, but the item is written decently enough and there are some good ideas in it - the passive bonuses were a nice touch at the end.

107) Rings of Shared Power:

These kinds of powers are frowned upon because they take away a lot of pressure to multiclass and because they can lead to some really nasty combos. Though this item is not as bad as some I've seen because it at least has a range limitation, which needs to be a bit shorter though, and because it only transfers a single thing. Though what happens if you transfer a power that's not available to a class level you're using it with? The item doesn't say. Other than that the rules are explained clearly and I don't have any huge questions. The basic idea itself just is something of a gamebreaker, plus this idea has been attempted before.

108) Fraud's Rod:

Not a bad item and I could see this being useful in certain campaigns or in certain parts of Golarion. The main problems are that I've already seen something like this and the fact that while this is a nice ability, it's nothing all that exciting. I'm not dying to use this, nor is it anything visually pleasing. Good for a book of magic items, but lacks that final spark. Plus, can I have more than one scroll wrapped around the rod? It doesn't say. Plus, it really limits the usefulness of this item that you can only activate the first spell on a scroll. Why not any of them? Once per day is also something of a letdown.

109) Broken Gambit Shield:

Imaginative idea, but I'd never want to use this. I'd rather get me some ordinary shield that protects me all the time. Now you will use this in one combat because the final form is rather good, but then you will jam it into your back to await the next day and use the other shield you carry with you. And that's not a good shield design. Plus the end of combat is a really vague way to end anything. Who determines when one combat ends and another begins in a dungeon filled with monsters for example? Also, if the attacker is filled with the urge to kill the wearer, wouldn't it mean he moves closer rather than away? Also, affecting all attackers with no limitations is much too powerful for a shield this cheap. At least it allows a saving throw. Also a minor point, but why do you skip the light shield, going from buckler straight to heavy shield? So yeah, do keep on designing, because you clearly have ideas. Just pay attention to balance and what people would want to actually use.

110) Coiling Poison Staff:

Excellent visuals and I really like how this staff looks. The spell selection also feels suitably snaky, as do the extra powers. Unfortunately those extra powers only amount to poison immunity and a spell-in-a-can. Not terribly exciting, plus I have a problem with powers that can be activated only by certain domains or bloodlines, because as has often happened, we get a domain or bloodline later that thematically could activate those same powers as well, but can't because the rules explicitly say that only those two or three can activate them. Though if you had said that any snake-themed domain, bloodline or mystery would have suffixed, it would have been very easily too vague, so damned if do, damned if you don't. Best just not to go there. So all in all not a bad item, but needed to be more original to impress.

[Raynulf]

Somewhat belatedly:

Phil Greeley/Rochandil Calenlad wrote:

Thanks for the review, Raynulf; very detailed. I'm glad you knew where I was coming from, at least; others may or may not have gotten that, and didn't say so. Just want to point out that I also had Craft Magic Arms and Armor in the Requirements; I was hoping that would mitigate the Craft Wondrous Item, but maybe not. Perhaps it would have been better as a penknife, which was used to sharpen quills (pens). And I see that I've gotten some feedback on my question about Bardic Knowledge, and see where I went astray on that. Yes, it was a legitimate contest entry; at least in the sense that I never intended it to be a joke item, nor to be disqualified - though I am beginning to suspect that at some point I was. I realized when I submitted that I was skating on thin ice; and I'd say it broke beneath me! Just also want to point out that you had to make those five Knowledge checks to get five auto-crit, greatsword, x3 damage, strikes; no successful check, you're doing 1d2+1, plus your massive Strength as a bard! Just sayin'.

Regarding the check: "When a wielder with the Bardic Knowledge class feature makes an appropriate Knowledge check for the target's creature type..." Would have more accurately conveyed your intent :)

But then I'd beat you up about that, as it is not only restricted to bards, but only those who didn't take an archetype that replaces Bardic Knowledge - which most of them do.

Regarding Strength: Assuming every bard will play to the minstrel stereotype of high-Dex/low-Str (and not find a means of using Dex for damage) is an assumption you shouldn't make when designing items. You need to think of how your item can be used, not just what you intended when you started writing it. It's tricky, but an essential part of the design process.

E.g. My preferred approach to bard characters is more akin to a barbarian that shares the damage boost, and I often mix in some fighter or barbarian (though these days the Bloodrager is tempting) for good measure, and Strength is normally the highest stat. Spells are then for things like expeditious retreat to give a 60ft to 70ft land speed and be the most mobile thing on the map. And I'm not alone in this: Bardbarian is a quite popular character design.

[Raynulf]

BODYGUARD ARMOR: It's not really a specific armor :(

Feedback:

• Reference Advanced Race Guide for darkleaf cloth.
• Given that most people won't own the Advanced Race Guide, spelling out the effects of the material is worthwhile (decreased ASF and ACP, increased MDB). No need to state that it's light armor as that didn't change.
• Maybe it's just because half my family are into lapidary and jewelling, but I want to know what kind of gems I'm looking at. Also whether the armor is dyed, disguised or still a mix of leaves and bark ("Do I look like a shrubbery?"). Are the gems faceted, cabochon or rough? A few words to clarify what this armor looks like (especially given the material) would be awesome.
• We know how the Aid Another mechanic works, it's part of the core rules and is unchanged from 3.5, making fairly well established. No need to repeat unless something is actually different. Same goes for the benevolent property.
• This is +3 benevolent armor, with no additional properties or features. While a handful of published specific items exist without unique properties, they're usually demonstration pieces: Even ye old flame tongue got a facelift to add a non-standard ability. The armor needs something else to demonstrate the ability to step outside the standard tables and do something new.
• In summary, I think you took the "follow the rules" a bit too much to heart, and should have looked more at existing specific armors to get a feel for what was expected.

SCIMITAR OF DANCING LIGHTNING: DANGER, WILL ROBSINSON! (What came into my head reading the first paragraph).

Feedback:

• Turning weapon attacks into touch attacks is a big deal; it basically means you pretty much hit automatically with all your attacks. Brilliant energy doesn't even go halfway (natural armor still applies), and has drawbacks (can't hurt undead/constructs), and it's a +3 bonus.
• Converting to electricity is a downside vs demons (and other immune-to-electricity things), but a bonus against anything with DR but no electricity resistance (e.g. a lot of constructs), making the weapon more versatile and thus be overall a large bonus.
• Increasing the weapon range by +10ft on your turn is a big deal; It is akin to the Lunge feat, only twice the benefit, none of the drawbacks and attack ranges can be freely mixed, making it vastly superior.
• Combined with shock shield, the last ability turns haste into a first level personal spell that can be triggered as a swift action, and even the most token amount of electricity resistance removes what little damage is caused.
• As others have commented, per the above, the item is extremely underpriced.
• Looking at the concept overall, I thought it was fun but a bit misguided: Melee damage is decidedly potent, but deliberately carries the drawback of having to get in close and put yourself at risk. Reach weapons and the Lunge feat invariably carry drawbacks that make them less than ideal, especially compared to the likes of the scimitar and it's 18-20 critical range. To me, this weapon seems to be trying to blend too many strengths and none of the weaknesses of both melee and ranged combat, and I personally don't think that's good idea.

RING OF THE CHAMPION (TBR Edition): So two friends give up their immediate/swift action each round to give the wearer +4 to attack? With the Leadership feat, the slots aren't even an issue, making it an overcomplicated ring of 1/round +4 to attack, or more at high level if your cohort has a benevolent weapon. It's a bit too simple and, well, boring. If used with party members I see it as becoming "Hey, guys, can you be less cool to make me cooler?", which doesn't strike me as fun.

[Phil Greeley/Rochandil Calenlad]

Thanks again, Raynulf. Good stuff to know, and perspectives to keep in mind. I've actually been working on re-designing the item, and it now uses the mechanic for a Knowledge check to determine a special power or vulnerability. Its much more non-bard friendly, but bards will still likely do well with it. Made a bunch more changes, too; I've been debating posting it for further review.

Phil

[Jaragil]

111) Rod of Gravity:

I like this item a lot. It deals with gravity effects in an innovative way and would be a lot of fun to use. The reason why I think it didn't fare any better is that it has a slight SiaC vibe to it and some of the effects are explained somewhat vaguely. For example, does the wielder's gear half in weight only when he holds the rod or as long as its in his possession. The text seems to indicate the former, while latter would be more useful and make more sense. Also the cube effect would cinematically make more sense if it affected the space away from the wall or ceiling and not the things on the other side of it, but now the text seems to indicate exactly that. And why cube? Also, at which point does a curving slope stop being ground and become a wall? So yeah, a good item and I'd like for something like this to exist, but now it's too unrefined to make the cut.

112) Ring of the Deific Caster:

Neat idea about using a holy symbol to fashion a magic item. The actual abilities, however, are merely static bonuses and spells-in-a-can, so nothing too exciting or original. Plus the wording on the description is somewhat problematic. The last paragraph suddenly implies to all the rings are aligned to specific deities, but the item has never mentioned this before although it should be one of the first things it establishes. Plus the activation mechanism for the spiritual ally is extremely situational and thus unlikely to see much use. Oh, and do the aligned deities have to be of good or neutral alignment? Because there are holy symbols and then there are unholy symbols. A nitpick, sure, but the question would still get asked. All in all a neat idea, although one should be careful when messing with the supposed favour of deities.

113) Spelldrinker:

Good description and I do like that the power of the sword is reflected on how it looks and works in practice. Runes are somewhat clichéd choice, but you make them work. At least for me. Unfortunately the other cliché is the anti-spellcaster thing a lot of items had going on this year and during the previous years as well. this is at least costly enough not to become a problem during early levels, but it's still something of a power-nullifier. Though I do think that the spell lost should be randomly selected from the highest level possible. Giving the enemy a choice seems weird. All in all not a bad design, but it just isn't something I'd like to see in my games. I like Spellsyphon better, by the way.

114) Glacial Crusher:

Interesting effect, requiring you to be prepared with other sources of cold damage from your party or hoping that you will hit next turn. Though the visual is somewhat odd. The target is covered in bits of ice, but this doesn't affect him in any other way other than making him more susceptible to other forms of cold? Also, the item doesn't say if the effects from two different glacial crushers would stack. I get that you're implying no, but the wording is not precise enough to tell for sure. All in all not a bad idea, but the execution doesn't leave much of an impact and the visuals are questionable. Still, with small adjustments this could be something great.

115) Quill of the Peacock Spirit:

Interesting visual, though it feels like the describer is gushing about the item, which is not so good. Also, the word obvious jumps out as being overused. Unfortunately the abilities themselves, while fitting the theme, are somewhat uninspiring, and mostly spells-in-a-can. I would have liked to see something more original. Momentary illusion walls made out of peacock tail feathers, blasts of coloured sonic damage, the ability to fascinate people by showing off by twirling the spear. Something like that. I'm also not a fan of restricting its full use to a couple of classes when nothing in the description scream ki or bardic to me. Well, okay, bardic yes, but even then I don't see why the other ability is allowed to all and not the other. Still, I do like the theme and I think it has potential.

116) Heaven's Tether:

Clouds moving against gravity? That's an odd visual. Why not simply against sky? Or do you mean that the clouds always try to move upwards, no matter how the staff is held? Because that's better, but you should have said that. Nevertheless, I do like the vibe of this staff, but it really should have done something a bit more useful in general. Now its abilities, aside from spells, only come into play when you're falling and that's about as situational as you can get. If it did something that could only be activated while falling, I could see myself getting into situations where I could fall voluntarily, but now it just makes falling easier. So yeah, more than a bit underwhelming, but otherwise okay.

117) Up Chuck:

It seems to me that the stone will hit the targets automatically and it only mentions that I have to be able to take aim above their heads. So, I could chuck a stone a mile away and have it hit automatically, having "fallen" a mile and doing damage accordingly? I know that wasn't the intention, but the wording allows it. The other problem is that precision damage shouldn't ably to something as huge as a Large stone. It'd be like doing fire damage by hurling icicles at someone. And sure, magic, but... no. That being said, I like that you reference the halfling trope of them being good at throwing rocks and the ability itself makes me smile. It's a good example of an ability that's humorous visually, but isn't an actual joke item. The rock simply should allow a Reflex save and have some kind of range limitation. Plus I'd lose the halflings-only ability.

118) RING OF INSIGHT:

That might be one of the best foretelling effect I've seen in this game, so points for that. It's exciting to use while not being overly powerful. What keeps this item from being Superstar is that one good ability is usually not enough - the saving throw bonus is just a static buff - and the wording is pretty vague. It should say what actions are required to activate the powers of the ring and whether the number can be subtracted from the roll after the results are known or not. Had you tightened the mechanics to include that information, this might have been a contender, though it still lacks certain visual wow-factor.

119) Glitterbane:

The fact that this is pretty much restricted to gnomes makes it unappealing to those that don't want to play them. Its abilities are also mainly static buffs and spells-in-a-can. Plus do I read this right, because it seems to say that the weapon is always Small sized, though that's me nitpicking. All in all I'd say it's a decent item, but it does nothing more than collect existing weapon powers together so I cannot really call it Superstar.

120) Harlequin’s Hurlbat:

I already gave you my initial thoughts on this. Now that I have read it through a couple more times, I don't think I mind the jester theme so much, as it is a lot more subtle than in others like it and it doesn't try to make the game cartoony. What's a bit more problematic is that it punishes those bards that find it later during their adventuring careers and have already put all their skill points to other Perform skills. I guess there's no way around that, but it's still something that would annoy me as a player.

[N. Edward Lange]

Thanks for the feedback, Jaragil!

[Jaragil]

121) Knife of the Consummate Chef:

Any item says that it's incidentally also a weapon says to me that it's either a staff or a rod or it's a converted wondrous item. The actual abilities are interesting, though none of them really connect to cooking in any way, except the hero's feast, though I could accept arguments for fire resistance. The heavy GM fiat is also somewhat troubling, because I just know players would offer me all kinds of explanations. Lumberjacks cut wood for stoves, potters make pots for cooking, herbologist knows edible plants, the list would be neverending. Still, I do like the basic idea and if there was some way of quantifying and categorizing different Professions skill, I would be all about these kinds of items. Now the rules are just too vague to support them, so alas, this doesn't really work.

122) Scale of the Final King:

Normally I'm not a fan of energy resistance items, because they are quite frankly often terribly boring. But I like this one, mainly because it actually does something interesting with the energy it resists. Plus it looks cool. A bit gaudy, but cool. The only worry is that players would most likely hit the shieldbearer with minor energy effects to get their hands on that detonate effect. And that tells me there's something wrong with the design when players are prepared to willingly hurt one another. Perhaps if the amount of damage needed for activation was bigger?

123) Rod of Divine Empowerment:

To heal 1d8 points of damage is a level one spell, to regain a level one spell is a lot higher amount of power, telling me that this is a huge power booster, especially if you don't even have to be wounded to benefit from it. Meaning that either the rod needs to be more expensive or there's something wrong with the power. That being said, I kind of like this one. It didn't make my keeper list, because it's not that exciting of a power. It lacks the cinematic flair or vast array of possibilities that a truly Superstar item needs, but it's not a bad power. Personally I would have given it some extra limitations and spruced up the rod by giving it some secondary powers.

124) Arcanavore:

Odd that these spell-hating items always want to use runes in their description. Are runes somehow anti-magicky? But about the item, it's a bit convoluted, requiring a lot of bookkeeping to keep track of how long each individual bonus it has gained through absorption lasts. I'd hate to be the guy having to keep track of all of them. I'm also not sure whether the sundering ability could be used on potions, but I'd lean towards yes, in which case this would make enhancing scrolls rather meaningless. You'd just stack up cheap potions and sunder them just before the fight. So yeah, ambitious idea, but the execution just isn't strong enough to make this a viable magic weapon.

125) Impenetrable Pelt:

Somewhat odd visual. Using words like slide make me think of something of much more liquid in appearance, which doesn't match the description. The actual powers are okay, though I think the fast healing effect is a bit too much for that price. All in all I like this item and it came pretty close to making my keep list, but I simply wasn't wowed by it either visually or power-wise.

126) Covenskein Net:

Very cool idea visually, and I especially like the nice touch of repairing the item by submersion. The actual ability is also cool, but it's way overpowered in that it doesn't require a saving throw at all, which can quickly take out most low-level enemies. The daze effect is just twisting the knife in the wound, so to speak. Had this been a bit more balanced, I think it might have gone far.

127) Brother’s Guard:

I like the Torag effect, though Golarion-specific items have been cautioned against. But all in all this shield simply gives you numerical bonuses to AC against attacks. And that's simply not very interesting. You'd use this for one thing and one thing only, making it effective, but not something you'd be dying to use. Being able to grant cover in the middle of combat is not an ability we see every day, so it's not hopelessly utilitarian, but it needs to be more evocative to be Superstar.

128) Molten Belcher:

Nice visual, and I'm a fan of shields that burst out cones, because to me that's a very shield-like ability. That being said, I'm annoyed it's just fire damage that can be absorbed. It's the most common, but there are ice giants as well, for example, so it could have embraced that energy type as well with easy logic. But all in all I do like this item and it came close to making my keep list. Perhaps if it had done something a bit more with the fire it had swallowed. Like gaining flaming quality for shield bashes with every shield bash reducing the number of d6s that the cone would make.

129) Serpent’s Tongue:

Confusing visuals. Does the mold mean that sheath or is the blade shaped like a tongue even though the next sentence seems to imply that the blade looks like the whole snake. Aside from that, the actual ability isn't terribly exciting. Yet another snake blade that poisons the victims with great efficiency. Though I like that you have to sacrifice resources to use this one, which gives it a bit of balance. It's still just a numerical buff. Also the potion transformation seems something that players would hate and GM would wave away, unless an NPC was forced to drink a potion in the middle of combat, which doesn't happen all that often. Plus why wouldn't you notice you've been poisoned? I would imagine the crippling pain would be a good indicator. All in all a clichéd idea, but the execution is okay and with some fine-tuning could amount to something.

130) Ring of the Medic:

One of my keep items. I like the fact that it tries to keep Heal a viable option long into the game after the first few levels. I like it a lot. At first I was worried that you could just spam attempts until you succeeded, but the cumulative +3 penalty takes care of that nicely. Though perhaps just denying retries might have been a better option. Nevertheless, I'm a bit disappointed that this wasn't advanced, but perhaps the judges thought it wasn't exciting enough or found some balance problem I just cannot see. Nevertheless, thanks for one of my favourite items and I hope to see from you next year as well.

[Jeff Lee]

Thanks for the feedback, Jaragil. The runes were there because I needed a look, and a weapon inscribed in runes has that sort of "classic cool" to it. I suppose the bookkeeping could be off-putting, and Mark did mention the munchkiny idea of the owner sundering party items (which is still a very odd thought to me...I've just never gamed with people that thought that way.)

But potions? Honestly? How exactly do you sunder a liquid? It's the liquid that's magical, not the bottle it's held in. Scrolls, sure. They're solid. They can be destroyed. Potions? Tell that GM to turn in his/her screen.

[Jaragil]

131) Manticore Fist:

I kind of like this one, though something in it bugs me for some reason. Perhaps I just have a hard time imagining how this works visually. Had all the spikes been in the knuckles, I'd have no problems, but that doesn't seem to be the case. Other nitpicks include that I assume the spike damage includes the weapon's enhancement bonus, but I'd like confirmation. Plus, the cone effect halts the regeneration, but is the gauntlet empty of spikes at this point? I'd assume yes, but the item doesn't confirm this beyond all doubt. I also would have left the utilitarian uses out and simply had the spikes disintegrate after a round. Because now they supposedly go away if I miss, but what if I shoot at a man who's standing in front of a wall. How does the gauntlet know I wasn't aiming for the wall? All in all I like the item, but it's a convoluted way to essentially get a neverending supply of enchanted throwing knifes.

132) SPANWHAMMER:

That's a lot of backstory for a single item. Plus it includes two of my pet peeves, sundering and magic-negation. So yeah, I'm not exactly this item's target audience. That being said, the sundering effect isn't too bad. It's perhaps a touch boring, but as an additional ability, it works just fine. The dispel ability on the other hand is way too powerful for that price, even if the weapon loses most of its capabilities as a result for a time. Plus item's are not usually meant to know what level you are. All in all this fell to a few design traps, but the writing itself is not too bad and there is potential shining through.

133) Blood Magic Dagger:

Hmm... that seems way too powerful for that price. Plus it should mention that you cannot use Quicken Spell because you're already doing it as a standard action. This also practically screams for you to build a caster with a Strength score of 1 or 2, just to reduce damage. Or to get your hands on some DR/anything but slashing or magic. All in all I like the idea of adapting the blood magic trope into Pathfinder, but this seems like a rough draft of that idea and the granted power needs to be less powerful. But there is potential here.

134) Stormcrow Tomahawk:

Love the visuals. This is definitely something almost any player would love to use, just for the kicks of shooting lighting crows at people. The only real problem is that it doesn't really do anything new, it simply means you don't have to carry around dozens of throwing axes. Which is neat, but not exactly revolutionary. It really would have needed an additional ability to awe us. Knowing that you don't like X times per day abilities, perhaps something that needs a full-round action to activate or something that activates with a critical hit. As it is, I do like it, but I wouldn't call it Superstar.

135) Tormentor:

Good, evocative writing and I'd love to use this item... if I was playing Shadowrun. As it is, being a tech item probably cost this a lot of votes, which is a shame because it actually has some nice powers. Very Lovecraftian - which actually might have turned a few people away as well, another shame - though causing general fear effects isn't exactly anything too original. The visuals make up for a lot in this case though. The last sentence in the second paragraph probably means that the panicked creature takes more damage, but it could also be read to mean that while someone is panicked, the weapon deals more damage to anyone. All in all I hope to see more from you next year, because you have an eye for the visuals.

136) Staff of the Imperials:

We had a lot of items this year that had numerous different modes that could be activated separately. And they all felt like kitchen sink SAK designs, this being no exception. It has awesome visuals, but all of the powers are merely spells-in-a-can and the item seems very underpriced for them. Plus, as a minor nitpick, allow the user to decide whether the item's ability is awesome or not. All in all I could see this item existing. It has a good theme, the writing works and there are no real balance problems, aside from the price, but it just doesn't seem all that original.

137) Rod of Brilliant Steps:

These feel like boots to me. Like they REALLY feel like boots to me. And that's a problem. But it'd be hypocritical of me to judge an item based solely on that. The actual ability is actually pretty neat, like a modified air walk spell, but with added visuals. Though the item doesn't specify whether you can move upwards or downwards if the water or mist would allow it. For example, can you walk into mist, then raise your foot and lift yourself upwards, using the mist as a ladder? All in all not a bad item. Had you submitted this last year, it might have fared really well.

138) Ring of the Champion:

That's a convoluted amount of powers for such a cheap ring. First of all, morale bonuses as a rule don't stack so that doesn't need to be spelled out. Also, what counts as fleeing? If you move away from the enemy because you're an archer and don't want to get into melee range, does that count? Also wow, that's a harsh penalty. You'd almost always want to take the ring off, which pretty much means that the design has problems. All in all I don't think this is a balanced item, but I do like ability that you gain power if you're targeted with a challenging ability in combat. It's hard to word correctly, but it has potential.

139) Ghostspike Longspear:

Nice idea, although this isn't the only item this year with a grudge against incorporeal creatures. Are they really that annoying? Nevertheless, the ability itself fits the theme and could be very useful, it just isn't all that exciting, being just the ability to use combat maneuvers when you normally couldn't. This item needed to do something more extra and/or exciting if it wanted to be Superstar. As it is, with some work on the wording, this could very well exist in a book of magic items.

140) Bodyguard Armor:

Yeah, there's some superfluous explaining going on, but that's not a dealbreaker. Alas, the ability itself is just another protect my mate with an action. We've seen dozens of these before, so you're traipsing a well-beaten path. Also, the word they should only be used in a magic item description if you're actually referring to more than one person. I get the impression that here you're not. All in all a touch too convoluted and unoriginal to really impress.

141) Scimitar of Dancing Lightning:

Good theme, good abilities keeping with the theme. I especially like the haste effect. Not sure if the price is correct, my gut says it might be a bit on the low side. Neverending energy attacks as a ranged touch attack seem really powerful. All in all I'd say that I like this. I'm not wowed by it and I'd have preferred a touch lower-powered version to make it more available, but I do like it.

142) Ring of the Champion:

A valid argument for getting minions to follow you around and make Aid Another checks from a safe distance. And that isn't something I want to encourage in my players. Plus there easier ways to gain +2 to attacking or to AC. So yeah, not exactly exciting and it encourages metagaming and munchkinry.

And with that I'm caught up. Phew....
Now to get some sleep and tomorrow I'm going to review some maps.

[He'sDeadJim]

Jaragil wrote:

Interesting visual, though it feels like the describer is gushing about the item, which is not so good. Also, the word obvious jumps out as being overused. Unfortunately the abilities themselves, while fitting the theme, are somewhat uninspiring, and mostly spells-in-a-can. I would have liked to see something more original. Momentary illusion walls made out of peacock tail feathers, blasts of coloured sonic damage, the ability to fascinate people by showing off by twirling the spear. Something like that. I'm also not a fan of restricting its full use to a couple of classes when nothing in the description scream ki or bardic to me. Well, okay, bardic yes, but even then I don't see why the other ability is allowed to all and not the other. Still, I do like the theme and I think it has potential.

Thanks Jaragil!

Good points all. I guess they should all have seemed OBVIOUS to me?
=>

I based this on an item I created for a game I am running (Rise of the Rune Lords Anniversary Edition)...so I may have gushed a bit without meaning to do so.

I originally had it only available to be used with ki (monks are/were known worshipers of the Peacock Spirit). However, after reading some good points by others on the message boards about not restricting items to only a single class made me re-evaluate that. I decided that adding in the ability to use bardic music with it just made sense too, and it added some better versatility to whomever could use the weapon. I guess I didn't go far enough really. I could have added in Magus pool points too or rounds of rage use, and who knows what else....except probably grit and panache points.

[I'M INCREDIBLE!]

I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who took time to make some comments for my item. I was really kicking myself over a mistake (my item didn't do what I thought it did), and was feeling pretty rough. My goal this year was an item that was "book of magic items" quality, after some of my previous entries were too much idea for what I could do. Some of my feedback confirmed initial problems I thought, and validated some of the points I was proud of. So, from the bottom of my heart...

THANK YOU!!!!

[The black raven]

Tothric wrote:

Grave-Nettle

Aura Moderate Necromancy/Evil; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 16,850 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
A dagger that looks worn and chipped, this knife has a blood-groove that is heavily stained. The pommel of the dagger is onyx. When taken in hand, this dagger hums with a soft promise of great power.

This is a +1 dagger with the human bane trait. Once per day, when the dagger slays a human and is left in the corpse for a single round, the human raises as a medium size zombie as if the wielder had just cast the lesser animate dead spell. The dagger returns to its owner’s hand after the zombie animates. This zombie is controlled by whoever wields Grave-Nettle, and counts towards the number of undead the wielder can control. Zombies created in this way obey all spoken commands to the best of their ability. After this ability is used once, the onyx pommel appears tarnished. Should all the zombies Grave-Nettle has raised be destroyed, the onyx pommel regains its glistening shine.

Should the Grave-Nettle be left unattended for more than a day, all zombies that have been created by Grave-Nettle are destroyed.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magical Arms and Armor, Animate Dead(Lesser),Summon Monster I, Spell Focus(Necromancy); Cost 7,000 gp and an Onyx worth 1,250 gp

Told you I would ;-)

Good :

- Description looks good and is evocative.

- Grants necromantic abilities to martials !!!

To improve :

- I believe descriptors such as Evil are not mentioned in the Aura. I could be wrong though.

- "hums with a soft promise of great power" does not add anything, does not really fit with the ability (sounds more like a blasting effect than a necromantic one) and feels like cheap marketing.

- "with the human bane trait" is not the usual description : check stat blocks with bane weapons.

- animate dead works only against humans : not that useful for most modules out there.

- spell in a can

- Formatting : spells are italicized.

- Requirements : feats come before spells

- Construction should be bolded

- How do you figure the number of undead a non-necromancer wielder can control ? Where can I find this info that will be most useful to the owner of this item ?

- "obey all spoken commands" : from anyone ? Spoken in any language, even from Earth or some little known semi-plane out there ? This should be clearer.

Good luck in your future endeavors :-)

[Joey Haeck]

Thanks so much to everyone who has put so much effort into critiquing the items in this thread. I hope you'll give me your feedback on my entry. =)

Soulfire Band
Aura strong conjuration (summoning) and faint evocation; CL 15th
Slot ring; Price 70,000 gp; Weight —
Description
Carved from balors’ horn and etched with images of fiery sacrifices, this jagged ring quietly whispers the name of every soul it has destroyed to fuel its unholy flames.

As a free action, the wearer may command this ring to absorb the soul of any living creature she has killed this round with a melee weapon attack. The ring can hold up to 20 HD worth of souls in this manner. A creature's soul cannot be trapped if its HD exceed the ring's remaining capacity. As a standard action, the wearer may ignite up to three of the stored souls as soulfire: silvery flames that echo with the shrieks of the damned. Soulfire can be directed as:

• A single scorching ray, or
• A fireball centered on the wearer (Reflex save DC 17).

Soulfire deals fire damage equal to the hit dice spent in the attack. For example, spending the souls of two ogres with 4d8 HD creates a scorching ray or fireball dealing 8d8 points of fire damage. This replaces the damage normally dealt by a ray or fireball.

A creature whose soul is trapped in the ring cannot be restored to life until its soul is freed, and a creature whose soul is burned as soulfire cannot be resurrected by anything short of a wish or miracle spell. All trapped souls are harmlessly released when the ring is removed or the ring is destroyed.

Construction
Requirements Forge Ring, fireball, scorching ray, trap the soul; Cost 35,000 gp

[Feros]

Soulfire Band:

The imagery is kind of neat, if a bit dark. I like the idea of some evil SOB using the souls of people he killed to power a flaming doom upon new enemies. Nice! But this appears to be overpowered. Scorching ray is a ranged touch attack. This ring can be worn by anybody. So a mid-level fighter could use this to kill his way through three 6-7d8 HD creatures to hit 20HD rather quickly and then hit some poor schlep with a 20d8 ranged touch fire attack? Needs some heavy reining in.

[Mark Seifter]

The black raven wrote:

Tell me what you think.

BTW : this is the second item with the same name. The other was presented for critique on sunday by its designer ;-)

Ring of the Champion

Aura faint conjuration; CL 5th
Slot ring; Price 10,000 gp; Weight —

Description
A character can wear only one ring of the champion. Once per day, on command, this ring produces up to 2 duplicates of itself. Doing so dismisses any previously existing duplicates of the ring. A duplicate ring detects as magic and takes up a ring slot. As an immediate action and regardless of their respective positions, a creature wearing a duplicate ring may use the Aid Another action to grant half her Aid Another bonus to the next attack roll that the wearer of the original ring makes or to his AC against the next attack that targets him.

Construction
Requirements Bodyguard, Forge Ring; Cost 5,000 gp

*Odd wording.

*No spell prereqs.

*It would seem that duplicates can make duplicates, if they are actually duplicates, and they would count as originals toward those duplicates, but I have a feeling that the "duplicates" are not duplicates but instead sort of "servant" rings keyed to a "master" ring and meant to have a different power.

*Immediate action AC or to-hit boosts that the duplicates are just going to spam all day long if they don't have a swift class feature are pretty boring.

[Mark Seifter]

Joey Haeck wrote:

Thanks so much to everyone who has put so much effort into critiquing the items in this thread. I hope you'll give me your feedback on my entry. =)

Soulfire Band
Aura strong conjuration (summoning) and faint evocation; CL 15th
Slot ring; Price 70,000 gp; Weight —
Description
Carved from balors’ horn and etched with images of fiery sacrifices, this jagged ring quietly whispers the name of every soul it has destroyed to fuel its unholy flames.

As a free action, the wearer may command this ring to absorb the soul of any living creature she has killed this round with a melee weapon attack. The ring can hold up to 20 HD worth of souls in this manner. A creature's soul cannot be trapped if its HD exceed the ring's remaining capacity. As a standard action, the wearer may ignite up to three of the stored souls as soulfire: silvery flames that echo with the shrieks of the damned. Soulfire can be directed as:

• A single scorching ray, or
• A fireball centered on the wearer (Reflex save DC 17).

Soulfire deals fire damage equal to the hit dice spent in the attack. For example, spending the souls of two ogres with 4d8 HD creates a scorching ray or fireball dealing 8d8 points of fire damage. This replaces the damage normally dealt by a ray or fireball.

A creature whose soul is trapped in the ring cannot be restored to life until its soul is freed, and a creature whose soul is burned as soulfire cannot be resurrected by anything short of a wish or miracle spell. All trapped souls are harmlessly released when the ring is removed or the ring is destroyed.

Construction
Requirements Forge Ring, fireball, scorching ray, trap the soul; Cost 35,000 gp

*This ring seems really overblown for essentially a pair of fire blast SiaC.

*The weirdest part is the way it deals damage based on the dice type of the killed creature. Barbarians or dragons can deal 20d12 blast damage, for some reason, so you're much better off storing something like Barbarian7, Barbarian7, and Barbarian6 rather than a 20th level fey.

[Eric Morton]

Our judge, Mark Seifter, posted this in another thread. I'm re-posting it here because I think it offers some additional insight into the commentary Mark is posting here in this thread.

Mark Seifter wrote:

Eric, I think that the critique my item thread will allow each individual designer to do just that in a way that is even more directly useful to them. Ask for your judge feedback, and I'll supply it. The more and longer, more comprehensive negative bullet points on the judge feedback, the more likely you failed to impress the judges (and you get to know why too, in detail). The fewer the comments (and especially if they are more generally neutral or positive, but either way), the more likely that it was the voters you failed to impress. You don't get to know why, as well, in that case, except as much as the voters help you by critiquing your item too.

[Raynulf]

SOULFIRE BAND: Item creation rules matter.

• An 8th level spell at-will is 240,000gp. That's not touching the fact that it's a free action that can occur multiple times per round.
  
• trap the soul requires a material component (not focus) worth 1,000gp per HD, and this item goes up to 20HD. There is the argument that it recycles the material component... but that would make it a focus. Depending on how you toss it, this could be anywhere from 20,000gp to 1,000,000gp.
  
• The above is just the mechanic for fueling the device. Looking at the primary intent, it lets melee types kill things to get blasting spells, it then steps on a bunch of shticks and isn't going to good things to party balance or the enjoyment of others at the table.
  
• Caster level of the fire spells isn't specified. Assuming it's 15th, this means that scorching ray will have 3 rays, each normally do 4d6 fire damage. The way this item reads, if a barbarian 12 casually kills three CR5 animals (~7HD each), he can then (as a standard action) fire off three 60ft rays dealing 20d8 damage each. As often as he can slaughter wildlife or his foes. 60d8 damage, almost at-will.
  
• Attempting to price these is mind boggling, but even putting aside the above, it's at least a CL15 2nd and 3rd level spell at will: 60,000gp and 90,000gp respectively.
  
• So the price tag should be somewhere between 410,000gp and 1,390,000gp.
  
• Honestly, this item is at least a minor artifact, if not a major.
  
• Also, things that inhibit resurrection are costly. The Eberron Campaign Setting had the keeper's fang +4 property, but it only stored a single soul, and that weapons specifically had to deliver the killing blow, which was tricky given it meant it usually ideal for actually killing things (given the +4). It was there as a plot device.
  

[edduardco]

Again thanks a lot to the people who took the time to made a review and give feedback

[Vil-hatarn]

Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed my item (the Cuirass of Distortion), there are definitely some good points there that I'll have to keep in mind next year.

[Josh Colon]

Ring of Retrospection
Aura Strong Divination; CL 17th
Slot Ring; Price 50,000 gp; Weight - lbs.

Description
A beautiful silver ring with a vertical eye engraving, this item has no effect until activated. When the party is about to engage in a full night's rest, the bearer may activate the ring, a soft blue light emanating from the engraved eye. The wearer chooses one combat encounter from the previous 24 hours (in which he was wearing the ring), and all party members involved share a vision of the battle, reliving their decisions and learning from their mistakes. After the vision, Experience Points awarded for the chosen encounter are doubled. The Ring of Retrospection cannot affect an encounter where any of the party's Hit Points reached 0. Once used, the Ring requires 6 days per party member affected in its last use to recharge.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderous Item, Foresight, Wish ; Cost 25,000 gp

To be honest this was a last minute entry, I only heard of the contest the day of the deadline and only managed to work on it for about an hour before entering it. So the obvious HUGE mistake of Craft Wonderous item instead of Craft Ring eluded me! So besides that DUMB mistake, i'm eager to see what other thoughts people have. Thank you!!

[Andrew Black]

hewhocaves wrote:

So how does this work? Lean over, extend neck... One swift slice, please!

Dwarven Armor of Exploration
Aura faint transmutation; CL 7th
Slot armor; Price 17,000 gp; Weight 10 lbs.
Description

This +1 mithral chain shirt is particularly useful to underground explorers looking for new caverns, dungeons or mineral veins. When underground, the wearer may assume the form of a mud-like fluid with a verbal command. While in this form he gains the ability to enter the tiniest cracks in bedrock and move at 10 feet through solid stone. Conversely, this form is not suited to open spaces and imposes a Climb check penalty of -20. This form is also maneuverable underwater, granting a swim speed of 20 feet with the current but only 10 feet otherwise. For the duration of this form, the wearer is granted the earth and water subtypes and is able to detect the amount and type of any mineral within 60 feet. However, while in this form he may not cast any spells with a verbal, material or somatic component, nor physically attack another target.

Lastly, the wearer can attempt to merge in with the background, deflecting attention from himself. He gains a +10 circumstance bonus to Disguise checks to look like mud while moving, improving to +20 if he is still. Creatures with the dwarf subtype add a +5 to the bonus. The transformation to and from the mud form is a full-round action. The wearer can activate this feature any number of times a day, providing the total daily usage does not exceed 5 minutes. Time spent transforming to or from the mud form does not count against this total.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, elemental body I, locate object, creator must be a dwarf: Cost 8,500 gp

Sorry I was not a fan of this one. Turning into mud just didn't seem that appealing to me, thought I think mechanically it is okay. I also had a hard time with this being a dwarven item. IMO a dwarf would never take the easy way out of digging with sledge or pick to find the precious metals and jewels the earth holds, nor do anything that might get their beards muddy. I know others would disagree, but that was why I only up voted your item some of the time.

[Andrew Black]

Terminalmancer wrote:

My item:

** spoiler omitted **

Now, I already know I made two mistakes in development, so if I were to address those, I'm interested in feedback on the meat of the idea:

Gnome Splat-Pelter

Aura...

Your item had the misfortune of invoking in my mind the orange jumpsuit wearing villain Vector from Despicable Me screaming "Squid Launcher, Oh Yeah!" That combined with some strange mechanics left this one on the weak list for me. I voted it up sometimes but not always. I give you props for creating something a bit out of the box, sorry that it just didn't work for me.