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GM says: *describes encounter* they haven't noticed you yet, how do you want to proceed?
GM means: I'm an optimist. Just because you always draw weapons and slaughter anything that looks like it might have loot I still hold out a tiny hope that you one day might actually *talk* to something before killing it.
*GM flips through notes in anticipation*
Players: "You know, these guys haven't done anything to hurt us. Maybe we should try to negotiate."
GM Says: "Wow, guys, that's new."
GM Means: "Y-you...really? REALLY? I haven't even prepared dialogue for these guys because I expected you to murder them on sight as usual! NONE OF THESE GUYS EVEN HAVE NAMES! AAAAAAAAA"
GM says: *describes encounter* they haven't noticed you yet, how do you want to proceed?
GM means: I'm an optimist. Just because you always draw weapons and slaughter anything that looks like it might have loot I still hold out a tiny hope that you one day might actually *talk* to something before killing it.*GM flips through notes in anticipation*
Players: "You know, these guys haven't done anything to hurt us. Maybe we should try to negotiate."
GM Says: "Wow, guys, that's new."
GM Means: "Y-you...really? REALLY? I haven't even prepared dialogue for these guys because I expected you to murder them on sight as usual! NONE OF THESE GUYS EVEN HAVE NAMES! AAAAAAAAA"You know we did this once. Tried to talk to npc's that were obviously sentient in a dungeon. After the third room of us declaring ourselves and them attacking us on sight the person who spoke their language gave up and offered me a chance.
Next room I walk in, empowered burning hands at +1 caster level (6d4+6 at level 3). "My diplomacy works better."
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why PC's do not bother talking to things in dungeons.
They also tend to complain when you start looting them while they are chatting with the party face.
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All in all, it seems the most dangerous phrase from a GM is "are you sure you want to do that?"
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...
GM says: would you like a few minutes to plan?
GM means: please, for god's sake, take a few minutes to plan!
...
GM says: "I said, "
GM means: "This is clearly not a level appropriate encounter. You are insisting on a fight and your usual approach of charge and swing will obviously result in a TPK. So, for the love of all that's good and gracious, try to put some thought into this one!"| 3 people marked this as a favorite. |
GM says: "I can't believe you beat him in less than 2 rounds..."
GM means: "I'm gonna bring him back... As a vampire."
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GM says: "What's your marching order?"
GM means: "Here be traps laddies!"
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GM says: "I know you're a fighter, but you might want to pack a bow..."
GM means: "You will face a dragon."
GM says: I'm using an electronic dice roller.
GM means: Stop trying to guess what's going on by listening to dice sounds.
GM says: The NPC proposes a ridiculously complicated plan that seems more likely to benefit them than anyone else.
GM means: This is the only plot hook the AP gave me, so ignore that your character has the Paranoid drawback and just go along with it!
GM says: There's only 3 players here, so I'll be playing a bard to fill out the party.
GM means: Our party's diplomat will be the "strong and silent" type.
GM says: Why don't we try to accrue as many bonuses as possible to these important perform checks (Aid Another, befriending NPCs)?
GM means: I want you to not have a single combat encounter for all of 3rd level, and get to 4th entirely from bonus story XP.
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GM says: "(the NPC) just hangs back and tries to stay out of the way."
GM means: "I completely forgot (the NPC) was with you. No one has mentioned (the NPC) for four sessions!"
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DM Sez: You and your opponent struggle and strain against each other, but even with your might, you can't hoist him!
DM Means: I don't care if you have Greater Grapple, a +6 Belt of Giant's Strength, and Throw Anything, you're not gonna start Golarion's space program by hurling the bard into the sun. And even if you could, he's not gonna reach the sun in six seconds, I don't care what the rules for thrown weapons say.
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Actually the rules for thrown weapons say you can't throw a weapon beyond 5 range increments, and an Improvised thrown weapon (which the Bard would be) would only have a range increment of 10.
So at max you can only throw the Bard 50 feet. =)
Rules LAWYERED.
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Actually the rules for thrown weapons say you can't throw a weapon beyond 5 range increments, and an Improvised thrown weapon (which the Bard would be) would only have a range increment of 10.
So at max you can only throw the Bard 50 feet. =)
Rules LAWYERED.
The bard is not a weapon. But if he is a weapon, then he's also a tool (he might be a tool even if he isn't a weapon, really), and I've got the Rough and Ready trait.
Bards aren't weapons. However, monks, barbarians, and for some reason commoners, are.
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DM says, "You question me? I am but a neutral arbiter of the rules. I am impartial!"
DM means, "Man, I really like making Bob's life miserable.. Ooo, stats for tetnus!"
DM says, "What languages do you speak?"
DM Means, "I want this to be mysterious, so the inscriptions are going to be in auld gnomish."
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DM says: "Ancient runes cover the walls, containing writings in a language long-lost to the unforgiving and unrelenting tides of time."
DM means: "I don't care what the book says, comprehend languages and tongues don't work."
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GM says: The [non-combatant NPC] does nothing this round.
GM means: I have forgotten that Total Defense and Aid Another exist.
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GM says: "Oh, that roll I just made? It's nothing. Don't worry about it."
GM means: "It's actually nothing, but I want to screw with your head a few times."
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GM says (to an oracle): "Are you sure you don't want to learn "Cure Disease" this level?"
GM means: "I will feel no remorse for having you all go through wererat-infested sewers."
GM says: "You find a small girl in tattered grimy clothing at the back of the Hag's cave. Her skin is pale and her eyes an unnatural violet. She seems to be suffering some sort of rash."
GM means: "Paladin, I'm giving you this so you have something to buffer against a fall."
OR
"I really need a Party Mascot to be killed off in two sessions for a plot hook."
OR
"I need your guys' characters to spend an hour debating what to do so I can figure out the stats for this fight you guys weren't supposed to make it to until next session."
GM says (to an evil cleric): "Is your skeleton still with you?"
GM means: "There is a high level paladin coming up, and you're not going to be able to bluff that the skeleton is just a remarkably thin human."
GM says (to a druid about to Wild Shape): "Are you sure you want to turn into a python?"
GM means: "The next enemies are all flying."
GM says: "Roll perception."
GM means: "Rogues! Rogues everywhere! And Arcane Tricksters too!"
GM says: "You earn 3 gold from your profession over the week."
GM means: "Why did I allow this skill?"
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GM says: "Oh, that roll I just made? It's nothing. Don't worry about it."
GM means: "It's actually nothing, but I want to screw with your head a few times."
That is classic. I'll admit, I've done this, just without the verbal part. Randomly pick up a d20, roll it, glance at an open book or some notes, and nod slightly. Seeing the sudden look of unease on a player's face as they try to guess what it was can be priceless.
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Someone mentioned Mayincatec on the Paizo forums, so I spent at least a couple of hours reading related stuff on TV Tropes. Damn you, TV Tropes!
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That is classic. I'll admit, I've done this, just without the verbal part. Randomly pick up a d20, roll it, glance at an open book or some notes, and nod slightly. Seeing the sudden look of unease on a player's face as they try to guess what it was can be priceless.GM says: "Oh, that roll I just made? It's nothing. Don't worry about it."
GM means: "It's actually nothing, but I want to screw with your head a few times."
Bonus points if one PC has a bad stealth and they are sneaking through a trap filled, wererat infested, poisonous sewer dungeon, in the dark, looking for an enchanter BBEG =p
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Were you in my game yesterday?Bonus points if one PC has a bad stealth and they are sneaking through a trap filled, wererat infested, poisonous sewer dungeon, in the dark, looking for an enchanter BBEG =pThat is classic. I'll admit, I've done this, just without the verbal part. Randomly pick up a d20, roll it, glance at an open book or some notes, and nod slightly. Seeing the sudden look of unease on a player's face as they try to guess what it was can be priceless.GM says: "Oh, that roll I just made? It's nothing. Don't worry about it."
GM means: "It's actually nothing, but I want to screw with your head a few times."
No, But it sounds like we both have good ideas on what a GM should be like =p
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GM says (to an evil cleric): "Is your skeleton still with you?"
GM means: "There is a high level paladin coming up, and you're not going to be able to bluff that the skeleton is just a remarkably thin human."
Always buy a hat of disguise for your undead/demonic minions.
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Always buy a hat of disguise for your undead/demonic minions.GM says (to an evil cleric): "Is your skeleton still with you?"
GM means: "There is a high level paladin coming up, and you're not going to be able to bluff that the skeleton is just a remarkably thin human."
Problem.
You cannot change your creature type (although you can appear as another subtype).
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Always buy a hat of disguise for your undead/demonic minions.GM says (to an evil cleric): "Is your skeleton still with you?"
GM means: "There is a high level paladin coming up, and you're not going to be able to bluff that the skeleton is just a remarkably thin human."Problem.
You cannot change your creature type (although you can appear as another subtype).
Exactly. Go from deadly Formerly- Orc Skeleton Champion to a formerly- harmless medium bunny skeleton.
Who would want to hurt a (Skeleton?) bunny?| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Always buy a hat of disguise for your undead/demonic minions.GM says (to an evil cleric): "Is your skeleton still with you?"
GM means: "There is a high level paladin coming up, and you're not going to be able to bluff that the skeleton is just a remarkably thin human."Problem.
You cannot change your creature type (although you can appear as another subtype).
...which is why I have this item in my undead-heavy campaign...
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What does that mean in terms of disguise? Aren't there undead that can pass for human or close enough to it?Always buy a hat of disguise for your undead/demonic minions.GM says (to an evil cleric): "Is your skeleton still with you?"
GM means: "There is a high level paladin coming up, and you're not going to be able to bluff that the skeleton is just a remarkably thin human."Problem.
You cannot change your creature type (although you can appear as another subtype).Exactly. Go from deadly Formerly- Orc Skeleton Champion to a formerly- harmless medium bunny skeleton.
Who would want to hurt a (Skeleton?) bunny?
Vampire would be my go-to. Since it's not actually a vampire it could be out in the sun, and just tell it to keep its mouth shut, or put a scarf/bandana/etc. over it.
I played a Skeleton PC in an evil campaign once, and invested heavy ranks into disguise. Wore lots of scarfs and headwrappings, dark goggles, gloves, etc sort of the like the classical Invisible Man getup meet Star Wars Sandperson. Could have your Skeletal companion do that.
GM says: (in shorter terms) The huge man has such muscles even the str 20 paladin seems weak. His helm has 4 great horns, he carries a big battleaxe and he arm-wrestles cyclopses for fun. He came ALONE.
GM means: attacking this man is pretty much suicide, he'll hand your ass to you for breakfast.
And...yes....3 of the party attacked him, 2 turns of each 1-hit dropping a character.
Always buy a hat of disguise for your undead/demonic minions.GM says (to an evil cleric): "Is your skeleton still with you?"
GM means: "There is a high level paladin coming up, and you're not going to be able to bluff that the skeleton is just a remarkably thin human."Problem.
You cannot change your creature type (although you can appear as another subtype).
I've never liked that restriction. It is clearly intended to keep PCs from doing something like impersonating an angel or a vampire lord, but I think it's silly that it is more difficult for the illusion to make a zombie look human than to make a devil into an angel.
(Or make an aasimar to look human than make the same aasimar look like a janni.)
I had a tiefling on Eberron who we just assumed could use disguise self to conceal his non-human heritage. We also just assumed that you couldn't hide or appear to add a dragonmark this way (or, for that matter, that tieflings and aasimar didn't qualify for gaining dragonmarks).
DM says: wow, that's pretty inventive.
DM means: Damn, you just broke the scene i prepared.
DM says: [gives options of progress to players]
DM means: Do i have to do your thinking?
DM says: Sadly, [insert magic weapon] is not for sale here.
DM means: No, if i let you buy that it'll break the balance i set up here.
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GM says: (in shorter terms) The huge man has such muscles even the str 20 paladin seems weak. His helm has 4 great horns, he carries a big battleaxe and he arm-wrestles cyclopses for fun. He came ALONE.
GM means: attacking this man is pretty much suicide, he'll hand your ass to you for breakfast.And...yes....3 of the party attacked him, 2 turns of each 1-hit dropping a character.
I'm actually running a game ATM with a character who is impossible for the PCs to beat until they depower him. I've come right out and said that they cannot win against him (with a conditional clause that if they come up with something insanely innovative I'll let them get away with it). Everyone seems to be okay with this.
I'm actually running a game ATM with a character who is impossible for the PCs to beat until they depower him. I've come right out and said that they cannot win against him (with a conditional clause that if they come up with something insanely innovative I'll let them get away with it). Everyone seems to be okay with this.
We actually got a chunk, somewhat of 60 or so off him, but he's got WAYYY more hp where that came from. He'll lead the assault on the city we're stationed at too. So the one who decided to attack him is eager to have round 2.......which i'm sure is going to end the same way.
Always buy a hat of disguise for your undead/demonic minions.GM says (to an evil cleric): "Is your skeleton still with you?"
GM means: "There is a high level paladin coming up, and you're not going to be able to bluff that the skeleton is just a remarkably thin human."
The hat of disguise won't work -- it only lets you disguise yourself as a creature of the same size and type. So, for example, you could disguise a medium skeleton as a medium undead of some other sort -- but how does that help you?
Worse yet -- the wearer has to make the decision about what form to assume as a disguise. How would a mindless skeleton do that?
You're a page late on that explanation David.
Wow, didn't think my cleric comment would make such waves. Let's get this back on track.
DM says: "A group of tieflings in overalls, straw hats, and brandishing scythes and pitchforks gather at the edge of the cornfield. One of them, bearing ram horns and a patch of leprous skin comes forth and asks, 'Where's Bill? He was supposed to be harvesting the west field by now.'"
DM means: "Finally, a spot in this module where I can teach you to stop it with the random hobo murder."
DM says: "Nothing happens."
DM means: "You caught Boot Soup."
DM says: "That roll was nothing."
DM means: "I'm making sure you don't know when you catch lycanthropy."
DM says: "Upon impaling the vampire on your sword, he looks at you and slides along it to get closer to you, roll a reflex save."
DM means: "Dang it I spend three weeks designing this guy so he could bite and infect one of you so I have a plot hook to find the cure, but the fighter had to get a critical with his scythe."
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DM says: "Upon impaling the vampire on your sword, he looks at you and slides along it to get closer to you, roll a reflex save."
DM means: "Dang it I spend three weeks designing this guy so he could bite and infect one of you so I have a plot hook to find the cure, but the fighter had to get a critical with his ."
WEEEOOOOO WEEEEOOOOO my Continuity Alarm is going off!
but the fighter had to get a critical with his scythe.
Carnival of tears, my fighter crits a brownie and got the privilege to describe in detail what it looked like.