The most fered of all types of wordplay is "the Punjab" - famous for being such a sigher as to make people sikh with laughter.
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The best way to defeat Socrates in a wrestling match is to use the figure-four hemlock.
Years ago, before he became a Soul Titan, Stevie Wonder was a Noble Knight. As a Noble Knight, he decided to have some custom 'armor' made, colored a rich, dark red, then went out to do battle with evil, but oh dear! In his first fight, someone chopped right through his pauldron as if it were paper, severing his right arm! (It got reattached later, thanks to some state-of-the-art Medieval surgery)
Then, he got caught in the rain on his way to a big banquet, got rusted into his armor and couldn't get it off after a healthy meal of swan, mead and prunes, leading to him blotting his scutcheon in front of the Bishop of Leominster. Oh dear again!
Then, he found that the harmonica slot he'd had installed in the front of his visor was too small; the harmonica got stuck in there, which meant that whenever he went into battle he did it wheezing 'Camptown Races', and in the wrong key, too. Oh dear, dear, dear!
Getting home afterwards, he was so annoyed that he tore it off, flung into the cellar and slammed the portal to the cellar shut, only referring it to it subsequently (in song) as
This is a couple of days too late, but Anklebiter might like it if no one else does. :-)
There was a TV station in a small town in Minnesota that needed a new weatherman. However, as it was such a small market only one person took them up on the job. His name was Rudolph and he was a card carrying Communist. The folks at the station were not overly thrilled by that, but Rudolph did his job very well. And when it came to forecasting rain Rudolph was always spot on. One day Linda, one of the other news people, asked Rudolph how it was that he was always accurate when it came to forecasting rain.
Rudolph replied:
"Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"
See! This is how you necroraise a thread! And just in time, apparently...
You milksop traitor to the cause! You can't force all of us to move our bovine puns to this thread! And I won't help you do it—I'm no filthy cowherd!
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I appreciate this thread.
I was worried when it comes to liking puns you guys might have been my polar opposite. Some people take a grizzly demeanor when it comes to puns. I personally love to build a good pun up with my bear hands. Fortunately this thread has me Fur sure about some of you posters love of puns. Some people say puns panda to the lowest common denominator but I Paws-itivly couldn't disagree more. So thank you all for cub-tributing to this koala-ty thread.
I end this now I might be getting teddy-ious, but just so you all know your urisome!
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Wow. I...that really moved me. I think we all appreciate how difficult it must have been to lay your feelings bear just now.
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Holy shit, "milksop" wasn't even intended as a pun. I just picked it for a synonym for "coward" so I wouldn't give the primary pun away.
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Holy s~!#, "milksop" wasn't even intended as a pun. I just picked it for a synonym for "coward" so I wouldn't give the primary pun away.
You have a Gift sir. I am udderly impressed.
You milksop traitor to the cause! You can't force all of us to moove our bovine puns to this thread! And I won't help you do it—I'm no filthy cowherd!
FTFY.
According to medical experts, it seems that Shakespeare was troubled, during his life, by his bowels.
He was subject to both violent flatulences and chronic constipation.
Hence "Much Ado about nothing".
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A fantastic pun involving 'chestnuts roasting on an open fire'
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
As one of them made to go back up to his room, the manager (who happened to be an immigrant from the UK) stopped him. "You can't go there yet," he said.
"Is there something I need to do first?" the chess player asked.
"Check in, mate."