I have no set idea for round one, but I'm fairly confident about my wondrous item form. I'm more focused on getting some more experience in the disciplines needed for the later rounds, like encounter building, stat blocks and monster creation.
Lol, had to share this.
Miserly Vest
Aura strong evocation [force]; CL 15th
Slot chest; Price 85,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This rough-spun, grey vest is scratchy and mildly uncomfortable. The fit is always off and is not something to be worn in polite company. Moth eaten holes dot the back of this old and out-of-fashion vest.
Whenever the wearer is successfully struck by a melee attack she may attempt a free steal combat maneuver as though she possessed the Improved Steal feat. She may choose to attempt this steal combat maneuver against any item held or worn on the head, ring, or neck slot. She may also choose to steal the coin purse from her target.
This vest represents the spirit of the miser and adds a +2 circumstance bonus to the free steal combat maneuver for every 3 levels past 4th. The vest has to be worn consecutively across these levels for the bonus to apply. The miserly vest may be removed for no more than 1 week, otherwise the bonus resets.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, clenched fist; Cost 42,500 gp
Miserly Vest
Yeah an item!
*out-of-fashion is pretty subjective (& not something most characters pay any attention to). As it offers no mechanics I'm sure it is fine, but it throws me out of the reading (fashion? in Taldor? land of the Linnorm kings? Etruscan? oh yeah not really relevant...) YMMV**...it fits poorly... (avoid passive voice)...when struck the wearer may... (tighten wordcount) Also I dinnae associate miser with thief.
***caster level is pretty high. While it works for the chosen spell I am not sure it needs to be so high for a free feat (FiaC?) even with the bonus. I might suggest looking at other hand spells.
I like the steal combat maneuver, & distraction is the art behind this kind of sleight of hand, so it is appropriate. I think it should be limited in the number or uses (I take your ring, shield, sword, and coin purse. Yes I have a shield sword and ring already, but that's not the point. :) I also want it to sound "yoink" when it goes off :)
Nice template use there theheadkade :D - the only thing I would ask you to check is the qualifier on the aura, I seem to recall only Good/Evil are used in items, but you have an example, then it's fine.
Inspired by Curaigh's feedback and just for Curaigh, even though I managed to avoid "yoink!"
Meep Meep Necklace
Aura faint enchantment and transmutation; CL 1st
Slot neck; Price 1,000 gp; Weight -
Description
A road runner tail feather affixed to a diamond patch of coyote fur hang from a necklace chain of coyote teeth.
Whenever the wearer is pursued, they say "meep meep", stick out their tongue and make a rubbery raspberry sound transforming their legs into a blur of movement as they gain a 30 feet boost to their speed. This lasts until they are out of sight of their pursuers or for one minute, whichever comes first.
If the wearer passes within 30 feet of any cliff edges, pits, wells or sudden vertical drops, the trail of their passing is twisted straight over the edge of such precipices in the hope that the pursuer follows the trail blindly. The pursuer must make a will save, DC 12, or run over the precipice where they hover momentarily - a small plaque containing the words "bye bye" appears in their hand, they raise this and whimper once, finally plummeting down leaving behind a small cloud puff.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, command, expeditious retreat, creator must be a member of the Accurate Casting Magus Emporium; Cost 500 gp
:)
I especially love the final requirement!
Heh heh, I wondered if it was obvious enough :P
Hiya folks, I'm back to deliver the scourge of criticism upon your items. >:D
I felt the "Superstar Tingle" today. It's close. I can feel it.
hehe, nice AA, very nice.
Accurate Casting Magus Emporium (out of WallaWalla Washington :)
Aye, that one took 6 minutes, so I wasn't too fussed with making it perfect. Only one SKR rule broken? - hmmm, I can see at least 3 :D
Taking it as a serious item though, to answer some of the queries.
In my mind, there was no activation action, if you start to run away and the enemies immediately chase you, it triggers. So your activation action is a combination of double move retreat (or triple for run) coupled with enemy pursuit.
I should have defined it in the description like that.
The plagues were wooden (should have said this). I didn't worry about an infinite supply of firewood - or resources for the parchment makers - it saves trees, my druid is so proud of me!
Serious item coming up soon, I promise.
I think I'll have one or two more practice items before the competition...
But, I just have to annihilate my enemies with my Ork forces tonight by declaring a Waaaaagh! on their poor little marines and then my evenings are free through to Christmas.
Yeah, made the mistake of buying another 1,000 points of Orks this week and have spent most of my free time squinting my poor eyes at rather poor diagrams and tiny plastic pieces!
"I go, Smush time!"
Nicely done Anthony! Perhaps if there were an April Fool's version of RPGSS :)
@AA - You may be right...I dunno if that's a hard and fast rule about the aura descriptor but I don't see any examples in the PRD in Ultimate Equipment!
@Curaigh - Miser's aren't necessarily thiefs, the look of the vest is really what's miserly (along with the secondary power, the character keeps wearing this unshapely and almost threadbare vest for a looooooong time).
@Curaigh - Grrr...didn't know about that spell! Darn you UC!
The descriptor rule I mentioned was something Sean posted about about 3-4 competitions or so ago. As I work through my notes document I am building, if I run across it, I will come back and link-ify for you.
It ([descriptor]) looked odd to me so I scanned through the prd. There are several items that include the descriptor so I refrained from mentioning it. Now I realize these items are all [good] or [evil]. I think it matters because of spells like detect evil and see alignment , but I could be wrong.
Ok, those around last year will know I offered a free Template Fu review via private PM to participants of this year's blazing 9.
My list of qualifiers stands thus
137ben, B.A. Ironskull, Chris Shaeffer, Curaigh, GM_Solspiral, Orcus of Undeath, Jacob Trier, Jacob W. Michaels, Neil Spicer, olePigeon, Pedro C.M.B. Barbosa, Pendin Fust, RonarsCorruption, Saint Caelth, Steven Helt, theHeadKase, Thomas LeBlanc, Warhaven.
I know some of you are excluded from entering due to your success previously. So for you, I am happy to be a member of your review circles for anything you wish to send my way as thanks for all the support and feedback you all provide. Anything so sent will be treated as NDA of course.
If I have missed anyone, please let me know.
How it will work for superstar entries - you do your round 1 entry, you PM it to me, I PM reply once to each of you for that item with the Template Fu review in line of that PM.
By using this PM system, I guarantee I will see the formatting as applied and so can review as it would appear if you had entered it formerly.
I must be PM'd at least a week before final close date of the first round to give me time to do each review justice.
Yer a toff Anthony for that offer!
I might take you up on that...
I'll definitely take you up on that offer Anthony. I don't trust myself not to derp out.
Why is feathered flight superior to webbed/leather flight (Am I missing something here?)? I mean, historically there WERE flying reptiles. So why give reptiles feathers when their species has a perfectly good way to fly. In fantasy they are even more common. Other than that, it doesn't have any cinematic value, or boom effect if you will. It simply gives two bonuses to skills, one of which is VERY circumstantial. Also you don't need to space every line. Your requirements lack Craft Wondrous Item. Follow the template. Overall the item just doesn't quite come together for me.
Template-wise, you're also missing commas in your price and cost, and you can just use an em-dash if the weight is 0. Also, since it's slotless, I'd probably describe the owner as the "user" rather than the "wearer." You're missing a period at the end of your last sentence. And finally, reptilian subtype shouldn't be uppercase.
I disagree with Orcus a little, in that I like the idea of reptilian creatures getting feathers. That said, he does raise some good points, since I think a dragon flies quite well without feathers.
As you note, it's not something that would see a lot of use, but I'm a big believer that we're not posting our best stuff in 9 Blazing Months and you mentioned you knew that already. I'm also inclined to believe that's why you gave it kind of dull powers (boosts to skill bonuses are certainly valid for a magic item, but just not really Superstar).
I do think it probably needs a duration -- which could allow you a neat second ability in terms of what happens when a user molts.
Another contest: Monarch of the Monsters
Avian Evolution Feather
*I like playing with evolutions (and dinosaurs to boot). Evolution is a game term now (summoner's eidolon) so you could steal some of those.
**the bonus type and amount are the same so you could combine the sentence and save some words (also reducing repetition. :)***other format issues already covered.
Using your idea for springboard: use a specific avian feather (roc, lillend, couatl, cockatrice, harpy) for inspiration or oomf. Warning this could lead to MiaC.*
Play with flying improve maneuverability, increased fly speed, flyby attack wingover, snatch, bonus to charge (dive) etc.
Let it also go the other way giving a bird or (feathered critter) a bite attack, swallow hole, jungle camouflage, regeneration or other reptilian ability. There are a number of players who would love to get their hands on monster feats.
Go all the way: combine bird and reptile/dino. geckogriff, iguanarpy, pteranotaur. ooohhh I might have just discovered something for Kobold Press :)
Please rewrite this and swing for the ...ahem... sky. It will be good practice to stop before SiaK. At the very least it will be practice.
Nice work :)
Why is feathered flight superior to webbed/leather flight (Am I missing something here?)? I mean, historically there WERE flying reptiles.There were flying reptiles, and other very large reptiles, and those ended up evolving into birds. Which was sorta the point of the item--take a dinosaur and give them a quasi-evolution right away. Birds evolved from dinosaurs, that was basically the entire idea behind this item.
I agree that it doesn't do much in terms of mechanics. I was considering a feather-fall type effect, or just giving a flight speed, but both of those seem like SIAK.
the main problem is there aren't really any other characteristic "bird powers" it could give. I suppose it could grant a talons attack, but almost any creature that can use this would already have a melee natural attack.
Other than that, it doesn't have any cinematic value, or boom effect if you will. It simply gives two bonuses to skills, one of which is VERY circumstantial.Indeed, it is quite circumstantial. It's not something I would expect many players to use, since most PC races aren't reptilian. I know an item like this wouldn't make it to the top 32, because I expect a lot of voters to pick items that they themselves could use as players, and an item only useable by reptiles isn't one of those.
I do get the evolution part, but feathered flight isn't inherently superior to other forms of flight as far as I know. To the best of my knowledge, they primarily formed as a superior insulator, so where I would maybe go with the item is grant something like Protection from Elements.
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I actually really liked the insidious seed name -- far more than reaching tendril. It might not have been quite as descriptive, but it caught the imagination. Insidious is a great gaming word.
I agree with Jacob. I think this is a good lesson. Don't let a technical rewrite (which improved the item) steal the heart of the item's mojo. I really liked that name and I liked what you were trying to do. I thought you didn't quite nail it with the first draft. That wouldnt have been a keeper for me. BUT the revised item, while still not perfect, is better and if you had kept the original name that was of a quality that I could say could easily be a keep pile item for me. But you changed the name and somehow that stole the heart from the thing.
Just keep that in mind as you improve from a technical standpoint. Don't neuter your item.
I actually really liked the insidious seed name -- far more than reaching tendril. It might not have been quite as descriptive, but it caught the imagination. Insidious is a great gaming word.I agree with Jacob. I think this is a good lesson. ... all good stuff ...
Just keep that in mind as you improve from a technical standpoint. Don't neuter your item.
Thanks Clark,
I've worked real hard on my visuals and naming this year - I especially recognize my naming as one of my weak points and even refer to myself as the undisputed king of cruddy names.
It's a bit of a bane for me that skill, but I am working on it, promise.
Oh dear lord, this is a new experience. I have two potential items and really can't decide between them!!
I have just sent them in a poll mail to my gaming group and my review circle.
Would anyone here like to cast a vote as to which is better?
PM me if you do and I'll post you the items, but please don't discuss them here if you do vote as one of them is likely to be my entry barring any round 1 twists.
Thanks all.
Thanks to everyone helping out - you guys are super!
Unfortunately, I now have 8 votes in, 4 and 4, dagnabbit! >.<
Fortunately I still have 6 more votes to come in. Lol. So that now means both items are equally good or equally naff.
Aaaaaargh!
So while I go stress out, here's a fun challenge to set you all to give me a smile...
Reply picking one of these item names. You have 1 hour from picking your item name to posting it (fun names are obviously on purpose...)
Forever Bubble Blower
Anti-Rhythm Stick
Awl Over
Shouting Bar
Tripping Tikka
Splash Baby Bath
Nerfidious Nappy
Grin.
OK, posting this now before I change my mind again >.<
This is one of the two that I couldn't decide between, in the end, it was the meta gaming aspect (and a vote difference of 2) that made this item a Blazing 9 item.
(293 words this edit)
Eternal Rose Shawl
Aura faint divination; CL 3rd
Slot shoulders; Price 1,500 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This pure white silk shawl bears at its center a lifelike glowing rendition of the open rose head of Shelyn's purple rose.
For every full 10 percent of the wearer’s health lost by any means, a rose petal fold inwards to the rose heart. For each primary statistic suffering drain or damage, another petal curls, cracks, and fades. A petal blackens, detaches from the rose head and slides to the shawl base for each negative level the wearer is suffering.
At times of stress, like in combat, the petal state is visible to an observer provided they have line of sight to the shawl motif and they make a DC 12 perception check, increased by +1 for every 10 feet they are distant. Curing these ailments restores the petals at the same rate that they are affected.
The shawl only functions provided the wearer never attacks before they have been attacked personally. If the wearer attacks first, the shawl rose locks in its current state for one week, or until the wearer prays for forgiveness for one hour at an altar dedicated to Shelyn, whichever comes first.
Should the wearer die while wearing the shawl, the rose image melts into a single large tear that swells and then stretches to encompass the body. While so shrouded, the physical beauty of the body is preserved as gentle repose. Restoring the wearer to life, or removal of the shawl and placing it on an altar of Shelyn for 24 hours restores the rose and the normal function of the shawl.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, gentle repose, status, creator must be a follower of Shelyn; Cost 750 gp
Ok, for the lurkers, on my last item, here are my Auto Reject notes - bold is the rule in summary, italic my summary for the current version.
Yes, there is at least one fail I think...
Rule 27 - An awesome item may disregard other rules/advice.
Failsafe - don't really want to rely on this.
Rule 00 - Failed to follow / read the round rules.
Safe - Under the current word limit.
Rule 01 - Spell in a Can.
Hmmm - Bits are very spell in a can, but bits aren't. Combined, I think this is safe but close to the edge.
Rule 02 - Swiss Army Knife.
Hmmm - Safe but close to the edge, on a re-visit I might cut the gentle repose, even though it fits nicely with the beauty aspects of Shelyn
Rule 03 - Back Story / History / Description Item.
Hmmm - Safe but close to the edge, the item arose from what is written about Shelyn and that she carries a rose in her hand in her depiction. Kind of History/Backstory but in of itself the item isn't repeating this. My worry is it could be classified as Description item though as it's a close run thing between how much description is visual bling and how much is mechanics.
Rule 04 - Item ought to be Not an Item.
Safe. It's not plot device, neither is it an effect better suite dto being an encounter condition.
Rule 05 - Item fails to follow Game Rules
Safe. I think. I cant see any obvious old 3.5/4th ed references, and I don't believe I have crossed any other IP boundaries into prior versions of the game. I used "check" for the skill, all good.
Rule 06 - Item is a variant of an existing item
Safe. I think. I couldn't find a similar published item in Pathfinder, but I may have missed it as I am human. I did check though as best I could.
Rule 07 - Obvious Pricing Errors
Subjectively Safe. Stacks well in the Wondrous Item tables at the price I determined, so if it is wrong it is not obviously wrong.
Rule 08 - The Random Item
Safe. It isn't so it is safe, nuff said.
Rule 09 - The Random Item
Safe. I think. Again, I couldn't find anything via Google, and it isn't a rip off from films/tv etc.
Rule 10 - Item isn't spell checked or proof read
Safe. As safe as Word US Grammer and Dictionary allows me to be, and I have read it a number of times before posting, so all good.
Rule 11 - In character/monster quotes.
Safe. None of this, so all good.
Rule 12 - Item is a joke.
Safe. I don't think it is.
Rule 13 - Item makes you blind and not blind.
Safe. Nuff said.
Rule 14 - Item has mature or offensive content.
Safe. Although it skirts with goddesses, religion and preserving dead bodies, it is no more offensive than the base spells.
Rule 15 - Item is unclear on repeat use.
Safe. Covered quite well I think on this item.
Rule 16 - Items name is a real world item.
Safe(ish). A rose is a rose, its not a technological wonder like a TV and it doesn't appear to be copyrighted (search via Google again)
Rule 17 - Item is modern tech presented as magic.
Safe(ish). Could be argued its a form of X-Ray machine/medical scanner I suppose, but I think it is distanced sufficiently.
Rule 18 - Item makes bearer unable to be lost.
Safe. It doesn't completely negate any threat, or provide auto success. Moving on.
Rule 19 - Item involves vomit.
Safe. It doesn't. Nor buckets of blood, gore or anything else that could be upsetting.
Rule 20 - Item makes GM'ing harder.
Safe(ish). I don't think it does, but the player needs to track his rose state should a healer ask what it looks like. So I'm saying safe, but could be "iffy".
Rule 21 - Item gives a class ability of feat.
Safe. It doesn't, move along now, nothing to see here.
Rule 22 - Item makes adventuring safe.
Safe(ish). It could be argued that clear indications of needing some healing love and attention is making things safe. Iffy one again, it doesn't stop or make it harder to receive damage, drain, etc so I think we are ok overall.
Rule 23 - Items drawback is actually a benefit.
Safe. The only drawback I can see is not wearing something else on the shoulders, so good to go on this one.
Rule 24 - Item repeats existing rules in the description
Possible Fail. It repeats the modifier on perception for distance (I felt it needed to, so for Blazing 9 I left it in. I would likely have removed it for actual entry.
Rule 25 - Item is a child's toy.
Safe. It isn't. "Job Done".
Rule 26 - Item encourages metagaming.
Fail. This is where I think it would get hammered. It is meta-gaming a priest knowing who to heal, what to heal and when during combat. This is normally glossed over during combat, so this item is bad in that it highlights that glossing over.
Rule 28 - Thing from my favorite game.
Safe. I think I'm ok here unless my subconscious took over I guess.
Rule 29 - Resubmitting a previously submitted item.
Safe. I haven't submitted this before, and I can't find anyone else having submitted something every similar, so I think this is ok.
Rule 30 - Meme phrasing.
Safe(ish). Good to go as far as my meme spotting experience allows, no prized by, sought after,. Made by is only in the construction and not in the description. Yeah, think I'm safe here
Rule 31 - Sean's 2013 reveal
No idea, but he usually gives us a new pit for me to fall into each year :P
Hope that's useful.
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Anthony, I do think people have come to obsess over Sean's list (which stems from my old Bad Item Stereotypes post from the first year).
Bottom line: make it cool.
Heh heh, I think I have with the item I'm holding back, voting will tell.
I tend to use it the list as a quick check list these days - just in case my item finally ends up in front of the judges. I don't want to be "a 32 contender" who then falls before the judges in that post vote filtering stage.
This is what I was hoping to show to the lurkers, by way of example, using the list as a sanity check is a good use, but total adherence prevents rule 27. That said, even though I think Rule 26 might have killed that item, if I didn't have a better one, I might have risked it - it is of the caliber of item I now regularly create.
I promise I'll send my item to you after round 1 winners are announced - you can then judge for yourself whether I have improved over last years entry (Circlet of Malevolent Eyes).
Eternal Rose Shawl
*word count is an issue, not because of the volume but because things get convoluted with that many descriptors. ('every full 10 percent' doesn't differ from '10%' does it? :)
**word count could be expanded in the description of what phases the rose goes through. Overall it can all use a good rewrite for clarity.***meta-game. I mentioned latrines earlier, but SKR's example of walkie talkies (allowing characters in other places to hear what players hear over the table) is more accurate. The players will already know this information (unless GM really enforce this sort of thing) & it justifies letting the characters know too. FWIW I dinnae think it is more work on the GM, this is information s/he will be tracking already. Now s/he just needs to share it. Which, considering the players likely dealt such damage, is not really sharing anyway. On a character GM doesn't even need to do that much, tis up to the player.
Good call on the spot check, & I like the gentle repose aspect. If this added some of Shelyn's domains (protection perhaps) it would be even better. The visuals are good, nice improvement there. :)
Ah, I was trying to ensure that 12% counted as 1 increment, 19 is still only one full 10%. Otherwise it leaves it open to interpretation for rounding, if that makes sense.
Based on the feedback I am receiving, my front runner item for entry this year may be being replaced after some 3 months as number 1 in my list.
I will give myself till Sunday to be as sure as I can, and then I will post the item here. This is a biggie decision at this time of year.
Just wanted to put it here too because I'm so glad of this, 2 of the 3 items I submitted to Wayfinder 10 got accepted!!
Here's the item that didn't make it to Wayfinder.
Limestone Gloves
Aura strong evocation CL 15th
Slot hands; Price 65,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs
Description
Craggy limestone plates fuse together to form a semi-flexible pair of gloves. The off-white sections collect sand and grit in their pits and continually leak these elements.
As a standard action the wearer of the limestone gloves can clap and produce a swirling vortex of sand. This functions as the whirlwind spell except an additional DC 18 Reflex save must be made or the creature is temporarily blinded. The blinded condition lasts for 1d4 rounds or it can alternatively be cleared by the creature affected taking a full-round action to wipe the sand out of its eyes.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, whirlwind; Cost 32,500 gp
Template almost perfect - you need a semi-colon after "evocation" in Aura.
If the base effect already has a save, then I steer clear of adding additional rolls.
a) It's usually better word count to say something like
"... as whirlwind, with the following exception. On a failed save, the target suffers blindness for 1d4 rounds...
b) adding extra rolls slows down the game.
Or and alternatively mean the same thing... so you don't need them both in that last sentence. The last sentence should be re-written without "can" - passive!
The blinded condition lasts for 1d4 rounds or is cleared immediately by the target taking a full round action to wipe the sand from their eyes.
Nice item, sort of dirty tactics throwing dirt/sand into your opponents eyes. I like the visuals of this item. I suspect it didn't get picked because it is quite light on the issue setting.
Hope that helps.
p.s. I haven't posted my item for discussion yet - I have a difficult decuision...
do I go for the cinematic but safe item and risk being too safe
or
the even more cinematic item that might be decried by the public as a rip off (like the paper plane message items from potter lore)?
The second item, I have had people comment its like xyz, so having researched xyz I am now nervous the public could turn on it for that reason.
Its that classic designer question I guess - have I distanced myself enough without breaking the heart of the idea? Gah!
Ok, enough dithering!
Here is the item I am not using.
Based on Chinese Sky Lanterns… 264 words.
Enjoy
Dragonflight Lantern
Aura faint evocation; CL 1st
Slot none; Price 1,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
The shade of this sky lantern depicts a mated pair of imperial dragons hunting shadowy forms beneath a moonlit sky.
A lit lantern rises 30 feet ceilings permitting, brightening to a full moon glow illuminating a 30 foot radius area with full moonlight. This illumination affects creatures susceptible to the light of a full moon, and suppresses all forms of darkness within its area of effect.
It takes one round to rise during which all creatures in the lit area are outlined by a nimbus of moonlight as faerie fire. Two tiny imperial dragons writhe free from the lantern shade, each formed of light, leaping down to entwine one or two targets chosen by the user.
The dragons undulate sinuously around their target using their brightness to distract and harry. This imposes a cumulative -1 penalty to AC and attack rolls per dragon encircling a target. If the target was invisible when chosen it remains so, however an entwining dragon negates the benefits of invisibility as faerie fire.
The dragons move with the target(s) to a range of 100 feet, beyond which they return to the lantern, circling it and awaiting a new target to be chosen. Changing a dragons target is a swift action.
An active lantern has hp 30; hardness 10; AC 16. After d4+3 rounds, or when the lantern is destroyed, the dragons and lantern shatter into a miniature starfield, diminish and fade away.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, faerie fire, light; Cost 500 gp
OK, as this will be the last item in Blazing 9 for me this year, let's try that Beetlejuice trick again... ;)
Neil, Neil, Neil,
Clark, Clark, Clark
What wise words would you share with us on my lantern please guys?
Yeah - Clark as well - it's been a while since we have seen a Clark review so let's see if he's willing too :D - and as an added challenge, Clark cannot use the phrase "what Neil said" (or variants thereof) :P
Imitation is the sincerest form...I'd say go for the cinematic for the 1st round!
Descriptive intro is nice. I picture it as a red lantern and shade with gold thread dragons for some reason.
"A lit lantern rises 30 feet ceilings permitting" I feel this would be a great place for an Em Dash! "A lit lantern rises 30—feet ceilings permitting—"
The first sentence in the 2nd paragraph reads a bit funny. I'd put a period after "full moon glow" and start another sentence about the actual lighting effect. 1st sentence in the power section can still be fluff :)
I like that it pretty much is forcing werewolf transformations.
I dislike that it suppresses ALL forms of darkness...like deeper darkness...for a cheap low level item.
"It takes one round to rise" not sure but you might want to say "The dragonflight lantern takes one round to rise" instead. Love the use of the word writhe here.
Cool distraction imagery. Undulate sinuously is fun!
When the dragons travel to 100 feet...do they illuminate darkness?
I like the destruction sentence but I'm curious...why is it hardness 10? Aren't chinese sky lanterns made of a thin paper? So that it CAN float? This is kind of weird for me, since there is no spell in the construction for flight, and it specifically gets called out as flying from being lit in the description. I'd give it a hardness of 5 max...but that's just me.
Overall...an item I would definitely have fun using and WOULD vote for a lot of times because it is cinematic. There's some questions unanswered, but they are kind of nitpicky. I like this item, but I think you made the right choice in not using this one as your entry. It is cool and cinematic...but I feel like the voting public may not have liked it as much.
And that's what's going to be important this first round. The general populace HAS to like it. You could skate to the top 100...and POSSIBLY get judge selected. Or you could get to the top 10 and very likely get judge selected.
"A lit lantern rises 30 feet ceilings permitting" I feel this would be a great place for an Em Dash! "A lit lantern rises 30—feet ceilings permitting—"
Agreed, I lost my comma during cut and paste somehow, there should have been a comma before the word "ceiling" so that the two commas act like your em-dash example.
I dislike that it suppresses ALL forms of darkness...like deeper darkness...for a cheap low level item.
Fair enough. It used to negate, but suppress was better for low level in my mind after reflecting on it. I was thinking of having the lantern move with the user, so suppress would have allowed darkness to reassert with the lit area moving away.
When the dragons travel to 100 feet...do they illuminate darkness?
I saw them acting like a sparkler on bonfire night, so I didn't give them any light radius, but you can easily see them out to 100 feet marking the enemies position fairly well. Same as seeing camp fires from a distance.
I like the destruction sentence but I'm curious...why is it hardness 10?
Ah, an artefact of an earlier draft where it actually turned into a miniature moon once it had reached its max height. Oopsie. I would likely have fixed as you described on final reviews.
It is cool and cinematic...but I feel like the voting public may not have liked it as much.
Hence my pain and anguish taking three days to decide.
Fantastic feedback though, I'm feeling much happier now you have said this. Maybe, just maybe, I am on the right lines this year.
I am not a fan of the lantern, I think it is too cheap for what it does.
Also, I think the theme is not as tight as it could be, perhaps this is my #1 reason for not liking it.
Also very useful feedback. Sometimes my pricing goes fubar.
On reflection, even though it is two 1st level spells, I think it should be price bumped to the 3-4k range of the wondrous item table.
The item I have kept is much, much tighter themed, promise. :D
Just read some of my own advice from last year:
This year is something else. For years I’ve written to satisfy the tastes of the judges, quite successfully so, but this year a submission has to be liked by the public first. The lessons learned from previous years still apply: tight design, perfect execution, but this year you also need to entice the public to spend the gold pieces to own or make the item, which is far harder than it seems.
So if your item is tight, has perfect format and is priced to buy (and doesn't violate any of the auto-rejection rules) then maybe it will have my vote. It will have to be cool though!
Clark cannot use the phrase "what Neil said" (or variants thereof) :P
For Anthony's sanity please also refrain from using the words:
Keep, Keeper, or OhHellYeah!Three reviews coming, but probably not until late this week.
Reach Expert
Still not a fan of the quote at the beginning. You've also accidentally left the regular flavor text in italics :)
"often employ"...be decisive! They EMPLOY!! :)
Precise Reach - I like it. Not much in terms of wow but nice and solid. The name's a little utilitarian for me.
Reach Expertise - I'm not sure why it's named this. You get the Combat Expertise feat...but that does nothing with reach or reach weapons. Also, Sean's advice says to generally not replace an ability that gives choice with an ability that just specifies one of those choices. This is a good example of that.
Fortify Defense - This is cool and I would probably have just given Combat Expertise with this...or just left that as a choice for their bonus feat.
Tight Formation - It doesn't count towards the ally actions...but are you saying that they can take another 5-foot step? Because this still means they could NOT move if they take this bonus 5-foot step as written. Also...whoa...so at the start of his turn he could move 30 feet and still grant this to anyone that WAS adjacent to him. That's...interesting. Not sure if I feel that is good. A 5-foot step is powerful and basically you are giving allies the ability to step away from being full-attacked with no AoO chance. From 30 feet away.
Square Formation - Pretty much the same feelings as Tight Formation but this is a little more cheesy.
Overall - It just doesn't do it for me. Some of the naming is extremely utilitarian and doesn't give much flavor. The abilities themselves are a little lackluster or have unintended (hopefully) repercussions. The abilities sometimes fit the theme, other times they don't quite. I don't think you were running out of wordcount and if you cut the faux quote at the top you'd have even more to thoroughly explain and flufficize the abilities.
Clark cannot use the phrase "what Neil said" (or variants thereof) :PFor Anthony's sanity please also refrain from using the words:
Keep, Keeper, or OhHellYeah!
Oh my lord - you are an evil man. Funny, but evil. >.<