Paizo's editing errors actually killed a guy...

[Heymitch]

I know that there have been some complaints about Paizo’s editing of their rulebooks lately. It seems as though people’s reactions to these posts have been mixed, with some posters agreeing that it is a major problem, and some arguing that other posters were overreacting. I wanted to tell my story, and explain the heartbreak that Paizo’s editing errors have caused me, in the hope that it will speed the whole healing process for me.

I was reading through Ultimate Combat when I discovered a misused semicolon. I can vividly remember the first moment I saw it (I won’t insult anyone on these boards by pointing out where it was, but trust me, it was glaringly obvious). After the tightness in my chest subsided, and I was able to use a paper bag to return my breathing to normal, I realized that the shock of it all had been enough to burst a blood vessel in my right eye. I still sometimes wake up screaming, and I can’t bring myself to eat pie, because it sounds too much like Paizo.

Now, I imagine that things are pretty hectic over at the Paizo offices right about now. Everyone is probably running around in a panic, especially since I dropped this bombshell about the semicolon. Bob the Intern (you know, that quiet, recently hired guy with a love of Japanese culture) has probably just grabbed a knife from the associate lounge and committed seppuku to escape the shame of it all.

At least one of you Paizo guys (I’m betting Mona) has probably just come up with a plan to blame the whole editing mess on poor Bob. “Let’s just say that Bob was in charge of all semicolons. Who’s to say otherwise? What’s the matter? Too soon?”

I think it goes without saying that the errant semicolon not only makes Ultimate Combat completely unusable, but it taints the entire Pathfinder line. If you think it through, I think that you’ll realize that there was only one rational thing I could do in response to the semicolon.

I bought a large chipper shredder and fed all of my Pathfinder books into it (including the Adventure Paths, Companions, Campaign Setting, and Modules). This resulted in piles of Pathfinder mulch that I was able to collect into a number of large Ziploc bags. I contacted the Russian Space Agency, and I paid a sizable sum to have the resulting mulch rocketed into the sun. What else could I have possibly done?

I’m not going to cancel any of my Pathfinder subscriptions. I think that would send the wrong message. I will continue to feed new titles into that chipper shredder as soon as they arrive on my doorstep and, of course, have them rocketed into the sun.

By the way, if there are errors in this post, please understand that English is not my first language. I was raised by coyotes (not the people smuggling kind, the furry ones).

I want to thank the users of these message boards for letting me vent my hurt. I tried talking to my dad about it, but he just howled and licked his testicles.

[Turin the Mad]

You should check into the testicles thing. Just aayin'.

[Alanis Morissette]

"Comma, just killed a man
Put a colon against his head
Splint the infinitive, now he's dead
Comma, the clause had just begun
But now I've gone and em-dashed it all away
Comma, ooo
Didn't mean to make you sigh
If my draft misses deadline this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters..."

[LazarX]

I like pie. I will send you much pie.

[Charlie Bell]

Already the Paizo fanboys are clamoring that "if you don't like it, you can just houserule it." If you houserule out that semicolon, you are clearly not playing The Game As It Was Meant To Be Played and you are a bad person and should feel bad. But that semicolon invalidates my 184 DPR RAW PFS magus cross-blooded dragon disciple paladin barbarian build, so how could the "devs" have possibly made such an egregious error that automatically makes my character totally unplayable.

[bugleyman]

Just say no to thread necro.

[Bill Lumberg]

Your father's reaction made me think of my favorite scene from Shakespeare.

The scene opens to reveal two bums sitting on a park bench. The first bum looks down and sees a dog licking its balls.

Bum 1: "I wish I could do that."

Bum 2: "Are you crazy? He'd bite your face off."

[Thread Necromancer]

I can't believe I didn't notice this was necro'd.

Actually, I can. I didn't notice because the OP is so timely.

[harlequinn]

In the above post, "people-smuggling" should be hyphenated, because it is a single adjective. Without the hyphen, the phrase means "people [who are] smuggling kind[ness]." Obviously, if you were saying that you weren't raised by the ring-leaders of a kindness-smuggling operation (operated out of tunnels that run from Tijuana to San Diego, with trains full of teddy bears and hugs), then your grammar is excellent, and you should disregard this message.