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After the sorcerer in the group casted Mad Monkeys for the first time, after the battle ended:
Bard: Why are those monkeys killing people?
Sorcerer: I don't know! I knew they were mad, but I didn't know they were psycho!
"The wild-eyed druid calls out to the powers of nature and a swarm of mad monkeys appears."
"I cast calm emotions."
"..."
*sings to tune of Brahms' Lullaby* "Banana banana banana na na na naaa..."
"God I hate you guys."
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It's Mad Monkeys, not Mad Minions.
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It's Mad Monkeys, not Mad Minions.
Banæna, banahna.
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Update on the mad monkeys issue. The monkeys have now gone underwater, terrified a tribe of sahuagins and rode on a giant crab! All while trying not to drown!
Go, underwater mad monkeys!
By the way, the sorcerer who has the Mad Monkeys spells is called «Mom» by everybody.
He was chosen as the cookmate in the ship and the first day he did a great job (mostly because he spiced up the food with prestidigitation), so a dwarf in the ship said after tasting the meal:
«Hey, blondie! You cook like my mom!»
And since then he has been known as Mom.
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Update on the mad monkeys issue. The monkeys have now gone underwater, terrified a tribe of sahuagins and rode on a giant crab! All while trying not to drown!
Go, underwater mad monkeys!
Mad sea monkeys? You all have mad sea monkeys?! #sojealous
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New update: the sorcerer has just discovered that he can give orders to the mad sea monkeys. Maybe next time we won't have to run from them!!
Don't count on it. Mom is just too lazy to do something with his spoiled children/monkeys.
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My Grippli Swashbuckler randomly speaks out things that are fun. He's very enthusiastic and more then a little childlike. Finally seeing the big world and all that.
Some of my favorites.
Grippli: "C'mon guys... climbing is easy. Just use your feet suckers."
Halfling: But, I wear boots...
Arcanist: Oh Honey, that's the least of the things wrong with that suggestion...
Whenever he happens to spot any kind of scary creature (as he has very little knowledges...) He screams "PREDATOR!!!" Anything with sharp teeth is a predator. Flying predators, swimming predators... Very basic froggy.
And my personal favorite. "I love wearing clothes. The fancier the better!! But not boots unless they're magical. (Shows off his flipper foot)
...
...
I made a cobbler cry once. "
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High level game last night, finishing a certain AP to inch closer to level 20 in PFS. The scene starts with my psychic provoking an AoO for movement.
GM: "The rune giant hits and gets through your Displacement."
Me: "Ok, roll a reflex save vs Resinous Skin. *rune giant fails horribly* "Alright, the sword is now stuck to me."
Another player: "Does that encumber you?"
Frantic nerd-math ensues as we determine the weight of a gargantuan longsword (it's 256 lbs, for reference).
Me: "Well, crap. I'm over max... Cast defensively, succeed on the check, and cast Disintegrate. F--- this thing."
The table was already laughing a bit about having a gargantuan sword stuck to me from a defensive buff, but the moment that I was frustrated enough to just obliterate it? That was too much for them.
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After the thirteen year old's half-elven mythic Ilsurian archer gets dismissed back to Kaer Maga from the First World plane of the Dark Forest, another player asks "why couldn't you dismiss someone who was old enough to drive, so we can get pizza?"
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We had quite a few quips this weekend.
1. From our Star Wars session.
The party had been split. The Jedi & Wookiee were fighting stormtroopers on speeder bikes, while the rest of the group & NPCs were taken captive.
(Note: My husband plays the Jedi, and I play the Jedi's padawan.
2nd note: When my husband & I text, we often use the poop emoji to indicate disappointment.)
Husband: "I send my padawan a telepathic message: 'I'm okay.'"
Me: "I send back, 'Everyone captured but me.'"
Husband: "I send a poop emoji."
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2. From Pathfinder.
The party is exploring an underground temple that is full of various types of undead.
The GM has drawn out the temple on a grid mat. Some shapes in one room remind the players of something.
Bloodrager: "They look like bidets."
Shaman: "Isn't there a 0-level spell called B-daze?"
The party members hear a voice chanting in another room.
Shaman: "It could be karaoke."
Monk, whose name is Kaa: "It could be Kaa-raoke."
Monk: "Ding dong, Avon calling. Have you considered what foundation can do for your complexion? We have new improved mummy spackle and ghoul grout."
The party encounter an animated severed head that can cast spells and is in charge of several animated skeletons.
Shaman: "So she's the head honcho? That's certainly a way to get a-head in the church."
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The party encounter an animated severed head that can cast spells and is in charge of several animated skeletons.
Shaman: "So she's the head honcho? That's certainly a way to get a-head in the church."
is there a way to anti-favorite posts
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Said to the paladin, who was contemplating a morally dubious action:
"Look, guy. We're in the sewers. Heck, by now, we're below the sewers. We're so low that even if you fall, it's not going to hurt that much..."
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Said to the paladin, who was contemplating a morally dubious action:
"Look, guy. We're in the sewers. Heck, by now, we're below the sewers. We're so low that even if you fall, it's not going to hurt that much..."
My paladin once got paralyzed in the sewers.
With his mouth open.
And then pushed over.
* * *
Not a good day to be a good guy with bad luck.
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Paladins...immune to disease, not immune to the nauseated condition
#not enough mints anywhere
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Paladins...immune to disease, not immune to the nauseated condition
#not enough mints anywhere
It's worse because this was in Hell's Rebels!
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Does a paladin fall if he takes a Mentos from a noble without asking, even if it is to get the taste of human excrement from his mouth, that got there while he was being all heroic and noble?
That is the eternal question...
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"My breath needs an atonement spell..."
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I was running this character as it's written, so this is not my merit, but my players had a good laugh.
I'm GMing Way of the Wicked, where the PCs have the opportunity to rebuild an alchemical golem called Artephius who is a bit of a psycho. It obeys, but it has a tendency to kill everything that is alive and is not one of its masters.
So they left Artephius to guard a whole level of their dungeon. It killed all the little animals he could find: birds, rats, squirrels... all in the most gruesome way possible, even though it had been ordered not to do so.
When the masters came back they asked it what had happened, how were all these animals were killed.
Here I did exactly what the module says: Artephius, despite not having an intelligence score nor the bluff skill, attempts to lie, but the lie is always the same.
«They were slain by unknown enemies»
So the rogue asks: «Unknown enemies? Hadn't we told you to take care of enemies? Where are those unknown enemies?»
«I take care of enemies, as you ordered, sir»
«And where are the corpses of those unknown enemies, then?»
«They were taken away by unknown enemies, sir»
Here everybody started laughing, and the rogue's player, laughing uncontrolably said:
«So you are telling me that unknown enemies came here to kill some birds, you killed them and then more unknown enemies came to remove all the corpses?»
Here I couldn't avoid start laughing too. I had to force myself to be serious and answer in my best emotionless Artephius voice a simple:
«Yes, sir»
As it was the best explanation for everthing.
Since then, «unknown enemies» is our best explanation for anything that must remain unexplained. Sometimes you need some Artephius insight in your life.
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...
«They were slain by unknown enemies»
So the rogue asks: «Unknown enemies? Hadn't we told you to take care of enemies? Where are those unknown enemies?»
«I take care of enemies, as you ordered, sir»
«And where are the corpses of those unknown enemies, then?»
«They were taken away by unknown enemies, sir»Here everybody started laughing, and the rogue's player, laughing uncontrolably said:
«So you are telling me that unknown enemies came here to kill some birds, you killed them and then more unknown enemies came to remove all the corpses?»
Here I couldn't avoid start laughing too. I had to force myself to be serious and answer in my best emotionless Artephius voice a simple:
«Yes, sir»
As it was the best explanation for everthing.
Since then, «unknown enemies» is our best explanation for anything that must remain unexplained. Sometimes you need some Artephius insight in your life.
Is it just me or did everybody else read Artephius' lines in the voice of Robbie the Robot from Lost in Space?
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Is it just me or did everybody else read Artephius' lines in the voice of Robbie the Robot from Lost in Space?...
«They were slain by unknown enemies»
So the rogue asks: «Unknown enemies? Hadn't we told you to take care of enemies? Where are those unknown enemies?»
«I take care of enemies, as you ordered, sir»
«And where are the corpses of those unknown enemies, then?»
«They were taken away by unknown enemies, sir»Here everybody started laughing, and the rogue's player, laughing uncontrolably said:
«So you are telling me that unknown enemies came here to kill some birds, you killed them and then more unknown enemies came to remove all the corpses?»
Here I couldn't avoid start laughing too. I had to force myself to be serious and answer in my best emotionless Artephius voice a simple:
«Yes, sir»
As it was the best explanation for everthing.
Since then, «unknown enemies» is our best explanation for anything that must remain unexplained. Sometimes you need some Artephius insight in your life.
I was thinking Dalek...
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I heard HK-47.
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Get outa of my head Quibble...that was my voice as well. :)
(actually I am playing in a WotW game, and HK-47 is why I love that golem, though we have not yet restored him in game)
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Artephius is great. All my players have had strong reactions to most NPCs in this adventure, which makes me satisfied as a GM. So bad that a disruptive player killed Grumblejack at first opportunity, as the other players liked him so much.
As for the voice of Artephius I do my best. I didn't want to give him a typical robot voice, I think I ended basing him on Ultrahouse 3000 from The Simpsons, so... Pierce Brosnan?
Warning, Reign of Winter spoilers ahead.
We were in Avkuskaya prisoner camp. It had been a fun session overall: we had met a cute tomb fairy called
Our party was composed of:
Argentea Malassene rebuilt into a tankish fighter.
Nadya Petska, whose little daughter was (long story short) killed by the Winter Witch Nadzhena and now is a baddass skirmisher with a lot of unsolved issues.
Indi, our druid, whose biggest error was trying to get some underwater fun with a rusalka. He and Nadya had some short term affair in the past, but they had split up and now they seemed to be fine.
And me, Kileanna the witch, sharing a sense of fashion with Winter Witches and wearing Nadzhena's robes.
So we were fighting some Animate Dreams and the battle was almost over. One of them cast confussion, affecting Nadya and Indi.
Nadya rolls on the confussion table: attack nearest enemy. Full attack on Indi.
She yells: «So you want to be with her? Fine, go with her then!»
Being already injured (and human) she knocks him in one round. My break enchantment fails miserably.
Next round, Nadya rolls again: attack nearest creature. That's me, as Indi is KO. Full attack on me.
«Nadzhena, don't run away! You killed my daughter, prepare to die!»
I was left with just 1 HP remaining, thanks to not being human and it was a tense situation where we thought Nadya was going to kill us all. But we couldn't do anything but having a good laugh. I'm glad that she only attacked me because she thought I was Nadzhena, but I think she has some unsolved issues with our druid.
A couple of sessions later I changed my robes for a cackling hag's blouse. I don't want my clothes to get me killed.
And then, the fighter (the only one who was in melee with the real enemies) cries:
"What the hell is going on there behind? CAN YOU GET SERIOUS FOR ONCE?"
And me running (flying) towards her like mad because she can deflect arrows! It was madness! Madness I say!
We have a game with magical space travel where Dragons rule. (sort of based on Dragonstar). Our group is being targeted by a group of black dragons on a moon, but we have to avoid getting on the bad side of the gold and silver dragons in an orbital station.
We were discussing the politics of the different groups, when a certain term was used. I ended up breaking out in song.
Dragon Faction, what's your action?
Killing those humans and dwarves and androids.
for those who need the tne, Conjunction Junction
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We have a game with magical space travel where Dragons rule. (sort of based on Dragonstar). Our group is being targeted by a group of black dragons on a moon, but we have to avoid getting on the bad side of the gold and silver dragons in an orbital station.
We were discussing the politics of the different groups, when a certain term was used. I ended up breaking out in song.
Dragon Faction, what's your action?
Killing those humans and dwarves and androids.for those who need the tne, Conjunction Junction
I'm reminded of a conversation a while ago in the Rise of the Runelords campaign I'm GMing. The party oracle took Divination as a known spell, and I've made a point of coming up with rhyming couplets to answer the questions whenever possible. The group often tosses ideas back and forth via emails between sessions, including discussion of what questions to ask via Divination. At one point, one of my players joked about asking a particular question just to see how I'd rhyme Mage's Disjunction.
My response was "Rhyming Mage's Disjunction is easy. I grew up on Schoolhouse Rock."
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The group met a nereid and they took her to their ship to introduce her to the crew. The two parrots popped out and started following her.
GM: The two parrots are fascinated by the nereid.
PLAYER (Dalindra): So they are sexually attracted to her?
We started laughing after that. To understand it you have to know about the nereids SU.
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Paladin unction, what's your function?
Removin fatigue and sickness as well...
Barbarian gumption, what's your function?
Rippin up bad guys and sendin em to hell...
Necromantic ruction! How to function?
Cast prestidigitation to cover the smell...
Someone... help... can't... stop...
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Druid truncheon, how well do you function?
Better with shillelagh to increase my damage...
Nope. The slap didn't work.
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"Hey xorn lunchin', whaddya munchin?"
"Alla the gold you'd hope you'd be lootin."
I think the abuse is only making me stronger...
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Mrmmrmm untion, mrphl uh-hun...
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Master, Dungeon: What's your function?
Hooking up players with a story to tell
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*Readies large rubber mallet*
Hold still, this may hurt.
*Bonk*
Quibblemuch punchin', what's its function?...
Arguably, that was Ben Kenobi's schtick...
Quibblemuch punchin', what's its function?...*Readies large rubber mallet*
Hold still, this may hurt.
*Bonk*
That's a question I've asked so often...
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Don't. I'm having a good laugh.
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Don't. I'm having a good laugh.
I think that may be the answer to Kobold Cleaver's question re: the function o' Quibblemuch punchin'!
Schadenfreude, I can't avoid ya,
Someone got hurt, but it ain't me so it's funny...
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I was only laughing at the funny rhymes, I swear... OK, maybe giggling a bit at the punching, but just a bit.