My grandmother is probably going to die soon. She's been on a respirator for the last month, and today she got rushed into the ICU with an intestinal bleed and had most of her colon removed. She's got an artificial heart valve, so she can't go off blood thinners, meaning she's still bleeding and the doctors can't really staunch it. Her liver, heart, lungs, and kidneys are ruined by decades of alcoholism, perscription drug abuse, smoking, and obesity, which hinders her odds of recovery greatly. She's awake and lucid, but she's more likely than not going to die soon, and if she lives, she'll need 24 hour care for the rest of her life.
I feel weird right now. I'm not sad. I don't care about losing her. She beat my mother and her uncle, routinely got drunk or high and then neglected to feed her children, brought home boyfriends who were straight up dangerous, sided with the boyfriend of hers who assaulted my mother. constantly tore down my mother's self esteem and reminded her she was nothing, and maintained up until I broke contact six years ago that she was in the right with how she raised her kids. I used to want her to die in the most horrific agony imaginable for everything she did to my mother and uncle, and now she is (She's awake and lucid, but can't take painkillers bexause her heart is too weak.). Yet now that I got that wish, I don't want it anymore, and feel ashamed that I ever wanted it. I don't like her, I have no interest in seeing her, and I don't feel any sorrow at the prospect of her dying, but at the same time I have no wish for her to be in pain now that she is. It isn't going to heal any of my mother or uncle's wounds or make anybody get any justice, it just panders to a sense of bloodlust that serves no useful purpose.
I feel like a naughty child learning an important lesson right now.
damn. I'm sorry.
Keeping clothes on for this one, obviously.
That's okay I'll run naked through this page for you :-)
Edit: damn it, really should've read the post above, now I look like a smurfing a+*~#$+:-(
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John's boss took us out for a celebratory steak dinner. Yay!
Steak....
Humans....
John's boss took us out for a celebratory steak dinner. Yay!
Steak....
Humans....
...
Touche.
It's okay Rosita, it shows you're human and care about others, traits your grandma obviously never had, be incredibly grateful you and your mom broke the cycle:-)
My biological father abused the shit out of us (especially myself) and threatened to murder us all if he ever tracked us down, we were essentially on the run for ten years. I probably won't be sad when the piece of shit dies, but that won't undo me hiding under my bed so scared I would literally shit my pants whenever he came around to beat me for whatever bullshit he'd thought up that day.
Feel bad today for the suffering she is going thru, then tomorrow remember all the suffering she put you and your mom thru and be grateful it's over:-)
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Creepy!Fun!
Thanks i love the stories you link to:-)
Thanks. I tend to link them here because I know that I can eventually go back to them and reread them if I want to. Having said that, I also figure that if ***I*** like the stories, then someone else might too. It is a two for one special.
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It also reminded me of the Fallout games. I just don't know why it did. ~innocent look~
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Yikes. Sorry to hear about the past abuse, cap and Rosita.
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My grandmother is probably going to die soon. She's been on a respirator for the last month, and today she got rushed into the ICU with an intestinal bleed and had most of her colon removed. She's got an artificial heart valve, so she can't go off blood thinners, meaning she's still bleeding and the doctors can't really staunch it. Her liver, heart, lungs, and kidneys are ruined by decades of alcoholism, perscription drug abuse, smoking, and obesity, which hinders her odds of recovery greatly. She's awake and lucid, but she's more likely than not going to die soon, and if she lives, she'll need 24 hour care for the rest of her life.
I feel weird right now. I'm not sad. I don't care about losing her. She beat my mother and her uncle, routinely got drunk or high and then neglected to feed her children, brought home boyfriends who were straight up dangerous, sided with the boyfriend of hers who assaulted my mother. constantly tore down my mother's self esteem and reminded her she was nothing, and maintained up until I broke contact six years ago that she was in the right with how she raised her kids. I used to want her to die in the most horrific agony imaginable for everything she did to my mother and uncle, and now she is (She's awake and lucid, but can't take painkillers bexause her heart is too weak.). Yet now that I got that wish, I don't want it anymore, and feel ashamed that I ever wanted it. I don't like her, I have no interest in seeing her, and I don't feel any sorrow at the prospect of her dying, but at the same time I have no wish for her to be in pain now that she is. It isn't going to heal any of my mother or uncle's wounds or make anybody get any justice, it just panders to a sense of bloodlust that serves no useful purpose.
I feel like a naughty child learning an important lesson right now.
That is harsh, you are a much better person than I, for I would have cut off contact and never looked back,
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Oh that sucks! I hate those pricks, you might not like how we keep them away tho :-)
We encourage our spider population, specifically Daddy Long Legs, they eat all our insects. The other good part about that is my a%+%*+~ brother is scared of spiders (one of them at least, 3 of my 7 brothers are a$$~@*#s:-D)
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I might finish Dragonfall soon...
~sighs~ I found out an hour ago that my Mom's cancer has come back. yay.
That sucks, I'm sorry man, hopefully they can do something about it.
~grimace~ Yea. It sucks, but my Mom has beaten it twice already and she will beat it again.
To add to the fun, I am a paycheck and a half behind, so I gave in and called the loan place to request more money. They said yes, but the monthly loan payment amount will go up by $60 to $80 a month. yay again.
I finished Dragonfall.
For a simple game with rather linear story, it has a few excellent plot twists and great ending.
~sighs~ I found out an hour ago that my Mom's cancer has come back. yay.
:(
Maybe I should play some Pillars Of Eternity now?
When the Occult Adventures show on Archives Of Nethys/d20PFSRD I could see if I can make Cypher into a psychic class...
Damn.
I'm sorry Orthos.
What's up with Orthos!
What have you done with Orthos!
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So. Um. My warmage just killed a guy with a bowl of porridge.
...why did my phone replace Sharoth with Orthos?
[Insert evil laugh here]
...why did my phone replace Sharoth with Orthos?
Well that's a relief, my ransom Kickstarter was not doing well at all :-)
One badly slept night after another. It's rather unpleasant.
In better news, my mood for writing has reawakened to an extent.
The website...it's back?
I hope that your day goes well Freehold and you have a great time at the Pony con.
And be sure to enter into the rodeo :-)
Or is it not that kind of pony show?
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Oh that sucks! I hate those pricks, you might not like how we keep them away tho :-)
We encourage our spider population, specifically Daddy Long Legs, they eat all our insects. The other good part about that is my a!*@@*# brother is scared of spiders (one of them at least, 3 of my 7 brothers are a*~@###s:-D)
Yeah, I understand that spiders are preferable to pest insects, but I still freak out when some giant ass eight-legged thing crawls around nearby (nearby being in a 400-foot radius).
~sighs~ I found out an hour ago that my Mom's cancer has come back. yay.
:(
I hope the treatment is quick and painless, and she beats this round of cancer.
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So. Um. My warmage just killed a guy with a bowl of porridge.
Was it too hot, too cold, or juuuust right?
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So. Um. My warmage just killed a guy with a bowl of porridge.Was it too hot, too cold, or juuuust right?
I'm gonna say too blunt-force trauma. DM's nicknamed her the cereal killer.
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She is tied with the paladin for accidental NPC deaths, but both have some catching up to do to rival the pacifist.
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Ground has been lost again!
3 years ago this week I lost my dresser to my daughter's blossoming womanhood.
This morning I went to brush my teeth and lo and behold, my side of the bathroom counter and it's manly mess is no longer mine, replaced by cleanliness and scented soaps and make up?!... when the F~@& did she get make-up!!
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Two more days until empty nest (for the most part) for us.
I'm sad and happy about that simultaneously.
That sounds terrifying :-)
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Ground has been lost again!
3 years ago this week I lost my dresser to my daughter's blossoming womanhood.
I was eating when I was reading this part.
This morning I went to brush my teeth and lo and behold, my side of the bathroom counter and it's manly mess is no longer mine, replaced by cleanliness and scented soaps and make up?!... when the F@%# did she get make-up!!
I read this part much later, after the choking and cleaning my lunch off my desk and shirt.
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Ground has been lost again!
3 years ago this week I lost my dresser to my daughter's blossoming womanhood.
I was eating when I was reading this part.
This morning I went to brush my teeth and lo and behold, my side of the bathroom counter and it's manly mess is no longer mine, replaced by cleanliness and scented soaps and make up?!... when the F@%# did she get make-up!!I read this part much later, after the choking and cleaning my lunch off my desk and shirt.
captain yesterday, you have failed your mission to eliminate Freehold DM and now you will pay the price.
Does that mean I lose my Evil Overlord alias:-(
In hindsight I can see where I could've come up with a different way of saying she started getting way more clothes, sadly for Freehold's desk and clothes I'm not Scott Bakula and Doc Brown is fresh out of plutonium.
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Does that mean I lose my Evil Overlord alias:-(
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Two more days until empty nest (for the most part) for us.
I'm sad and happy about that simultaneously.
I thought that badgers live in barrows burrows... Or lairs...