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I can explain for hours and for miles how cool the item is if you really think about it and understand what it does. That's nice as far as it goes, but if it seems uninteresting, confusing, and/or simply awkward in the initial description, nobody's going to go farther than that, and I haven't done my job.
I think my 2008 item may have suffered from that; it was a power focus, which aided in the casting of Binding spells, partly due to the materials and construction, and partly by triggering a simultaneous spell effect, thus doing away with the need for an assistant.
All the stated benefits were taken from the Binding spell description, but there wasn't space to elaborate, so if you weren't familiar with the Core PHB text, you'd think I'd just plucked bonuses out of thin air.
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RPG Superstar 2013
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka Steven T. Helt
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Scabbard of the False Peace
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 18,100 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This handsome leather scabbard changes shape and size to accommodate any slashing melee weapon. Commonly, subtle decorations on the scabbard contain a command word, which activates the sheath's properties and reveals them to the new owner. The scabbard recognizes the last wearer to pronounce the command word as its current owner.
The scabbard of the false peace includes a thick, knotted thong for peace-bonding. A wearer who has spoken the command word at least once may draw any weapon contained within the scabbard as a free action, whether the peace-bond has been affixed or not. Anyone testing the peace bond by attempting to draw the weapon must succeed in a DC 25 Strength check. Untying the knotted thong without whispering the command word requires a DC 20 Disable Device check.
Once per day, the current owner of the scabbard may call the sheath (and any weapon contained within it) to his side from any location, so long as both owner and scabbard are on the same plane. Activating this ability is a swift action that requires use of the command word. The weapon may still be drawn as a free action in the same round it is summoned.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, arcane lock, teleport; Cost 9,050 gp
I promise I'll get to as many also-rans in the next month or so as my schedule allows me. I'd like feedback on my item, which I was really excited about until this week. :b
Nightmare FlaskThe nightmare bit is interesting, but I wonder how it would work in practice. Seems like anyone who drinks from this would be treated as casting against a target that you have a Knowledge level of Familiar and with a Connection of Body part, etc. So a -15 on the Will save. Also, the recipient would always be awake when the nightmare was "cast", so does the nightmare visit during the next sleepy time?
The nightmare-like supernatural effect was chosen as a simple way to convey the effect of drinking the essence. I figured that since there was already a good write-up in existing rules for what happens when someone gets magical nightmares (the aptly-named nightmare spell), it would be better to reference that instead of reinventing the wheel (and wasting word count in the process).
Your comment about the Knowledge level and Connection are spot-on; I heavily considered using those rules more directly, but ultimately decided against it because it would make the use of the item too complex. I was also trying to strike a balance, because the flask gives a drinker the same severity of nightmare-effect regardless of how "potent" the fear was that was diverted, an uber-demon's panic aura would be as rough to drink (and save vs) as a low-level fear spell cast by some wussy cleric.
What happens if the same person drinks multiple doses of fear-stuff?
Exactly what the rules say; you just do it again. Some bad effects will overlap, but other bad effects won't, so it isn't like it is a freebie once the character accepts that their sleep is going to be rough for the next 24 hours. There's always a risk of damage.
Thank you very much for the commentary. I found it valuable.
The nightmare-like supernatural effect was chosen as a simple way to convey the effect of drinking the essence. I figured that since there was already a good write-up in existing rules for what happens when someone gets magical nightmares (the aptly-named nightmare spell), it would be better to reference that instead of reinventing the wheel (and wasting word count in the process).
So, this nightmare effect causes the drinker 1d10 damage and they're fatigued for 24 hours, but the bit about not getting spells back doesn't apply since this effect doesn't happen while sleeping?
Thanks for the feedback!
So, this nightmare effect causes the drinker 1d10 damage and they're fatigued for 24 hours,
Correct.
but the bit about not getting spells back doesn't apply since this effect doesn't happen while sleeping?
Incorrect. Per the nightmare spell, the subject is "unable to regain arcane spells for the next 24 hours". The fact that the person is not asleep when the nightmare effect begins does nothing to change that.
Incorrect. Per the nightmare spell, the subject is "unable to regain arcane spells for the next 24 hours". The fact that the person is not asleep when the nightmare effect begins does nothing to change that.
I don't get it. It seems like the reason they don't get their spells back is due to getting their sleep disturbed. Why wouldn't they get them back in this case after they've slept off the fatigue condition?
Ronars and Joe, I´d like to thank you for the feedback provided and talk about some design choices. I´m well aware a perfect item shouldn´t need any explanation, but hopefully this kind of back and forth makes us all beter designers, right?
Urn of the Giant Hordemy, what a big horde that is. Be careful about how the item name reads. This is a bit cumbersome, and if not for giants being rather common in pathfinder I would assume giant was a descriptor of the horde, not that it was a horde of giants.
I see what you mean, and it did cross my mind. I kind of kept it like this exactly for the reason you stated - giants being a common type of monster. Better watch out for ambiguity in the future, though.
I don't like the phrasing you use in some of those later sentances. 'Before dissipating it emanates for 4 rounds' is a particular cringe-worthy sentance. It should be the other way around to be readable, I personally had to re-read it after the next sentance to make sure I got what you meant.
If possible, I´d like you to expand on that and indicate other parts you felt were clumsy. As I´ve stated before, I´m not really a native english speaker, so I´ll be the first to admit that the language barrier sometime results in odd syntactic constructions. Let´s just say Thesaurus and WordReference are good friends. :)
I also think that the item being reusuable so long as it gets closed within the time limit is a little lame. If the item can be destroyed, it should be because you're trying to, or because it happens every time - not because you failed a DC10 strength check to close it.
Yeah... well, I´m not sure why I chose this. Initially, it was an expendable item (it also kind of answers Joe´s question about why would someone want to keep it closed: letting it open initially meant the item would then be ruined). So, this item started as something that just disrupted movement and spellcasting, and for a limited number of rounds, unless you took the risk of extending its duration while trying to keep it shut. From the begining I had this idea that the thing trapped inside would simply escape and that was that. When I asked for some feedback from my gaming group, they were a little disappointed they could only release the horde once. and I think that made me include some mechanics to allow it to be reusable, but without completely taking away the idea that the horde could escape its prison and dissipate forever.
On to Joe´s comments now:
An item that causes difficult terrain is kind of neat.Why would you want to keep the urn closed? Don't you want to unleash the hoard of giants?
See above ;). Its is sort of a residual idea... but also, it would allow more rounds of the initial effect.
The hoard also affects a 30-ft cone? Shouldn't there be some additional combat stats for the hoard? Is there no way to interact with them, other than to get stomped? They must be corporeal if they're stomping around.
I tried to not overcomplicate things and avoid the label of monster in a can, and that´s why I treated the horde more like an effect and less like a creature. As intended, no, it is not possible to interact with the horde, let´s just say it´s kind of an ash swarm... punches don´t really work. I played around with the incorporeal rules but in the end I realized that for the intended purposes the horde just had to be corporeal. It was incorporeal in earlier designs and could be affected by channel energy ability, and in later versions I considered the idea of letting it be affected by wind conditions, but I just couldn´t spare the words. :P
You're riffing on the combat maneuver usage of telekinesis and giving it a physical manifestation, I think. You get to try to trip every creature in the area, rather than targeting a limited number of opponents?
That´s right. I realize it´s a power boost, that´s why I toned down the duration, steeped up the price and threw in some stakes with the strength checks. It´s a relatively easy check, but waiting till the last round of duration could be risky.
They should be taking non-lethal damage. I don't think subdual damage exists in Pathfinder.
Wow, major oversight. As you can see, I used to play 3rd edition. This one rule update slipped my attention, I´m glad you pointed it out. Nonlethal it is from now on.
There's a kernel of a good idea here, but I'm not sure it has been worked all the way through.
Thanks, I do take it as a compliment. And the more feedback I get the more I see where this fell short, so I just have to agree with you about the execution.
Once more, thank you for your time!
Scabbard of the False Peace
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 18,100 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This handsome leather scabbard changes shape and size to accommodate any slashing melee weapon. Commonly, subtle decorations on the scabbard contain a command word, which activates the sheath's properties and reveals them to the new owner. The scabbard recognizes the last wearer to pronounce the command word as its current owner.
The scabbard of the false peace includes a thick, knotted thong for peace-bonding. A wearer who has spoken the command word at least once may draw any weapon contained within the scabbard as a free action, whether the peace-bond has been affixed or not. Anyone testing the peace bond by attempting to draw the weapon must succeed in a DC 25 Strength check. Untying the knotted thong without whispering the command word requires a DC 20 Disable Device check.
Once per day, the current owner of the scabbard may call the sheath (and any weapon contained within it) to his side from any location, so long as both owner and scabbard are on the same plane. Activating this ability is a swift action that requires use of the command word. The weapon may still be drawn as a free action in the same round it is summoned.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, arcane lock, teleport; Cost 9,050 gpI promise I'll get to as many also-rans in the next month or so as my schedule allows me. I'd like feedback on my item, which I was really excited about until this week. :b
I love this item Steven.
It is hands down my favourate of the also rans I have seen so far. Hell I prefer it to a number of the items that made the top 32.
The teleport function is utilitian, but nothing special. Never be unarmed again, while your on the same plane as your weapon. Useful.
But it is the bound weapon element i love. If you made another version, without the teleport function, and priced it appropreately, i think it would become a regular fixture on my sword swingers.
Add to that it's usefulness as a plot device, and you have a strong contender for being my faverate item of the year.
That said, there are one or two things that jumped out at me:
"Commonly, subtle decorations on the scabbard contain a command word, which activates the sheath's properties and reveals them to the new owner. The scabbard recognizes the last wearer to pronounce the command word as its current owner."
This section made me think that perhapes there should be a reduction in the difficulty to identify the command word.
I also thought that it might be a good idea to stop the ownership juggling issues that the command word might raise, by having ownership being determined by a token or belt, worn by the owner.
Insightful Eye
The all-seeing eye trope has certainly been done before.
I'm not crazy about ignoring armor bonus. As with another item upthread, this causes the GM to dig into the stat block and figure out what needs to be changed. A flat insight bonus on the attack roll would be cleaner, I think.
The Journal of Pernicious Replication
I kind of wonder how this would handle copying a text that is partly mundane, but also contains spells.
Shaking the journal to get rid of its contents... I mean.. you know, Etch-A-Sketch.
I think this needs something other than erase for a req. Comprehend languages, maybe?
PAGE 3!
Naturesmith Gloves
I'm not sure gloves are quite the right type of item for this. It leads to some odd visuals about this weird clay oozing from the gloves' fingers or something. Some type of container, maybe?
This just seems like it could be abused. According to this- http://www.custompartnet.com/quick-tool/weight-calculator a cubic foot of cast iron weighs 447.55 lbs, so 6713.25 lbs per day. At 1 sp per lb, that's 671 gp every day. Now do this with a presumably more expensive trade good item like marble or mahogany and ... it probably gets bad in a hurry. Finding the clay on its own wouldn't be too bad, but a never-ending fountain of it is probably too much.
Do the gloves need to be worn to work the clay?
I don't think the crafter would really need ranks in Craft (Sculpting), although the user might.
Torc of Totemic Form
I like torcs, so there's a point in your favor right away.
The detail is nice, but other than being able to shrug off baleful polymorph, this is really just beast shape III in a can, isn't it?
Spirit Catchers
Well, this is certainly tightly designed. It's so narrow, though, I wonder how many characters would want it. I mean this is really, really specific.
Miniature Token of Second Chance
Needs an aura strength.
One of the balancing factors of Paladin's Sacrifice is that someone else in the group takes that hit. In this case, they're shunted off to this item. I think that's off-set by its consumable nature.
This really feels like a SiaC, though.
Cauldron of Remembrance
OK, this is cool and flavorful (pun totally intended).
That must be a... disturbing ritual. Also, I'd like to see the looks on everyone's face when you go to cook in it after carrying around Bob the Barbarian in it for a month.
I dunno, maybe there's a little too much squick in here for some. I like it, though.
Also, after the trappings are stripped away, it kinda SiaCy. I've seen less interesting SiaCs make it in, so I don't know.
Torc of Totemic FormI like torcs, so there's a point in your favor right away.
The detail is nice, but other than being able to shrug off baleful polymorph, this is really just beast shape III in a can, isn't it?
True, except for the very limited forms that can be taken. Having submitted it i did, however come to agree that it was a bit too close to a SIAC. In fact the immunity to baleful polymorph was a bit of an afterthought. An afterthought which i'm actually thinking of converting into the basis of an item for next year.
(Thanks for the feedback BTW)
Am I really on Page 4? Holy cats.
Scabbard of the False Peace
I wasn't certain just exactly what a peace bond was. I looked it up and it turns out I was right, but without that knowledge the item doesn't make much sense.
Summoning + drawing and still having a full-round action left in the same round seems like a little much. I'd only be once in an encounter, so eh (shrug).
Instant summons instead of teleport?
'tis cool, for sure.
I'll put mine up here too (reposted from the Judges thread).
Eyes of the Time Thief
Aura strong transmutation; CL 16th
Slot eyes; Price 63,000 gp; Weight —
Description
A silver figure-eight uniting two mirror lenses, this simple mask hides only the eyes and brow. When a command word is whispered these lenses briefly reveal a world of dizzying temporal depth: for a split second the histories and destinies of living creatures appear as things which swift hands might reach out and take. Once per day (and after wearing them for at least 24 hours) the Eyes of the Time Thief may be activated to steal from an adjacent creature's past, present or future, as described below. None of these effects allow a save; instead, the wearer makes a Sleight of Hand check as a standard action against the listed DC. She must choose which effect she is attempting before making the roll.
Take the Future (DC 20): The target becomes slowed for 10 rounds, and the wearer is affected as by the haste spell for 10 rounds.
Rob the Past (DC 30): You "steal" up to five minutes of the target's memory. This takes effect immediately, and allows you to recall the stolen memories as if they were your own, but otherwise duplicates the first application of modify memory.
Seize the Present (DC 40): The target is briefly frozen in time (paralyzed) for 1 round, and the wearer immediately gains a free round of apparent time in which to act (as the spell time stop, but lasting only one round).
The wearer must also succeed at a melee touch attack against targets who are aware of her in combat. Out of combat, targets don't even notice the attempt unless they succeed at an opposed Perception check (similar to other uses of the Sleight of Hand skill).
Construction
Requirements haste, modify memory, time stop; Cost 31,500 gp
My current impression is that it's a faithful execution of a lackluster idea, so there might just not be much to say about it, but if you do have any comments I'd enjoy hearing them. In particular I wonder if the theme would have comes across stronger had I dropped the "past, present, future" thing and just stuck to one power.
I spoke to a couple of these in the other thread and will repost them here.
The Not Lost Box (I guess I'm the only one who likes this one.)
The Not Lost Box
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 9th
Slot —; Price 9,000 gp; Weight 15 pounds
Description
This wooden chest has a nacre moon emblem on the lid and mystical symbols carved into all sides. It is big enough to hold anything 9 inches wide by 10 inches tall by 6 inches deep.
The first person who turns the moon emblem clockwise three times becomes the new owner. The owner can place any objects that will fit into the box. When he closes the lid, the items vanish so they do not appear to any one else and add no weight to the box. Only when the owner opens the lid do the items reappear. For all others, the Not Lost Box works only as a normal box.
Should the Not Lost Box be abandoned, stolen, or lost, it mysteriously reappears 1d100 minutes later within reach of its owner.
The box returns to unowned status upon the death of the owner or if the owner turns the moon emblem three times counter-clockwise. The same person, or a blood relative if the owner is deceased, can retrieve items left inside by becoming the owner again. A Not Lost Box can have many such previous owners, each with their own contents inside.
If the box is destroyed, owners can retrieve their contents if another box is constructed using more than half of the remains of the old one.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Secret Chest; Cost 4,500 gp
So, this is basically Secret Chest at-will, but roughly twice as cool. By the books this should probably cost considerably more, but in my opinion Secret Chest is overpriced (in both spell level and focus cost). Still, with no limits on how many objects you can store, and with it being impossible to separate from you (that's crazy-useful, and possibly disruptive, depending on which DM you ask), even I would never peg it at less than 25k. Also, trouble with the name I take it? Yea, I can't think of anything better. Edit: I usually write these before reading judges comments, but I will concur with the "series of extradimensional footlockers" issues. There doesn't seem to be a limit on how many "owners" can share this at one time and I'm not sure if that's what you wanted or intended.
I don't really have any other complaints though. Everything else seems well-considered; I like the significance of blood relation, and the fact that you can get your items back by building a new one if the old one is broken, which is a VERY real possibility if someone arrests you and can't seem to keep your wandbox out of your sight. That multiple "owners" can leave their contents behind (which only they can retrieve) is a very clever move which turns this into a powerful plot device. If I were a judge, that last bit would be what pushed me to keep this. Extradimensional storage has been done before, and it's very hard to make a plain utility item that screams "Superstar", but in my opinion this one is useful, flavorful, AND has great plot potential.
Clay of Flesh Crafting
Note: This is a very slightly different version of the item entered. Due to unfamiliarity with Microsoft 2010, I saved over that version. Obvious pricing mistakes and leaving out two words (single use) in the original version explain why I didn't make the top 32.
Clay of Flesh Crafting
Aura strong transmutation CL 10th
Slot--- Price 3800 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description The Clay of Flesh Crafting resembles fine potters clay, moist to the touch, with a light brownish tinge. Applied to the skin of a target humanoid, this single use item makes the flesh malleable, allowing another person to reshape the target’s physical appearance including apparent sex, race, weight and height with a Craft: Sculpture check. Unwilling targets must be physically or magically restrained throughout the process. DC’s on the Craft: Sculpture checks are:
Same race and sex DC 10
Different race or sex (or both) DC 15
Specific person: DC 30, +5 circumstance bonus modeling off a painting or statue; +10 if modeled on an actual model.
A successful role allows the character a +15 circumstance bonus to disguise checks. The clay does not change hair color, eye color, or the target’s size category or grant racial abilities.
Alternately, the clay can be used to cause blindness, deafness, or silence without a skill check by covering the ears, mouth, and eyes or any combination thereof. Silence also removes the ability of the target to eat, leading to eventual starvation. Effects are permanent unless removed by break enchantment, limited wish, wish, miracle or reapplying the Clay of Flesh Crafting and making the appropriate skill checks.
The original clay originates in Arcadia, which some tribes of the continent use in adoption ceremonies for children captured to replace slain relatives. Wizards in Cheliax and Andoran have mastered the art of mixing the clay. It is used by both nations’ intelligence services and in Cheliax for artistic endeavors.
Construction Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, alter self, permanency Cost 3800 gp
No real surprises; this pretty much does exactly what I expected based on the title. It's a nice, creepy way to make alter self permanent, and I quite enjoy your ending notes on which cultures use it and how, but I find myself struggling for anything else to say beyond that. Maybe it's that 'fleshcrafting' isn't a new thing conceptually to D&D or Pathfinder (or RPG Superstar), and that 'clay' isn't exactly the creepiest approach I've seen. I would certainly use this though, and even if I didn't there are creative elements (like that freaky "adoption" ceremony) that are worth stealing to use elsewhere.
New thoughts (in response to other posters' insights): The price is fine in my opinion; I think there's a lot of wiggle room for effects like this. It's not usable as a weapon which means that comparisons to offensive effects are out of line; on the other hand, permanently maiming someone is VERY different from casting an illusion on them (and much more potent), even though both are useful for disguises.
Paying more attention to how much time this stuff takes would improve this, yea, that's a good point. It's important both to know that you have time for only one check (no taking 10 without Skill Mastery) and to know how many times you might need to recast hold person
Smoking Crock of the Vengeful Beekeeper
Smoking Crock of the Vengeful Beekeeper
Aura faint enchantment; CL 5th
Slot —; Price 24,050 gp; Weight 9 lbs.
Description
This is an unremarkable baked clay pot affixed with a cord handle, of the sort used by beekeepers to smoke beehives. When the crock is filled with smoke-producing fuel—such as twine, burlap, pine needles, sumac, or rotten wood—and lit (both are standard actions), it produces a hazy smoke in a 15-foot radius that causes docility in vermin swarms. The smoke reduces visibility by half, resulting in a -4 penalty on Perception checks.Vermin swarms within the smoke are rendered docile, as though under the effects of calm animals. This effect persists as long as the smoke occupies at least one square of the swarms' space. Any action taken that would end the effects of that spell immediately causes the smoke to disperse, ending the effect. Creatures within the smoke can move through spaces occupied by vermin swarms without ending the effect, so long as they move no faster than their base speed.
Once per day on command, the crock's bearer can direct one of the affected swarms to move toward and attack any creatures outside of the smoke. This effect is similar to dominate animal cast by a 5th-level caster, except the swarm will attack creatures two or more size categories larger than it. After this effect's duration ends, the swarm reverts to its previous behavior.
The crock produces smoke for 5 minutes. After this time, or if the crock is extinguished, it no longer affects the vermin and they behave normally unless it is fueled and lit again.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Vermin Heart, calm animals, dominate animal; Cost 12,025 gp
Yea, this doesn't exactly blow me away, but I think it's good. It's cool and makes sense, and no, it isn't something that non-magical smoke can do (perhaps against normal bees, but not against demonic howler-monkey wasp creatures [actually, I think those particular ones were outsiders, but you get the picture]).
At first I questioned the list of flammable materials, but then I realized you were specifically listing things that smoke up well when burned, and I'm going to go out on a limb and say that that's worth the words. If you can't burn just anything then a list like this is helpful. I also dig that you have an organic 'recharge' time (the time it takes to refill and light it) rather than a hard limit on duration-per-day. I think these are the kinds of details that make wondrous items feel different from spells. Not like you're REALLY trying to simulate anything, but just enough concessions to give the item some character.
That said, it looks to me like two people could walk right through the middle of the Bee Dimension with this without ever being in danger (as long as you have someone to take a standard action and fill it for you there shouldn't be a delay in the effect); was this intentional? You also never mention saving throws, and I'm not sure if that's because you just forgot them (not good) or because this is an auto-win against the given type and subtype of creature (also not good). And as a final nitpick I'm not sure how much control the dominate animal gives (can you JUST command them to attack, or does it fully duplicate the spell? It cold be read either way).
New thoughts: I vote that making it a great big unwieldy crock is neat, and found the name to be a little hammy but not too hammy (take that with a grain of salt; I have a pretty high tolerance for ham). RonarsCorruption's note about the smoke duration is a good catch; I missed that, but he's right.
I think that bee- or bee-keeper-related things are kind of scary but kind of funny/quirky at the same time. If anything the problem with "vengeful beekeper" is that it sounds like a direct reference to one of Neil's antagonists in Realm of the Fellnight Queen.
Cauldron of Remembrance
Cauldron of Remembrance
Aura minor necromancy, medium transmutation; CL 7th
Slot none Price 17370 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description This small, lidded cauldron is usually eighteen inches across, of beaten copper or bronze, emblazoned with animal and humanoid figures, entwined in scenes denoting reincarnation and rebirth.
As well as being a normal cooking tool, the cauldron may become attuned to its owner, if they fill it with animal fats, heat it, and meditate on the swirling patterns of the surface for an hour.
Once attuned, the owner may cause the cauldron to heat and cool itself, without need for fuel or flame. All Craft (alchemy) and Profession (cookery) checks are made with a +2 circumstance bonus.
The cauldron can be used in a ritual, rendering a Medium-sized or smaller corpse into a jelly, that can be transported more easily. The time required for this ritual is 2 hours (Medium), 30 minutes (Small), 5 minutes (Tiny or smaller).
This jelly will not decay, as long as it remains in the cauldron.
Once per 12 hours, the user can heat up the cauldron, and the liquid jelly can be made to form itself into a replica of the original creature, which can be questioned, as per the spell speak with dead, ignoring the requirement for an intact mouth.
Once per week, the heated jelly can be poured into a roughly-cut trench lined with herbs costing 1000gp, and the creature may be reborn, as per the spell reincarnate. If this is done by a druid, or a witch with the Cauldron hex, the cost is halved to 500gp.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, gentle repose, heat metal, reincarnate, speak with dead; Cost 8685 gp
Profession (cook), not profession (cookery).
The writing here feels very stuttery and disjointed, owing chiefly I think to a lot of unnecessary line breaks and comas. There's a place or two where two sentences might have been combined gracefully (by making legitimate use of a coma), but really, just cutting all the unnatural pauses would make it flow a lot better.
These powers are all pretty cool but some of them feel disconnected from each other; it's hard for me to judge whether that's a real thematic problem or just a symptom of the writing. Turning a corpse onto jelly is neat (and creepy, especially in the same kettle you've been preparing the party's breakfasts in), and after that it kind of turns into Cooking with Cadavers.
I personally think the 'reforming' option should have simply said that it reforms an intact corpse (nothing that any spells that affect corpses work as normal; so you can bring your own speak with dead, or resurrection, or whatever; I think that making them talk is the biggest offender in terms of straying from the item's theme).
I don't think that the different cooking times for different sized creatures adds very much to the item.
Reincarnation 1/week makes my narrative sensibilities scream "WOW THAT'S A BIG DEAL", but I have to remind myself that this is just part of the genre. Reincarnate is a 4th-level spell like any other (aside for the expensive materials, which you've accounted for), and I think it's a cool way to bring someone back to life.
The price does indeed look off to me though. You don't get to cut the reincarnate cost in half; that's the biggest power here and should be considered the primary ability. And I'm really not sure how "similar" these powers are; usually, the secondary/tertiary-power discount applies to things that are redundant or that can't all be used at once.
This is growing on me though. It eerie but charming, and it benefits from the shout-out to the Cauldron hex (an innocent-looking reference which actually brings all sorts of thematic baggage into your item). One last thing I'll say is that "Cauldron of Remembrance" sounds far to reverent and solumn for an item which stew dead bodies into jelly and then brings them back to life as a random race. "Reverent" is the exact opposite of the tone this strikes.
Scabbard of the False Peace
Scabbard of the False Peace
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 18,100 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This handsome leather scabbard changes shape and size to accommodate any slashing melee weapon. Commonly, subtle decorations on the scabbard contain a command word, which activates the sheath's properties and reveals them to the new owner. The scabbard recognizes the last wearer to pronounce the command word as its current owner.
The scabbard of the false peace includes a thick, knotted thong for peace-bonding. A wearer who has spoken the command word at least once may draw any weapon contained within the scabbard as a free action, whether the peace-bond has been affixed or not. Anyone testing the peace bond by attempting to draw the weapon must succeed in a DC 25 Strength check. Untying the knotted thong without whispering the command word requires a DC 20 Disable Device check.
Once per day, the current owner of the scabbard may call the sheath (and any weapon contained within it) to his side from any location, so long as both owner and scabbard are on the same plane. Activating this ability is a swift action that requires use of the command word. The weapon may still be drawn as a free action in the same round it is summoned.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, arcane lock, teleport; Cost 9,050 gp
This is good. It's one of those things that would be unexciting (if not downright useless) in an endless dungeon crawl, but which is very powerful in the context of a fantasy world, and that to me shows clever in-game thinking. I'm actually pretty curious as to what the judges said about it; I wonder if it fell under 'making the GMs job harder'? Some gamemasters feel threatened by things that make you hard to disarm or that help you break laws, seeing it as a "player verses DM" thing. I'll certainly agree that the prevalence of such an item forces one to reconsider what 'security' means for fantasy bodyguards and law enforcement, but really, that's fine if it's priced properly. High-level PCs are supposed to have the power to break the rules and wreck the scenery a bit.
Unfortunately, that quickened instant summons 1/day looks pretty underpriced to me. Doing this by-the-book would break the bank (Spell level 7, caster level 13, x400 for 1 use per day, that's about 36,000, plus 50 times the expensive material cost (a 1,000 gp gem) makes 86k, and that's ignoring the fact that it's a free action and that there are other benefits here. Actually treating this like a quickened spell would theoretically put it at 142,400); it's not worth THAT much. You won't use this every day, and it's not as versatile as it would be if you could summon anything.. you can follow your gut to some extent, but my gut says that 18k is pushing it too low.
Boots of the Sneaky Thief
Alright, here's my entry that didn't make it. This was my first year entering, and on short notice. After looking over some other entries I think this was probably too SAIC and not really 'outside the box' material. Just curious to see what others think.
Boots of the Sneak Thief
Aura Faint illusion; CL 3rd
Slot Feet; Price 3,100 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
These soft grey leather boots are a handy tool prized by cat burglars, pilferers, and other light-fingered gentry. While worn, these boots reduce the sound of the wearer’s footsteps to be no louder than those of a common housecat, granting a +5 competence bonus to Stealth. Additionally, once per day the wearer may either make himself invisible (as invisibility) for 1 minute or add a +5 competence bonus to a single Disable Device check (this use must be announced prior to making the skill check.)
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, silence, invisibility, one set of masterwork thieves tools; Cost 1,500 gp
Yea, this is a pretty straight-forward treatment of an old idea, which is also very similar to some existing items ("sneaky boots" are basically what boots of elvenkind were back in 3.5; +5 competence to move silently, though with the change to "stealth" in pathfinder they became redundant with the cloak of elvenkind and one of them had to be changed). The name almost sounds like something Sean would come up with off the top of his head for use in an extended example (i.e, VERY generic). It's not a BAD item, and a lot of players would love it, but it's definitely not 'outside the box'.
The writing is good, and the technical details all look right to me, though I do believe the last reminder is unnecessary ("Have to declare it before rolling" is the default assumption. Not every player knows that, so in most cases I wouldn't even mention the reminder, but when you're writing for industry pros its safe to leave that kind of thing out).
Mechanically it looks a little cheap. The cloak of elvenkind gives you a handy baseline of 2,500 GP, and a 2nd level spell once per day has a baseline cost of 2,400 (spell level 2, caster level 3, both multiplied by 400 for a 1/day power). Normally, you multiply secondary abilities by 1.5 (piling lots of powers onto the same item saves space, and that's worth something); in this case, though, I think that invisibility is arguably redundant with a stealth bonus, so I think it's okay to go a little easier than that. The duration is also shorter than a minimum-CL invisibility would normally be; on the other hand, you've got another useful power that you can use in place of invisibility if you want.
There are no hard rules for item pricing, but I think this should cost somewhere between 5,000 (fairly cheap) and 7,100 (erring a little on the expensive side). Does that sound right to anyone else?
First thank you for the review of my item and you had some very valid points.
...As to the limbs, I like the restriction for arm, I like the mechanics for head, and I hate the wings. Asides from needing two wings to fly and only having one clamp, them taking up the chest slot seems dumb - if you'll pardon me saying. I know what you're trying to mean, but it sounds dumb. If they took up the shoulder slot, that would be okay, but again - two wings, one clamp...
I actually had a limb idea for almost every magic item slot. Those are the three I kept. I can see how one may think Chest Slot is the only the front of the body.
It takes the chest slot but would be attached in the back. There are only a few items that take the chest slot.
Mantle of ...
Vest of ...
All Tools Vest
Bandages of Rapid Recovery
Sash of the War Champion
All of these cover the back as well, Mantles can actually be completly open in the front looking more like a cape then anything else.
It is just a magic item slot which, though the wings themselves would be attached to the back of the person using the Chest Slot
As for the name, yeah clamp may not have been the best. I should have worked the name more. Maybe Graftering Apparatus.
I think I'll take a cue from, well, basically everyone else and toss mine up in this thread as well.
- too many uses perhaps?
- should have probably provided ability to speak in the deceased's language
- I wanted to include a clause that caused the locket to be destroyed immediately if the wearer was subjected to a suffocate spell, but didn't have the word count to do so - in retrospect, I think I should have trimmed something else rather than that
- spells used in construction aren't listed in alphabetical order
- It has four abilities, so it's Swiss Army Knife-y and perhaps not as tight in concept and execution as I thought
Locket of the Last Breath
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 5th
Slot neck; Price 3,000 gp; Weight —
Description
This simple charm suspended from a delicate cord vaguely resembles two slightly parted lips. As a full round action, when the locket is placed upon the lips of a creature within one minute of its death, the locket's magic is triggered. A chilling, rattling sigh escapes from the deceased as the locket draws the last vestiges of breath from the corpse. If the deceased had the construct, ooze, outsider (elemental), plant, or undead types, nothing happens.
Once a last breath has been absorbed, anyone wearing the locket can speak with the deceased's voice at will, so long as the deceased had a language. Additionally, the wearer is able to hold her breath for twice as long before having to make constitution checks. Thirdly, if the wearer is subjected to any breath-related effect that requires a save (such as stinking cloud and suffocation, as well as inhaled poisons), the first save is treated as a natural 20. This use immediately expends the breath within the locket, rendering it useless until another breath is drawn in. Lastly, as a standard action, the wearer can open the locket and release the breath. This use expends the breath and duplicates the effects of whispering wind, however the message can only be delivered in the deceased's voice. If the deceased did not have a language, the breath is expended with no effect.
A Locket of the Last Breath can only contain one breath at a time. After ten breaths have been expended, the locket releases a long, slow sigh and is destroyed.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, whispering wind, alter self; Cost 1,500 gp
Hey Hydro, I really appreciated your feedback on the other thread, though I was confused on one of your comments and was hoping you could clarify over here. Specifically, you said ""Cheesy" and "not-quite-appropriate" isn't a good combo for names (I think you CAN get away with being this hammy, but only if it's a really good fit, and this isn't." Could you elaborate? Is it the military jargon?
It was the "Forlorn Hope" part. Names are totally a matter of taste, of course, but "(X) of Forlorn Hope" sounds cheesy to me. It's over-the-top, slightly poetic, and dramatic in a way that can come off as melodramatic in the wrong context. I may also be biased because "The Forlorn Hope" was the name of a plot-widget in an early episode of Yu Yu Hakusho (which was at least seventeen kinds of cheesy, even for 90s anime).
What I was saying is, if the name is a REALLY good fit, then cheesy over-the-top can work for you or in my opinion even make your item better. If an item's core function really and specifically followed the idea of holding on to a cause in the face of doom and abandonment, that would be a "forlorn hope" item in my book. Your item could just as easily be called "The Spaulders of Redoubled Asswooping"; it CAN help you stand alone against overwhelming odds, sure, but by that standard just about any attack or defense item could be called "The Sword/Shield of Forlorn Hope".
To reiterate, name asside, I DO think that the 'when one must fight many' fluff was a great fit for your item. I think that flavor text can afford to take greater liberties than names (the latter ought to cleave a little closer to the usual function of the item).
Does that make sense?
Edit: I had no idea (until a minute or two ago) that "Forlorn hope" was also a military term used for first-wave cannon fodder. I really can't say how I would have taken it had I been familiar with that.
Since I have little hope that my item will get reviewed since it is on page 10 of the Judge my item board, here goes.
Disk of Launching
Aura: Moderate transmutation; CL 12th
Slot -; Price 27,000 gp; Weight 10 lb
The disk of launching, or manapult as it is commonly referred, is a magical device designed to fling a person or object into the air. Originally, this item was designed to be used by soldiers during a siege, but now it has found favor among adventurers wishing to overcome a myriad of obstacles.
The device is a 1-ft diameter wooden disk that comes in a carrying case. Both the case and the disk detect as magical. The disk of launching is activated by speaking the command word and giving a verbal height and distance measurement in 5-ft increments, along with a direction. This takes a full-round action to complete and uses 1 charge. If a precise measurement is required by the DM, the user must make an Intelligence check DC 10. The device can achieve a height and distance of up to 100-ft in both directions. After the height and distance are set, the disk is placed upon a solid surface.
Once the disk is set, as a full-round action, a medium or smaller creature weighing less than 300 lbs can step on the disk or an object weighing 300 lbs or less can be placed upon it. Then the disk launches the user or object into the air until it reaches the precise height and distance. Then a feather fall spell is activated, allowing for a safe and controlled descent.
After the disk is done being used, it can be recalled to the carrying case by speaking a second command word while holding the case. This also uses 1 charge. The disk and case hold 50 charges.
Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, dimension door, feather fall and telekinesis; Cost 13,500 gp
Disk of Launching
Well, I rather like it on a creative level.
Things that I don't like:
1) Charges. Usages per day would likely be a better choice.
2) Dimension Door as a requirement. There doesn't seem to be any teleportation.
3) Strange, sometimes redundant, mechanical wording, such as the magical detection and "After the disk is done being used..."
4) Minor grammatical errors, such as "Then the disk..."
5) The aim mechanic is relatively clunky. It's a magical item, not a computer.
Things that irk me:
Myriad is not a noun and should not have "a" in front of it.
Mask of the Mystic Hunter** spoiler omitted **
Urn of the Giant Horde** spoiler omitted **...
Based on your feedback of my boots I have since revised them.
Boots of the Masterful Step
Aura: faint Transmutation Magic; CL 6th
Slot Feet; Price 10,000 gp; Weight 2 pounds
These typical looking black leather boots will adjust to fit Small, Medium, or Large sized creatures but are generally found in Medium sizes. When worn they allow the wearer to leave any tiny, small, medium, large or giant sized humanoid, animal, or giant types tracks. The wearer can also decide to either not leave a print or to leave a print at will and can change track types when desired. The tracks left cannot exceed 1 size category larger or smaller than that of the wearer.
For example: A small sized creature can leave only Tiny or Medium tracks but no smaller or larger. A Large sized creature can only leave giant sized or medium sized creatures.
Faint transmutation Magic; CL 6th; Craft Wondrous Item, Alter Self; Pass Without Trace; Price 6,500 gp.
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Boots of the Masterful Step
A cool concept! However, you have many, many formatting errors, and you also break at least one auto-reject rule (you cannot refer to halflings as hobbits...). The name could also be better. Masterful step makes me think of an ability that allows you to ignore difficult terrain, of something like that. Quotes are also frowned upon.
Wondrous items generally automatically resize to fit the user, so it's not necessary to mention creature sizes, other than that the size of the tracks has to be within one size category.
A nice touch would have been to add something about scents.. does the item fool creatures with the scent ability, and so on.
As I said over in the judge's thread, I took the kernel of a good idea and cheesed it up too much. I should have read the auto-reject threads before I submitted, but as it was my first year and I came across the contest fairly late, I learned at my own peril. So I had an item with alcohol and toys... not too smart. I have remade it with this in mind for review here.
Figment of Gnomish Retribution
Aura moderate illusion; CL 7th
Slot -; Price 10,080 gp; Weight -
Description
These intricately carved silver statuettes are enameled with vibrant colors and depict gnomish soldiers in various poses. In some cases they are highly sought after as art objects.
Once per day speaking the command word while holding one bleaches away the bright coloration creating four shadowy, incorporeal, gnome-sized protectors for seven rounds. These protectors surround their charge in the adjacent compass point spaces. The holder changes this formation as his move action at a speed of 20 feet for each soldier. Ordering them not to move is a free action. Otherwise they automatically maintain position relative to their charge. Any teleportation or dimensional movement by their charge dispells them however.
The only other actions these 'gnomes' take are attacks of opportunity. They can make only one attack of opportunity per round. These are at a +3 bonus dealing 1d6+3 points of nonlethal damage. They provide flanking, have an AC of 17, 11 hp, and make saves and checks at a +3 bonus. Enemies ending a turn in the same space with one may provoke an attack of opportunity. Shadow gnomes positioned inside solid objects such as walls only make move actions as already noted. They are dispelled if the figurine is dropped or broken. The coloration returns to normal the following day signifying that the protective function may be used again.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, shadow conjuration, creator must be a gnome and have at least 5 ranks in Craft (sculptures); Cost 5,040 gp
Okay all here's my entry, it is slightly different than the one I posted on the judges board
Stone of Banishment
Aura: Moderate Abjuration; CL 7th
Slot-; Price 8000 gp, Weight 1lb
Description: This round stone when given the command word "entrap" emits a high energy vortex. The vortex is powerful enough to suck in the form of any extraplanar creature(CR 9 or lower). The creature(s) remain trapped within the stone for 1d6 days. A caster of 7th level or higher can command the stone to banish said creatures to another plane. The stone turns to dust after 3 uses.
Construction
Requirements: Craft Wonderous Item, banishment, Cost 4000 gp
Disk of Launching
Well, I rather like it on a creative level.
Things that I don't like:
1) Charges. Usages per day would likely be a better choice.
2) Dimension Door as a requirement. There doesn't seem to be any teleportation.
3) Strange, sometimes redundant, mechanical wording, such as the magical detection and "After the disk is done being used..."
4) Minor grammatical errors, such as "Then the disk..."
5) The aim mechanic is relatively clunky. It's a magical item, not a computer.Things that irk me:
Myriad is not a noun and should not have "a" in front of it.
Thanks for the feedback, good to have someone finally look at it. I agree with you on several points. My grammar in spots was off. I remember playing with it and playing with it. I have no idea why I added Dimension Door now that I think back. I went with charges because I was it made the item cost less and it seemed like an item that could be abused. Could have gone with a usage per day limit, but what number? A huge problem in my mind. Screw up once and someone gets left behind. I liked the aiming. Thought it might add an element of danger to the usage. "You thought that wall was 100 feet away? guess what-- it's 90 feet away." Thought about adding the rules from telekinesis for just such an event but ran out of word space. Lastly... myriad can be used as a noun. I've used it a myriad of times before. ;)
Once again, thanks for writing
here is mine for review... I intended this item to work with the AT I created for the contest, the villain, and finally the lands and module.. enjoy and feel free to use it.
Boots of the Masterful Step
Aura: faint Transmutation Magic; CL 6th
Slot Feet; Price 10,000 gp; Weight 2 poundsThe price is the same as the cost to make. It should be twice as much
These typical looking black leather boots grant the wearer with the ability to consciously control the nature of their footprints and adjust them at will simply by thinking about the creature, animal, humanoid or giant which is within the size limitations they wish to mimic and those tracks are left.
This sentence is unwieldy (a problem I had with mine, so you're not alone). Two sentences would have been better I think.
The wearer can also decide to leave no tracks at all or stop and start tracks at will. The wearer can also decide to increase or decrease the size of the tracks they leave by 1 size category. (For instance a Medium sized creature wearing these boots could leave footprints of a Troll or Hobbit.) These boots will adjust to fit Small, Medium, or Large sized creatures but are generally found in Medium sizes.
Limitations: The Boots cannot replicate the tracks of magical creatures, outsiders or creatures that are larger or smaller then the size restrictions of the wearer. Example: Someone that is a small size could not duplicate large sized creature’s footprints.
Overall I liked the concept of the item, but one thought came to mind--what about the rest of the party? If this item is meant solely for an NPC it probably wouldn't be put into a published book meant for players and DM's alike. It would only be useful in lone wolf scenarios. I liked that it was functinal and your rules made sense. I really detest those whimsical roleplaying items that sound interesting but are very limited in the situations they could be used. If you could have made an item that altered the tracks of multiple people at once I would have put you against most of the 32 in the running.
Faint transmutation Magic; CL 6th; Craft Wondrous Item, Alter Self; Pass Without Trace; Price 10,000 gp.“The Ranger indicated that the tracks left by the thief were made by a goblin. We followed them till we reached the bridge leading outside of town. From that point on the only tracks remaining were made by that of men. We could not find the goblin tracks which seemed to vanish into thin air. After further investigation past the bridge a single set of human tracks lead off towards the Ordine Swamp fields. Out of instinct we decided to follow those, soon after the human tracks vanished not far from a ruined old abandoned tower. We all agreed to investigate further.”
Interested in seeing what people thought of this entry - i can already spot lots of problems i missed before i submitted it. Feel free to be highly critical.
I'm not going to nitpick over grammar or spelling errors, we beat ourselves up enough over them anyway. I think we all just want to know about the meat of our item. So here goes.
Torc of Totemic Form
Aura moderate transmutation CL 10th
Slot neck; Price 20,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This torc, made of twisted bone and ivory, bears a series of highly stylised animal carvings along its outer edges.
Once per day the torc can be used, at will, to transform the wearer into an animal form (as per the spell beast shape III except as noted blelow) for a period of up to two hours.I looked at the spell beast shape III and wild shape for a user of this level (10th I believe). How did you arrive at 2 hours for the duration? Also, I would rather see an item with shorter duration that could be turned on and off like a boots of speed. Also, beast shape III lets you change into much cooler stuff than the animals listed below which could be achieved with a beast shape I. Your description never really explains why these animals are significant and to place value judgements on certain types of animals as evil, good or neutral seems a little strange. None of those animals have that alignment.
The type of animal transformed into is determined by the wearer's alignment and highest of the statistics Intelligence, Wisdom or Charisma, according to the table below.
.....................Int........Wis.........Chr
Good........... Fox*......Owl........Hawk
Neutral.....Weasel....Lizard......Cat
Evil.............Raven......Rat........Viper* Fox should be treated as a dog with the young template
Changing form (to an animal or back) is a full-round action and provokes an attack of opportunity. The wearer's appearance in animal form is in all respects typical for an animal of the appropriate species of the same sex as the wearer. Should the wearer's alignment or statistics change for any reason after their first use of the torc, the type of animal polymorphed into does not change.
If the wearer of the torc is affected by any spell or other effect which would polymorph her into an animal (such as baleful polymorph), she may elect to ignore all effects of that spell and instead be affected as if she had used the torc normally. Once used, the torc can not be used by any other person unless the previous wearer has died.
Why add these rules, it just takes up space. I don't know of any other items with death rules like this or spell effect protection like you indicated.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderous Item, beast shape III or Wild Shape (4/day) ability; Cost 10,000 gp
Lastly, this is not a criticism, but I am interested in how you arrived at your price for this item. I am curious because after making my own item, the rules as they are written seem completely unable to prepare you to price an item accurately. I took a shot in the dark and still fudged my numbers because it seemed astronomical.
Okay all here's my entry, it is slightly different than the one I posted on the judges boardStone of Banishment
Aura: Moderate Abjuration; CL 7th
Slot-; Price 8000 gp, Weight 1lbDescription: This round stone when given the command word "entrap" emits a high energy vortex. The vortex is powerful enough to suck in the form of any extraplanar creature(CR 9 or lower). The creature(s) remain trapped within the stone for 1d6 days. A caster of 7th level or higher can command the stone to banish said creatures to another plane. The stone turns to dust after 3 uses.
Construction
Requirements: Craft Wonderous Item, banishment, Cost 4000 gp
I don't think we need to know the command word. What is a "high energy vortex" is it flavor? It has nothing to do with the spell banishment. How did you arrive at CR 9 as a benchmark. No other Pathfinder publication uses CR as a method of determing effect. Hit Dice would have been much better. Another problem is that the creature gets no saving throw. This is WAY overbalanced. This item just doesn't seem thought through.
Alright so I didn't post an entry but still tell me what you think...
Cloak of Escape
Aura faint illusion; CL 5th
Slot shoulders; Price 8,500 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Fashioned of semi-transparent silver cloth, this cloak bestows a +5 competence bonus on Stealth checks.
By pulling up the hood, as a move action, the wearer may become invisible (as invisibility) and have an illusory image of them appears to stand in their place (as mirror image). The image of you, however, need not move with you and is visible despite you being invisible. When it is made, you can designate a simple movement for it to take moving at your normal speed. For example it could move in one direction while you run the other. You may keep these effects active for up to 15 rounds per day. These rounds need not be consecutive rounds.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, invisibility, mirror image, creator must have 5 ranks in the Stealth skill; Cost 4,750 gp
Locket of the Last Breath
Locket of the Last Breath
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 5th
Slot neck; Price 3,000 gp; Weight —
Description
This simple charm suspended from a delicate cord vaguely resembles two slightly parted lips. As a full round action, when the locket is placed upon the lips of a creature within one minute of its death, the locket's magic is triggered. A chilling, rattling sigh escapes from the deceased as the locket draws the last vestiges of breath from the corpse. If the deceased had the construct, ooze, outsider (elemental), plant, or undead types, nothing happens.Once a last breath has been absorbed, anyone wearing the locket can speak with the deceased's voice at will, so long as the deceased had a language. Additionally, the wearer is able to hold her breath for twice as long before having to make constitution checks. Thirdly, if the wearer is subjected to any breath-related effect that requires a save (such as stinking cloud and suffocation, as well as inhaled poisons), the first save is treated as a natural 20. This use immediately expends the breath within the locket, rendering it useless until another breath is drawn in. Lastly, as a standard action, the wearer can open the locket and release the breath. This use expends the breath and duplicates the effects of whispering wind, however the message can only be delivered in the deceased's voice. If the deceased did not have a language, the breath is expended with no effect.
A Locket of the Last Breath can only contain one breath at a time. After ten breaths have been expended, the locket releases a long, slow sigh and is destroyed.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, whispering wind, alter self; Cost 1,500 gp
I like this better than the "voice stealing" item which made the Top 32. The way it "takes a breath", the benefits of "having an extra breath", and the effects of "releasing a breath" are all thematically spot-on. It definitely comes across as too busy, but it's hard to say no to any of the effects because I think everything is cool and appropriate... you know, I think presentation has a lot to do with this. You could have cut a lot of words without actually cutting function.
First up, whether or not a creature breaths is listed in the description for each creature type. You don't have to do an arduous list of types, just say that it affects creatures who can breath.
I probably would have grouped some powers together as one (even though they aren't) and/or streamlined them for easier consumption. For instance, "second, the wearer may hold her breath for twice as long, and may attempt two saves against any breath-related effect that requires a..." It's not actually saying less, but it feels like less and is easier to absorb (you couldn't do this if they were too different from each other, but the "doubled breath" thread connecting them is so intuitive that I think it works here. Other readers are welcome to tell me if they disagree).
At that point you're down to "primary power" (speak with their voice), "secondary power" ("extra breath"), and "final power". The final power feels more distinct from the others because it requires you to give up the breath, and I probably would have set it off with its own paragraph, which should probably be the third and last paragraph (first is "taking the breath", second is "what you get when you have the breath", third is "releasing the breath").
Giving the item any limit on the number of breaths it can take is a bad idea I think (especially since it has an 'organic limit' in the fact that you have to steal breaths; granted, someone with a lot of victims to sacrifice could send a lot of whispering winds in a short time with their voices, but that is freaking awesomely evil and you shouldn't be afraid of it). I don't think the hard limit helps you at all, and it hurts you by adding more lines and more complexity.
I think that trimming the suffocate weakness wasn't a bad idea (not that the weakness itself was an awful idea, but this can definitely thrive without it). Also, before I forget, "within a minute of its death" is just plain bad. How far a character is from death always depends on the dice; a character at -9 could stabilize, while one at full healthy could easily be dead a minute later. There is NO way to adjudicate this without having a precognitive DM. I usually support fuzzy effects and like to give the gamemaster some credit, but even I think that part is bad, and the judges (especially Neil) tend to be much harder on this kind of thing than I am.
Disk of Launching
Disk of Launching
Aura: Moderate transmutation; CL 12th
Slot -; Price 27,000 gp; Weight 10 lbThe disk of launching, or manapult as it is commonly referred, is a magical device designed to fling a person or object into the air. Originally, this item was designed to be used by soldiers during a siege, but now it has found favor among adventurers wishing to overcome a myriad of obstacles.
The device is a 1-ft diameter wooden disk that comes in a carrying case. Both the case and the disk detect as magical. The disk of launching is activated by speaking the command word and giving a verbal height and distance measurement in 5-ft increments, along with a direction. This takes a full-round action to complete and uses 1 charge. If a precise measurement is required by the DM, the user must make an Intelligence check DC 10. The device can achieve a height and distance of up to 100-ft in both directions. After the height and distance are set, the disk is placed upon a solid surface.
Once the disk is set, as a full-round action, a medium or smaller creature weighing less than 300 lbs can step on the disk or an object weighing 300 lbs or less can be placed upon it. Then the disk launches the user or object into the air until it reaches the precise height and distance. Then a feather fall spell is activated, allowing for a safe and controlled descent.
After the disk is done being used, it can be recalled to the carrying case by speaking a second command word while holding the case. This also uses 1 charge. The disk and case hold 50 charges.Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, dimension door, feather fall and telekinesis; Cost 13,500 gp
I concur with all of Isaac's previous points here. I'll add that this is vastly overpriced. It costs more than twice as much as a fully-charged wand of fly, which would be magnitudes more useful. It looks like you based it on 50 charges of some mid-level spell effect,
but it's probably best compared to a 2nd-level spell like spider climb, and even then it should probably be cheaper because the round to "aim" makes it so much less useful in combat (a very stylish way to enter combat, perhaps, but not all that useful once you're there). Also, "man-a-pult" might have been pushing it in terms of silliness.
To reiterate, this is a fun idea with some good thought put into it (using the case to recall it was a really great touch; you could have gotten the same effect with boots or by otherwise attaching the item to a character, but this is better and more interesting in that it can move multiple characters).
Figment of Gnomish Retribution
Figment of Gnomish Retribution
Aura moderate illusion; CL 7th
Slot -; Price 10,080 gp; Weight -Description
These intricately carved silver statuettes are enameled with vibrant colors and depict gnomish soldiers in various poses. In some cases they are highly sought after as art objects.Once per day speaking the command word while holding one bleaches away the bright coloration creating four shadowy, incorporeal, gnome-sized protectors for seven rounds. These protectors surround their charge in the adjacent compass point spaces. The holder changes this formation as his move action at a speed of 20 feet for each soldier. Ordering them not to move is a free action. Otherwise they automatically maintain position relative to their charge. Any teleportation or dimensional movement by their charge dispells them however.
The only other actions these 'gnomes' take are attacks of opportunity. They can make only one attack of opportunity per round. These are at a +3 bonus dealing 1d6+3 points of nonlethal damage. They provide flanking, have an AC of 17, 11 hp, and make saves and checks at a +3 bonus. Enemies ending a turn in the same space with one may provoke an attack of opportunity. Shadow gnomes positioned inside solid objects such as walls only make move actions as already noted. They are dispelled if the figurine is dropped or broken. The coloration returns to normal the following day signifying that the protective function may be used again.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, shadow conjuration, creator must be a gnome and have at...
I'm not sure what "enemies ending a turn in the same space with one may provoke an attack of opportunity" is getting at... usually, you provoke from a creature when you enter its space. If this is an additional function that you're noting then I don't think it's presented clearly (and an not sure who is actually making the attack). The last sentences threw me off just a little in the context of the second-to-last sentence (i.e, it looked kind of like the item could come back the next day even if broken), but that was my fault and it was clear enough the second time around.
Is there a limit on how far away from you they can get? And their position is always fixed relative to yours (so you can take a 5-foot step in order to adjust the position of a gnome 60 feet away)? That's actually fine, and makes sense in a "casting shadows" sort of way, but when you're doing something new I think it helps to err on the explicit side for the weirder implications of that effect.
Gnomes.. gnomes... can't figure out if I liked that choice or not. On one hand it makes perfect sense with the ties for illusion (plus for as long as I've been playing gnomes have been presented as one of the tougher and more stalwart races, holding their grudges and standing up to bigger foes, in contrast to other elements of their character); on the other hand, the sculpture-element evokes "garden gnome", and "gnomish retribution" is indeed a little cheeseball (just going for a different name, like "gnomish protectors", might have totally changed how this was read; it's hard to say in hindsight). I love gnomes, especially Golarion gnomes, but unfortunately it's still hard to take them seriously sometimes.
All that said, I actually really dig this one. Evocative and well done on a lot of levels IMO. As a judge I would have pushed to keep it, gnomes and all.
Nic, you may have reviewed less items than I did, but you went into way more detail and really gave them thought. Something I sadly can't do, if I want to be able to finish my effort of giving feedback on all posted items.
And now I will throw my item in the ring too, the more thoughts on it the better.
Spell Syphon
Aura moderate abjuration and transmutation; CL 7th
Slot –; Price 17,500 gp; Weight –lbs.
Description
Fine, floating particles of black and white sand fill this delicate, but unbreakable crystal vial. A simple, round stopper seals the vial, fastened to its neck with a thin silver cord.
When a Spell Syphon is opened, it can be thrown as a splash weapon with a range of 20 ft. The sand then whirls out of the vial, filling a 20ft radius with a fine, sparkling cloud of sand.
The cloud concentrates on all creatures capable of using spells or spell-like abilities in its area, whirling around them in a dazzling pattern, draining their magical energies. All affected creatures suffer a 1d4 penalty to their caster level for 1 minute, but may attempt a DC 17 Will save to end this effect every time after they've successfully cast a spell.
One round after emerging, the sand whirls back into the vial, collecting the harnessed energies and after the sand returned the vial reseals itself.
The sand then transforms into a multi-hued liquid, granting the creature drinking it a +4 bonus to its caster level for a number of rounds equal to the total penalty the sand applied.
Once the Spell Syphon is empty the sand will slowly reform over the next 24 hours, after which it can be used again.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, dispel magic, greater, transformation;Cost 8,250 gp
thanks for your time. If your item is on the first 2 pages of the Judges thread I already gave feedback on it, if it is on a later page, I will get to it eventually :)
Nic, thanks so much for you kind words and helpful advice. And I have to admit, when I saw the Corsage of the Captured Voice in the Top 32, I let out an audible "Are you kidding me?!". I mean, what are the odds?
Also, before I forget, "within a minute of its death" is just plain bad. How far a character is from death always depends on the dice; a character at -9 could stabilize, while one at full healthy could easily be dead a minute later. There is NO way to adjudicate this without having a precognitive DM.
Perhaps I didn't communicate this clearly. "Within 1 minute of its death" isn't supposed to mean "one minute prior to its death". I was trying to go for "you have a minute after it dies to get the breath and you can't get the breath while it's alive". So Nameless Guard A dies in Round 2 of combat, you now have until Round 12 to get that last bit of breath out of him.
Giving the item any limit on the number of breaths it can take is a bad idea I think (especially since it has an 'organic limit' in the fact that you have to steal breaths; ... I don't think the hard limit helps you at all, and it hurts you by adding more lines and more complexity.
I went with a limited number of uses to keep the price down. I wanted lower level characters to have access to the locket, and limiting the number of uses help me cut some gps from the price tag. Best move? Perhaps not, but that's at least the reasoning behind the hard limit.
Thanks again, my friend - for the helpful advice and the encouragement. Both are greatly appreciated!
you have a minute after it dies to get the breath and you can't get the breath while it's alive
Ha! Okay, that seems obvious now; as always, the fact that I misread it could mean others would too, but in this case I think it's mostly just me.
Shooting for lower level isn't a bad tendency, because a lot of effects are just plain more exciting at that point in the game (when you're 1st level, you don't mind jumping through hoops to score a whispering wind when you need it), but yea, you don't want to force it.
That said, now that I actually know how your item works (i.e, you just need a very fresh corpse), I'm not so sure about my advice to make it otherwise-unlimited. I might have said that it can only absorb a breath once per day, or once per week. Also your "20 on your first save".. I'm not sure how you priced it, but on reflection it sounds like something that even a level 20 character would find attractive against the right monsters, which worries me. On the other hand it IS only the first save, and is also more interesting than just giving a resistance bonus to said save.
Anyway! No problem, and I'm glad I could help. Editing and streamlining your own work is hard (you can't really see it with other peoples' eyes), but the awesome is definitely here, and I'd love to see what you come up with next year.
In the meantime, keep writing!
The Blooded Stone of Brotherhood
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 12
Slot - ; Price 115,500 gp; Weight 3lb.
Description
“We bleed as one. We fight as one. We live as one!” – is the oath that seeps into the minds of all who use the stone. The stone is white marble with dark red veins running throughout. It is the size of a large fist; one side is jagged while the other appears to be smooth and worked, suggesting that it was at one time part of a larger object. The white marble of the stone turns blood red when in use.
To gain the benefits of the stone a character must cut themselves on the rock taking 1 point of Con damage allowing them to use the stone’s powers for a day. Restoring the Con damage immediately severs the link to the stone. A minimum of 2 characters need to be bonded to the stone for anyone to gain the benefits of the stone with a limit of 5 characters.
Characters attacking the same foe gain a +1 to damage rolls.
Characters automatically become stable if hit points drop below 0 (but not if the damage is enough to kill the user). Characters are immune to hit point damage caused by bleeding effects.
Any healing applied to a user in excess of the character’s hit point maximum is stored in the stone up to 50 HP. Once a round a character can use the stored hit points to heal his wounds as a free action. At the end of every round the stored hit points decay at a rate of -1 HP. Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, magic weapon, heal; Cost 57,750 gp
I looked at the spell beast shape III and wild shape for a user of this level (10th I believe). How did you arrive at 2 hours for the duration?
... That's just how long i wanted it to last. An effect like this doesn't have to mimic the spell exacly otherwise i wouldn't have written "except as noted below." Essentially i thought that 2 hoyrs was enough to achieve interesting RP outcomes without major drawbacks (since its 1/day and not powerful animals).
Also, I would rather see an item with shorter duration that could be turned on and off like a boots of speed.
I think this'd make the item more useful and therefore more expensive (and potentially unbalancing)
Also, beast shape III lets you change into much cooler stuff than the animals listed below which could be achieved with a beast shape I.
Well you'd need at least Beast Shape II since they're Tiny and Beast Shape III for poison, fly (90').
Your description never really explains why these animals are significant and to place value judgements on certain types of animals as evil, good or neutral seems a little strange. None of those animals have that alignment.
Almost no animals have an alignment - these ones are (mostly) iconic for particular traits (as cunning as a fox, as wise as an owl, etc.) similarly bats aren't evil (in fact they're quite cute and nice) but they still have the association.
Why add these rules, it just takes up space. I don't know of any other items with death rules like this or spell effect protection like you indicated.
I added the death rule to prevent PCs swapping the item around to take advantage of different totemic forms depending on the situation. I just liked the effect of the ignore Polymorph thing - not very powerful since this doesn't exacly happen alot but added to the flavour.
I am interested in how you arrived at your price for this item. I am curious because after making my own item, the rules as they are written seem completely unable to prepare you to price an item accurately. I took a shot in the dark and still fudged my numbers because it seemed astronomical.
Because (as you point out) the item's not making full use of the spell its based off i couldn't use the suggested pricing guide. I therefore looked at Cloak of the Bat and Cloak of the Manta Ray and guessed.
Thanks for the feedback!
Alright so I didn't post an entry but still tell me what you think...
Cloak of Escape
Aura faint illusion; CL 5th
Slot shoulders; Price 8,500 gp; Weight 1 lb.Description
Fashioned of semi-transparent silver cloth, this cloak bestows a +5 competence bonus on Stealth checks.By pulling up the hood, as a move action, the wearer may become invisible (as invisibility) and have an illusory image of them appears to stand in their place (as mirror image). The image of you, however, need not move with you and is visible despite you being invisible. When it is made, you can designate a simple movement for it to take moving at your normal speed. For example it could move in one direction while you run the other. You may keep these effects active for up to 15 rounds per day. These rounds need not be consecutive rounds.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, invisibility, mirror image, creator must have 5 ranks in the Stealth skill; Cost 4,750 gp
Anyone wanna tell me what they think? My only concerns are if it costs enough and its caster level is right if it even matters
Anyone wanna tell me what they think? My only concerns are if it costs enough and its caster level is right if it even matters
I did a bunch, but the thread kind of died out. I don't know if people were annoyed at my thoughts on their items, or if it was just natural for it to go away due to Round 2.
In any case, I'll give you my thoughts if you want them.
Alright go ahead.
Cloak of Escape
Cloak of Elvenkind plus mislead. This is pretty much the definition of a Spell in a Can, except that I don't think you've chosen the right spell(s) to put in the can. Using standard invisibility rather than the greater invis granted by mislead should bring the price down a bit.
+5 Stealth- 2,500
mislead (let's call this a 4th level effect, bringing it down from 5th on the bard's list)- 80,000
charges per day- OK, a 10th level casting of mislead would last 10 rounds. Since this lasts 15 rounds, let's go with 1.5 charges per day.- 82,500 / (5/1.5) = 24,775 gp. That doesn't seem super far out of whack. A little high, maybe.
Edit- Actually I screwed that up a little. I should be dealing with the abilities separately. Ah well, it's in the ballpark.