Clark, Please Give Me Feedback on My Item

[ajpopp]

I beseech thee o mighty Clark, for feedback on my item.

PIPE OF OSTENSIBLE CLOUT
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 7th
Slot –; Price 5,000 gp; Weight –
DESCRIPTION
This is a finely crafted tobacco pipe for the person of culture who has the time and intelligence to explain himself to others.
If the owner is smoking the pipe and has a hand free for thoughtful gestures, he may use his Intelligence modifier to replace his Charisma modifier for Bluff checks to deceive NPCs and Diplomacy checks to influence the attitude of NPCs, including making requests of them, as per the Diplomacy skill. (The pipe doesn’t really work for feinting in combat or gathering information, however.)
In addition, the pipe grants a +5 bonus to the listed skill checks, regardless of whether the owner uses his Intelligence bonus.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Charm Monster; Cost 2,500 gp

[Lord Transcona]

Montalve wrote:

Lord Transcona wrote:

Gloves of Thieving

Aura Moderate no school; CL 12th
Slot hands; Price 15,000 gp (I), 30,000 gp (II) 60,000 gp (III); Weight –

Description
These dark lambskin gloves come in three varieties: gloves of thieving I, gloves of thieving II and gloves of thieving III. They shrink to a second-skin like fit to the wearers hands when worn. Gloves of thieving I grant the following rouge skills and features as if the character has 3 ranks or 3 extra ranks were applicable for a rouge. Climb, Disable Device, Sleight of Hand, Use Magic Device and Trapfinding (for actions involving use of the hands). In addition Gloves of thieving II and III provide these skills and features as if the character has 6 or 9 ranks (or enhance a rouge’s ranks by 6 or 9) respectively, as well as allowing the use of one of the following rouge talents generated randomly. Major Magic, Minor Magic, Quick Disable and Rouge Crawl. Spells may have verbal and somatic components only and are selected by the GM.
The GM informs the player that the character feels a compulsion to use these skills once the opportunity for their use arises. The character may choose not to use these skills if he desires. To the wearer it feels as if the gloves are moving of their own volition, animating the hands and fingers as the related task is being performed.
The gloves themselves have a thieving nature and will cause anything worn under them to disappear into a pocket dimension and can only be retrieved by a rouge wearing the gloves requiring a DC 25 sleight of hand check at his unmodified rank.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, wish, secret chest; Cost 7,500 gp 15,000 gp 30,000 gp

ok... i think i know what Clark would say about this

items that take classes abillities to give them to a character of other class are NO-NO items
besides... wouldn't a Wish spell be a lot more...

First mention I've heard that granting class abilities to other classes was a no-no. From my point of view its in the flavour of the game as feats do much the same thing.

What I was trying for here was a way to promote the thieving abilities of the rouge in play in order to make the rouge more like a thief and less like a generic scoundrel or knave. I still wanted to promote these skills and abilities even if there would be no rouge present.

As for the math I was thinking something on these lines:

Skill Bonus (3 squared = 9) x 100 = 900
for 4 skills for a total of 3,600.
Then I multiplied it by 1.5 for multiple different abilities for 5,400.
After that I added Spell effect single use/use activated as the wish spell was granting the abilities once the gloves were put on. The effect of the wish was continuous but I interpreted
the wish as being used once. Spell level 9 x CL 17 x 50 = 7,650
This totals to 13,050. Because the item could possibly grant spell like abilities but I wasn't sure how to calculate them I added 1,950 to round it up to 15,000.

I can see now that since this item isn't used up after the first use that (use activated or continuous) would be more correct.
Also I see that I put the wrong Caster Level in, should have been 17th instead of 12th.

[Steven Helt]

Darkjoy wrote:

UriLifshitz wrote:

Const Wand of Wands

Requirements Craft Wondrous Items, Craft Wand, Major Creation, a doppelganger bone; Cost 12,500 gp

It's a wand! Not a wondrous item, Craft wand is even part of the requirements.....

auto-reject.

And, to be blunt, it's horrible design. Can I also take Dude's Feat of Feats, alowing me to have all feats? Or wear the Lord's Ring of Rings?

I think I would assume this submission was a hoax. Is it?

[Steven Helt]

Darkjoy wrote:

Boots of the Sea Treader

Any feedback is helpful. Glad you liked a portion of it. Maybe I'll get you an edited version and you can tell me if the 'videogameness' goes away.

Something being floated more than the last two years is an item looking like a designer designed it instead of a player or fanboy. I think that's an important factor. What's tough, then, is making an item that is tight and doesn't make people roll their eyes thinking video game, while making a cinematic item that a player would love to have.

I'll take more opinions.

[Wicht]

While we're waiting on Clark, I would welcome feedback on my Portable Lab (page 1).

It was an item I designed for a campaign about nine years ago and it was my wife's favorite magic item (she played a crafting wizard). She has been encouraging me to submit it for the last two years and this year I gave in.

[Starglim]

Wicht wrote:

While we're waiting on Clark, I would welcome feedback on my Portable Lab (page 1).

It was an item I designed for a campaign about nine years ago and it was my wife's favorite magic item (she played a crafting wizard). She has been encouraging me to submit it for the last two years and this year I gave in.

You can fit a heck of a lot of gear, not to mention quite a few PCs, in a space 40' x 10' x 10'. Does it have any particular advantage as a wizard's lab, apart from cosmetically looking like a spellbook? edit: Some might even consider that a disadvantage. I don't see anything preventing the owner ripping out the shelves, benches and so on, 50 pounds at a time, and refurnishing it as some other kind of place.

Maybe it's a trivial point, but where does the smoke from the fireplace go? Could a smart player do anything abusive with that function?

I don't think you'd need magnificent mansion as a requirement, since the lab is smaller and lacks servants and food, but another similar item referred to rope trick. Secure shelter alone doesn't encompass its effects.

[Júlíus Árnason]

Wicht wrote:

While we're waiting on Clark, I would welcome feedback on my Portable Lab (page 1).

It was an item I designed for a campaign about nine years ago and it was my wife's favorite magic item (she played a crafting wizard). She has been encouraging me to submit it for the last two years and this year I gave in.

I'll second this, mine is The Light of the Living (page 2). I'll check back in a while and comment on a few of the items that caught my fancy :)

[Charles Evans 25]

(edited, polished)

Wicht wrote:

While we're waiting on Clark, I would welcome feedback on my Portable Lab (page 1).

It was an item I designed for a campaign about nine years ago and it was my wife's favorite magic item (she played a crafting wizard). She has been encouraging me to submit it for the last two years and this year I gave in.

You, sir, are a masochist, and unfortunately your plea has been heard....

Wicht wrote:

Wizard’s Portable Lab
Auramoderate conjuration CL 9th
Slot - Price 150,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
Though it looks to be a spellbook filled with arcane script, this book actually contains four connected rooms suitable for arcane research and item creation. Each room is ten feet wide, ten feet long and ten feet high. The first room has shelves upon which components can be stored. The second room contains a fully equipped wizard’s lab and the third contains an alchemist’s lab. The fourth room is a carpeted library, complete with shelves and a fireplace.

Anyone who touches the book and speaks the command word is transported into the rooms within the book. Speaking the command word again causes one to exit the lab. A person can transport up to an additional fifty pounds of weight into or out of the lab in this way. Read magic allows the caster to discern from the pages of the book both the contents of the rooms and the command word necessary for entering and exiting the lab. If the book is destroyed, any living person within the lab book is immediately expelled along with anything they are carrying; all else is destroyed with the book.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Secure Shelter Cost 75,000 gp

Basically this looks to me more like a variant of Mordenkainen's Magnificent Mansion with a disguised movable door than anything which could be explained by secure shelter. If you are in fact magically transported in, then why is there no teleport, plane-shift, or even dimension door construction requirement? Is this a demiplane? Is this an extradimensional space? What happens if you take another extradimensional space inside it? Is the air magically refreshed? What capacity of breathable air is inside if it is not? How many people can the lab conveniently accomodate?

Is a caster level of only 9th actually suited to this item? (By the way on a formatting issue, there should be a space between the 'Aura' and 'moderate conjuration' which indicates you did not apparently preview your entry before hitting submit, as this one is pretty obvious.)

As a further thought, I know the judges have been pretty hard on 'camping items' in previous years, and this looks to me like it could fall under that heading. The closest you come to a 'neat idea' which might make it stand out is, I think, the contents of the lab being listed in the book, (although that raises all sort of questions about the descriptions of items in the lab currently affected by abjurations, illusions, or transmutations, besides what construction requirement the 'listing' function might involve), and I don't know if that idea would be neat enough to be 'superstar'.

The item as a whole strikes me as something it would be easier to categorise as a minor artifact or a demiplane to which the book is a wondrous item means of transporation than a wondrous item, to be frank.

Anyway, that's some feedback from someone who isn't a judge.

Edit:
Ah, I see Starglim has commented too.

[Wicht]

Too easy to be exploited then is the synopsis of the criticism; along with too cheap.

Gotcha.

:)

[Charles Evans 25]

Wicht wrote:

Too easy to be exploited then is the synopsis of the criticism; along with too cheap.

Gotcha.

:)

I suspect you really might have been done on the 'camping item' count, but we shall see...

[Karnas Sunderscale]

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Terrestrial’s Guide
Aura faint evocation; CL 5th
Slot--; Price 39,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.

Terrestrial’s Guide is a godsend to all mixed race parties wishing to explore lightless depths without alerting all those with darkvision to their arrival.
The item appears as a mirror finished hooded lantern with bas relief images of the sun, moon, and eyes inlaid upon its glittering surface. Oddly, the hood of the lantern is rimmed in the blackest of obsidian and it seems to absorb some of the very light it sheds.
The item has 3 charges which renew each day. However, after 6 charges have been used the item must be exposed to direct sunlight for a minimum of two hours in order to recharge.
Upon command the lantern sheds bright illumination in a 60 foot radius as per the daylight spell. By turning a mechanical dial, the aperture adjusts allowing the glow of the device to be turned down to any desired range in 5 foot increments to as low as a 10 feet expanse. Furthermore, this light is enveloped by an outer shell of impenetrable darkness. Effectively, a hemisphere of light is created which does not project radiance beyond the scope of its perimeter, thereby, disallowing anything with or without darkvison to see the globe of light unless they become enshrouded within it.
If one charge is expended the lantern produces shadowy illumination within its expanse for 50 minutes.
If two charges are used the lantern produces an effect known as clawing darkness. Any within the confines of the lanterns light must make a fortitude save DC(14 ) or have all traces of darkvision eradicated for 10 consecutive rounds as tendrils of both light and darkness assault their eyes.
Construction Requirements Craft Wondrous Items, daylight, deeper darkness; Cost 19,500 gp.

[Panda40]

Ok very late in joing this...here is my item....happy for any feedback:

Protector’s Ink

Aura: Moderate Abjuration and Divination CL: 10

Slot: - Price: 64,000 gp Weight: -

Description: A jar of Protector’s Ink is sufficient for one application only. The ink is applied by the finger(s) of a living being (a “protector”) to another living being (“the protected”) in the form of a simple rune, mark or war paint. This mark lasts for one month and creates a mystic connection between the two – all damage from wounds inflected on the protected is transferred to the protector. Forms of harm that do not involve hit points are not affected. Once the mark has been applied, the protector can not dismiss it. The protected may make a saving throw if they do not wish to be marked. (Will DC 15 negates.)

The protector can locate the protected, as per a locate creature spell for up to 1 hour per day. (This ability can be used in increments of 10 minutes or all at once.) The range for locating and “sharing the pain” is unlimited, as long as both parties are on the same plane of existence. It is worth noting that it is highly likely that if the protected dies - so does the protector.

The mark may be made invisible - at any time - by either of the individuals involved. (A detect magic spell causes the mark to glow and be visible.) Attempting to remove the mark by physical harm (cutting, burning, etc.) causes the mark to reappear instantly elsewhere on the protected’s body and the protection is still in effect. The mark cannot be dispelled but can be removed by an erase spell. The protected can be under the protection of only one protector at a time.

Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, arcane mark, shield other, locate creature. Cost: 32,000 gp

[Ragadolf]

Wicht wrote:

Too easy to be exploited then is the synopsis of the criticism; along with too cheap.

Gotcha.

:)

Actually Wicht, the (usual) GM of my old college gaming group came up with almost the same exact thing years ago for one of our campaigns! :)

Instead of a book, I believe it was a small wooden cube, which unfolded (as per the 1st ed 'folding boat') into a wagon. Inside the wagon were 4 rooms dedicated to wizardly use, including a lab, a library, and a sleeping chamber. (I forgot the 4th one! Maybe a casting room?)

Now granted, we didn't TRY to abuse it, we mainly used it as a 'camping' item, but the fact was that we DID use it, including for spell research etc, and we enjoyed having the item. So obviously there is precedent here for such an item! But I do think that yours might be underpriced, (although in general I think that magic items tend to be a mite pricey, though maybe not without good reason!) I personally think that the magnificent mansion is a perfectly reasonable spell-basis for the item.

You might want to address certain things like, if a person enters the lab, can it be entered by another without his permission? Can a person inside secure the lab so no one else can enter? Can a person be trapped in the lab by someone on the outside closing the book? Or is the book merely the 'key' to entering the lab? etc.

These are the kind of questions that I came up with. (Granted, I was being picky to get them, but they would come up!) Hope that helps your tweaking!

While waiting for the JUDGERNAUT (God bless his lil' judging mind!) I also welcome others opinions on my item, 'The Scarab of the Sepulcher' (posted on page 3!) Thank you to any who care to share opinions!

[Reckless]

Since I've chimed in on others' items, perhaps some board members could return the favor on the Cricket Whistle, a few pages back, while I wait for Clark's feedback. Thanks in advance.

[Steven Helt]

Like other years, I will critique a host of items unless someone tells me to leave them alone. But for now, work rules. If I pick ya, I thought of something right away, and if not, i'll try to be somewhat in order.

If you want to know what I think and I don't get there, hit me up. I am no one special, but I have been a spectator critiquing items for three years now, so I am an old hat.

Off to design something for money!

[Charles Evans 25]

Júlíus Árnason wrote:

Wicht wrote:

While we're waiting on Clark, I would welcome feedback on my Portable Lab (page 1).

It was an item I designed for a campaign about nine years ago and it was my wife's favorite magic item (she played a crafting wizard). She has been encouraging me to submit it for the last two years and this year I gave in.

I'll second this, mine is The Light of the Living (page 2). I'll check back in a while and comment on a few of the items that caught my fancy :)

Very well then. Let us see what I make of it:

Júlíus Árnason wrote:

Hi Clark and Sean. Thank's in advance for doing this, I really appreciate you taking the time to do this.

So don't hold back, criticism only helps after all :)
Any criticism from you lovely people on the boards is also welcome.

The Light of the Living
Aura faint divination and abjuration; CL 3rd
Slot --; Price 1400 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.
Description
When lit, this pale yellow taper produces a bright blue flame that reveals the aura of any undead within a 60-foot radius. To see the location of any undead the user must look into the flame as a standard action. This action provokes attacks of opportunity. Each aura is revealed to the user as a shimmering flame of corresponding color; faint auras are seen as black, moderate as red, strong as purple and overwhelming as dark blue. See the detect undead spell for details on undead HD and auras. This effect penetrates barriers, but 1 foot of stone, 1 inch of common metal, a thin sheet of lead, or 3 feet of wood or dirt blocks it.
These tapers were created for graveyard keepers for protection against the undead that inhabit cemeteries. To that end, when the user is confronted with an undead creatures he may, as a swift action, blow out the candle producing a roiling carpet of smoke in a 30-foot radius, centered on the user. The smoke wards living creatures from any undead creature’s sight, hearing, smell and senses. Extraordinary and supernatural senses, such as blindsense, blindsight, scent and tremorsense cannot penetrate the smoke. Effectively every living creature within the radius becomes wholly invisible to undead creature’s senses (Will DC 14 negates).
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, detect undead, hide from undead; Cost 700 gp

Well, for a start you haven't stated how long your taper burns for, once lit. That's vital information to your submission.

And after blowing a taper out can a character relight it, then blow it out again then relight it to keep the hide from undead effect going until he/she has no taper left?
And on a practical note, even if undead can't directly sense you (and if the smoke is deep enough it might be difficult for anyone to see you from a distance), I think that intelligent undead might notice this patch where they can't see anyone, but which doesn't seem to be filled with smoke...

A shame, as I think you might have had something here, otherwise... :-?

[Paul Worthen]

Anyone interested in giving me some feedback on my Somnolent Statuette, back on page 4?

[Charles Evans 25]

Paul Worthen wrote:

Anyone interested in giving me some feedback on my Somnolent Statuette, back on page 4?

I must be insane. I should be on my way to bed by now...

Paul Worthen wrote:

Somnolent Statuette

Aura Strong illusion; CL 13th
Slot none; Price 31,200 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
This smooth-carved diorite statuette depicts an eyeless humanoid man with a predatory smile, sitting in a lotus position, hands cupped. The item can be activated once per day through a brief ritual, requiring burning of a small amount of incense while repeating a droning mantra for at least 5 minutes. At the conclusion of this ritual, creatures within 10' of the statue must make a Will save (DC 16). If any creature within the radius passes this save or is immune to sleep effects, the statue has no effect. However, if all the creatures in the radius fail the save, they fall asleep for 8 hours. During this period, the sleeping creatures are magically obscured. No random encounters will occur and even creatures actively searching for the sleepers will suffer a -10 penalty on checks to find them.
However, this item carries a risk if used too often. For each consecutive day that the statuette is used it carries a 10% cumulative risk that the statuette will feed upon the dreams of the sleepers. This prevents restful sleep and causes 1d10 points of damage. The sleepers are also left fatigued and are unable to regain arcane spells for the next 24 hours.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderous Item, nightmare, veil Cost: 15,600 gp

I'm really not seeing a link between the construction requirements and what it does. Neither nightmare nor veil put people to sleep, and veil changes the appearance of individuals, not makes them invisible. Is the implication that it provides some sort of camouflage?

What minimum GP value of incense is required per activation? The cost may be negligible to a party that can afford this but it's nice to have a value anyway.

And I'm a bit wary about that absolute 'No random encounters will occur'. This item doesn't provide an abjuration effect (a super-sanctuary?) which wards an area, but an illusion which hides people if I understand it correctly. Some sort of penalty to perception checks of wandering creatures, instead might have been more appropriate? (Of course an elephant which can't observe you which wanders through while you sleep may inadvertantly trample you underfoot by accident anyway, but at least you won't end up as an intended snack for predators...)
For that matter, did you think about using the screen spell instead of veil and (since you probably won't need it more often anyway) reducing the statue to a one use per day item if you're worried about construction cost?

A shame about the execution as the 'protect you while you sleep, but sometimes at the cost of your dreams' idea is interesting.

[cwslyclgh]

Paul Worthen wrote:

Somnolent Statuette

Hmmm... it is both a "camping item" and carries a random risk of something bad happening to the users, both of which are things the Judges tend not to like.

[Lucklessone]

Paul Worthen wrote:

Somnolent Statuette

Aura Strong illusion; CL 13th
Slot none; Price 31,200 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
This smooth-carved diorite statuette depicts an eyeless humanoid man with a predatory smile, sitting in a lotus position, hands cupped. The item can be activated once per day through a brief ritual, requiring burning of a small amount of incense while repeating a droning mantra for at least 5 minutes. At the conclusion of this ritual, creatures within 10' of the statue must make a Will save (DC 16). If any creature within the radius passes this save or is immune to sleep effects, the statue has no effect. However, if all the creatures in the radius fail the save, they fall asleep for 8 hours. During this period, the sleeping creatures are magically obscured. No random encounters will occur and even creatures actively searching for the sleepers will suffer a -10 penalty on checks to find them.
However, this item carries a risk if used too often. For each consecutive day that the statuette is used it carries a 10% cumulative risk that the statuette will feed upon the dreams of the sleepers. This prevents restful sleep and causes 1d10 points of damage. The sleepers are also left fatigued and are unable to regain arcane spells for the next 24 hours.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderous Item, nightmare, veil Cost: 15,600 gp

Ill take a stab at that.

I think its a neat idea, but I believe that the price for what it does is a little high. Having safe sleeping conditions can be a literal life saver, but a group of adventurers who have 30k in group funds kicking around would probably invest it in items without drawbacks (especially since elves and half elves cannot benefit from the item). I dont have a pathfinder core book in front of me so I cannot even guess if the pricing is correct by the rules but assuming that everything is kosher there, I would drop the whole drawback aspect, (allowing the removal of nightmare) and replace veil with maybe illusionary wall (which is only 4th level and being disguised as the "floor" is fine when sleeping I think) that would bring the cost of the item down to a range where I think more PC's would shell out the gp for it.
But still that just my humble opinion.

Oh one last thing to note, the second level wizard spell rope trick can provide a safe sleeping area with no drawbacks for up too 8 creatures starting at caster level 8 So I was using that as a guideline when I was looking at your item.

Maybe someone can do my Bandolier of Hidden Purpose from back on page 4 next? <hope hope>

[Aneki]

Hey Clark thanks for all the effort you put into judging and giving feedback.
I think the main flaw with my item is the cost.. in playtesting I had it higher however the entire target market for such an item are the people who have very little. The price i came to was the one strictly for the item not including the potential effect (ie wish)

edit: the addition of the potential Jackie Chan style hijinx while trying to keep he candle a light was the justification for the low price.. that and the "task"

Thanks in advance

Candle of Deals
Aura Strong Conjuration (calling);
Slot - ; Price 6,100 gp; Weight 1lb;
Description
This candle stands one foot in height and is covered in runes. A Spellcraft Check (DC 20) reveals the runes as those used in dark summoning rituals. Originally created in the Abyss as a way of securing a mortals soul the Candle of Deals has been recreated over the years by power hungry arch mages and by those wishing to curry favour with dark outsiders.
Lighting the candle causes black smoke to issue forth encircling everything within five feet clearing to reveal a Glabrezu Demon, his true visage concealed with appealing illusions who does not attack unless provoked.
If lit by a mortal humanoid the Glabezu will offer the character a wish. This wish is with all the normal side effects of a Glabrezu demon’s wish with an additional effect that the Glabrezu will call on the recipient of the wish within 1 month to perform a single task. This task will always be one that goes against the nature of the recipient.
The candle takes 1 hour to completely burn out after which time the wish comes into effect. If the candle leaves the possession of the mortal who lit it or goes out the wish is cancelled yet the debt must still be served.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Greater Planar Binding, 100gp candle; Cost 3050 gp

[SowelBlack]

Of course I want to hear what the judges thought, but I'd love to get constructive criticism from others. I've got a guess about what needed to be improved.

Portable Orcish Birthing Pit
Aura strong conjuration, moderate abjuration and transmutation, faint necromancy; CL 12th
Slot --; Price 20000 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description

This irregularly shaped metallic object has six black sides with orange runes. When activated by pressing one particular side and any number of other sides then throwing it to the ground within 30 feet, the device transmutes into an orcish birthing pit.

One round later, an orc with a falchion will crawl out and have a single move action or standard action remaining. The orc will have a number of abilities and features depending on which sides of the device were pressed when activated where "X" is equal to the number of the device's sides pressed (including the activation/primary side):
1 Flight (gargoyle wings): Can fly 10X feet per round with average maneuverability.
2 Magic weapon (arms with sliver runes): Attacks are as a magic weapon +X.
3 Amphibious (neck gills): Can breathe underwater and move at 10X feet per round.
4 Fear aura 30 ft (some dragon scales): The DC is equal to 10+X.
5 Regeneration (troll head): regenerates X hit points per round.

A few of the orc's primary stats change based on how many sides are pressed:
* Has no armor, but has +X toughness AC bonus.
* Hit dice are Xd10+X
* Base attack bonus is +X and the CMB and CMD change respectively.

The orc obeys the commands of the person who activated the device and will remain for eight hours or until dismissed.

Each use of the device costs one charge per side. It has eight charges per day.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Summon Monster 2, Cause Fear, Water Breathing, Freedom of Movement, Magic Weapon, Flight, Regenerate; Cost 10000 gp

[Fuelharp]

Here's mine, I think I have a fairly good idea as to what points mine didn't make it in, and I pretty much knew 2 weeks into the initial foray that it wouldn't make it based solely on comments made by Clark in the forums and then me going back into the other years contests.

But, I could be wrong, and I'm interested in what ye olde judges had to say about it, and if you could, I'd def be interested in how you thought the overall write up was, a critique on the writing is what I'm after as well as the item itself.

I probably should have waited instead of posting it up the first day, but I would just have rewritten it a hundred times, next year, I'll be far more prepared. This is the first time I've ever submitted anything I've written. So please, be critical, you're not going to scare me off with a few scathing remarks.

Fuelharp wrote:

Artifex-Gnomish

Aura strong conjuration; CL 13th
Slot -; Price 70,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.

Description

A wily Gnome evoker born in the Elemental plane of Fire grew so sick and tired of always carrying his adventuring gear and crafting tools across the Material Plane that he didn’t want to leave home anymore. So he forged the fist sized brass orb before you, bringing his workshop, bed, and boudoir with him.

Like most adventuring wizards, they require a workshop with which to quietly study, research spells, create potions, write scrolls or craft items without having to haul foot across a league or two. With all the comforts of home, the Artifex delivers.

Once per day, speaking a word of command, the rune inscribed orb luninesces, fabricating a semi-permanent tower in mere minutes. Limited to a 40 foot square radius, it uses whatever non living or inanimate materials are available within 100 feet of its wielder.

Once inside, using a second word of command, the orb furnishes the tower with non-exotic, non-masterwork tools, materials, and other mundane equipment required, including food, drink, and bedding for 6 of his traveling companions, not exceeding a value of 1000 gp. Artifex fabricated materials leaving the tower, or the orb itself crossing out threshold, will cause all those created items to crumble into a fine ash within 1d3 minutes.

A final word of command can be spoken to disintegrate the tower, turning it into a cinder cloud of white ash for 1d3 rounds. Creatures and non-magical items inside the 40 foot area take 6d6 points of fire damage per round, (Reflex DC 20 half). If left unspoken, the tower will remain standing, bereft however of anything the Artifex fabricated within it.

Construction

Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, mage's magnificent mansion, major creation, fabricate;

Cost 35,000 gp

[Charles Evans 25]

Aneki wrote:

Hey Clark thanks for all the effort you put into judging and giving feedback.

I think the main flaw with my item is the cost.. in playtesting I had it higher however the entire target market for such an item are the people who have very little. The price i came to was the one strictly for the item not including the potential effect (ie wish)

edit: the addition of the potential Jackie Chan style hijinx while trying to keep he candle a light was the justification for the low price.. that and the "task"

Thanks in advance

Candle of Deals
Aura Strong Conjuration (calling);
Slot - ; Price 6,100 gp; Weight 1lb;
Description
This candle stands one foot in height and is covered in runes. A Spellcraft Check (DC 20) reveals the runes as those used in dark summoning rituals. Originally created in the Abyss as a way of securing a mortals soul the Candle of Deals has been recreated over the years by power hungry arch mages and by those wishing to curry favour with dark outsiders.
Lighting the candle causes black smoke to issue forth encircling everything within five feet clearing to reveal a Glabrezu Demon, his true visage concealed with appealing illusions who does not attack unless provoked.
If lit by a mortal humanoid the Glabezu will offer the character a wish. This wish is with all the normal side effects of a Glabrezu demon’s wish with an additional effect that the Glabrezu will call on the recipient of the wish within 1 month to perform a single task. This task will always be one that goes against the nature of the recipient.
The candle takes 1 hour to completely burn out after which time the wish comes into effect. If the candle leaves the possession of the mortal who lit it or goes out the wish is cancelled yet the debt must still be served.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Greater Planar Binding, 100gp candle; Cost 3050 gp

Sorry, I'm not Clark, but I looked at this and thought 'uhh, no Caster Level'. Not submitting an item in the required format might have been an auto-reject to start with, and besides that this looks to me like a watered down version of an item which already exists, candle of invocation.

[Telhuine]

If you're at all bored, I, too, would welcome all feedback (including yours, Mr. Helt!) for my item posted on page 2. Thanks in advance!

[Aneki]

Charles Evans 25 wrote:

Aneki wrote:

Hey Clark thanks for all the effort you put into judging and giving feedback.

I think the main flaw with my item is the cost.. in playtesting I had it higher however the entire target market for such an item are the people who have very little. The price i came to was the one strictly for the item not including the potential effect (ie wish)

edit: the addition of the potential Jackie Chan style hijinx while trying to keep he candle a light was the justification for the low price.. that and the "task"

Thanks in advance

Candle of Deals
Aura Strong Conjuration (calling);
Slot - ; Price 6,100 gp; Weight 1lb;
Description
This candle stands one foot in height and is covered in runes. A Spellcraft Check (DC 20) reveals the runes as those used in dark summoning rituals. Originally created in the Abyss as a way of securing a mortals soul the Candle of Deals has been recreated over the years by power hungry arch mages and by those wishing to curry favour with dark outsiders.
Lighting the candle causes black smoke to issue forth encircling everything within five feet clearing to reveal a Glabrezu Demon, his true visage concealed with appealing illusions who does not attack unless provoked.
If lit by a mortal humanoid the Glabezu will offer the character a wish. This wish is with all the normal side effects of a Glabrezu demon’s wish with an additional effect that the Glabrezu will call on the recipient of the wish within 1 month to perform a single task. This task will always be one that goes against the nature of the recipient.
The candle takes 1 hour to completely burn out after which time the wish comes into effect. If the candle leaves the possession of the mortal who lit it or goes out the wish is cancelled yet the debt must still be served.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Greater Planar Binding, 100gp candle; Cost 3050 gp

Sorry, I'm...

Thanks for the input mate.. I know when i wrote it i had CL because i had comment on it from one of my players.. hope i submitted with it.

[Charles Evans 25]

Lucklessone wrote:

...Maybe someone can do my Bandolier of Hidden Purpose from back on page 4 next? <hope hope>

Your hopes were not in vain (or perhaps they were...)

Lucklessone wrote:

Bandolier of Hidden Purpose

Aura: Faint Illusion (special see description)
CL: 3rd
Slot: Belt
Price: 2,500gp
Weight: 1lb
Description
Upon casual inspection this belt appears the sort that any enterprising adventurer would own. Well made of sturdy material, the belt contains several clasps, pockets, loops, and small pouches that serve to hold any number of small items such as coins, keys, thieves’ tools, dusts, potions etc. In total the pockets, pouches and compartments of the belt can hold 1/2 cubic foot of items, and there are 4 clasps and 2 loops for affixing other small carried items (coin purse etc). Additionally, the largest of the loops is designed to hold the scabbard of a dagger or similarly sized weapon. The magical aura and properties of the belt and any items held within its compartments, pouches, and hanging from loops or clasps, are undetectable by detect magic, identify, or any similar divination magic of below 6th level (analyze dweomer or higher level divinations would function normally on the belt and any items it conceals). While the magical auras of any items are concealed, the items are not rendered invisible, nor immune to divination magic that reveals or tracks the location of an item. Additionally the actual magical properties of an item are not suppressed, thus a glowing magical dagger would continue to emit light, a howling coin emit sound etc.
Construction:
Requirements:
Craft Wondrous Item
magic aura
Cost: 1250gp

Okay, first of all you didn't use BBCodes to format this. I hope you used them when you entered this item, otherwise you lost out on a simple way to make yourself look more professional.

Next, you're rather wordy going on about pouches and loops and capacity. I realise that this is information is pertinent to the use of the item, but you could have got straight on to the magic, and then gone on about the capacity afterwards.
The only spell you list in the construction requirement is magic aura and you say that the belt blocks identify, BUT it specifically calls out in magic aura's description that it gets trumped by identify which is the other way around. So that doesn't make much sense.
And you state that your belt deceives the effects of any divination spell of less than 6th level. There isn't any mention in magic aura's description that it can do that, and I would think you would need a spell of at least 4th level to do so, even given that you're trying to deceive a limited set of spells from one school.

But when it comes down to it, what does your item do in the end? It's a belt that makes it difficult for other people to tell that any items attached to it are magical, which on its own isn't that exciting. Go and look at some of the items on the Round 1 forum. Any items which do anything as simple as yours are usually accompanied by lashings of Golarion appropriate flavour and/or other strong imagery. They are items dedicated to Sarenrae that need to be set out before the rising sun, or tokens used by particular groups of guerilla warriors or assassin. They have images of adventure and of Paizo's world interwoven with them, that grabbed the attention of the judges, whereas yours... The best you manage to say about your belt is that it is 'well made of sturdy material' - you don't even say something like chimera leather or dragon hide. Where was the poetry and eloquence that might have lifted this into the superstar league?

I hope that these comments have been useful to you.

[Charles Evans 25]

Vladislav Rashkovski wrote:

Allow me to chime in with

Fragment of the Abyssal Cenotaph

Aura moderate evocation and enchantment; CL 13th

Slot -; Price 25,000 gp; Weight -;

Description
This solid oval piece of jet-black marble emits barely endurable heat, and ashes constantly tarnish its surface. Soft whispers chant constant pleas to break away from the confines of the prison this fiendish rock truly is. Any character that grips the marble fragment tightly and moves, leaves a trail of burning, screaming souls in his wake. The pillars of flaming visages are a threat the body and the mind alike.
Each trail is 20 ft. high, up to 30 ft. long, and lasts for three rounds. The trail deals 5d6 points of damage per 5 feet for each creature that passes through. In addition, any creature that crosses the flames is subject to the shattering grief and madness the burning souls embody; he drops to his knees, cowering for the duration of the trail. The victim can attempt a DC 20 Will save to eliminate the negative effect.
The fragment has ten uses, after which it dissipates into fine ash.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, wall of fire, insanity; Cost 12,500 gp

Hello again Vladislav... :)

Okay, the item name is unfortunate, as it implies to me that it comes from or is a piece of a specific place, which might make it a unique item or minor artifact rather than a mere wondrous item.
As a minor nitpick, if the heat the item gives off is 'barely endurable' does it actually damage anyone holding it?
How wide are the trails of screaming souls? You only give two dimensions, height and length.
Should this item be evil if it is associated with tormented souls? And what happens if you try to take this item into a consecrated (holy) place, or to use it in one?
For that matter where do the souls come from in the first place? I don't see anything in the construction requirements which explains to me how anyone crafting this item somehow ends up with a bunch of souls in this rock to be unleashed? Do they have to go somewhere special to make it? A mere 12,500 gp crafting cost doesn't seem likely to me to cover buying ingredients that contain very many souls.

The flavour of your item is very good, although your command of English is still a little bit erratic in places. (For example '...flaming visages are a threat the body...' should read: '...flaming visages are a threat to the body... ')
However the logic of your item does not seem to me to support the flavour which you have built up. Keep trying though. I think you had the basis of a very strong idea here.

[Joshua Stevens]

Ah, I think I posted the name of my item back on page 2 - but since everyone else is posting the whole thing, here's mine:

Stitchskin Suit
Aura strong illusion and necromancy; CL 13th
Slot body; Price 50,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Often looking like little more than a wad of bloody bandages when found, a stitchskin suit is actually an intelligent item (Int 13, Wis 13, Cha 13; Ego 10). Made from canvas, each stitchskin has the same alignment as its creator, and will only bond with a new owner if both its creator is dead and it accepts or desires the new owner. Once bonded, a stitchskin seamlessly envelopes its new owner’s body like a second skin, forming a symbiotic relationship. Once so worn, the owner gains 15 temporary hit points, and the stitchskin acts like a living suit of armor. A stitchskin may be healed through use of the mending spell, and each such use heals 1 hit point per caster level. A stitchskin can only be destroyed by reducing it to 0 hit points and then burning it. Further, while wearing a stitchskin, the owner may drastically alter the appearance of their new secondary flesh at will, as per the disguise self spell. Finally, a stitchskin may be commanded once every 24 hours to tear free from its owner for up to 12 hours, whereby the stitchskin is given life through causing its owner 3 points of Constitution damage and may assume any appearance within the bounds allowed by the disguise self spell. In all other ways, the stitchskin acts as its owner’s simulacrum when detached. A detached stitchskin may speak any language known by its owner, but otherwise only communicates with its owner empathically when worn. A stitchskin left detached for more than 12 hours slowly deflates, and may then bond with another owner.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, disguise self, false life, simulacrum; Cost 25,000 gp

[Jared Goodwin]

I'm not Clark, but here goes. I'm gonna see if I can't hit all the requests on this page.

Eyebite wrote:

Stitchskin Suit

This is a massively complicated item that boils down to Simulacrum in a can, and I didn't realize that until I had read it twice. There seem to be clarity issues.

It's a non-standard intelligent item.

It overwrites the rules for damaging worn objects and overwrites the rules for repairing magic items, for no apparent gain.

It mentions disguise self despite not actually disguising the user.

Empathic communication is not a redefined term, so it needs explaining.

It's really gross.

SowelBlack wrote:

Portable Orcish Birthing Pit

Why are they orcs if this is obviously a summoning device? Why did you call a summoning device a birthing device?

Where do the orcs come from? I'm pretty sure orcs normally come from when a mommy orc and a daddy orc love each other very much, not born from a really weird magic item.

Why does this have eight spell prerequisites?

I have no idea what this looks like. "An irregularly shaped metallic object" is no help.

I have to recalculate the stats of a summoned monster on the fly? AAAAAAAAUGH.

Aneki wrote:

Candle of Deals

It's a wish-in-a-box that you can afford at low level. The drawback is that the GM gets to randomly mess with you.

Panda40 wrote:

Protector’s Ink

This leads to lots of unfun shenanigans. The BBEG who marks a gargantuan zombie, kept in his lair very far, far away is essentially immune to everything until you chew through his zombie proxy. However, once the PCs do defeat him, they get to do it themselves.

It's a neat idea but it's plot-device grade.

Wicht wrote:

Wizard’s Portable Lab

Magnificent Mansion in a box. There's no reason for every villain who can afford it to not hide in one of these, hidden with traps and magical concealment, any time they're not out conducting business. That's bad for the game.

Telhuine wrote:

Bracelet of Desperate Measures

It says it's arms slot, but it turns out it's no slot.

It seems to be consumable, but it doesn't say. It also took me a moment to realize that there are two CLW crystals, two CMW crystals, and one CSW crystal.

The save line is somewhat unclear about what you're saving against.

Thrown items do not use the standard ranged touch attack rules, and most characters cannot throw things 60 feet.

[Maugan22]

Wicht wrote:

While we're waiting on Clark, I would welcome feedback on my Portable Lab (page 1).

It was an item I designed for a campaign about nine years ago and it was my wife's favorite magic item (she played a crafting wizard). She has been encouraging me to submit it for the last two years and this year I gave in.

I think your wife has good taste in magic items. My mage would seriously consider buying one of these, though she may wait for the price to come down a bit.

I think the judges saw a ton of mansion items / camping items and may have been looking for more action oriented items.

The description seems somewhat utilitarian. It might be better if we got a sense of what your extra dimensional space feels like, looks like, smells like instead of merely what it is used for.

If I were to write this it I would start out with something like:
A slight draft escapes from the pages of this xorn hide bound tome...

[Sir Ophiuchus]

Would anyone like to take a stab at my Distaff of the Fates, wayyy back on page 1?

Still crossing my fingers that Clark gets to it too though! :)

[seekerofshadowlight]

Sir Ophiuchus wrote:

Would anyone like to take a stab at my Distaff of the Fates, wayyy back on page 1?

Still crossing my fingers that Clark gets to it too though! :)

Off top of my head man you made a staff and called it a wondrous item. I say you where auto rejected based on that.

[Sir Ophiuchus]

...I'm having trouble understanding why you'd think that. It's not a staff: it has no charges, is not used like a staff in any way, and does not cast spells like a staff. Is it only the word "distaff" and its shape that suggested that to you? A distaff is a traditional spinning tool.

[Azmahel]

As soon my working week is over i will try my best to give feedback on as many items in this thread as possible.

[seekerofshadowlight]

I am just saying, the fact it is a magic staff, but does not follow the rules for making a magic staff. Like saying this sword is really a wand, so uses the rules for wands so it's not really a magic sword.That may have got you auto rejected or at the very lest turned the judges off before they even gave it a chance.

[Sir Ophiuchus]

seekerofshadowlight wrote:

I am just saying, the fact it is a magic staff, but does not follow the rules for making a magic staff. Like saying this sword is really a wand, so uses the rules for wands so it's not really a magic sword.That may have got you auto rejected or at the very lest turned the judges off before they even gave it a chance.

I do see what you mean, and went through this myself before submitting it. I did think it was described and named in such a way it was very clear it was neither a staff nor a wand, but obviously it was open to misinterpretation. It's not only too small for a staff but shaped differently and belonging to an entirely different class of object - that's like saying every long piece of wood is either a wand or a staff. If I'd submitted a "Sage's Walking-Stick" that increased a weak character's ability for cross-country travel, or a "Diviner's Rod" that found and purified the nearest sources of water, would those be staffs too?

I'm trying not to be overly defensive here, but I really didn't want my item dismissed on such a ground and I don't think it deserves to be.

[seekerofshadowlight]

EH, I could be wrong, Just was saying is all.

[Sir Ophiuchus]

I appreciate your feedback in any case. Any thoughts on its abilities, description, power level or flavour?

[seekerofshadowlight]

To be honest it's a bit much, I am still getting a vibe more like a staff or rod, the flavor is cool, but limited wish for free 1/month? and a 1 use wish, and allowing to reroll.

Also there is all this talk of cutting and strings, but you never get any less? All in all this thing sounds more like a minor artifact then a wondrous item

This is just my opinion others will vary

Edit: I wanted to say I didn't hate your item, just giving why I think it might not had made it.

[Chris Mortika]

Sir Ophiuchus, I like your distaff. It has a nice connection to the Greek Fates. (That might, in and of itself, have been to your disadvantage. I would imagine that a belt of Heracles would be out of place in Golarion, and so might this item.)

Our judges seem to disapprove of "luck mechanics" in items, seeing them as too gamist.

Could you explain how you designed the pricing? It seems low to me, in comparison to other items of similar power.

[seekerofshadowlight]

Chris Mortika wrote:

Could you explain how you designed the pricing? It seems low to me, in comparison to other items of similar power.

That could be the nail in the coffin there, one casting of wish, miracle and limited wish is 51'500 not counting any thing else, your item seems way under priced

[Charles Evans 25]

Sir Ophiuchus wrote:

Would anyone like to take a stab at my Distaff of the Fates, wayyy back on page 1?

Still crossing my fingers that Clark gets to it too though! :)

Sir Ophiuchus wrote:

Distaff of the Fates

Aura strong divination and evocation (if miracle is used); CL 17th
Slot – ; Price 103,350 gp; Weight 2 lbs.

Description

This two-foot pole of aged ash wood has a tangled mass of unworked gray threads wrapped around one end that are securely knotted into place halfway down its length. Unless all the threads are torn from a distaff at once, they never seem to grow any fewer.

Once per day, the bearer of a distaff of the fates may draw one thread from it as an immediate action. This grants him a split-second insight into what fate has in store and allows him to plan accordingly. The next time he rolls a d20, he knows whether or not his result will be successful. He may then choose to reroll the die, but if he does he must take the new result. If the bearer makes no such roll within a minute of drawing the thread, the foreknowledge is no longer valid and he does not gain these benefits. The bearer does not have to hold the distaff to draw its threads, but it must be within his reach.

Once per month, a distaff's bearer may weave the strands of fate by drawing three threads and braiding them together as a full-round action. This allows him to make a limited wish that can duplicate any spell of 5th level or lower.

Finally, if the bearer tears or cuts all the threads from a distaff of the fates at once he may command the Fates directly, making a wish. Doing this is a standard action, and drains all power from the distaff permanently.

Construction

Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, limited wish, wish or miracle, creator must have 5 ranks in Craft (weaving); Cost 51,675 gp

Okay, on the canon side I'm not even sure that Golarion has fates. I have a feeling that Aroden may have had something to do with destiny, only Aroden is of course 'missing in action'. Pharasma does have 'fate' listed under her portfolio, but she's more of an hourglass lady than a spinner/weaver. Referencing something from real world mythology which may not exist in Golarion canon probably gets you off to a bad start.

I have a feeling that 'reroll dice' results in PFRPG are usually made before the GM announces if the result of the action was successful. The 'It was meant to be' power of the (destined) Sorcerer bloodline which allows the reroll of certain dice rolls certainly plays that way. So with your 1/day power, you're going aganst the convention of the game rules, to say the least, and possibly opening up a whole can of worms and headaches with regard to timing for the GM.

I'm really not sure what pulling a spell out of nowhere once a month has to do with a deity representative of fate on Golarion like Pharasma? Or the 'tear all the threads off at once' power? I don't get the feeling that she intervenes much with miraculous fireballs from out of nowhere, or suddenly turning an enemy wizard into a squirrel.

The whole item has a 'I'm a minor artifact masqerading as a wondrous item' feel to it to me. Should regular spellcasters be making these things at all in their workshops? At the very least I'd restrict it to a group of clerics devoted to an appropriate deity, and maybe change the imagery you use from a distaff to something more canonical.

(And if according to The Great Beyond (which I do not have a copy of) there is a group of spinning Fates out there then you have my sincere apologies, but they aren't mentioned in the core rulebook, the Campaign Setting, or the Gods and Magic books which I do have.)

[Charles Evans 25]

seekerofshadowlight wrote:

Chris Mortika wrote:

Could you explain how you designed the pricing? It seems low to me, in comparison to other items of similar power.

That could be the nail in the coffin there, one casting of wish, miracle and limited wish is 51'500 not counting any thing else, your item seems way under priced

Err, he says 'or', not 'and'. In theory, according to his construction requirements, you only need to be able to cast limited wish to make this item....

Edit:
Though in that case it's not clear where the 'one shot' power comes from...