I would like to receive feedback on my item, and I'm working from memory so the description may not be exactly the same.
Aura strong divination and enchantment; CL 14th
Slot wrist; Price 58,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Whenever an adjacent enemy rolls a natural 1 on an attack roll, he becomes flat-footed for 1 round. In addition you automatically confirm critical hits against flat-footed enemies.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, symbol of stunning, true strike; Cost 29,000 gp
Star Voter Season 6
|
Name: Bone Chains of Torture
Aura: strong conjugation
Slot: neck and gloves
Price: 80,000gp
Weight: 10lb
Description: this is a set of 5 chains made out of bone linked together by a small metal plate, that once placed on the owner will never be removed, they attach to the neck, the wrists and the ankles, the metal plate fuses to the wearer’s chest, although armour can be worn over it. As a full round action the wearer may activate the chains by placing a drop of blood on to the metal plate and uttering the unholy name of Asmodeus. The metal plate starts to bleed for 8 rounds producing a large pool of blood from which at the 8th round crawls out a bone devil carrying the unholy item desired. The bone devil will then give the wearer a great unholy item of torture (+5 to intimidation checks) but in return will judge the wear’s skills at intimidating, which is an intimidation check DC20, if failed the devil will drag the wearer down to hell. The bone devil is not under the control of the wearer and will act independently but will only attack the wearer of the chains if provoked, it will stay in the material plane for 1 hour, more than one devil may be summoned before the last one leaves but each devil will add a cumulative +5 to the DC rating but increasing the bonus of the item by +1 each time. Items given to the wearer are real; can’t be dispelled but may only be used when the intended target is tied down, the item returns to hell at the end of the day.
Construction requirements: craft wondrous items; summon monster VII, secret chest and fabricate
Cost: 40,000gp
This was one of the few that Sean and Wes rejected before I even saw it. They felt it was spell in a can with an interesting no memory side effect, but not really one that redeems it.
This is a perfect example of good but not good enough.
I think this one got auto rejected for word count. Yeah its 323 words.
The version you posted isnt the full version that you submitted.
This is what you submitted:
Meditation Beads of the Shocking Fist
Aura Moderate evocation; CL 5th
Slot --; Price : 4760 gp (type I), 9520 gp (type II), 14300 gp (type III), 19050 gp (type IV), 23800 gp (type V); Weight --
Description
Meditation Beads of the Shocking Fist are prized by students of The Order of the Shocking Fist and the beads bear their emblems. It is tradition for mentors to bestow this prize as a gift to a favored student upon reaching a desired level or completing a sacred task. Any monk wearing these enchanted meditation beads has truly earned the respect of their elders and should be considered a force to be reckoned with.
These special beads have been enhanced by magic to do more than simply help with daily meditation. When used by a character with points left in their Ki pool, these beads can store up to 5 Ki points when a character meditates using the beads for at least 1 hour per point stored. A Ki point can be drawn from the beads at a later time for immediate use as a swift action. There are 5 variations of these beads, each determined by the maximum number of Ki points that can be stored.
Additionally the beads can be activated to sheath the wearer’s fists in sizzling electricity. This effect functions the same as a shock weapon and lasts for a number of rounds less than or equal to the number Ki points stored in the beads, as chosen by the wearer. Activating the beads in this way will expend 1 stored point of Ki per round and is also a swift action. If there are no Ki points currently stored in the beads, this ability will not function.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, call lightning or lightning bolt, Ki Pool; Cost 2380 gp (type I), 4760 gp (type II), 7150 gp (type III), 9520 gp (type IV), 11900 gp (type V)
We didnt like the messing with magic items (potions) and reference was made to the old AD&D potion combination table in less than flattering ways as an example of bad old school design. Now, in fairness yours doesnt do that. We also didnt like the math homework. Actually, it was just Sean and I that didnt like it. We got it before Wes read it.
The biggest problem is that an item that takes two magic items, deconstructs them and changes them really is more of an artifact. Its disenchanting and reenchanting all at once. I got what you were going for. We just werent buying.
This was one of our many mansion items. Plus, we noted that you spelled your item name one way in the caption and another in the body--consortium and consordium. Yes, its just a typo. But it set the wrong tone.
Having computer issues, so i can't cut and paste my item - my gaming folders have been corrupted, all of them.
However my item was called "Amulet of Mirrorwalking", and i'd like to know what you guys thought about it if you can remember.
thanks in advance.
Oh man we had fun with this one--and not even at your expense! Sean took it hard on this one.
But first, here is what I said:
"That sure is a lot of BS writing to get a +1 and the ability to see color with darkvision (a drawback that I am pretty sure no one has ever cared about or has ever come into play--seriously has any DM ever said "oh man, I would have given you that detail but your darkvision only lets you see in black and white, not in color." I don't think so.)."
That was the main problem.
Long rejected, this thing took on a new life as Wes and I then started capping on the lame name of Nivi Rhombodazzle.
Wes said: "Do we SERIOUSLY have a character named Nivi Rhombodazzle? If not, I'm tempted to shoot this in the head just for that name."
Then, out of nowhere, in comes Vic and he dimes out Sean and posts that it was SEAN who came up with that lame name. Then the mocking of Sean began.
Wes says: "But really. Thanks Sean. THANKS."
Then Sean tries (weakly) to defend his creation: "One, she's a gnome. Two, I think she's named after someone, just like Preklikin is. Three, look at PCCS 133. If you're going to start murdering people for gnome names, start with McArtor. Then you can come looking for me. ;)"
I couldnt leave that alone: "Oh man, Sean. It's not even just a PC. Its a deity. Rhombodazzle. Really? But I'll give you a pass. Even Tiger Woods misses a putt now and then. Oh wait, maybe its time to hang up the Tiger analogies :)"
Yes sir, its always a good time in the judges chambers. :)
I have to admit I was hoping to see you or Darkjoy make the cut.
I got hung up on this one. I didnt think confusion was the right spell for this.
Here are my thoughts: "Confusion? How about spell turning? I think the author just doesnt realize this is essentially spell turning and the mechanics he or she tries to add are basically addressed better in the spell he or she overlooked."
Sean agreed and thought this was better as a spell variant of spell turning and not as an item, at least not until someone created the variant spell.
Its a good item. Once again, a good but not good enough. Sorry about that. Keep at it.
|
I'd greatly appreciate any comment or feedback on my submission.
Thanks!
Torc of the Sentinel
Aura moderate divination and faint transmutation; CL 7th
Slot neck; Price 59,000 gp; Weight --
Description
This torc is crafted from Janderhoff bronze and is a tightly coiled, open-mouthed circlet with its ends capped by obsidian carvings of an ever-watchful eye. Its end caps are ruffed by a fine collar of gray fur.
First made by the dwarves, these torcs were often gifted to those with the duty of watching paths to the Darklands, granting an edge to the watchers. Yet, in recent times, Torcs of the Sentinel have found themselves about the necks of guardians in many lands.
When worn this torc grants unto the wearer the ability to move without leaving tracks, nor scent. The wearer also gains an invisible point of visual perception, as if the subject of arcane eye, save that they can only move the eye up to 300 feet from themselves, in any direction, and it takes a concentrated effort to access the eye. If the wearer's concentration lapses then the eye returns to a random point adjacent to the them. However, if the wearer decides to disconnect from the eye, leaving it in a current position, then the eye will remain in that position, so long as it is within range of the wearer. The wearer sees what they would normally see if they were in the eye's position, light sources and special visions permitting.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, arcane eye, pass without trace; Cost 29,500 gp
Having computer issues, so i can't cut and paste my item - my gaming folders have been corrupted, all of them.
However my item was called "Amulet of Mirrorwalking", and i'd like to know what you guys thought about it if you can remember.thanks in advance.
I have a question for you about that one before I post our comments. Where did you get the "mirrorwalker" prestige class?
The Butchers Keeper
Aura: Moderate Necromancy CL: 10
Slot: -- Price: 32250 gp Weight: 6 lbs.
Description
This wrought iron meat hook was made to keep a cut of meat frozen and preserved for up to a week or until the butcher is ready to prepare it. When the hook pierces the meat, it releases a blast of cold that freezes the meat from the inside while preserving it from the outside. Even after years of use the hook has retained its’ sharpness. However, should this item be mistakenly used on a living being the initial damage would be like that of your average dagger and the user would have to make a critical strike in order for the hooks abilities to take effect. In the event of a critical strike the poor victim would have to make a Fortitude save to negate the internal freezing damage of 1d3. In the hands of a dastardly rouge, the sneak attack bonuses would still apply.
Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, Gentle Repose, Ray of Frost Cost: 16125 gp
Though I have my guesses about this, I would like a professionals opinion...?
Ok guys here goes
Aura Faint Transmutation; CL 5th
Slot Hands; Price 45,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Emblazoned with intricate arcane sigils, these distressed linen wraps wind around the wearer’s hands and forearms, displaying a continuous flowing mantra. The Wraps of Stolen Swiftness, provide phenomenal skill in combat by bestowing the wearer with a burst of inhuman speed and awareness, while drawing that speed from an opponent.
Three times per day, the wearer of the wraps may activate them by delivering an unarmed strike on an opponent as a touch attack. If struck, the target of this attack is debilitated as the speed is siphoned off of them, rendering them under the effects of the slow spell, (DC 14 Will save negates.) The energy stolen from the target is channeled directly into the wielder, granting them the effects of the haste spell. The duration of both these conditions is 5 rounds.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, haste, slow; Cost 22,500 gp
|
Hi Clark, thanks for doing this. Looking at the items that made the final cut I can see why my one didn't but I still like it for the visually cool (pun intended) looking factor :-). Still I would like to read your thoughts on it.
Thanks
Reebo
Aura Faint abjuration, conjuration and transmutation ; CL 5th
Slot Shoulder; Price 11,750 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
Crafted from a single white dragon scale, this rime covered spaulder is held in place by leather straps and occasionally causes the wearer’s exhaled breath to be seen as fog.
The Cold Shoulder permanently protects the wearer as per the resist cold spell (10 points) and the wearer can use the following spells once per day by touch:-
• chill metal as the 2nd level Druid spell – against any metal item held by an opponent the wearer must succeed with a melee touch attack. The wearer can also chill a metal weapon they currently wield and inflict additional damage as per the chill metal spell, for the duration of the spell.
• ice shape – same effect as per the 2nd level Druid spell wood shape but only effects an existing piece of ice.
• sleet storm as the 3nd level Druid spell – the effect is centred on the wearer who may exit the area without suffering its effects.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, chill metal, resist cold, sleet storm, ice shape; Skill Craft (Armor) Cost 5,875 gp
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9
|
Watchman's Whistle
Aura: Faint Conjuration, Faint Divination CL: 5
Slot: Neck Price: 12,000 Weight: -
This small, silver whistle bears the crest of the city it was made in.
The Watchman's Whistle can be used once a day by blowing into it as a normal signal whistle, causing two effects:
First it summons 1d3 watchmen using the statistics for non-elite, level 1, human warriors. These watchmen are equipped with leather armor, crossbows, clubs, a bolt case of 10 bolts and a pair of manacles. The watchmen are summoned somewhere within 50 feet of the user and last for 1 minute. Summoned warriors are constructs, not actual people (though they seem to be). These human warriors can be ordered to: Protect (guarding a creature from any hostile foes), Capture (attempt to restrain, grapple and manacle a creature) or Attack (attempt to kill a creature).
Second it makes the wearers of any other Watchman's Whistle within a 1 mile-radius aware of the blower's position relative to themselves, this effect lasts up to 5 minutes.
Construction
Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, locate object, summon monster III Cost: 6,000
Thanks for taking the time to give me some constructive criticism. Or even destructive criticism. I'm a big boy. I can take it. *Tremble*.
Me too please Clark :)
Amulet of Perfection
Aura strong transmutation; CL 9th
Slot neck; Price 8000 gp; Weight -
Description
This amulet is ornately carved with tiny images depicting training in the Houses of Perfection. When equipped by a monk it grants the wearer one feat from the list of bonus feats that the monk has access to. When the amulet is equipped by a character that is not a monk the character may pick a feat from the monk bonus feats list as if she were a level 1 monk. A wearer need not meet the prerequisites of the feat she chooses. The feat granted by an amulet of perfection can be changed through one hour of meditation. The granted feat cannot be used to meet prerequisites.
It is rumored that someone wielding an amulet of perfection who has already mastered every single feat taught in the Houses of Perfection is granted a boon by Irori himself; thus far nobody has achieved this.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Improved Unarmed Strike, alter self; Cost 4000 gp
Vielen Dank :D
hi Clark, once again thanks for doing this. I had some great feedback last year and hope to get some again this year.
Palanquin of Glorious Sightseeing
Aura Medium Transmutation; CL 10th
Slot -; Price 62,300gp; Weight 1lb
Description
This intricately carved miniture jade throne will, upon a command word, become a green palanquin 12 feet long, 6 feet wide and 8 feet high, resting on two long stout poles. It has seating for up to 4 medium sized humanoids.
Silk cushions, exquisite rugs and fine hangings bedeck the seats and carriage. 20 oiled and bare-chested bearers (equivalent to 1HD humans but exact appearance can vary) will be summoned to lift and carry the palanquin to every whim of the person speaking the command word. They can only move at a slow walking pace and will not cross any uneven or dangerous terrain. The bearers cannot be ordered to attack or move more than the 5 feet from the palanquin and will not defend themselves. If more than half the bearers are killed the palanquin will revert to its normal size.
Passengers on the palanquin will appear to any observers to be regal and important people dressed in the latest local fashion and wearing rare and expensive looking jewellery. Passengers can also see the surrounding area with great clarity. They gain a +5 bonus to Perception checks.
Speaking the command word a second time will dismiss the bearers and revert the palanquin to its normal size.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fabricate, disguise self, clairaudience/clairvoyance, summon monster I, a piece of jade worth 10,000gp, 5 Ranks of Craft: Sculptor; Cost 32,150gp
hi Clark, once again thanks for doing this. I had some great feedback last year and hope to get some again this year.
Palanquin of Glorious Sightseeing
Aura Medium Transmutation; CL 10th
Slot -; Price 62,300gp; Weight 1lb
Description
This intricately carved miniture jade throne will, upon a command word, become a green palanquin 12 feet long, 6 feet wide and 8 feet high, resting on two long stout poles. It has seating for up to 4 medium sized humanoids.Silk cushions, exquisite rugs and fine hangings bedeck the seats and carriage. 20 oiled and bare-chested bearers (equivalent to 1HD humans but exact appearance can vary) will be summoned to lift and carry the palanquin to every whim of the person speaking the command word. They can only move at a slow walking pace and will not cross any uneven or dangerous terrain. The bearers cannot be ordered to attack or move more than the 5 feet from the palanquin and will not defend themselves. If more than half the bearers are killed the palanquin will revert to its normal size.
Passengers on the palanquin will appear to any observers to be regal and important people dressed in the latest local fashion and wearing rare and expensive looking jewellery. Passengers can also see the surrounding area with great clarity. They gain a +5 bonus to Perception checks.
Speaking the command word a second time will dismiss the bearers and revert the palanquin to its normal size.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fabricate, disguise self, clairaudience/clairvoyance, summon monster I, a piece of jade worth 10,000gp, 5 Ranks of Craft: Sculptor; Cost 32,150gp
Haha! My back-up item was a palanquin. I'm glad to see that they were represented this year.
Oh man we had fun with this one--and not even at your expense! Sean took it hard on this one.
But first, here is what I said:
"That sure is a lot of BS writing to get a +1 and the ability to see color with darkvision (a drawback that I am pretty sure no one has ever cared about or has ever come into play--seriously has any DM ever said "oh man, I would have given you that detail but your darkvision only lets you see in black and white, not in color." I don't think so.)."
That was the main problem.
Long rejected, this thing took on a new life as Wes and I then started capping on the lame name of Nivi Rhombodazzle.
Wes said: "Do we SERIOUSLY have a character named Nivi Rhombodazzle? If not, I'm tempted to shoot this in the head just for that name."
Then, out of nowhere, in comes Vic and he dimes out Sean and posts that it was SEAN who came up with that lame name. Then the mocking of Sean began.
Wes says: "But really. Thanks Sean. THANKS."
Then Sean tries (weakly) to defend his creation: "One, she's a gnome. Two, I think she's named after someone, just like Preklikin is. Three, look at PCCS 133. If you're going to start murdering people for gnome names, start with McArtor. Then you can come looking for me. ;)"
I couldnt leave that alone: "Oh man, Sean. It's not even just a PC. Its a deity. Rhombodazzle. Really? But I'll give you a pass. Even Tiger Woods misses a putt now and then. Oh wait, maybe its time to hang up the Tiger analogies :)"
Yes sir, its always a good time in the judges chambers. :)
Yes in hindsight I suppose she was a silly addition, but just so I'm clear for my own sake, what killed me was too much flowery description for something that didn't do enough, and whose benefit was primarily superficial?
I think I probably dug into a gnome riff too far.
I'm not sure if you have time to reply to someone a second time, but I just wanted to be sure, wan't to know exactly what I did wrong so I can get it right.
EDIT: Hey! At least I contirbuted to giving you guys a laugh while you slogged though endless submissions! Thanks for the feedback! :D
|
|
Intrigue Mirror
Aura: Strong necromancy CL: 15th
Slot: — Price: 53,000 gp Weight: Variable
Description:
Primarily used by those navigating dangerous political waters, an Intrigue Mirror appears to be a perfectly mundane masterwork mirror. When found, it is always of an appropriate size to fully reflect its previous owner. Upon first activation, it will either grow or shrink appropriate to the size of its new owner. When used – up to once per day as a full-round action that provokes attacks of opportunity – the mirror flashes brightly, and a perfect facsimile of the owner appears. This duplicate is like unto a clone, with identical memories up to the point of its creation, however it has a duration of one day and only one hit point. Any gear worn or carried by the facsimile is mundane, though otherwise indistinguishable from that worn or carried by the user at the time of activation.
If injured, the duplicate will die – as normal for a creature of its appearance – and the body will remain for one hour after death, even if this would normally exceed the duplicate’s duration.
The user must gain knowledge of the duplicate’s activities by normal observation or conversation.
Each consecutive use by the same user generates a cumulative 1% chance of the duplicate being a true doppelganger. The doppelganger is otherwise identical to, and indistinguishable from, a duplicate generated by the normal function of the Mirror. The doppelganger is a sentient creature, and can decide whether or not to ‘play along’. A doppelganger generated in this way is not subject to the hit point or duration restrictions of normal duplication.
Destroying the mirror (Hardness 1, 5 hit points) causes any active duplicate to immediately vanish, but does not affect any doppelgangers generated by the Mirror
Construction:
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, Clone Cost26,500gp
Note: This is not the verbatim text that I submitted
The verbatim text I submitted was submitted after a few tiny little tweaks that I caught upon final readthrough JUST before hitting submit. It is, however, about as close as I'm going to get.
So, that said, give me your feedback so that I might listen and do better next year.
This one was mine:
Aura faint necromancy; CL 3rd
Slot head; Price 4,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
This helmet is shaped like the head of a roaring minotaur. It grants the wearer a +2 competence bonus to Intimidate.
Whenever the wearer deals damage to an opponent with a charge, he may issue a resounding warcry as a swift action and make an Intimidate check to demoralize all enemies within 30 feet who were able to see the charge and hear the warcry. If the charge resulted in a confirmed critical, the wearer gets a +4 bonus to this check.
This power can be used once per day for each rank in intimidate the wearer has, though always at least once per day.
RequirementsCraft Wondrous Item, cause fear; Cost 2,000 gp
Mikhaila - I think you were auto-rejected. According to OpenOffice, that's 307 words. :(
Allow me to chime in with
Fragment of the Abyssal Cenotaph
Aura moderate evocation and enchantment; CL 13th
Slot -; Price 25,000 gp; Weight -;
Description
This solid oval piece of jet-black marble emits barely endurable heat, and ashes constantly tarnish its surface. Soft whispers chant constant pleas to break away from the confines of the prison this fiendish rock truly is. Any character that grips the marble fragment tightly and moves, leaves a trail of burning, screaming souls in his wake. The pillars of flaming visages are a threat the body and the mind alike.
Each trail is 20 ft. high, up to 30 ft. long, and lasts for three rounds. The trail deals 5d6 points of damage per 5 feet for each creature that passes through. In addition, any creature that crosses the flames is subject to the shattering grief and madness the burning souls embody; he drops to his knees, cowering for the duration of the trail. The victim can attempt a DC 20 Will save to eliminate the negative effect.
The fragment has ten uses, after which it dissipates into fine ash.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, wall of fire, insanity; Cost 12,500 gp
We got a ton of paired scrying items (I forgot that one on the list of things we saw this year). I noted: "We get a lot of these scrying type paired items. I guess this is probably the best of them. But that's like saying these are the best wooden spoons we've gotten." In the end, we were all lukewarm on them. We needed something more. Plus, linked scrying is kind of a been there done that idea to us.
Guess I did the right thing by not submitting my Eyes of the Vanguard Sentinel, which let you look through the eyes of the wearer of a magic headband.
Not that it did me any good. Oh well, on to next year.
Thank you clark. Valuable advice as always. I have been trying to take last years comments in, and improve both on the grammatical front and mechanics front. It would be very useful to know if I showed any progress on it(other ofcause than the stupidly dropped 'the' early on).
I think the take home for me this year is probably learn all the core spells and items back to front, so that i don't follow an idea i fin cool, and run a cart across something elses toes.
I was never really comfortable with the name this year...its hardly "Atropos' abhorrant shears" or "Amphora of Humble Offering", but everything else i tried sounded wrong.
|
|
MARBLES OF MISCHIEF
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 11
Slot-; Price 36000 gp; Weight 1lb.DESCRIPTION
These small spherical shaped objects, made out of polished agate, are often found as sets of ten inside a finely crafted silk woven bag. Upon opening the bag, a careful listener may hear hushed snickering from the marbles. As a standard action the marbles may be poured from the bag and directed at an enemy. The marbles will then, at a speed of 50 feet, torment the targeted creature by forcing themselves underfoot. In effect, every 5-feet of movement the target makes requires a successful DC 15 Acrobatics check to avoid falling prone. Even when the enemy is prone, the marbles will continue to harass them, and an audible chuckling can be heard from the agate spheres. Getting up from prone position while the marbles is upon you requires a DC 20 Acrobatics check or fail, wasting the move action. The marbles of mischief has no effect against flying creatures, or creatures without legs. Creatures with more than two legs gets their usual stability bonus, if they have one, on their Dexterity checks. The owner of the marbles of mischief may change their target or command them to return as a standard action. Although persistent, the marbles are easily bored and will return to the silken bag after ten rounds, no matter if their owner commands them otherwise. If the silken bag is not readily available for them to enter, they will whine and rub against their owners foot for a round before going inert. The marbles needs one hour of rest before they can be used again.CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, animate objects. Cost 18000 gp
Just in doing a quick thread read through, I saw this and I IMMEDIATELY wanted to give a set to one of the fae characters in my homebrew game.
I would like to extend a gold star and a most sincerely meant "GREAT JOB!!" These are super cool, keenerdoodles and nifty. Thank you for sharing them!
Might I have your permission in using these for my homebrew?
|
Mikhaila - I think you were auto-rejected. According to OpenOffice, that's 307 words. :(
301 according to Word. Apparently the standard metric is the copy of Word that Clark uses. Also, a couple of words over isn't a definite problem but starts the judges off in a grumpy frame of mind.
See this thread.
|
|
Really appreciate the feedback Clark and Sean. Hopefully it will help us out for next year.
AuraFaint Abjuration; CL 3rd
Slot ---; Price 400 gp; Weight --- lbs.
Originally developed by the clerics of Torag, this raspberry flavored candy bears the name given to it by a humorous bard. When eaten( fully dissolved or swallowed ) it's magic is released. For the next 4 hours all die rolls required by the character yield their average result rounded up. I.e. d20 rolls are treated as 11s, d6 rolls as 4s, etc. While under the lozenges effect the user does not benefit from luck bonuses of any kind.
For the duration of effect the user detects as a Lawful cleric who's level is equal to the users HD.
RequirementsCraft Wondrous Item, protection from chaos, touch of law(sp); Cost 200 gp
|
RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32
aka KissMeDarkly
|
Here's another item I just have to comment on.
Draeke, I immediately saw why this item didn't make the TOP 32. That first line probably sealed your fate.
Originally developed by the clerics of Torag, this raspberry flavored candy bears the name given to it by a humorous bard.
GAG ITEMS ARE BAD. It's like starting your turn at bat with 2 Strikes & 3 Fouls against you. The judges do not like gag items. Clark has said multiple times that he feels it is a waste of his time. Time which he isn't being paid for, I might add.
Also... It breaks the 4th Wall.
The item mechanics immediately made me feel like I was playing a game and not adventuring into the unknown with my trusty companions. An item should NEVER do this.
Just in doing a quick thread read through, I saw this and I IMMEDIATELY wanted to give a set to one of the fae characters in my homebrew game.
I would like to extend a gold star and a most sincerely meant "GREAT JOB!!" These are super cool, keenerdoodles and nifty. Thank you for sharing them!
Might I have your...
Thank you, really fun to hear that someone liked them:)
Use em all you want, the only real doubts i have on this item is:1. the price; I was really unsure if the price was too high.
2. the mechanic; Just the whole "does it work normally agains bigger creatures" etc.
Just modify them as you see fit, and have fun:D
|
Wow, some pretty cool items here I think. I'll have a comment or two later today when I get off of work. But for now, my item for comments! (and I welcome all comments, its the only way to get better)
Bandolier of Hidden Purpose
Aura: Faint Illusion (special see description)
CL: 3rd
Slot: Belt
Price: 2,500gp
Weight: 1lb
Description
Upon casual inspection this belt appears the sort that any enterprising adventurer would own. Well made of sturdy material, the belt contains several clasps, pockets, loops, and small pouches that serve to hold any number of small items such as coins, keys, thieves’ tools, dusts, potions etc. In total the pockets, pouches and compartments of the belt can hold 1/2 cubic foot of items, and there are 4 clasps and 2 loops for affixing other small carried items (coin purse etc). Additionally, the largest of the loops is designed to hold the scabbard of a dagger or similarly sized weapon. The magical aura and properties of the belt and any items held within its compartments, pouches, and hanging from loops or clasps, are undetectable by detect magic, identify, or any similar divination magic of below 6th level (analyze dweomer or higher level divinations would function normally on the belt and any items it conceals). While the magical auras of any items are concealed, the items are not rendered invisible, nor immune to divination magic that reveals or tracks the location of an item. Additionally the actual magical properties of an item are not suppressed, thus a glowing magical dagger would continue to emit light, a howling coin emit sound etc.
Construction:
Requirements:
Craft Wondrous Item
magic aura
Cost: 1250gp
Dear Clark and Sean,
Please could you give me some feedback on my item. I would appreciate your feedback.
thank you.
Chris
Spectacles of the Student
Aura Moderate Divination and Transmutation; CL 11th
Slot Eyes; Price 78,400 gp; Weight less than 1lb
Description
These spectacles are small, round reading glasses with a gold frame that has the fine detail of hands holding the glass where the frame joins the arm of the glasses. The arms themselves are gold with polished ivory ends, to sit comfortably behind the wearer’s ears. The lenses themselves are like polished crystals which never seem to get dirty.
They are mainly used by wizards to reduce the time taken to commit spells to memory. The hour that it normally takes to prepare a whole spell list is reduced to 15 minutes, whilst for a smaller portion of that list, the normal 15 minutes is reduced to 3 minutes.
While wearing the glasses, the wearer can fill one empty spell slot in one round instead of the usual 15 minutes, allowing an adventuring mage the opportunity to have the right spells during a combat.
The wearer gains a +2 bonus to concentration checks when casting defensively in a combat, as they focus the vision and make the wearer aware of incoming attacks.
Twice per day, the wearer can view an item or a room and the legend or story of the object will come to mind as if the wearer had cast the legend lore spell. This requires the wearer to study the object or room in question closely for at least 10 minutes.
The first set was made by an adventuring mage by the name of Dalghal, whose view on life was that everyone had something to learn and that even the masterful of spell casters and sages were students of life, hence the name.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderous Item, spells haste, Legend Lore ; Cost 39,200 gp
|
|
Here's another item I just have to comment on.
Draeke, I immediately saw why this item didn't make the TOP 32. That first line probably sealed your fate.
Originally developed by the clerics of Torag, this raspberry flavored candy bears the name given to it by a humorous bard.GAG ITEMS ARE BAD. It's like starting your turn at bat with 2 Strikes & 3 Fouls against you. The judges do not like gag items. Clark has said multiple times that he feels it is a waste of his time. Time which he isn't being paid for, I might add.
Also... It breaks the 4th Wall.
The item mechanics immediately made me feel like I was playing a game and not adventuring into the unknown with my trusty companions. An item should NEVER do this.
Thank you for the feedback. I didn't really see it as a gag item. I added a bit of humor for flavor( and because I could totally see a playful chaotic bard making fun of the humorless clerics of Torag ). If the judges saw it the same way you did, then I definitely see the problem. In my opinion a gag item is designed only for humor purposes. While my item does contain some humor, it was not designed for this purpose. Take a look at the Cacophonous Monkey( which contains humor, but I would also classify as a non-gag item ).
The effect follows from mechanics that are already in the game. The Law domains granted power was my inspiration and I just took it a little farther. I can see that some people may have issues with the mechanics as they specifically alter die rolls( or circumvent the rolling of dice ). Personally, I don't see it much different from stating that you get a bonus on your die roll. Or that you deal 4d6 damage. The books are riddled with references to metagame information. If anything, the fact that you don't need to roll any dice for 4 hours should help the game move forward more quickly and make it feel more natural.
Anyway, thanks for the feedback. It will be interesting to see if the judges also shared your initial impression. Now you have me slightly worried that my submission was the one that angered Clark... Which completely wasn't my intention.
Well I like this better than some of the ones that made it personally, it tweaks existing rules. it's very clean, one problem I see, it should still be craft wondrous item for a Requirement.
*Bangs his head on the desk*
That should have been "Craft Wondrous Item" and not "Craft Armor and Weapons". I will be interested in hearing if that was what got my item nixed, and disgusted with myself it it was the only reason.
I'm glad you liked it and I appreciate your feedback.
|
RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32
aka Bats Kabber
|
I think this one got auto rejected for word count. Yeah its 323 words.
The version you posted isnt the full version that you submitted.
This is what you submitted:
OMG!!! What a Nightmare!! I had accidentally listed the price twice (once at the top and again at the bottom). I must have missed that when reformatting it for submission. Talk about a completely bone headed move!! Otherwise I come in at 294.
I feel really retarded now.
|
Dedicated Voter Season 6
|
What the heck, I'm all for an exercise in masochism... :)
CAP OF THE FAIR FOLK
Aura faint illusion; CL 3rd
Slot ⎯; Price 9,000 gp; Weight ⎯
DESCRIPTION
Caps of the fair folk are the pilei of mushrooms taken from fairy rings and enchanted to render those who consume them invisible. Due to the fey energies that exist dormant in the fungus, eating from a cap of the fair folk occasionally brings potent, unexpected benefits and, rarely, dire consequences. Legend says a sage who sought to exploit the tales that mortals who entered fairy rings are rendered imperceptible created the first cap of the fair folk, and that he vanished soon after.
In order to function, a portion of a cap of the fair folk must be ingested. The eater is immediately made invisible, although the exact type of invisibility conferred must be determined:
1d20 Effect
1-15 Invisibility (CL 3)
16-17 Invisibility (CL 6)
18 Invisibility sphere (CL 5)
19 Invisibility sphere (CL 7)
20 Invisibility, Greater (CL 7)
Each whole cap of the fair folk can be split into as many as six portions. An entire portion has to be eaten for its effect to manifest. Breaking a portion into smaller pieces renders each smaller piece forever inert. Eating multiple portions (or larger portions) causes no additional boon.
For each portion eaten from the same cap of the fair folk, there is a cumulative 14% chance that a fey associated with the fairy ring the mushroom was originally taken from will become instantly aware of the name of the eater and his current location. The precise details- and what they might mean to the eater- are left to the GM (consequences might include a stern lecture, a faerie stealing the eater’s laughter, or abduction).
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, invisibility; Cost 4,500 gp
|
|
What the heck, I'm all for an exercise in masochism... :)
CAP OF THE FAIR FOLK
Aura faint illusion; CL 3rd
Slot ⎯; Price 9,000 gp; Weight ⎯
DESCRIPTION
Caps of the fair folk are the pilei of mushrooms taken from fairy rings and enchanted to render those who consume them invisible. Due to the fey energies that exist dormant in the fungus, eating from a cap of the fair folk occasionally brings potent, unexpected benefits and, rarely, dire consequences. Legend says a sage who sought to exploit the tales that mortals who entered fairy rings are rendered imperceptible created the first cap of the fair folk, and that he vanished soon after.
In order to function, a portion of a cap of the fair folk must be ingested. The eater is immediately made invisible, although the exact type of invisibility conferred must be determined:1d20 Effect
1-15 Invisibility (CL 3)
16-17 Invisibility (CL 6)
18 Invisibility sphere (CL 5)
19 Invisibility sphere (CL 7)
20 Invisibility, Greater (CL 7)Each whole cap of the fair folk can be split into as many as six portions. An entire portion has to be eaten for its effect to manifest. Breaking a portion into smaller pieces renders each smaller piece forever inert. Eating multiple portions (or larger portions) causes no additional boon.
For each portion eaten from the same cap of the fair folk, there is a cumulative 14% chance that a fey associated with the fairy ring the mushroom was originally taken from will become instantly aware of the name of the eater and his current location. The precise details- and what they might mean to the eater- are left to the GM (consequences might include a stern lecture, a faerie stealing the eater’s laughter, or abduction).CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, invisibility; Cost 4,500 gp
Noticed this one. Seems interesting, however there are a lot of random number effects in here. I noticed on previous years that the judges specifically said they do not like random effects. Also you have a caster lvl requirement of 3rd, but some of the effects have higher caster levels. You only list invisibility as a spell requirement, but the item can give invisibility sphere and greater invisibility effects as well. The possibly CL 7 lvl 4 spell makes pricing a little wonky too. Based on the pricing guidelines in the Core Rulebook, I can get 6 single use - use activated items of Greater Invisibility( CL 7 ) for 8400 and not have to worry about random effects or pissing off faeries. I like the idea behind the item, but the pricing is a little wonky and I am pretty sure the judges( or at least Sean ) don't like random effects. :( Hope to see you submit something again next year!
|
Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8
|
Here is what I submitted, I'd love any feedback you got Clark. I appreciate the time you spend after the fact to help us out for net year.
WW.
Sapling of the Seventh Season
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 16,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Encased in a sun touched piece of amber lies the heart of this magical treasure, a small preserved sapling. Motes of sanguine light swirl around the Sapling like fireflys in an incandescent dance. These palm sized spheres radiate crimson light equal to a torch, and can be used as such indefinitely.
Once per day the Sapling of the Seventh Season can be used to summon a swarm of blazing fireflys that will attempt to engulf an opponent in flames. This effect is similar to the entangle and faerie fire spell, except that it only affects one target at a time, and deals 1d4 points of fire damage per round. This effect lasts seven rounds, and only deals fire damage on a failed save versus the entangle effect.
These amber spheres can also be planted in soil and grown into powerful nature allies. By spending one casting of a summon nature's ally spell per day, for an uninterrupted seven days, a spellcaster can literally grow a new companion. The spell chosen must be the same one used in the following days, and cannot exceed summon nature's ally IV. At the end of the seven days, and if the character is also eligible to add an animal companion, she can transform the Sapling into any creature on the appropriate summon list to become her new companion. The summoned ally gains the plant type, and the fire subtype, but otherwise has the same stats as the summoned creature, and follows all rules for an Animal Companions. The Sapling is destroyed once this summoning is complete.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, entangle, faerie fire, summon natures ally IV; Cost 8,000 gp
|
RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32
aka Bats Kabber
|
I think this one got auto rejected for word count. Yeah its 323 words.
The version you posted isnt the full version that you submitted.
This is what you submitted:
OMG!!! What a Nightmare!! I had accidentally listed the price twice (once at the top and again at the bottom). I must have missed that when reformatting it for submission. Talk about a completely bone headed move!! Otherwise I come in at 294.
I feel really retarded now.
Now that the shock is wearing off, is there any way I can bribe one of the judges to tell me what they thought of this item (ignoring the 2nd listing of the price).
So far I've learned proofread, proofread, proofread, proofread, proofread, but I would like to know if I need to work on more than that for next year.
Thank you
We felt this was very Ray Harryhausen/Jason and the Argonauts and not that original.
Well poo. Thanks for the honest feeback Clark. Between Harryhausen and Moorcock's Corum books you hit directly on the inspiration for the item. Unfortunately I obviously crossed the line from homage to uninspired copycat.
Anyone else see anything additional that I can learn from on the mechanics side? Price? Crafting components? Was the mechanical description tight enough to avoid a lot of argument at the table?
I'd love to get feedback on my item. I was more excited about that than seeing if I was in the top 32. :)
Aura Moderate Transmutation; CL 7th
hand none; Price 25,000 gp; Weight 1 ounce.
Crafted by the doppelganger artificer Const, the Wand of Wands is made of the ornamented gray bone of a doppelganger. The wand is created with 150 caster levels stored in it. A spellcaster can order the Wand of Wands to transformed into a wand of any type. The wands type is chosen by the user and has to be a spell from the user's known spells list between levels one and three.
The transformed wand has these limitations:
· The wand's maximum caster level is 5 (or the user Caster level, whichever is lowest).
· The maximum number of charges is 25.
· The maximum spell level is 3.
Each transformation of the wand drains a number of the caster levels in it. The cost is the new wands caster levels * desired spell level * number of charges. Once the number of charges in the new wand is exhausted the wand can be transformed again till it runs out of caster levels.
Example: transforming the Wand of Wands into a wand of fire balls (level 3) with 6 charges having caster level 5 will drain 90 caster levels from the Wand of Wands.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Items, Craft Wand, Major Creation, a doppelganger bone; Cost 12,500 gp
Aura Strong illusion; CL 13th
Slot none; Price 31,200 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
This smooth-carved diorite statuette depicts an eyeless humanoid man with a predatory smile, sitting in a lotus position, hands cupped. The item can be activated once per day through a brief ritual, requiring burning of a small amount of incense while repeating a droning mantra for at least 5 minutes. At the conclusion of this ritual, creatures within 10' of the statue must make a Will save (DC 16). If any creature within the radius passes this save or is immune to sleep effects, the statue has no effect. However, if all the creatures in the radius fail the save, they fall asleep for 8 hours. During this period, the sleeping creatures are magically obscured. No random encounters will occur and even creatures actively searching for the sleepers will suffer a -10 penalty on checks to find them.
However, this item carries a risk if used too often. For each consecutive day that the statuette is used it carries a 10% cumulative risk that the statuette will feed upon the dreams of the sleepers. This prevents restful sleep and causes 1d10 points of damage. The sleepers are also left fatigued and are unable to regain arcane spells for the next 24 hours.
Requirements Craft Wonderous Item, nightmare, veil Cost: 15,600 gp
|
Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7
|
We felt this was very Ray Harryhausen/Jason and the Argonauts and not that original.Well poo. Thanks for the honest feeback Clark. Between Harryhausen and Moorcock's Corum books you hit directly on the inspiration for the item. Unfortunately I obviously crossed the line from homage to uninspired copycat.
Anyone else see anything additional that I can learn from on the mechanics side? Price? Crafting components? Was the mechanical description tight enough to avoid a lot of argument at the table?
Just a few comments:
At 47K+ gold, this item is pretty much available to 11th level pcs and 18th level npcs. The ability to summon 5 skeletons every three days is not at all impressive.I don't think Channel Negative Energy should be a requirement if you already have animate dead and control undead in there.
Do the skeleton(s) have to solo kill a creature, or just land the killing blow? Does that 11th level character then have the ability to go find the biggest fingered creature he can find and knock it unconscious and have the skeletons finish it off so he can have potentially useful creatures to defend himself? If so, why aren't the skeletons in the bag already this larger type, since any 11th lvl PC or 18th lvl PC worth their salt is going to do this upon finding the bag full of weak creatures, and the effect is permanent.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Items, Craft Wand, Major Creation, a doppelganger bone; Cost 12,500 gp
It's a wand! Not a wondrous item, Craft wand is even part of the requirements.....
auto-reject.
Well poo. Thanks for the honest feeback Clark. Between Harryhausen and Moorcock's Corum books you hit directly on the inspiration for the item. Unfortunately I obviously crossed the line from homage to uninspired copycat.
To be fair, I think there also was a timing issue involved,
Just a few comments:
At 47K+ gold, this item is pretty much available to 11th level pcs and 18th level npcs. The ability to summon 5 skeletons every three days is not at all impressive.I don't think Channel Negative Energy should be a requirement if you already have animate dead and control undead in there.
Do the skeleton(s) have to solo kill a creature, or just land the killing blow? Does that 11th level character then have the ability to go find the biggest fingered creature he can find and knock it unconscious and have the skeletons finish it off so he can have potentially useful creatures to defend himself? If so, why aren't the skeletons in the bag already this larger type, since any 11th lvl PC or 18th lvl PC worth their salt is going to do this upon finding the bag full of weak creatures, and the effect is permanent.
Thanks for taking the time to offer your critique Reckless. I sincerely appreciate it.
I agree the price and effect feel out of balance but it it seemed to me to be about of equal level of power to a Horn of Valhalla since this item can improve over time. Maybe I should have made lesser and greater versions of the item to account for this.
The channel negative energy component is there as the finger bone isn't really a full body to animate so I was looking for some way to "grow" the finger bone into an actual skeleton. I also waffled between geas and control undead as the last requirement.
As the item is written only the skeleton that lands the killing blow is replaced in the bag. Yes any higher level PC is going to do just as you suggest and stock the bag with more powerful creatures. Perhaps I was too fixated on trying to allow a lower level PC access to the item and allowing the monsters in the bag to grow in power along with the PCs. It is a mechanic open to possible abuse.
Once again thanks for your thoughts.
To be fair, I think there also was a timing issue involved, since the most recent adventure path book I've read has a Jason & the Argonauts style skellington dragon-tooth monster in it.
Well poo. Thanks for the honest feeback Clark. Between Harryhausen and Moorcock's Corum books you hit directly on the inspiration for the item. Unfortunately I obviously crossed the line from homage to uninspired copycat.
Really? Well that would be bad timing. The only AP I have run is Second Darkness and we are only half way through that.