Actually it was the trailer turned me off this movie. I have three reasons.
1. Logic - You're the king. Stay in your damn castle! There are any number of reasons that a ruling monarch might believably go to war on the front line, but most of them seem a bit thin.
2. Brand Recognition - The words (or implication of): "Based on the Popular Video Game" should be taken as a threat. The same goes for "Based on the Popular Independent Comic Book" (see Ultraviolet if you dare). Stuff like that should always leave you a bit leery about a movie, considering even the big names like Marvel (The Hulk, and Fantastic Four) and DC (Superman Returns) get it wrong on a semi-regular basis.
3. Dialog - Compare: Spartans, tonight we dine in Hell!, to Tonight we dress our wounds. If that was the best they could find to put in trailer then I'm pretty sure I'm passing.
To the point about a good cast; a few bad actors can kill a script, but usually in movies it's the other way around with the script killing the actors (see any given New Star Wars trilogy movie - but particularly Attack of the Clones if you don't believe me. Beautiful CG, suck-all writing).
So on adding them together (points 2 and 3 in particular) I found the trailer to be a bit weak.
GGG
It's a video game license directed by Uwe Boll. It's trash.
Incidentally, I have a friend who went to see it anyway. After about thirty minutes, he thought about movie-hopping into Vegitales to get away. He decided to stick it out, only to discover it wasn't an 1-1/2 hour bad movie (which is tolerable). but an 2-1/2 hour bad movie.
It is fun to remind him that I told him so, though.
3. Dialog - Compare: Spartans, tonight we dine in Hell!, to Tonight we dress our wounds. If that was the best they could find to put in trailer then I'm pretty sure I'm passing.
...Yeah, that's pretty damning right there.
It's a video game license directed by Uwe Boll. It's trash.
Ah that's where I've heard the name before - Blood Rayne. I won't go so far in bashing the movie yet, as I have not seen it, however given this info I will probably never get to bash it.
;)
GGG
Ah that's where I've heard the name before - Blood Rayne. I won't go so far in bashing the movie yet, as I have not seen it, however given this info I will probably never get to bash it.;)
GGG
I'm not overstating when I say BloodRayne was unwatchable. I tried my best for a half and then had turn it off.
Checking for you now... yep, IMDB gives it a 2.6 on a scale of 1 to 10.
If I had paid to see that in the theater there would have been an incident.
Uwe Boll keeps making bad video game movies.
Dungeon Seige, Bloodraine, House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark.
Anything else I forgot?
Uwe Boll is terrible.
Don't forget Postal. The cream of the crop for his terrible, terrible movies. He will also challenge you to a fist fight if you don't like his films. Fun guy.
Don't forget Postal. The cream of the crop for his terrible, terrible movies. He will also challenge you to a fist fight if you don't like his films. Fun guy.
You mean I could just say what I think of his celluloid vomit and he'd actually throw a punch whereupon I could legally get away with raining knuckly rage down upon him? That's like... license to commit justice! Someone give me an appearance schedule!
You mean I could just say what I think of his celluloid vomit and he'd actually throw a punch whereupon I could legally get away with raining knuckly rage down upon him? That's like... license to commit justice! Someone give me an appearance schedule!
Feel free to send him an email requesting a bout, he's open to all takers. However, keep in mind that he's a former boxer, and that the last guy (a games journalist) to take the challenge got beaten up pretty badly. That said, Boll did chicken out of fighting Seanbaby when he heard that the big S was a good kick-boxer. But it doesn't matter who wins because with Boll's movies we all lose.
And here I thought it would be about Nuada Airgetlám.
I guess you bring a bit of yourself to post expectations.
Feel free to send him an email requesting a bout, he's open to all takers. However, keep in mind that he's a former boxer, and that the last guy (a games journalist) to take the challenge got beaten up pretty badly. That said, Boll did chicken out of fighting Seanbaby when he heard that the big S was a good kick-boxer. But it doesn't matter who wins because with Boll's movies we all lose.
I had a 40-0 kickboxing record. It was amateur circuit, but hey... it counts. What's more, I've got the venemous righteousness of having had to be subjected to his crappy films on my side. Shall I post my letter and his response? Someone hook me up with some contact information. Being able to physically beat the very people who make dreck is like a dream come true.
If he accepted we could make a video podcast of it.
Well, according to the wpedia the offer is now closed, but perhaps if you wrote a suitably demeaning and scathing review of In The Name of the King he might get enraged enough to re-open it. But you're not a midget so he probably wouldn't want to tangle with you.
Can you believe Boll has a doctorate in literature??!?
Can you believe Boll has a doctorate in literature??!?
Those who can't....
;)
GGG
Well, according to the wpedia the offer is now closed, but perhaps if you wrote a suitably demeaning and scathing review of In The Name of the King he might get enraged enough to re-open it. But you're not a midget so he probably wouldn't want to tangle with you.
Can you believe Boll has a doctorate in literature??!?
LOL. Seriously? I wonder if he paid someone to do his homework?
Boll not fighting anymore is a pity. Although you point out a greater challenge than fighting the man... that of summing up what it is about his celluloid turds that so completely offends me. How to put such a large monster into a small readable box. Hmmm.... I shall think on this challenge and do my level best.
What I can't believe is how he can afford to keep making and distributing these films. Unless....
A studio actually puts up MONEY to make these?! Like, real money, right? Not...monopoly money?
Wikipedia has a pretty good summary, but I'm lazy, soo....
Germany has a program for films produced by German citizens. Basically matching investment funds, no need to pay back. I guess they want to encourage a local film scene.
Boll owns his own production company, and makes his movies free of Hollywood studio interference. He snaps up videogame licenses cheap (since they do so poorly, mostly his fault BTW), gets around 5 million from other investers, then another 5 in matching funds from the government. Spending all ten million to produce and distribute the film, if the movie only does 15 million (a huge flop), he's made 10 mill after paying back his investors. Heck, if the movie does really poorly and only makes 5 million, Boll can pay his investors back and move onto his next travesty.
Great in-depth info, Vigil.
Thanks, Vigil. That's pretty interesting.
But Statham and Liotta? Unless the evil wizards in the movie are doing blow and running a child prostitution ring, I just don't see "Goodfella and the Transporter" pulling it off.
I am so with you.
Eragon was another movie I couldn't make it through. One thing I noticed about that film and this Stratham/Liotta thingamajig is that both films dress their leads in near regular clothing (with only a slight "leathern" look). I guess fantasy clothes aren't cool enough anymore. Oh well.
|
I am Vigil's foolish friend who saw this steaming pile of a movie and he's not joking when he said I told him I contemplated leaving the movie and watching the Vegitales' Pirates movie instead... However, I am an action junkie and I kept hoping if I could just shut off my brain then I would be able to enjoy the fighting in the movie...no go there. Trust me stay as far away from this movie as you possibly can!
I don't cotton to no movies made outta video games, or vice versa.
Me either... usually. I was surprised by the quality of the Resident Evil series.
|
|
2. Brand Recognition - The words (or implication of): "Based on the Popular Video Game" should be taken as a threat. The same goes for "Based on the Popular Independent Comic Book" (see Ultraviolet if you dare).
Actually, Ultraviolet is not based on any comic. You may be thinking of Aeon Flux.
I didn't think much of Ultraviolet the first time I watched it. But I find I can stand it better on rewatches, especially when I read up on the director's concept of Gun Kata and knew what to look for action wise. I think it slightly unfair to compare Ultraviolet to Bloodrayne in any way shape or form.
Incidentally, much better than Ultraviolet (IMO) is Kurt Wimmer's previous film Equilibrium. It doesn't get universally good reviews but I tend to really like it.
I saw the trailers for this and was kind of wondering what to make of it. It looked like a really bad version of Lord of the Rings to me. It looked like there might have been some kind of hollywood firesale on old orc costumes from LotR that the studio swooped in on and then figured they'd better make a movie to take advantage of their investment.
My friend dragged me to see this. (I wanted to see "The Orphanage", but that was a no-go.) :(
I think that both of these guys have done some good work in the past, but in a fantasy movie, you need to have just a little bit of "period piece credibility" to pull it off. These guys have none.
I agree 100%.
Making a good film is like trying to catch lightning in a bottle. It takes a great script, a talented group of actors, director, and behind-the-scenes people.
It's funny how easy it is to have one of these elements ruin what should be an excellent film.
...
Not that "Dungeon Sige" qualfies in any way as even a "mediocre" film.
So, who's with me on taking up a "Stop Uwe Boll" fund?
So, who's with me on taking up a "Stop Uwe Boll" fund?
My liege!
::takes a knee and lowers head::
Uwe Boll...*blech*
Apparently this is the last big budget Uwe Boll film that's going to be released. He's still going to make video game movies, though; just smaller budget ones.
Uwe Boll's movies really are the worst movies ever. He's the Ed Wood of his generation, except with better funding.
2. Brand Recognition - The words (or implication of): "Based on the Popular Video Game" should be taken as a threat. The same goes for "Based on the Popular Independent Comic Book" (see Ultraviolet if you dare).Actually, Ultraviolet is not based on any comic. You may be thinking of Aeon Flux.
I didn't think much of Ultraviolet the first time I watched it. But I find I can stand it better on rewatches, especially when I read up on the director's concept of Gun Kata and knew what to look for action wise. I think it slightly unfair to compare Ultraviolet to Bloodrayne in any way shape or form.
Incidentally, much better than Ultraviolet (IMO) is Kurt Wimmer's previous film Equilibrium. It doesn't get universally good reviews but I tend to really like it.
I think that it is almost worse that it is not based on something other than the writer/director's own action scene fetish. Still it is a baaaaaad movie.
I'm sorry but in that scene where she touches her belt to use the relative gravity device and then we plunge into this shot of the inside of the device which looked a bit like the core of the Death Star left me thinking that Milla Jovovich's character has the most powerful womb in the universe. Really that was not Gun Kata (I've seen good gun kata), but unless we're talking slapstick gun kata... well it was just sort sad.
Every guy with an automatic weapon (whose range is obviously measured in inches because that's how close they had to get to use 'em) kept running in from 20 feet away to get killed with a sword. Symbolism was a bit hammer to the forehead as well. Also I find it a shame that you can only tell movie vampires nowadays by the fact they wear colorless outfits and carry guns. And what was up with the Chinese guys on the roof? We are neither human nor hemopile-of-whatever, but we still die with great ease and no story point. The last time I saw a firing squad in the round it was on Benny Hill. There's more but the memories are kinda scary.
I'm sorry but this was a bad, bad, bad movie. Underworld gets an Oscar, a Grammy, an Emmy, a Pulitzer and the Stanley Cup compared to this mess. Everyone if you haven't seen it don't I'm warning you! A zombie invasion would be preferable.
I'll give the director the bennie of a doubt, but only because I have heard good things about Equilibrium and because a director can make a mistake (Superman Returns for instance BLECH!!!), but still have made good movies. I give it a -1 out of 10. You could not pay me to sit through that again. I only went because a friend was interested in it, but I so wanted to walk out or at the very least MST3k it to death, but to spare everyone's feelings I ended up settling in for torture with the idea that I would have to see another movie that day just to wash the memories away. Longest 88 minutes in my life. And then I saw V for Vendetta and felt far better. Though it was kinda strange to see someone else do essentially the same movie only so much better one right after the other. I won't compare it to Blood Rayne or AeonFlux because I haven't seen those - and probably won't.
So don't see it! Or at the very least don't pay to see it. It's got a worse script than Attack of the Clones (I think I just vomited a little in my mouth).
::Runs down the street screaming:: "Ultraviolet is people!"
GGG
We now return you to Dungeon Siege.
Director of Sales
|
He snaps up videogame licenses cheap (since they do so poorly, mostly his fault BTW)
This.
Uwe Boll is why people see movies based on videogames and assume that they are going to be crap. And this has a cumulative effect on all fantasy movies as well.
While I normally would never advocate the severe beating and exile of a person based upon their "artistic" offerings...
While I normally would never advocate the severe beating and exile of a person based upon their "artistic" offerings...
I'm reading between the lines, Cosmo. I'm receiving what you're sending. The eagle flies at dawn. I repeat, the eagle flies at dawn.
But the crow forgets his luggage and the crested bookah drinks heavily.
Can you believe Boll has a doctorate in literature??!?
Those who can't....;)
GGG
So Boll is a teacher now?
Watch it.
There are teachers here who can write.
So, you’re Uwe Boll and you’re trying to keep production costs down. What to do, what to do?
Its the reason you always see Jeremy Freakin' Irons in sword and sorcery movies. The guy has the chops to make silly crap sound like it makes sense.
That was the quote of the year! You're my new movie-rating god.
Hey! Now here's an idea. Have SEBASTIAN write up the reviews, and when he's challenged to a fight--name Jade to be his second!
Anything written by Sebastian is worth the price of admission.
Hey! Now here's an idea. Have SEBASTIAN write up the reviews, and when he's challenged to a fight--name Jade to be his second!
Anything written by Sebastian is worth the price of admission.
I'm up for it if he is. :)
There are films I can watch only late at night like that, but that Bloodrayne flick was actually unwatchable. It made Michael Dudikoff films look like King Lear.