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Dearest Paizo Parrot,
Thank you for your recommendation of "The Paizo Parrot’s Little Golden Book of Hexes". I have found the story-hex of "The Living Construct that Could" particularly effective in bolstering my already megalomaniacal self-confidence even further after repeating the construct's self-actualizing refrain of, "I Think I Am", "I Think I Am".
I also enjoyed Pokey the Puppy. He was delicious.
I believe the particular Tarrasque-related manuscript that you are looking for is in the possession of an individual named Dreelix, a member of some absurd monster-hunting fraternity. He is presently very dead, a victim of some moronic notion that said Tarrasque could be conveniently turned into a cluster of diamonds. Sadly for him, he misunderstood the tome. After having passed through the creatures especially dense digestive tract, he himself has emerged as a particularly odoriferous pile of said diamonds.
I seem to recall some mention of this person in a now defunct periodical. Ironically the self-same wizard who filched my library has offered me a subscription to this magazine in its new ether-pages format. Let your silver-cord do the the walking, no?
Anyway, now to my present query...
Dexter....or...Sinister?
Dexter....or...Sinister?
Sinister Dexter: Convictions cause convicts. Discuss.
Becoming a figurehead of the Cthulhu mythos is easier than one might think: Simply turn your skin inside out, survive or be reanimated (either is acceptable), and transfigure your bodily fluids into a clear gel that both dissolves flesh and grants psychedelic visions. Easy as pie!
In addition, it never hurts to exist outside of time, act capriciously towards humanity, or create your own progeny of lower “servitor creatures.”
Still dabbing away tears of laughter. You have aspired to art, Señor Loro. Do you speak from experience? Is that why you appear a bit... rumpled?
Is that why you appear a bit... rumpled?
Sadly no. Some joker decided to give me an atomic wedgie during my bris. Tragedy ensued.
I also give out relationship advice, by the way! ;)
Excellent! I'm struggling in a long-term relationship (well, we started a few days ago, really) with a parrot that has an atomic wedgie as the result of a mishap during his bris. It's impacting... well, many things in our relationship. That, and I'm straight, human, married and have two kids. HELP!!
Excellent! I'm struggling in a long-term relationship (well, we started a few days ago, really) with a parrot that has an atomic wedgie as the result of a mishap during his bris. It's impacting... well, many things in our relationship. That, and I'm straight, human, married and have two kids. HELP!!
Gentle Reader,
What a happy coincidence: Just this afternoon I blew the dust from my "Olde England Journal of Medicine." Apparently, you are suffering from a severe ""imbalance of the humours." I recommend you report at once to your local barber or chirurgeon for leeching or bloodletting. Before you know it, you will be as right as rain again!
Well, I've been told I'm not as funny as I like to think I am... is that related somehow? And as a licensed chirurgeon (I have the matchbook certificate to prove it) I can do the leeching and bloodletting right here in the comfort of my own home!!
Err... is that funny, would you say, on balance? And when has rain ever been right, really?
Well, I've been told I'm not as funny as I like to think I am... is that related somehow? And as a licensed chirurgeon (I have the matchbook certificate to prove it) I can do the leeching and bloodletting right here in the comfort of my own home!! Err... is that funny, would you say, on balance?
No, but I never let that stop me, either. Remember, repetition is one of the core rules of comedy! ;)
And when has rain ever been right, really?
Well, to be honest, originally written there was, "Bob's your Uncle!," but I wanted to appeal to a wider audience.