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As I'm currently thinking of sending in my first query I was hoping that maybe one of the others out there that has already submitted a query and having a problem grasping exactly what to put into it. I do not want to oversize or undersize my query. I have read the submission guidlines but I allways learnt better through example. Therefor to you my peers I ask, would you help a struggling new ambitious adventure loving writer by helping me with my query, exchanging queries or showing me one of yours as an example. Fear not, I do not steal ideas, I might ask your opinion on mine though.
Most of the stuff you need to know can be found on the "Is there a Black Hole in the Submissions Room at Paizo" thread (the last page or so in particular and the second page as well) and the "Tips of Contributers" thread. The current model of the submission/proposal varies from the the guidelines as follows: 1,000 words or less (less being better), single spaced, single space after the period.
Hope that helps,
GGG
Good question.
Eds, would it be kosher to post accepted proposals for published articles?
Good question.
Eds, would it be kosher to post accepted proposals for published articles?
It has been mentioned in previous threads by the Editoral Staff as to being okay. As long, as you already noted, the accepted article has been published.
If you go into the threads triple-G mentioned you'll find a few examples - some real, some made up.
Well then. I, for one, would like to see how other proposals have successfully communicated a worthwhile idea. Below's my offering. This is for the adventure now known as "Within the Circle".
Note 1: My working title was a reference to the depot, and since it fit the Lovecraftian title form "The Noun Preposition the Noun" I figured it was good. The editors pointed out that it had a certain halfling ring to it, though.
Note 2: This is the first version of the proposal, which drew a request for rewrite. The editors asked for a version that was more self-contained. Notes on that rewrite below.
Note 3: The word estimate of 8,000 was low. By the time I was done, it was a 9,000 word article, and the editors still saw fit to add a few hundred words more to flesh out what happens after the party defeats Belig. Studying word counts is one of my current projects, to not paint myself into a corner this way again.
Working Title: The Hole In the Hill
The Hole in the Hill is a 1st level adventure set in the Forgotten Realms. It can serve as a standalone adventure or to introduce a yuan-ti chronicle, as per the new Serpent Kingdoms book. It is structured as a play-within-a-play, with The Hole In the Hill functioning as the outer play and another low-level module of the DM's choosing serving as the inner play. The Hole In the Hill is particularly well suited to assembling a diverse party, since the twin-scenario gives twice as many motivations for group members to be recruitable by the patron of the adventure.
Plot: Baron Joaqim Wildhurst can trace much of his success to his dealings with The House of the Circlet, a secret society that he has worked with from his early days. It was under their tutelage that he learned how to lead and manipulate. In return for the favors he did them, random events seemed to favor him. He has always suspected that older brother's death was not natural, and that the path to the crown was cleared for him...
Now ruler for 20 years, the Baron finds The House of the Circlet becoming insistent that he join them in full. He wonders what he has been allied with for all these years, but is too close now to investigate or hesitate without drawing suspicion. Hoping to avoid the attention of his benefactors, he assembles a party of adventurers. Ostensibly they are to go help one of his neighboring lands with a problem, (i.e. the linked module) but he intends for them to also return to a ruin that he visited himself many years ago. There, as a young man, he recovered artifacts lost by The House and barely escaped with his life. Now, he hopes that the party can find clues to the true nature of his allies there.
Major Foes:
Goblins, who have taken over the ruins (an abandoned yuan-ti depot) in the absence of its original controllers.
Muckdwellers, who were abandoned by the yuan-ti with the depot. They struggle against the goblins who have taken their home away. Alert players can take advantage of this conflict.
Mlarraun, many of whom were left behind as traps by the yuan-ti and woke from their hibernation generations back. There's now a thriving population of the snakes cohabiting with the goblins.
Traps. Lots of traps. Most are defunct, destroyed by age or tripped already by the goblins. These foreshadow what the party will encounter in later adventures in yuan-ti havens. The goblin's own traps are crude but functional.Game System: D&D 3.5, Forgotten Realms (Can easily be adapted to other settings, but draws on the Serpent Kingdoms guidebook for Forgotten Realms.)
Intended Party: 3-6 starting characters.
Reward Summary: Treasure in the depot is limited - the place has already been raided years before. In addition to the monster's treasure, successful party members will have earned the favor of the Baron. He will gift party members with special or minor magic items at the conclusion of the mission. This compensates for the plethora of treasure-less snakes and traps. It is also a good chance for the DM to tailor items to the party members. In the event that the campaign is a yuan-ti chronicle, players will also find clues in the ruins priceless in their upcoming struggles.
Estimated Length: 8,000 words.
Estimated Map Count: 1 full map (The depot), 1 small map (The muckdweller's squat) and 1 small drawing (The area around the depot including it's relation to the muckdweller's squat.)
Here are the major changes between the original proposal and the rewrite that got greenlighted.
The original said:
It is structured as a play-within-a-play, with The Hole In the Hill functioning as the outer play and another low-level module of the DM's choosing serving as the inner play.
The rewrite said:
The adventure is structured as a short cover mission with a hidden mission attached.
...and...
The original said:
Ostensibly they are to go help one of his neighboring lands with a problem, (i.e. the linked module) but he intends for them to also return to a ruin that he visited himself many years ago.
The rewrite said:
Ostensibly they are to break up a band of goblins who have been fouling the water supply in one of his neighboring lands in order to extort the populace there. The Baron's secret instruction to the party is that they should, after breaking up the racket, return to a ruin that he visited himself many years ago.
One more note.
I found the time I spent toiling over the proposal to make it as evocative as possible was repayed not only in getting it accepted, but also because the proposal became my own cliff notes when the greenlight came. Time spent toiling over phrasing in the proposal isn't single use: many of those sentances found their way into the final module.