whyte_raven's page

whyte_raven wrote:

Kiri Gloves

*Lots of presentation missteps (should be moderate transmutation aura, CL needs a "th" after "5", hands slot should be lowercase, numerical values need a space and comma, feat names should be all capitalized, spell names should all be lowercase, italicized, and alphabetized. And they've improperly presented game terms in the descriptive text--DR 10/magic, fly speed 10 ft. (perfect)...and so on). So, in terms of freelancer readiness, they have a long way to go with this many errors.

*Other than that, what's a "command gesture"...?

*The concept of becoming gaseous, but still being able to manipluate items is...intriguing...but I'm not sure how I feel about that. Granted, creatures in gaseous form aren't immune to being damaged, but this item grants them plenty of advantages in that regard. That makes this more of an item to grant some measure of invulnerability while still allowing them to affect the world around them, including wielding weapons. Given all these reservations, I'm going to have to say...

*...Vote to Reject.

*Oriental nations? Do we say that in Pathfinder/Golarion? Don't we just say Tien? I dont know, that just hit me in the face and I can't get past it. Plus it's just gaseous form with hands. Kinda neat idea, but not that neat. Book of magic items? Yes. Superstar? No.

*Reject.

*Neat idea, but the person needs to work on his or her writing skills. A lot. And needs to read up on the Core Rulebook style and advice threads, like not repeating rules text.

*I don't know what the "Kiri" in the title is supposed to mean, unless it's referring to the Kiri Islands, which is a real-world place and thus a no-no.

*Mainly, the person needs to work on his or her writing skills before he or she's ready for RPG Superstar or being a freelancer.

*Reject.

*Rejected.

Thank you for the feed back its very helpful.

Here is my offering, please let me know what you think.

Kiri Gloves:
Aura: Medium Transmutation, CL:5
Slot: Hands, Price:19375gp Weight: --

Description:
Imported from the oriental nations, these beautiful grey silk gloves are eloquently embroidered on the back with swirling fog like designs. 3 times a day the wearer may use the command gesture and transform himself and all of his gear into mist form. In this form they are insubstantial and translucent. However, the gloves themselves are immune to this effect and remain on the wearers hands, thus allowing the wearer to pick up items weighing up to 5 lbs and use them with little penalty (-2 on all skill and attack rolls). As long as the gloves can fit through a hole, crack, or narrow opening the wearer can also pass through. As an insubstantial being the wearer has a DR:10/magic, is immune to poison and critical hits, and has a fly speed of 10'/perfect. However, while in mist form the wearer cannot cast spells with verbal components, but using the gloves they can use semantic and material components. The gloves also allow the wearer to wield a weapon as long as it weighs less than 5 lbs. Characters attacking in this form are denied their strength bonus to damage. While insubstantial, the wearer is subject to the force of the wind and cannot enter water or any other form of liquid.

Construction:
Requirements: Craft wondrous items, Mage hand, Gaseous form Cost:9688 gp

Damits Dungeon Table:
Aura: Conjuration CL: 7
Slot:— Price: 56000 Weight: 100lbs
Description: This rather innocuous looking table was originally created by a duergar demonoligist who primarily used it to torture his victims. Since its creation it has slowly gained popularity and several copies have appeared. The table looks like a simple but sturdy table. Its top can be raised or lowered or tilted from flat to nearly vertical. The most notable thing about this table is that it lacks restraints of any kind. Instead the owner can command the table to grapple any single opponent, of large size or smaller, within 20' of the table. A successful grapple indicates that 1d4+1 tentacles lash out at the victim dragging them onto the table and attempting to pin them. A second command word allows the owner to inflict 1d6+4 points of crushing damage per round to the victim on the table.
The table uses a CMB of +12 and does not provoke an attack of opportunity while attempting to grapple opponents. If an victim is pinned on the table, the table receives a +5 bonus to further grapple checks.
Requirements: craft wondrous items, Black tentacles Cost: 28000