Woyzeck? Let me tell you about Woyzeck...
Woyzeck is... simple.
Simple by mind, simple in performing tasks and simple by lifestyle.
Simple is charitable.
He's an idiot. Sometimes 'idiot' means that happy-go-lucky guy who has two tankards too many and then kisses the bartender and fist fights a cow. Nope.
Woyzeck is a mouth breathing moron.
He hasn’t always been such. He was the bare knuckle champion of the Blue Star, a merchant ship, and must have won a dozen fights with other ship and tavern champions. He was handsome, friendly, eager to help others and impressive as hell. Then he got jumped by a rival and his crew when he wandered down the wrong alley while on shore leave. They beat the tar out of him, and stomped him up real good.
He never was right in the head afterwards. I mean he looks like Woyzeck, just with a more busted up head and face, but a beating like that changes a man, and in his case it made him a half wit.
Life sorta just happens around him. Feed him, tell him what to do (make sure you supervise him and make sure he 'understands' you) and other than that you can be sure he's just gonna be vapidly staring out into gods the hells knows what. He tried telling me he's listening for the birds once.
The thing is that the moon was halfway across the sky at the time... there were no bloody birds.
Why do we put up with a witless imbecile who eats as much as three pregnant sows? He's Woyzeck the Strong, that's why! He can drag as much as a horse, he can turn the capstan on his own and he's still a monster in the ring!
Remember how I called him a mouth breather? Part of that is probably because he's had his nose pancaked about a dozen times. He's just too stupid to drop or curl up like most fellas. He just keeps hammering away at the poor bastard who's now got his attention. He hits like a clap of thunder too! I've seen him knock out big men with a single punch... well... more like a clubbing blow anyways.
Now if, IF, mind you... if you can get him to understand that he's not having a brawl, then he's a decent wrestler too. No damn technique at all but he stands over six foot and weighs 20 stone! It's like trying to knock down and pin a mountain! He be as slow and lumbering as his mind but back in his day? Why he'd got some speed to him, and had quick reflexes to boot. Not now mind you.
How do I know him? We’re shipmates, or were once before the Cap’n beached him as mostly useless. No time to explain everything twice in a squall. Now? He’s a caravan or merchant guard.
Oh gods... there he goes again. That tin whistle? Yeah - That's him. Yeah... doesn't sound too bad BUT HE ONLY KNOWS SIX OR SEVEN BLOODY TUNES! Drives you balmy I tell ya - same ones over and over again. We've gotten him to understand that once people turn in for the night he has to put it away but I've come close to really contemplating murder more than once.
You want a word with him? Can't imagine why, ain't got much to say has he now. Just remember he works for his merc band. He's family to them. One bright spark thought he'd try "liberating" him. You'll have more luck getting an intelligent word outta Woyzeck then finding that fella now. If it's just curiousity? Well he don't bite. He's mostly harmless when he's not being slapped about the head... that's how we get him ready to fight. Sure, no harm at all if you come on gentle like. He can talk, simple sentences and such - He's just as boring as porridge. So either flip me a copper and I’ll go and have a word with him or jog on... I'm busy.
