The best day in Varga Ruel's life was when he won the Mittens Meowselsworth's Why-Watch-Deathmatch-at-Home? Contest. Randomly selected over hundreds of thousands of other marginally qualified applicants, Varga lept off his patched farbon sofa for joy when the winning number happened to be on the bottom of one of the 'Miracle-Mote Food Delivery' noodle cups he had thrown in a pile in a corner of the room.
The contest winner was gifted with an all expense paid trip to see the Deathmatch Extravaganza! in person as the personal guest of Mittens. A 30 day/29 night safari was set to follow with TV coverage of the winner's exciting and danger filled vacation after the completion of the Deathmatch. All brought to you be VR Industries.
Varga was literally bouncing in his seat when the Deathmatch opened and people started getting lasered and chopped to bits in the arena. He screamed in pleasant terror as the crazy zealot opened a portal and summoned a monster which almost got all the way to audience! A slick of slimy mucus had actually landed in Varga's chili fries! He laughed at the contestants antics, and the stench of burning hair and skin and blood only excited him even more.
Little did Varga know that the Deathmatch would be the death of him. He was loudly catcalling up to Mittens when out of the corner of his eye he saw a cow. As he turned, he realized the cow was approaching at an astounding speed and there was no way to avoid it. The camera in the arena zoomed onto Varga's face just as he was mouthing, "Oh S-H-I-I-..." but the censors lucked out since the cow flattened him before he could finish that naughty word.
Varga is now waking up after being KO'd by cattle, and things couldn't be more...perfect! Yes! The Deathmatch is obviously over, and now the safari is starting! Varga jumps up from where he's lying on his face, and...