Hobbit...er um halfling (I apologize to the Tolkien estate for using copy-rite without permission)
small, er, um, large, yea that's it, i'm large :-)
older than dirt. I'm not exactly sure how old dirt is, but I guess that makes me pretty old
rolling my tongue & annoying women in my general vacinity
neutral with a pinch of lawful, a dash of evil, and occasional good (usually accidentally)
who needs gods when you have WISH
The City at the Edge of Midnight
Common, Orcish, Dorkish, Nerdian...& Jive ;-)
Game Master or group leader (usually against my will)
"Birthday's are good. Statistics show that the more you have, the longer you'll live"
"If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got"
"You gonna eat that?"
"I say what I mean, and mean what I say"
"Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?" "No" "Why am I the only one who has that dream?"
"We live in a world that has rules, and those rules have to be guarded by men with dice. Who's gonna do it? You? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Magical Knack, and you curse the society. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Magical Knack's banning, while tragic, probably saved characters. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves characters. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me in this role, you need me in this role. We use words like explore, report, cooperate. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very rules that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide them. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up some dice, and play. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to."
What is a GM?:
"A GM (any GM) has to be 1/3 rules, 1/3 role-play, 1/3 campaign and 100% reliable.
If he doesn't know the rules he needs to know where to go to get them.
If he can't find one - How fast in feet does a body sink in warm salt water when wearing armor while raining purple cannibal frogs - he needs to not be afraid to make a ruling and mature enough live with the ramifications.
Not afraid to be wrong, not afraid to admit he was wrong and be willing to make things right or live with the decision and correct it going forward.
Know how to role-play consistently. Funny voices help but are not necessary. Know how to properly enter and exit character and play the game in and out of character.
Needs to be able to manage multiple personalities simultaneously. This may have in and out of game ramifications.
Needs to be able to set a scene and develop a story or plot point and follow through to conclusion.
Needs to be able to set up a table and break down and table.
Needs to be able to do the administrative paperwork when the table closes and do it properly.
Know how to take constructive criticism. Know how to give constructive feedback.
Be reliable, respectful of others, friendly, or at least courteous, and professional.
Needs to be good at time management and keeping a table under control and moving forward at all times.
The first three parts are easy to teach. The "other stuff" is not. I'll take anyone who has the "other stuff" any day and give them twice as many chances to learn as someone who doesn't."