“
So there I am, so many lives the number’s all broken, fresh out of space samurai to bust, and this little dude is like: take the pebble from my hand and you will be the master. So I dunk that rock so far out into space I had to mark the territory. Drain the main vein? You know." Sunny whistles for emphasis. "
Then--and this is the part that blew my freaking mind--little dude tells me to smell his finger.” The podgy little man in the gold suit leans in, planting a calloused hand on your knee. “
Smelled like piss.” The man leans back, pushing his rose gold glasses up the bridge of his nose and nodding conspiratorially. When you met, he introduced himself as Sunny, and handed you a copy of one of those Japanese comics as if it were a business card.
“So I finally figure out this ‘middle way’ thing, get double-super-extra immortal, and then the world will know who’s boss.” Sunny whoops and slaps his knee. The celebration is cut short when he bolts to his feet and flags down an elderly woman with his cane. “This is them. Has to be. Always the odd little old folks.” To the older woman’s horror, Sunny picks up her wig and shouts down into her wig cap. “Can. You. Hear. Me? Earth to Venus, this is Monkey Bro! I found the chosen one! This is definitely the right one! Much less accident-prone than the last one. Good job picking this one out!” The woman wrests her wig out of Sunny’s hand and begins beating him with her purse.
When the carnage ends, Sunny mumbles petulantly from a heap on the floor. “You’re lucky I’m still doing the Buddhist thing.”
----Q&A----
Are you the only god running around on earth?
No, but I'm the best. Very kind of you to address me by the totally accurate title I have no doubt earned, and exemplify in all manners and deeds. If I had any criticisms, it would be that the title is maybe a little short. You could try: Number One Best God Over All Heavens and Defeater of the Legions of Hell.
The west is a lot less crowded, as far as gods and what-have-yous. Not that I don't want to visit any of my old friends, with whom I have maintained strong and healthy relationships, but I haven't beaten up all the bird gods here. Yeah. Working on a cape. Gonna bring back capes.
Is this your first time on earth?
While I do spend an awful lot of time under mountains and in jars, I was, er... born here. There was the time I invaded the heavens, but it's mostly cold empty space up there. A lot more people give me the proper respect here on earth.
People are a lot harder to defeat than I remember...
Why is it a big deal if your current body gets hurt or killed?
What? Never. Such a thing is strictly impossible. I have never been- Well, in a fair... uhm. The Monkey King is immortal!
After getting hit three times, Sunny will begin to sulk, his pride having been irreversibly Harmed. After 7 such Harm he'll storm off to the Mountain of Flowers and Fruit and be inconsolable for at least a hundred years.
Who imprisoned you? Why?
So, I heard there was this bear dude called Nanook. Tough dude, nice spear, really nice pelt. Turns out he was more sensitive than I thought about the pelt. He got really, just, irresponsibly enraged over the slightest spill. Granted, I should have worn pants, uh, and avoided red wine, but half a century in a block of ice is not my worst stint in time out.
