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I saw a joke post on Facebook a couple of weeks about somebody wanting to play a piece of bread that carries itself using mage hand. I found it amusing, but later, I got to thinking about how to make such a thing as a player character. Behold my work, for glory or shame!

Garto was a skilled baker and a brilliant wizard, but he was also rather mad. One day he had made a loaf of bread, but then a whim struck him. He was lonely, as nobody would associate with him due to his oddities. Therefore, instead of eating the bread, he would enchant it with sentience. He sliced it first, of course, as 24 friends would be better than one. And so, the Breadine came to be.

As stated there are exactly 24 members of the Breadine race. Individually, they are referred to as a slice. Half of the slices think of themselves as male, the other half as female. They have a tendency toward shyness and insecurity. They have no known method of reproduction, and do not know how long their life span will be. Most of them have the following characteristics.

Alignment: Neutral.

Size: Tiny.

Mage hand: This is permanent. As long as the slice is conscious, this ability is active. A slice's strength score represents the carrying capacity of the hand, and its dexterity score represents their prowess of control with it.

Telepathy: A slice can communicate through thought. They cannot read minds, and can only hear thoughts a person sends back to them. Their range is 100 feet.

Senses: Through unknown means, a slice can perceive anything that a normal human could. This also means that anything that could fool human senses, such as invisibility or stealth, can also fool theirs.

Suggestion: All Breadine can use this ability at will, at fifth level of ability, but for only one specific means. They can use it to try to convince people or creatures not to eat them (they're unappetizing, might be moldy, etc.).

Consumption resistance: If something of at least small size does successfully decide to eat a Breadine, as a standard action they can make a melee touch attack using their dexterity modifier. If successful, then there is a contested strength check (the slice will be resisting furiously with their mage hand). If the would be consumer wins the challenge, it pops the slice into its mouth and starts chewing. The slice will take 1d4 damage per round for each two strength of the attacker (round fractions down). Each round of consuming will take a standard action for the attacker, as Breadine are quite chewie.

Breadine have 1 HD, a movement of 30', AC: 10, and cannot make physical attacks.

Twenty-two of the slices possess these attributes. The two end pieces, which are also know as crusts, are the only two that have character classes. Their selection is quite limited, only having access to cleric, oracle, sorcerer, and witch. They get +1 to two separate statistics.

Alignment: any other than neutral, but the two crusts are of opposite alignment.

Cloning: Once per day per level, a crust can make 10 non-sentient slices. It takes ten minutes of uninterrupted concentration. Afterward, it must take a short rest before it can take any standard actions. Using this ability also makes them feel unsettled and somewhat remorseful.

Resting: they do not need to sleep, but must have eight hours of rest in order to regain hit points and spells. They do this by being in a sealed bag or box, during which time they have no awareness. They instantly regain full awareness when the container is unsealed.

Note: Many things about their existence are unknown by the Breadine. Unfortunately they are unable to ask Garto about it, as soon after he created them there was an incident involving a fireball and a gas elemental.
There are rumours, however, that the Breadine were not Garto's first foray into living bread. Some say there was an earlier attempt, but Garto unwisely animated his creation before he started slicing and killed it during the process. Supposedly, he then tried resurrecting it but instead accidentally made it into an undead abomination known as the Loafing Dead. This cannot be confirmed at this time, though.

It was a few days ago I came up with this, so I might have forgotten some details. If so, I will add them later.

What are some of things said during a game that were memorable, or caused a game stoppage due to everyone laughing so hard? Yep, this be a quote thread. I did a search to see if there were others, but the most recent one I found was from 2007. If I missed a more recent one, feel free to curse my d20 to always roll ones, not that I would notice any difference.

Here are some from the last session I played in.

"Keep the city clean. Crap on a drow."
"Don't mind me, I'm just sucking out the poison."
"It's tall, green, and grew back its arms and legs. Trust me though, it's a wolf."
"This is how we got snuck up on by a giant snail."
"Can you take my watch? The cleric is scaring me."

I'm going to be playing in a new campaign soon. You've likely guessed from the title that the characters will be gestalt. The characters start at first level, with a 25 point build.

The problem is, there are three different things I want to play, and I can't decide between them. Therefore, I will leave it up to you, the wise denizens of the Paizo forums, to make this life-changing decision and absolve me from the consequences.


Regardless of which class combo I take, my race will be human. Looking forward to hearing your opinions.

G'day, all! I'll soon be starting my first Pathfinder campaign as a DM. My players are a creative, interesting bunch, but I've noticed most of them have a tendancy to pick non-standard races.

Most of the campaigns I've been in with them have no human PCs, unless I'm playing one. The group usually consists of dwarves, elves and then the more exotic races.

In my campaign, I'm going to try to encourage at least some of the players to choose traditional races, and perhaps even have some humans. My solution is with the experience chart. Humans will use the fast track, other core races will use the medium, and non-standard races will use the slow one.

In your opinion, would this be unfair for the races outside the core book?