Lem

Pepe, Murderhobo Professionnel's page

57 posts. Alias of captain yesterday.


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Wait, who are we killing? Whoever it is, I'm game.


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Just a Mort wrote:

What's a scan tour? You're in Scandinavia, on vacation now?

And it's all those sneaky Frenchmen!

Viva La France!!

We surrender.


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NobodysHome wrote:

Oh, speaking of restraint, since I can't post it in the Serpent's Skull thread I'll post it here.

After the fiasco of their full frontal assault last time, Talky McTalktalk and I convinced the group to actually select a party leader (they chose Talky, with Impus Minor tactical advisor, which was their best possible choice), selected good roles for the party...
...then decided they were going to do another full frontal assault on the fortress.

*SIGH*

You win some, you lose some...

Man, those are some sweet tactics!


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I like pendants.

The more the better.


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Drejk wrote:

Side quest successful:

XP Gained: +1
Gold Gained: –150

The new filling feels better than the old one to my tongue... Smoother at sides. Hopefully it will hold better too.

Damn it!

Looks like I'm going to have to pillage another dragon's hoard.

Looks up address for Sharoth's house.


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I was supposed to get a mustache!

Starts dousing the school house with gasoline.


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Stares at a Yew shrub as the reverse cross stitching on his Masterwork Backpack (UE) blows with a subtle breeze.

Martha!?!


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Oh no, you can talk about it, it's just NPCs you're murdering, it's not like they're people, anymore.

They're mostly ghouls now, though I think Phil's a vampire.


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And what are the next steps.

Takes notes using the same stationery he used to frame the tanner for gremlin hoarding to drum up some excitement.


I'm a professional.


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NobodysHome wrote:
thegreenteagamer wrote:

I will be GMing soon. The party pointedly asked me to not go easy on them at all.

Melee druid with barely enough wisdom to cast buffs, bolt ace gunslinger, unchained rogue, barbarian, and monk.

Five hammers.

It's like they asked for a TPK.

I do so loves succubi for their ability to teach such parties the errors of their ways...

That's not an error.


Oh you same old, same old. Burning bridges and blaming squirrels.

I'm sheriff of Longacre now, didn't even have to kill anyone (but I did anyhow)


You just stab, repeat, and blame it on squirrels.


Okay, you see that village over there? Yeah, it has Gremlin problem, or at least it will.

You see those hills, they're lousy with Gremlins.

Yeah, you see where I'm going with this.

Break into the treasury in the middle of the night, Rob the town stupid and leave a couple of gremlins and an empty bottle of Mad Dog locked in the empty vault.

Now, you see that next village...


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Donald Trumpets wrote:
NobodysHome wrote:

...

"I choose Donald Trump over Hillary Clinton because I vastly appreciate his clear policy statements and his detailed agenda of exactly what he will do as president and how he will go about achieving his aims..."
We need to build a wall to keep the Kobolds from taking our good murderhobo jobs.

The Vancaskerkin's are already taking all the best Murderhobo jobs.


Keep aiming buddy!

I got first place locked up, in a... place... that may or may not burn down, right about... An explosion rocks the countryside... now!


I found stabbing is the best way to go. A living wizard NEVER shuts up for long.


I haven't even begun to decorate! Hope everyone likes red!


With a house burning behind him, casually hides torch.

So, we're.. NOT burning... anything down...


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Yes! The American Swine will smell the pungent foot of French justice grinding their yeasty disgusting bread into their faces!


I know a well I can dump them down, I'll blame it on Gremlins and collect double.


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Viva Le France!


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Pepe, as promised

:
Pepe Benoit
Male halfling swashbuckler 1 (Pathfinder RPG Advanced Class Guide 56)
NE Small humanoid (halfling)
Init +5; Senses Perception +7
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Defense
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AC 18, touch 16, flat-footed 13 (+2 armor, +5 Dex, +1 size)
hp 12 (1d10+2)
Fort +3, Ref +8, Will +2; +2 vs. fear
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Offense
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Speed 20 ft.
Melee dagger +7 (1d3+1/19-20) or
rapier +8 (1d4+1/18-20)
Ranged sling +7 (1d3+1)
Special Attacks deeds (derring-do, dodging panache, opportune parry and riposte), panache (2)
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Statistics
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Str 12, Dex 20, Con 14, Int 9, Wis 13, Cha 15
Base Atk +1; CMB +1; CMD 16
Feats Weapon Focus (rapier)
Traits criminal, good slip
Skills Acrobatics +11 (+7 to jump), Bluff +7, Climb +3, Perception +7, Sleight of Hand +10; Racial Modifiers +2 Acrobatics, +2 Climb, +2 Perception
Languages Common, Halfling
SQ manifestation points, ability scores, swashbuckler finesse
Other Gear leather armor, buckler, dagger, rapier, sling, sling bullets (10), absinthe (per bottle)[UE], backpack, bedroll, belt pouch, flint and steel, hemp rope (50 ft.), mess kit[UE], pot, soap, torch (10), trail rations (5), waterskin, 98 gp, 9 sp
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Special Abilities
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Deeds
Fearless +2 racial bonus on all saving throws against fear. This bonus stacks with the bonus granted by halfling luck.
Manifestation Points, Ability Scores ([none], 13/psychic duel) Every combatant begins a psychic duel with a pool of MP equal to the combatant’s HD + the average of her Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma scores. As a free action, a combatant can draw from this pool to generate MP. A combatant who draws any numb
Panache (Ex) Gain a pool of points that are spent to fuel deeds, regained on light/piercing crit/killing blow.
Swashbuckler Finesse At 1st level, a swashbuckler gains the benefits of the Weapon Finesse feat with light or one-handed piercing melee weapons, and she can use her Charisma score in place of Intelligence as a prerequisite for combat feats. This ability counts as having
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There are two thing in life Pepe loves, money and himself.

Pepe was born in Galt, where exactly, doesnt matter, he can never go back. His parents were former slaves that worked tirelessly to win his freedom, which made it doubly disappointing when he came of age and hardly made a profit selling them back into slavery.

Pepe then made his way up to Mivon, where he learned the finer points of swordsmanship from an elderly Swordlord-in-exile, who made an excellent fall guy (and for which Pepe got a substantial reward for bringing to justice, dead, of course) for a series of disappearances.

Pepe then made his way, bored, and in a murderous funk, around the River Knigdoms, a series of murders in Pitax suggest he might’ve ventured there. an unsolved attempt at pollutting Outsea with dead rats is certainly his work.

However, nothing grabbed Pepe, and as he was in an alleyway, coming to grips with a life of forlorn destruction (and drowning an Innkeeper in a bucket) he saw HER, the most beautiful Halfling he had ever seen. Oh, how she casually tripped a ladder, or unsnapped a horse’s buckle, seemingly without even touching it, beautiful tragedy incarnate, that is what Pepe saw when he first laid eyes on Tammerine “Tammy” Dragontoes.

Admittedly, Tammy barely notices Pepe, and finds the odd spring in his step when she’s around annoying.

For Pepe, every moment around Tammy is better then the last (although a good bathhouse or pesh den rank a close second) and there isn’t a single person in the world he wouldn’t mudrer to get sweet, beautifully malicious flower to notice him.

Maybe his parents have value after all…


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There are two things in life Pepe loves, money and himself.

Pepe was born in Galt. Where exactly, doesn't matter, he can never go back. His parents were former slaves that worked tirelessly to win their freedom. Which made it doubly disappointing when he came of age, and hardly made a profit selling them back into slavery.

Pepe then made his way up to Mivon, where he duped an elderly Swordlord in exile to teach him the finer points of swordsmanship, he also made an excellent fall guy for a series of disappearances. for which Pepe collected a substantial reward for capturing, dead, of course.

Pepe then made his way, bored, and in a murderous funk, across the River Kingdoms. A series of murders in Pitax suggest he might've ventured there. An unsolved attempt at polluting Outsea with dead rats is certainly his work.

However, nothing grabbed Pepe, and as he was in an alleyway, coming to grips with a life of forlorn destruction (and drowning an Innkeeper in a bucket) he saw HER, the most beautiful Halfling he had ever seen.

Oh, how she casually tripped a ladder, or unsnapped a horse's saddle buckle, seemingly without even touching it. Beautiful tragedy incarnate, that is what Pepe saw when he first laid eyes on, Tammerine "Tammy" Dragontoe.

Tammy, admittedly barely notices Pepe, and finds the odd spring in his step when she's around annoying, to say the least.

For Pepe, every moment around Tammy is better than the last (although a good bathhouse or pesh den rank a close second) and there isn't a single person in the world he wouldn't murder to get his beautiful, sweetly malicious flower to notice him.

Maybe, his parents have value after all...


My next foray into villainous character creation will be my iconic Murderhobo Pepe.

I was thinking Swashbuckler, but if you (or anyone) have better ideas, by all means.


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That was more a picture of convenience, and looking French.


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I've decided the evil character I'm going to come up with tonight at work will be my iconic murderhobo Pepe, I'm thinking Swashbuckler but am totally open to ideas.


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Are you sure you can't stab them?


I'm game.


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Please, that plague was going to unleash itself, we were just helping it along!


Lesson 32: the fields were burning when I got here.


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657. What town?


You're an Antipaladin, why do you even care if you can Smite, stab for the sheer joy of stabbing, eventually if you stab enough something will end up being good.

Patience friend, patience.


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Hey I took that two hour course at the Sheraton, it's not that hard once you work out the rob, stab, burn triangle.


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The Paladin obviously never had a Potato.


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Hey!

We're a perky Chaotic Neutral thank you very much!


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There's an art to Murderhobo, it's not all stab! Stab! First you gotta fabricate the Ogre attack, then you gotta salt the fields, ravage the cattle and release the women (wait! Did I do those in the right order?) Then you gotta find an Ogre patsy, get rid of the hunting party looking for the Ogres and get paid and leave town before it all comes down around you.

It is hard work I tell you!


As do I,

I work very hard to cultivate an air of mystery :-)

Edit: damn Gug, I'll teach you Ninja me! Just like the last town...


I'll have everyone know, I work very hard to cultivate an air of stabby competence, so the village burned down, at least It got rid of the Boggard tribe bothering them... I think, at least a few people survived to pay me :-)


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... or better yet, when you see the interview going south you could stab him and take all his money... wait! Is that why I wasn't hired at Barns and Nobleman's?

Stupid, Pepe! Stupid


Disruptive!

How dare you! What was I supposed to do, let the Orcs I might or might not have made up burn those fields or let that corrupt mayor continue to rule (even if I had to falsify and plant all those documents proving his guilt)

The important thing is I looted the treasury before I burned the whole place down and blamed it on "Orcs"

All's in a days work for a Murderhobo Professionnel


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Have you tried stabbing it?

Frankly anything past that and I'm lost


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Cant I just stab it in triplicate,
i'm not doing paperwork unless I can stab it


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Jiggy wrote:
GM_Beernorg wrote:
Post removed, glad to see you still get judged harshly for everything you say on the forums, and having an opinion or disliking something is fair grounds to be spoken ill of. Pardon me for disliking the tone of someone's comment, as to me it seemed insulting in an underhanded way. Also is this not a "grinds my gears" aka annoys me thread? Guess only certain folk are able to speak their minds bout the topic here...hmm.
I'm pretty sure there are ways to express opinions and dislikes without saying someone oughta have their teeth punched out.

So thats what i've been doing wrong! thanks! going to the general store should elicit much less hostility now, guess i shouldn't have burned it down.......


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Chains! no one said we were getting Chained!

Curse you Vancaskerkin!


30) No Vancaskerkins to poach jobs, those fields won't burn themselves after all, and i'm not letting the Orcs do it


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Whoa Fred you're never going anywhere as a Murderhobo using numbers!
remember your lessons, a Wizard cant control a mind that isnt used


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Hold on! being a Murderhobo is bad? my god! what have i been doing with my life! well Pepe its never too late to change, time to go kill someone for a new job
wait, is that right?


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Skeld wrote:
Roger Quigley wrote:
...then what was the point of commenting?

So that you would know. And knowing is half the battle.

-Skeld

please tell me stabbing is the other half:-p

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