Lathiira, Champion of Justice's page

I used to care about justice. Then the world grew cold and hard and then there was that thread....

For honor and glory, this thread must be destroyed!

Seoni's Immortal Soul wrote:

When I get out of this accursed gem, I'm totally going to -

That's enough talking from you, Seoni. Just enough so that the Paizo community knows I really have you.

You see, Paizonians, my plan is much more insidious than everyone has thought. I haven't taken Seoni's body hostage. I have taken her immortal soul hostage.

I am counting on the fact that the vast majority of Seoni fanboys are only interested in her body, and will loose interest in searching for her once they find that I am willing to surrender that empty shell without a fight.

You're probably right. What's a missing soul around here? I save soul-gathering for the P&P game.

Say, who's got the body? The Assassin? Just wanted to make sure we hadn't lost track of it in case somebody changes their mind.

I prefer:

"Dear Kae Yoss,

I memorized Explosive Runes this morning.

Kind Regards,

Xuttah"

It's much better on account of the 'splosions. :)

That one's been trademarked by an elven wizard of indeterminate gender and by a kobold. Symbol of Death is much more elegant.

Just wait for next month's issue of Sorceresses Gone Wild. It will have all the proof you need.

I knew I shouldn't have let my subscription lapse! Curses!

Lathiira, Champion of Justice wrote:

Seldriss wrote:

Well, so far, this is just talk about an alleged abduction.

We need some proofs !

Maybe a picture of Seoni kept prisoner, in chains, in a dark dungeon would convince us...

:P

You have a point. So far we only have the word of a heinous criminal mastermind (Epic Meepo) and a nefarious killer-for-hire (the Assassin) on this. I'd hate to think I'd been running all over the place hunting for a damsel-in-distress when she was actually hiding in an extradimensional space the whole time, out with the flu or something . . . .

I resent the implication that I'm a killer for hire. I kill for pleasure, the money is just an added perk. Dont let the red skin and small horns fool you. Inside I'm a very good girl, as Seoni can attest to. As a Slayer of Domiel, I could be no less.

I apologize for the defamation of character. Still, do you have evidence that you rescued Seoni? For all we know, this was all a mad plot!

Lathiira, Champion of Justice wrote:

Montalve wrote:

T'Ranchule wrote:

When Mr. Meepo is at last captured and brought to justice, I can think of only one suitable punishment for such a heinous crime.

Uwe Boll movies. ALL of them.

that is an evil act

but most aceptable after Mr Meepo heinous crimes of war...

we will lend the pincushions for the eyelashes not to be closed

I'll bring the Barney tapes and the Knight Rider DVDs for the second round!

And the complete run of Star Trek: Enterprise?

I was thinking Star Trek: Nemesis instead.

T'Ranchule wrote:

When Mr. Meepo is at last captured and brought to justice, I can think of only one suitable punishment for such a heinous crime.

Uwe Boll movies. ALL of them.

that is an evil act

but most aceptable after Mr Meepo heinous crimes of war...

we will lend the pincushions for the eyelashes not to be closed

I'll bring the Barney tapes and the Knight Rider DVDs for the second round!

Well, so far, this is just talk about an alleged abduction.

We need some proofs !

Maybe a picture of Seoni kept prisoner, in chains, in a dark dungeon would convince us...

:P

You have a point. So far we only have the word of a heinous criminal mastermind (Epic Meepo) and a nefarious killer-for-hire (the Assassin) on this. I'd hate to think I'd been running all over the place hunting for a damsel-in-distress when she was actually hiding in an extradimensional space the whole time, out with the flu or something . . . .

To all concerned,

Epic Meepo and his threat has been dealt with. Seoni says to tell you that she will return to work just as soon as she has rewarded me properly for my efforts. Unfortunately this may take several days, after which we will be too exhusted to move from whatever vertical surface we happen to be on. Thank you for your understanding during this period

Sincerly, Poetry.

Well, glad that's cleared up. On to other projects.

Seems like I've got a rather unfocused army here. Perhaps negotiation is in order.

What is this? Me and the UA slaughtered over a hundred kobolds and dwarves - for some, we had to really go out of our way, I don't mind telling you! They were hiding and had conceiled their weapons so masterfully that we never found them! - and all that, and defeated some souped-up kobold who hid out behind a big-ass studded door, only to find - no seoni. Instead, a lame liddle mushroom guy was there. "Thank you, Kae, but the sorceress is in another dungeon."

By the way, mushroom guys are great. It's like meat and shroom all at once. Ideal meal. You can filet him up and dice the rest for the cream sauce.

Lathiira, Champion of Justice wrote:

Kidnap 'em all if you like. I'm only signed on for one quest this week

This ain't wow. If you want to make it in this world, you gotta take the quests as they come.

It's not a WOW thing. It's "Short Attention Span in the Face of Real Life" thing. Besides, I'm new to this whole "Champion of Justice" thing. I'll admit that I never thought those mushroom guys would be so useful as rations. I wonder if they go good with Swiss?

Well, sorry I was gone. Any progress? I mean, besides the Runelord of Lust trying to get herself "abducted" again.

Lavender Lil has a certain charm. I'll see if I can nab her while I'm out getting supplies for my Extra Deady Traps and crates full of Creatures of Hostile Intent. Gotta keep those PC do-gooders busy with something so they don't interrupt all-important Meepo's manifesto writing.

Kidnap 'em all if you like. I'm only signed on for one quest this week, and that's saving Seoni. Someone else can go out and rescue Merisiel or Lil or whomever else manages to get kidnapped. You'll have my moral support though.

(Gotta have some time for classwork, after all.)

My Unspeakable Associates (from Unspeakable Associates, Inc.) have reported that the west wing does not contain any Varisian sorceresses. For some ineffable reason, there actually was a Japanese Schoolgirl.

The U.A. ask if any of you want her or if they can keep her.

Sure, why not? Advanced payment for services rendered.

Drat, I've lost the trail! You'd think that sahuagin would leave a better trail . . .

"EeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEIiiiiiiii!"

*stumbles in and lets out a a high-pitched shriek like only a fish out of water for 8 hours could make before collapsing to the floor, a piece of parchment clutched in his webbed hand.*

Seoni Ransom Photo (Bound & Gagged by The Black tape of Society)

A strange ransom note to be sure, but at least she was still alive when this was drawn. Delivered by a dehydrated sahuagin . . . hmm, it seems that we've been tricked! Seoni isn't here! Meepo must have made an alliance with the devils of the deep!

Come, my friends! We must continue the search elsewhere! But to be sure, badgers, continue the hunt here for any other clues! I will follow this fishy trail to its source!

*runs off, following smell of old fish and brine*

sowhereaminow wrote:

seekerofshadowlight wrote:

Only one thing to do. Send in the pirate/ninjas

What about sending in the badgers? There's 14 of us using this avatar - we should be able to do a significant amount of damage.

** spoiler omitted **

14 isn't a round enough number. Now it's 15.

Well, however many of you there are, keep hunting! We have yet to rescue the fair damsel!

Lathiira, Champion of Justice wrote:

Lord Fyre wrote:

Lathiira, Champion of Justice wrote:

Seoni? You down here? Seoni? I've come to rescue you from this dank, dark, XP-free dungeon!

XP-free!?!

Oh darn!

Sorry Seoni.

Can't help you.

Only XP is Mr. Meepo, so that's not totally accurate. And all the bears, monkeys, pirates, badgers, and ninjas that followed me in, of course. It was XP-free when I got here.

I believe Mr. Meepo is worth quite a bit of XP. Do you wanna split him?

I'll tell you what: you can have the XP award for Mr. Meepo. I'll take the XP award for finding Seoni. How's that? You can split him all by yourself if you like. I recommend a +6 keen vorpal kobold-bane greataxe myself. Us Champions for Justice like XP, but we're really in it for the story awards.

Lathiira, Champion of Justice wrote:

You can always start the fire with Monterrey Jack, Lord Fyre.

But, if I do that he will get all melty. And then things would get just too cheesy for a quality production.

Well, there's this dragon that thinks it's a U.N. envoy around here somewhere. Though you might want to try something a little hotter.

*passes Lord Fyre a sealed canister of magnesium and another canister of phosphorus*

Indulge your inner pyromaniacs, boys. Or outer pyromaniac in your case, Lord Fyre.

And yes, I need the badgers to sniff out the fair Seoni!

*smashes open another door*

Nope, just a bunch of kobolds.

Lathiira, Champion of Justice, I must protest your breaking of everything in sight, unless of course you have come with those swanky blue helmets we have been providing with the big red circles on them, then the smaller red circle withing the first circle, and don't forget the fascinatingly well done darkened red circle in the middle. We went extra spiffy on those, by the way, and had them made Masterwork quality with Masterwork Quality Spikes as well (of course turning them into a d3 weapon on the head of a medium creature with a +1 enhancement bonus to hit based upon said MW quality). Sadly, we were unable to procure the explosives and detonators to turn them into the high quality weapons of doom that they should rightly have been.

But that is not important right now...

The important thing, is that we negotiate with this Mr. Meepo, if that is in fact his name, on behalf of the Iconic League of Coolness for the safe return of one of their members, specifically Seoni, AKA The Hotness. For such negotiations to be successfully and safely carried out, I must request for your entire army to stand down, sit and stay, deactivate, and/or wait in the corner with a dunce hat upon its head as each individual of said army is want, and needed, to do.

Thank you.

By the way, please contain any and all fires that you, or your people, creatures, pets or cohorts start.

*Ignores U.N. envoy, kicks in another door.*

Nope, not here either.

*Looks over at dragon.*

Sorry, never got the helmets. I think they were returned to sender. The postal service in my area is rather inept, so you might want to make sure of that. While you do that, I'm going to keep looking.

Hey guys, she's not on this level! Let's keep going!

Lathiira, Champion of Justice wrote:

Seoni? You down here? Seoni? I've come to rescue you from this dank, dark, XP-free dungeon!

XP-free!?!

Oh darn!

Sorry Seoni.

Can't help you.

Only XP is Mr. Meepo, so that's not totally accurate. And all the bears, monkeys, pirates, badgers, and ninjas that followed me in, of course. It was XP-free when I got here.

*kicks in another door*

Seoni?

Nope, not here.

You can always start the fire with Monterrey Jack, Lord Fyre.

Lathiira, Champion of Justice wrote:

Monterrey Jack wrote:

Lathiira wrote:

There's plenty of room for pirates, ninjas, AND robots. What's important is getting Seoni back! Oh, and some incidental carnage. No one said all the robots, pirates, and ninjas had to make it back, after all. I'm surprised the Jacks haven't come running, now that I think of it . . . .

Seoni? Why should we get worked up over a mere fleshling?

Now, on the other hand, had he kidnapped that hottie from "Metropolis"...

I seem to recall that you Jacks have gotten a little worked up over Lynora from time to time. Besides, don't you like a good brawl? You can crash Epic Meepo's dungeon!

Eh, if we can finish up by toasting the pirates and ninjas also...

I've got no objections, so long as the sorceress is safe. I brought some propane along for a reason, now I know what it is.

Lathiira wrote:

There's plenty of room for pirates, ninjas, AND robots. What's important is getting Seoni back! Oh, and some incidental carnage. No one said all the robots, pirates, and ninjas had to make it back, after all. I'm surprised the Jacks haven't come running, now that I think of it . . . .

Seoni? Why should we get worked up over a mere fleshling?

Now, on the other hand, had he kidnapped that hottie from "Metropolis"...

I seem to recall that you Jacks have gotten a little worked up over Lynora from time to time. Besides, don't you like a good brawl? You can crash Epic Meepo's dungeon!

Umm...You have no wrath...

*Opening Brief Case, and putting on glasses*

Now, perhaps, Mr. Meepo is it? you could provide us with proof of your obduction of said Iconic individual and provide us with a list of your demands, in detail, in triplicate. Also, sir, I must demand that you allow the Order of the Red Cross to visit her, assuming you do have said sorceress, at least 3 times a week to assertain her health and mental state. Also, as you may know, having kidnapped her you are required by international law, to provide her with some basic needs such as food, water, and a decent research library allowing her plenty of fresh air and bat guano to practice her art within certain defined perameters.

Good day sir.

Great, the makings of a good little battle interrupted by a U.N. envoy. Well, I'm here, might as well look around.

Seoni? You down here? Seoni? I've come to rescue you from this dank, dark, XP-free dungeon!

Bears, onward! Badgers, onward! Monkeys, robots, ninjas, and pirates, into the fray!

*bashes down the door to the dungeon*

Meepo, Epic or not, your perfidy ends now! Release the sorceress or face our wrath!