The goblin poisoner, hearing that its fate is to be boiled alive, lets out a fearful shriek: AAAAIIIIIIEEEEK!!! Fainting, the goblin slumps lifeless to the floor...
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UUUFFF!!! BAAAH!! UNHAND ME, YOU BRUTE!!
PLUTO'S POISONOUS P&%@#!!! Run, Squidretch, RUN!! Don't let them catch you and stretch you on the rack!
The piper goblin ceases piping and bows deeply toward Prince Henry... In broken Portuguese: Thousand pardons, great prince! Squidretch must use chamberpot! Before the guardsmen can seize him, the ugly little piper dashes from the hall through the archway to the south, into the throne room...
Any moment now... That's good, drink again, idiot! Yes! Yes! ... Uh oh... He's looking at me... Come on, you stubborn ass! That's enough ettercap venom to drop a horse! Fall over, you bastard!
The goblin piper who blew the pill into the prince's goblet is thinking: Drink, my prince, drink deeply... Good! Good! Feel the poison flow through you!
Perception 31 or better:: The goblin minstrel playing the fife, using his flute-like instrument as if it were a blowgun, surreptitiously launches a fine white projectile the size of an apple seed into Prince Henry's wine goblet with astounding accuracy!
As the Turkish newcomer enters, the Goblins Three conclude their enchanting arabesque and begin a dolorous pavanne that seems to relax the listener and ease the weariness of travel...
A trio of squatty, green-skinned humanoids, with long, pointy ears, long pointy noses, and sharp-toothed grins, clad in fine jester garb, play a shockingly excellent arabesque on lute, fife, and drum. The bewitching music somehow seems to whet the listener's appetite...
The Goblins Two chuckle in the shadows of the nave.... Hee-hee-hee! Pater Renaud wino!
The two goblin bards tell an unbelievable tale to the skalds in the Hall of Magnus back in Trondheim, regaling the Norsefolk with descriptions of the Lusty Fools' cunning and valor, and how they massacred the Great White Wyrm of the North, Blizzardfang, and his clan of frost jotnar, collapsing their icy Glacial caverns on top of them as they fled the lair with treasures beyond the ken of thane or jarl!
The goblin minstrels hang well back and find a place to hide and watch the unfolding battle from behind a boulder jutting out of the ice.... Be carefuls, masters! whispers the drummer.... Aye! Wolfses looks hungry.... whispers the lutenist....
The goblin minstrels grin toothily at Hisao's generous compliment and strike up a traveling tune, but Sven urges silence lest the goblins' odd music attract predators or alert giant scouts of the party's approach, so the goblins fall silent and trudge moodily along behind the heroes....
Lament for Smart Guy, by the Goblin Duo Hear lament for Smart Guy....
Smart Guy like to throw fire....
We will miss his yapping....
Hear lament for Smart Guy....
Initiative
The Goblin Duo stop playing their dubious motivational jig and begin to weep and snuffle as they collect the charred bones and ashes of their incinerated band mate into pouches and bottles.... Now we can get a trumpeter like me always wanted.... No.... Need more bass.... We get bassoonist now....
Reflex with cover fails.... The goblin piper is incinerated! Reflex with cover succeeds and evades! The lute-player plays on! Reflex with cover succeeds and evades! The drum keeps on drumming!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKK!!!! NNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! MOTHER!!!!
The Goblins Three are burnt to three blackened skeletons amid small piles of ashes!
Reflex save .... The goblin piper is struck for 18 bludgeoning!
Reflex save .... The goblin lutist is also struck for 18 bludgeoning!
Reflex save .... The goblin drummer is miraculously unscathed!
Round 3 Goblins Three continue their shaky dirge....
Round 2
Round 2 The Goblins Three continue their trembly tune.... Climbing, climbing, up the stairs.... To face they doom the heroes dares.... Dragon laughs and burns the sky.... Laughing as the heroes die....
The Goblins Three strike up a trembly war song that does little to bolster the courage of their heroes, the Lusty Fools.... It sounds more like a weepy and mournful dirge to lament impending doom than a call to heroic action.... Sung in a high-pitched, shaky squeak: Some time heroes better off if heroes run away.... Tuck them tails between them legs and live another day.... Dragon come and dragon go, burning as him please.... Bringing all of Christendom to fall upon them knees.... Heroes maybe better off if heroes hit and run.... Dragon breath burn people flesh like ten bajillion sun.... Hide and snipe and hide again, that the goblin way!.... That why goblin sometime live to fight another day!
EEEEEEEK!!! Who dat!? Uh-oh! Dragon here!!! Shut secret door! Shut rat-hole! Shut murder hole! Shut the f$#! up!
Initiative
Will save
Will save
Will save
Wow.... They make us sound like farts in cave.... Nah.... It's your bad sense of rhythm that make us sound like farts in cave.... Compared to that pretty sound, your piping sound like cat being fed to gelatinous cube....
You guys mighty slayers indeed! Make big massacre at Bone Tower! We make violent songs about your bloody deeds!
We don't know when Dai Oni return.... We wandering troupe, came here two weeks ago to play for coins....
The three goblin bards stay well back in the corner, agape at the supreme lethalness of The Lusty Fools, and how swiftly their foes fall beneath their blades and firebombs!
Me think Dai Oni took stolen Body-Stain Shroud to give as gift to Antichrist....
*GULP!* D-Dai Oni gone about....week now? The goblin recoils in obvious fear and revulsion from The Beetle Man....
The goblins proceed to reveal the secret location where Dai Oni has gone to meet with the Antichrist: a cavern on the north slope of Mount Vesuvius.... Tricky part is picking right cave--volcano has lots and lots on all sides.... Cave you want is high up on north side, near top! But he careful--Big Boss Conflagratius lives in volcano, too, along with chimera-men, and devils from Hell!
Tell us what is in the rest of camp also. Hisao says Would it be easy prey with leader not at home? Downstairs, two more like her... the short, fat goblin points at the butchered lamia.... And more bugbears, five, I think.... No problem for mighty slayers like you guys!
The goblins unanimously fall over each other declining a visit with "Bug Man".... Then one of them, the shortest and fattest, who plays the hide drum, starts shooshing and smacking the other two, calming them before speaking for the band.... Where to begin, right!? Haha.... First.... Me know why Dai Oni not here.... Me know where Dai Oni be.... Me know who Dai Oni having big pow-wow with.... Me even hear a little bit about what pow-wow for.... You no kill.... Let us follow you and eat your scraps and scavenge through your trash at respectful distance.... Me give you all the rap, senior!
The lamia weeps in terror, grief, and agony for a few seconds more, her eviscerated, dismembered body writhing slower and slower.... Terrified by the barbarous atrocities inflicted by Nacht on the lamia dancer, the three goblin minions start to whimper and fix their fearful, beady little eyes on the Beetle Man! Bug Man look hungry!! Hope him not like goblin!! HEEEHEEE!! *GULP!!* Th-that look d-delicious!! Bon appetite, Senior! MMMMM.... What lamia chops taste like, Bug Guy?
Oh, perish thought, Your Big Shinyness! We humble players never try such folly! Ya! Not unless you pass out really, really drunk, and no have shiny pokers nearby.... Shut up, stupid!! Now they REALLY kill us! Uh.... ONE! MORE! TIME!! Another round of dizzying goblin music....
Please no kill! We just musicians! We not minions, just visit! Ya! You no kill, we make bestest ballad ever 'bout Lusty Killers! They Lusty Fools, idiot! Not Lusty Killers! Now they kill for sure! You call them Fools, fool! Me not gonna call big bruisers with shiny pokers fools!
Seemingly sensing the new development and yet unwilling to interrupt their raucous music, the three goblin minstrels continue to play with wild abandon, and the music increases in tempo and volume, swelling into a catchy cacophony set to murder and mayhem.... |