Emperor Floyd's page

Selene Spires wrote:

So anymore questions for me?

Dear Emperor Floyd and Princess/Prince Kitten,

The stray cat that has semi-adopted our home as his own hangs out here almost all the time. Except... every 6-8 weeks or so, he just disappears for 2 days straight. It's always 2 days, never just 1 day or more than 2. What the heck is he doing that it always takes a full 2 days?

Princess Kitten will answer this when our servant has time to set up a account yo do so.

Sometimes cats just need some alone private time. We need vacations.

Some more cat questions;

If a cat is an indoor/outdoor cat, but has no way to do that, (IE no cat doors) and I have to drive all the time back and forth...is there a better solution than to cut a hole in the garage door? I don't want to do that since it's not my house...

Also if said cat is bored, does that explain its need to bite and claw me some times? I don't think it's being vicious just playful...but I don't play well with cats. I think...

I will answer these questions...

1) Why yes you should drive back and forth on the whim of your feline overlord..,overlady...overperson...it is your job after all...

2) Yes the poor cat is probably starved for attention.

My question is for His Imperial Majesty, Emperor Floyd:

Every day when my Burden is making the bed, I try and assist. I prefer the bed made so that I have as wide a selection of areas I can lounge in comfort as I possibly can. But he insists on stating that I'm not helping at all; in fact, I'm actually getting in the way! (The NERVE!)

How do I convince him that I am assisting and am not—as he so eloquently put it—"being a Royal Pain"?

Thank you!

Sincerely,
Pepi, Overlord of Fredericton, Master of All, First of Her Name.

I have great luck in getting my point across to my servant with my claws...

On a sidenote I would like applaud the state of New York passed a law outlawing the barbaric practice of declawing cats.

This week is becoming a really crappy one for me. Would you give Floyd an extra hug and snuggles from me? Thanks.

*hugs and snuggles*

*licking tablet screen gets disappointed*

Damn you humans! Why have you not invented a way to transmitt catnip over the internet!!!

Emperor Floyd wrote:

Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:

Selene Spires wrote:

So anymore more questions for me?

Is Emperor Floyd (King of All He Surveys, Protector of the Selene Spires, Khal of the Great Back Yard Sea, Lord of Catnip, and First of His Name) a standoff-ish/aloof kitty or a snuggler/lap-loveing kitty? Or somewhere in between?

You could have actually have asked me. It has been sooo long since anybody has asked me anything.

But to answer you question I am...complicated.

Do you prefer your catnip in toys or scattered on the floor?

Both....why? You got some?!?! GIVEME!GIMME!!!GIMME!!!!

Selene Spires wrote:

So anymore more questions for me?

Is Emperor Floyd (King of All He Surveys, Protector of the Selene Spires, Khal of the Great Back Yard Sea, Lord of Catnip, and First of His Name) a standoff-ish/aloof kitty or a snuggler/lap-loveing kitty? Or somewhere in between?

You could have actually have asked me. It has been sooo long since anybody has asked me anything.

But to answer you question I am...complicated.

Emperor Floyd wrote:

I Blame Cosmo that my minion's sister are coming up the Sunday after next...and they are brining their dogs. And they are going to be invading my territory for weeks.

I blame Cosmo that Emperor Floyd is talking about brining dogs.

I mean, ugh. At least marinade them. Brining is way too much sodium for Ambrosia Slaad...

I Blame Cosmo for Set thinking it is easy to type on a Samsung Tablet's keyboard with only paws...and dealing with autocorrect.

All though he brings up a interesting idea...I wonder how dog taste...

Emperor Floyd wrote:

I Blame Cosmo that my minion's sister are coming up the Sunday after next...and they are brining their dogs. And they are going to be invading my territory for weeks.

I blame Cosmo that Emperor Floyd is talking about brining dogs.

I mean, ugh. At least marinade them. Brining is way too much sodium for Ambrosia Slaad...

I Blame Cosmo that my minion's sister are coming up the Sunday after next...and they are brining their dogs. And they are going to be invading my territory for weeks.

DOGS!!!!

Emperor Floyd wrote:

I Blame Cosmo that my servant, John, has decided to move my dining spot from his room to the kitchen with the other common rabble.

Is it up on the table with everyone else's?

No...it is on the floor...well this will mean I will have to break out my secret weapon...the kitty eyes!

I Blame Cosmo that my servant, John, has decided to move my dining spot from his room to the kitchen with the other common rabble.

It is, thank you!

Merry Christmas to you as well!

Don't be afraid to waken the bush baby. :-)

It's a bush baby, what's the worst it can do!

It is this kinda thinking that will lead to the Age of Bushbaby Domination!

Dear Emperor Floyd:

1) Are you pro or anti tummy-rubs, i.e. will you frenzidly claw poor John if he tries it, purr like a diesel engine, or do both?
2) What do you think of those weird meaty soups that seem to be the latest thing in cat food at the moment?
3) What is the most unusual thing you have ever sat in?

1) I am definitely pro tummy rub...as I can than grab the hand with both Claws and lick to my heart's content.

2) Meh...I prefer rabbits.

3) I rather not say in a public forum.

Emperor Floyd wrote:

Wel...oh I thought this was a question for me...sigh Nobody ever asks me any questions.

It's just as well. Human attendants can rarely handle the depths of our profound wisdom. Heck, humans can't even perceive the horrors lurking in their own dwellings with which we lock eyes and whisper the words of forbiddence, keeping them safe for yet another day.

Too True..

Dear Emperor Floyd's personal attendant,

1) What are your top five or so favorite character races from Paizo and 3PPs?

2) What are your top five or so least favorite character races from Paizo and 3PPs?

Wel...oh I thought this was a question for me...sigh Nobody ever asks me any questions.

Rysky wrote:

Rysky wrote:

I Blame Cosmo that Imgur won't let me upload any photos or videos of my kitty.

No, that was an innuendo.

*HEAD* *DESK*

WASN'T an innuendo -_-

I Blame Cosmo for that Freudian Slip.

The Kitty in question is named Loomis, and he is an adorable furry potato Tuxedo Cat. He's also an a~!&#+%.

I Blame Cosmo that I thought a~!&#+% was just another word for cat.

I Blame Cosmo for the sudden need to scratch my minion.

My gods! Tels has been effected by the same thing Thomas Seitz has been. It is making delusional in thinking cats are not superior.

This disease has to be the brainchild of Cosmo!

Ahem....

I Blame Cosmo that this Thomas Seitz fellow seems to be delusional.

I am sorry to hear about your dog. I hope your pooch has a speedy recovery.

John Kretzer wrote:

To add to the list bove....

10) must love animals...or at least cats.

Condescending smile as he smooths his smoking jacket

Cats are absolutely delightful with a light garnish of roasted garlic and a side of boiled rat.

Goblins...the other green meat.

{squeezes out from under Kretzer's fridge} Wait, I'm cool now?!

Also Master Kretzer, do you have a guesstimate how many of Lord Floyd's toys have been batted under the fridge?

First...that is Emperor Floyd or His Imperial Majesty Floyd. Not a mere lord.

As to your question...only the ones who have displeased me get banished to underneath the refrigerator.

I will not tolerate this cruelty to cats...I will declare war upon the goblin nations if the torching of Cats continue...we cats are not just cute playthings for you to burn.

With Feros on that one, I welcome our fuzzy overlords with gusto, and a roaring AWWWW!

I blame Cosmo for my susceptibility to furry conquerers.

I Blame Cosmo that there not more people like you who know there place....AT THE FEET....um...I MEAN PAWS OF YOUR FURRY OVERLORDS.

Emperor Floyd wrote:

Rysky wrote:

Emperor Floyd wrote:

Devoted Pet Kitty wrote:

I don't like sunshine... =-_-=

I don't like Sunshine either. We must stop this lie.

What about little red dots?

I was fooled once by the lie that is 'the red dot'. Never Again.

*begins leading laser pointer*

*sits there resolutely ignoring The Red Dot*

Emperor Floyd wrote:

Devoted Pet Kitty wrote:

I don't like sunshine... =-_-=

I don't like Sunshine either. We must stop this lie.

What about little red dots?

I was fooled once by the lie that is 'the red dot'. Never Again.

I don't like sunshine... =-_-=

I don't like Sunshine either. We must stop this lie.

I Blame Cosmo that my minion, John, did not warn me how cold it was last night and let me go outside.

I Blame Cosmo that it took me meowing my head off for 30 minutes before my minion, John, let me back in.

Rysky wrote:

Emperor Floyd wrote:

Game Master Scotty wrote:

Now I blame Cosmo for thinking Floyd looks runty compared to my cats.

I Blame Cosmo that my minion, John, did not crop that photo so I looked as Game Master Scotty says...."runty".

But you're adorable!

Indeed. His Majesty also looks perfectly-sized and healthy.

I blame Cosmo that GMS's kittehs are overcompensating for something.

Thank you kind Ladies.

I Blame Cosmo for more people not noting my adorableness.

Here is that picture cropped properly.

Cropped Pic

Now I blame Cosmo for thinking Floyd looks runty compared to my cats.

I Blame Cosmo that my minion, John, did not crop that photo so I looked as Game Master Scotty says...."runty".

I Blame Cosmo for the rain tonight...I had Big...I mean BIG plans tonight.

Emperor Floyd wrote:

Cats or dogs?

Dogs.

You let a dog answer that question....what is wrong with you?

Cats or dogs?

Emperor Floyd wrote:

I Blame Cosmo for the party thing my people are throwing....with the food, alcoholic beverages, the tree with lights and everything....they do this every year damn them.

Have you conquered the tree yet?

But of course it is in My Domain after all. Though I let my friend Misty sleep under it.

Oh I guess I should blame Cosmo for something or he might get upset...

I Blame Cosmo for my minion being a little tipsy on Ginger ale and Captain Morgan and Gentleman Jack.

I Blame Cosmo for the party thing my people are throwing....with the food, alcoholic beverages, the tree with lights and everything....they do this every year damn them.

I blame Cosmo that my stoopid stoopid brain has hit on the notion that Adam Sandler's increasingly terrible movies and annual "Hahn U'Kaa" dirge are actually just half-assed attempts to appease the Ancient Ones (spoilers!) to delay Their return yet another year.

I also blame Cosmo that inscrutably alien Ancient Powers would have such terrible taste in "entertainment."

I thought it was my annihilation of the rabbit population throughout the year that did that....well at least they are tasty if that is the case.

Oh I Blame this Cosmo person that I hurt my leg...again. Though this time my minion John has convinced the others that I don't need to go to the vet...that man keeps trying to kill me. I swear.

Something has come to my attention....this Rodent...this Nappingbushbaby
is close to matching my favorite post total...with less post over all. This can not and will not stand.

Stop blindly favoring this thing's post. If you do not desist I am afraid I will have to eat nappingbushbaby.

I am not a aliases...I just do not feel like opening up my own account so I use my minion's account.

So tell me are any of your aliases as real as I am?

I Blame Cosmo for the next door neighbors throwing a Halloween party....I swear those kids have been screaming non-stop all night. Makes me to nervous to go out.

I Blame Cosmo that my minion, John, did not realize yesterday was National Cat Day.

I Blame Cosmo that all the furniture has been rearranged down stairs...it makes no sense. Damn it Cosmo I don't like change.

I Blame Cosmo for the above not working.

John Kretzer wrote:

I Blame Cosmo for yet again being invaded by my brother's kids.

I blame Cosmo that Master Kretzer has not supplied Floyd with at least a cardboard pillbox and Nerf machine gun to repel the dread invaders.

Mmmm....excellent suggestion Miss Kitty. I will have my minion start on the construction immediately. I Blame Cosmo if my minion does not build me this.

So tell me Miss Kitty are you single? I like the way you think...

I Blame Cosmo if Miss Kitty is not single.

NJone of these are even close to as good as my first suggestion.

Huh?

Cats will kill goblins....1 cat> 1000 Goblins

Get a cat.

Poog blame Cosmo for no curry sauce at hand for goblin bbq.

Tonight special is Floyd cat.

*SHANK*

I Blame Cosmo that "The" Poog of Zarongal forgot I am a cat...and cats can kill Goblin rather easily. In other words...

Bring It!!! Gob Boy

I Blame Cosmo for John not being happy that my escape is in place. All it took was slashing the tires of his 'GMs' (whatever that is) co-worker's car...thus causing a emergency so this 'GM' fellow would have to go to work. Thus my minion, John would have to stay home...and when the time comes for my escape he can use those clever things called 'thumbs' and open the door for me. Meowhahaha (picture Evil cat laughter).

Emperor Floyd wrote:

Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:

John Kretzer wrote:

I Blame Cosmo for my right foot falling asleep.

I blame Cosmo that Floyd is learning the slumber hex and quietly testing it on Master Kretzer.

I Blame Cosmo Hunt, The PugWumpus big mouth.

I Blame Cosmo for Rysky's lack of control over her minions.

An abundance of misery on your part does not imply a lack of control on mine.

But...I thought you loved cats?

*gives Rysky the saddest, cutest kittens eyes ever*

Can't you please punish your minion?

John Kretzer wrote:

I Blame Cosmo for my right foot falling asleep.

I blame Cosmo that Floyd is learning the slumber hex and quietly testing it on Master Kretzer.

I Blame Cosmo Hunt, The PugWumpus big mouth.

I Blame Cosmo for Rysky's lack of control over her minions.