>>Blame *Cosmo* for ALL your problems here<<


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Artemis Moonstar wrote:
...

I understand where you are coming from as I have a-now-disowned younger sister who likes to steal stuff to sell for money though for stuff like alcohol and makeup rather than take care of her son my nephew.

Marijuana smells disgusting both in its cooked and non-cooked form. Like grass-cut-garbage or in its cooked form: Fresh cut mildew-morning grass mixed with the spell of horse and cow poop with a pungent campfire smoke smell and a more pungent burnt smell mixed together. Both are disgusting and ridiculously hard to get out of a house that has been growing it. (( I lived in a house where the previous tenant was growing it. Said tenant also got used to living in a house that was around 110 degrees Fahrenheit...IN WASHINGTON where it's average 65 degrees Fahrenheit.

Cosmo!


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Artemis Moonstar wrote:

I Blame Cosmo for the fact that due to stupidity of the so-called family I am currently forced to suffer residing under the same roof with, all of my childhood memories, and all of my deceased mother's belongings, have been lost because the storage bill lapsed 3 months... So they could go gamble.

And I was planning on using the furniture & memorabilia in said storage unit to supplement my savings in furnishing my fiance and my apartment. We had some very nice tables, dressers, and other such in there. Much of my mother's beloved unicorns, bears, and dragon statuettes and figures would have fetched a wonderful price if such a crisis occurred that I would have been forced to sell those prized possessions of hers.

Couple this with the fact that they have sold everything that was legally mine in order to fuel their addictions (gambling, cigarettes), under the pretense of 'paying the bills'; have regularly gotten in the way of any way of advancing my life; and keep me around for nothing more than manual labor and 'watching the dog' while they spend 8+ hours gambling every, single, f&@%ing, paycheck.... I feel safe to say I really do not have a family anymore. Well, maybe my aunt on the other side of the country (who's flat broke with a kid, so no chance of moving there)....

Well, at least I DO know the value of my mother's rings they pawned off without my knowledge, only informing me after the deed was done. So, they owe me $400.

Soon as I get enough money for a car and an apartment, I wash my hands of this place. 6 years of this is f#+@ing ridiculous. I'm surprised, honestly, I haven't snapped under the strain and just ended things in a massive conflagration at this point.

Edit: I also blame cosmo that one of them (that crazy bastard I probably b++&$ed about before, the insane one that battered his wife and spent time in prison) is now growing medical pot in the backyard with a 'friend' of his (whom I highly suspect is reselling it)... And didn't think of it until AFTER I already finished my...

"Oops! Oh no, it seems I've "accidentally" spilled this 5 gallon jug of gasoline all over your pot plants and... whoops, it seems this road flare I had lit up as a test seems to have fallen on the gasoline and burned all of your pot. *sing songy* My bad!

:D


Tels wrote:
"Oops! Oh no, it seems I've "accidentally" spilled this 5 gallon jug of gasoline all over your pot plants and... whoops, it seems this road flare I had lit up as a test seems to have fallen on the gasoline and burned all of your pot. *sing songy* My bad!

All you really need is the gasoline...it will kill the plants just as well...and you really don't need to tell them anything...except for "I am sorry you plants died"


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John Kretzer wrote:
Tels wrote:
"Oops! Oh no, it seems I've "accidentally" spilled this 5 gallon jug of gasoline all over your pot plants and... whoops, it seems this road flare I had lit up as a test seems to have fallen on the gasoline and burned all of your pot. *sing songy* My bad!
All you really need is the gasoline...it will kill the plants just as well...and you really don't need to tell them anything...except for "I am sorry you plants died"

Give the things to me to care for. I kill green things just by walking by them. Give me a green-painted rock to look after and I'll probably end up with a bucket of green-painted gravel a week later.

For which I totally blame Cosmo, of course.

Silver Crusade

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Paraphrasing something I read on Tumblr:

"With all the constant stop-drop-roll routines they hammered into our heads when I was growing up I expected catching on fire to be a much more common everyday occurrence as an adult."

I was f@*+ing lied to. I Blame Cosmo.


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Rysky wrote:

Paraphrasing something I read on Tumblr:

"With all the constant stop-drop-roll routines they hammered into our heads when I was growing up I expected catching on fire to be a much more common everyday occurrence as an adult."

I was f%~&ing lied to. I Blame Cosmo.

Hmmm...

Succubus statblock wrote:

DEFENSE

AC 20, touch 13, flat-footed 17 (+3 Dex, +7 natural)
hp 84 (8d10+40)
Fort +7, Ref +9, Will +10
DR 10/cold iron or good; Immune electricity, fire, poison; Resist acid 10, cold 10; SR 18

I blame Cosmo that Rysky-lady forget she immune to glow-y dance-y burn-burn.

Silver Crusade

Crazy Harry III wrote:
Rysky wrote:

Paraphrasing something I read on Tumblr:

"With all the constant stop-drop-roll routines they hammered into our heads when I was growing up I expected catching on fire to be a much more common everyday occurrence as an adult."

I was f%~&ing lied to. I Blame Cosmo.

Hmmm...

Succubus statblock wrote:

DEFENSE

AC 20, touch 13, flat-footed 17 (+3 Dex, +7 natural)
hp 84 (8d10+40)
Fort +7, Ref +9, Will +10
DR 10/cold iron or good; Immune electricity, fire, poison; Resist acid 10, cold 10; SR 18
I blame Cosmo that Rysky-lady forget she immune to glow-y dance-y burn-burn.

Don't you bring logic into this!

Just because I can't be burnt doesn't change the lack of catching on fire my childhood got my hopes up for.


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Crazy Harry III wrote:
Rysky wrote:

Paraphrasing something I read on Tumblr:

"With all the constant stop-drop-roll routines they hammered into our heads when I was growing up I expected catching on fire to be a much more common everyday occurrence as an adult."

I was f%~&ing lied to. I Blame Cosmo.

Hmmm...

Succubus statblock wrote:

DEFENSE

AC 20, touch 13, flat-footed 17 (+3 Dex, +7 natural)
hp 84 (8d10+40)
Fort +7, Ref +9, Will +10
DR 10/cold iron or good; Immune electricity, fire, poison; Resist acid 10, cold 10; SR 18
I blame Cosmo that Rysky-lady forget she immune to glow-y dance-y burn-burn.

I blame Cosmo for Crazy Harry III forgetting that goblins aren't supposed to be able to read...or at least they should never admit to it!

Thanks, Cosmo! >:D


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Artemis Moonstar gets +4 rant points. Of which 3 of them, due to the laws of Cosmo blaming, become property of Cosmo. For this, I blame Cosmo.


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Mythic JMD031 wrote:
Artemis Moonstar gets +4 rant points. Of which 3 of them, due to the laws of Cosmo blaming, become property of Cosmo. For this, I blame Cosmo.

I Blame Cosmo that JMD031 doesn't realize that ranting is my primary hobby.

Come to think of it, I Blame Cosmo that there's not a place where I can get paid to rant. I know it's because if there was, I'd be a [Bleep!]in billionaire!

......

......

I blame Cosmo that my fiance throws things at me when I reach the 30 minute mark on ranting.

Actually, damn it Cosmo! Why did you have to let George Carlin die before I could get him to tutor me in Comedy so I can get rich doing angry-rant stand up!? Now I've gotta rely on Lewis Black!

I kid of course, Lewis Black freakin' rocks. For which I blame Cosmo.


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"What could be safer or more sensible than cutting grass with a sickle in shorts and sandals?", I hear you ask, and the answer is "Absolutely nothing, say it again now, unless Cosmo gets involved, in which case you will end up slicing a chunk out of your ankle and bleeding all over the sodding place"

Silver Crusade

Limeylongears wrote:
"What could be safer or more sensible than cutting grass with a sickle in shorts and sandals?", I hear you ask, and the answer is "Absolutely nothing, say it again now, unless Cosmo gets involved, in which case you will end up slicing a chunk out of your ankle and bleeding all over the sodding place"

But now you can save on fertilizer!


Limeylongears wrote:
"What could be safer or more sensible than cutting grass with a sickle in shorts and sandals?", I hear you ask, and the answer is "Absolutely nothing, say it again now, unless Cosmo gets involved, in which case you will end up slicing a chunk out of your ankle and bleeding all over the sodding place"

Frej accepts your sacrifice.


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A long time ago I left Gallifrey with my granddaughter. and I had to arrange my departure through rather unofficial channels. Take this TARDIS Type 40", Cosmo tells me. "I'll even give you my 100 eon guarantee!"

Trusting Cosmo... biggest mistake in all my lives.


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I blame Cosmo for my my sudden onset gullibility.

>:P

EDIT: YOU !@#$$%#$% blasted %^#^%@$#ing *&*&^@%^#%er! That was totally unnecessary!


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I Blame Cosmo for my right foot falling asleep.

Silver Crusade

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Master Pugwampi wrote:

I blame Cosmo for my my sudden onset gullibility.

>:P

EDIT: YOU !@#$$%#$% blasted %^#^%@$#ing *&*&^@%^#%er! That was totally unnecessary!

Today was a good day.


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John Kretzer wrote:
I Blame Cosmo for my right foot falling asleep.

I blame Cosmo that Floyd is learning the slumber hex and quietly testing it on Master Kretzer.


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Chemlak wrote:
John Kretzer wrote:
Emperor Floyd: There and Back Again
The Adventures of Baron Biscuithausen

I blame Cosmo that hoomahn minions too often forget that cats must occasionally go on heavy metal adventures in puppet psychedelia in order to defeat emergent Elder Gods.

Grand Lodge

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Lazer X, you have it wrong. Cosmo is not demonic at all he has surpassed mere demon hood. Cosmo is the God of Misfortune. All Mortals bow down before your God and offer supplication lest you be beset with Misfortune.

All Hail Cosmo Lord of Misfortune.


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I blame Cosmo for the increasing number of people with Anger Management Issues.

I blame Cosmo for the decreasing number of Psy-whatever who can do their job the right and good way, since their is an increasing number of Doctors, Psy-whatevers, researchers, etc who are more interested in getting their paychecks than actually helping people.


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Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:
John Kretzer wrote:
I Blame Cosmo for my right foot falling asleep.
I blame Cosmo that Floyd is learning the slumber hex and quietly testing it on Master Kretzer.

I Blame Cosmo Hunt, The PugWumpus big mouth.

I Blame Cosmo for Rysky's lack of control over her minions.


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Nyan Cat wrote:
Chemlak wrote:
John Kretzer wrote:
Emperor Floyd: There and Back Again
The Adventures of Baron Biscuithausen
I blame Cosmo that hoomahn minions too often forget that cats must occasionally go on heavy metal adventures in puppet psychedelia in order to defeat emergent Elder Gods.

This reminds of a recent joke I told a friend.

I was mentioning the number of dead baby bunnies in my yard that Floyd kills...he said something how that is wrong or something...so my reply was...

You should be thankful without Floyds and other cats like him killing these bunnies they would have the numbers to summon Cthulhu and the other Elder Gods.

He did not believe me...till I pointed out 'Do you see any Elder Gods?'

Anyway I Blame Cosmo for the occult activities of bunnies.


Kajehase, priest of the aesir. wrote:
Limeylongears wrote:
"What could be safer or more sensible than cutting grass with a sickle in shorts and sandals?", I hear you ask, and the answer is "Absolutely nothing, say it again now, unless Cosmo gets involved, in which case you will end up slicing a chunk out of your ankle and bleeding all over the sodding place"
Frej accepts your sacrifice.

Does this mean better carrots? If so, WHOOPEE, just so long as I won't need to pull someone's lungs out through their ribcage next time.

Silver Crusade

Emperor Floyd wrote:
Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:
John Kretzer wrote:
I Blame Cosmo for my right foot falling asleep.
I blame Cosmo that Floyd is learning the slumber hex and quietly testing it on Master Kretzer.

I Blame Cosmo Hunt, The PugWumpus big mouth.

I Blame Cosmo for Rysky's lack of control over her minions.

An abundance of misery on your part does not imply a lack of control on mine.


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I blame Cosmo I wasn't able to grab my free copy of We Be Goblins, Free because the store we normally hit decided to send all of their Free RPG Day stuff to one of their other stores (after the owner also decided to order less kits this year on top of it) and by the time I got there they were all out of Paizo stuff.


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I blame Cosmo that, in a metropolitan area (or maybe just a huge area of suburban sprawl, depending on who you ask), I was unable to find a game store participating in Free RPG Day less than at least a 2 hours drive away. Aaaarrrgghh...


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I blame Cosmo that I was completely unaware it was free RPG day.

Dark Archive

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I just thought we should trademark the Condemned Culpability Cult of Cosmo, C4 for short.

Gencon is around the corner, and ya know, sacrifices in honor of the Mustachioed Master of Mayhem (patent pending) need to be made.


baron arem heshvaun wrote:

I just thought we should trademark the Condemned Culpability Cult of Cosmo, C4 for short.

Gencon is around the corner, and ya know, sacrifices in honor of the Mustachioed Master of Mayhem (patent pending) need to be made.

Did someone say "C4"? {laughs manically}

General Willfred Thermopolae Fucundibus Silliness, III

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baron arem heshvaun wrote:

I just thought we should trademark the Condemned Culpability Cult of Cosmo, C4 for short.

Gencon is around the corner, and ya know, sacrifices in honor of the Mustachioed Master of Mayhem (patent pending) need to be made.

I can suggest an inspiration for the logo...

Dark Archive

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Some lesser men just want to watch the world burn ...

Cosmo the Great and Terrible (at everything) is no lesser man.

Great Men like Cosmo remember to keep the world under a low pressure heat, stirring occasionally and lovingly sautée it in its own tasty juices.


Dr. Tesla Oppenhiemer Mengele wrote:
Great Men like Cosmo remember to keep the world under a low pressure heat, stirring occasionally and lovingly sautée it in its own tasty juices.

Mmmmm!

Il mundo al dente! My favorite!


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Rysky wrote:
Emperor Floyd wrote:
Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:
John Kretzer wrote:
I Blame Cosmo for my right foot falling asleep.
I blame Cosmo that Floyd is learning the slumber hex and quietly testing it on Master Kretzer.

I Blame Cosmo Hunt, The PugWumpus big mouth.

I Blame Cosmo for Rysky's lack of control over her minions.

An abundance of misery on your part does not imply a lack of control on mine.

In point of fact, it seems to imply the exact opposite.

I blame Cosmo for Emperor Floyd not understanding the concepts of "demon" and "gremlin."

Silver Crusade

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Master Pugwampi wrote:
Rysky wrote:
Emperor Floyd wrote:
Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:
John Kretzer wrote:
I Blame Cosmo for my right foot falling asleep.
I blame Cosmo that Floyd is learning the slumber hex and quietly testing it on Master Kretzer.

I Blame Cosmo Hunt, The PugWumpus big mouth.

I Blame Cosmo for Rysky's lack of control over her minions.

An abundance of misery on your part does not imply a lack of control on mine.

In point of fact, it seems to imply the exact opposite.

I blame Cosmo for Emperor Floyd not understanding the concepts of "demon" and "gremlin."

So sayeth my favorite bane upon murderhobos. And Cosmo.


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.... I blame Cosmo that I gave my fiance the bigger bowl of smashed potatoes I made for dinner...

This batch was really good TT-TT....

*sniff sniff*


Rysky wrote:
Emperor Floyd wrote:
Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:
John Kretzer wrote:
I Blame Cosmo for my right foot falling asleep.
I blame Cosmo that Floyd is learning the slumber hex and quietly testing it on Master Kretzer.

I Blame Cosmo Hunt, The PugWumpus big mouth.

I Blame Cosmo for Rysky's lack of control over her minions.

An abundance of misery on your part does not imply a lack of control on mine.

But...I thought you loved cats?

*gives Rysky the saddest, cutest kittens eyes ever*

Can't you please punish your minion?

Silver Crusade

Emperor Floyd wrote:
Rysky wrote:
Emperor Floyd wrote:
Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:
John Kretzer wrote:
I Blame Cosmo for my right foot falling asleep.
I blame Cosmo that Floyd is learning the slumber hex and quietly testing it on Master Kretzer.

I Blame Cosmo Hunt, The PugWumpus big mouth.

I Blame Cosmo for Rysky's lack of control over her minions.

An abundance of misery on your part does not imply a lack of control on mine.

But...I thought you loved cats?

*gives Rysky the saddest, cutest kittens eyes ever*

Can't you please punish your minion?

I do!

... okay, I'll go order some more Caramel mix.


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Poog blame Cosmo for Rysk-lady not blaming Cosmo for anything.

She has own thread!

Silver Crusade

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"THE" Poog of Zarongel wrote:

Poog blame Cosmo for Rysk-lady not blaming Cosmo for anything.

She has own thread!

Fine, I Blame Cosmo for Poog misspelling his own name.


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Playing Xbox Live

"It's 6:45 in the morning here."
"Oh, where you at?"
"I'm in Alaska."
"Oooh... It's 10:46 here in America. What's it like in your country?"

-_-

I blame Cosmo.

Silver Crusade

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Tels wrote:

Playing Xbox Live

"It's 6:45 in the morning here."
"Oh, where you at?"
"I'm in Alaska."
"Oooh... It's 10:46 here in America. What's it like in your country?"

-_-

I blame Cosmo.

"Great, especially since we beat you guys in the war."

^ hopefully this was your response.


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I blame Cosmo that events in my life have caused me to take the fact that my guard license finally showed up on the Bureau website as something of a cosmic joke until my physical guard card gets here....

I also Blame Cosmo that Tels has witnessed first hand the quality of the American Education system.

=Edits=

My fiance Blames Cosmo that she feels like eating a Casadia, Chicken Nuggets, French Fries, and a Double Cheese Burger (from McDoanlds).... But has a 2.4cm gallstone and will likely get sick from all of the above. Cosmo taunts her with his delicious food of unhealthiness.... That I can still eat.


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Artemis Moonstar wrote:
I also Blame Cosmo that Tels has witnessed first hand the quality of the World Education system.

FTFY.

I blame Cosmo that a lot of people don't know what is happening outside of their: House, City/Town/Village, Region, State/Province, Country/Kingdom/Empire, Continent, Planet, etc...

Sovereign Court

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Can I blame Cosmo for auto-correct fails?

Goal Drag Write I Cab!


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.... Damn it Cosmo. Why'd you have to show me J-List? You have to taunt a poor man with awesome stuff like that... Just... Just...

I blame you... Sooooooo much.

I wonder if I can work 5 jobs.....


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Okay this is a long one...for which I Blame Cosmo.

Okay so I went to work yesterday and during the day I developed a pain in mt stomach. At first I thought it was from drinking cold water (which can cause your stomach to cramp up). When I got home it got worse. And after I ate dinner it got really worse. So I spent the night laying in bed in pain from that and the occasional muscle cramp in my foot. Oh yeah the best part of it was that I was dehydrated and could not replenish the water in my body...so I had muscle cramps and a headache pretty much all night. And I developed a fever. It was so bad I took a sick day today just to recover.

Anyway for all of the above I Blame Cosmo.


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John Kretzer wrote:

Okay this is a long one...for which I Blame Cosmo.

Okay so I went to work yesterday and during the day I developed a pain in mt stomach. At first I thought it was from drinking cold water (which can cause your stomach to cramp up). When I got home it got worse. And after I ate dinner it got really worse. So I spent the night laying in bed in pain from that and the occasional muscle cramp in my foot. Oh yeah the best part of it was that I was dehydrated and could not replenish the water in my body...so I had muscle cramps and a headache pretty much all night. And I developed a fever. It was so bad I took a sick day today just to recover.

Anyway for all of the above I Blame Cosmo.

Almost sounds like: "I blame Cosmo for my phobia of Doctors/Hospitals!"

Dark Archive

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John Kretzer wrote:

Okay this is a long one...for which I Blame Cosmo.

Okay so I went to work yesterday and during the day I developed a pain in mt stomach. At first I thought it was from drinking cold water (which can cause your stomach to cramp up). When I got home it got worse. And after I ate dinner it got really worse. So I spent the night laying in bed in pain from that and the occasional muscle cramp in my foot. Oh yeah the best part of it was that I was dehydrated and could not replenish the water in my body...so I had muscle cramps and a headache pretty much all night. And I developed a fever. It was so bad I took a sick day today just to recover.

Anyway for all of the above I Blame Cosmo.

TL:DR.

Feel better soon! (But not too much better, because Cosmo is like a reverse-lion, he only picks off the strongest and healthiest members of the pack, to further his evil goal of ruining our genetics!)

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