So, last night my group had one of those amazing moments that just needs to be shared. For your amusement, please find below a tale of roguish hi-jinx and atomic pyro-calypse.
So, having arrived in the Valley of the Black Tower, the group decided to do some scouting. They managed to find and loot the lair of Longtooth the Dragon (slain by the groups pally back in Sandpoint - that story has been told already). They then find the River caves and the secret passage within, and proceed on towards the Giants Caves. They struggled a bit with the Redcaps within, but due to the groups rogue making a couple handy disarm rolls they manage to prevent them from sending a warning to the enemies ahead.
Now... at this point, the groups Wizard, who has a penchant for running into melee range at times, has to leave because he has work in the morning. The rest of the group decides to push on for one more encounter before they call it a night. Some pointed questioning of the Redcaps warned them that there is a fearsome "wee red beastie" that none of them wants to tangle with further down the hall. Curiosity piqued, they proceed on, with the rogue scouting well ahead. As he draws near the entrance to Enga's cave, he quaffs potions of Invis and Haste, and rolls a disturbingly high stealth roll. Enga is unprepared for him. I describer her as "hunched over a pile of refuse, picking through it for edible morsels. Beside her lies a short spear that glows with a blue light." The rogue tells me "I have a GREAT idea! Go with me..." He then stealth's up to the square directly next to her. At this point I think that he is about to discover the hard way that not all Kobalds are what they appear to be, and furthermore that you can not sneak attack a lv 12 Barbarian. He then tells me "Ok, as my standard action, I pick up her spear."
"Uh... what?" I reply, with my usual level of wit and panache.
"Yeah, you said it was lying on the ground. I pick it up. Since I am not attacking I don't break invis. And now for my move action I take off back down the cave towards the group."
So, naturally Enga enrages and gives chase. She just saw her spear take off down the hallway, and she wants it back! The rest of the group, unaware of what has just transpired is gifted with a surprising view of a glowing spear bouncing down the hallway towards them and being tossed to fall on the ground ten feet in front of them. It is followed quickly by a 2 foot tall raging lizard creature wrapped in spiked armor.
Enga is able to double move to the square next to her spear, but has no actions left to pick it up. As she rushes by the invisible rogue, he attempts to back-stab her with a sap. Nothing happens. His sneak attack doesn't resolve and the sap itself doesn't overcome her DR.
"Uh oh" he thinks, "what have I started here?"
Now the groups barbarian decides he will deal with the little creature his way. Charge / Bullrush. 6'4'' Halforc Barbarian in fullplate smashes into the little Lizard Critter and comes to a complete stop, as if he hit a cave wall.
"Uh oh," he thinks "What has the rogue started here?"
The Half-orc paladin decides to smite her and asks if it resolves. I check alignment... "Yep. The light of your goddess shines down and highlights her for you. She is smitten."
The Half-orc druid (yeah, three half orcs... makes trips to town interesting), the last person who gets to act before Enga, steps forward and picks up her spear right before she can.
Disarmed and enraged, Enga attempts to charge / bullrush her way past the Rogue and find something else she can use as a weapon to kill these invaders. The fight bottlenecks with Enga sandwiched between the rogue (using feint to sneak attack... I thought that was brilliant), and the Half-orc Barbarian vital striking up a storm, but unfortunately the Pally is unable to reach his target.
Enga manages to bullrush her way past the rogue, but the barbarian spends a double move to run to the end of the cave and block her in again. Now Enga finds herself surrounded by guys who are tearing her apart.
The pally charge attacks and lands his first strike of the melee. Crit (his dice must be blessed by Iomedae) 88 points of damage. Enge is suddenly at 4 HP.
Enraged and completely devoid of fear, Enga uses the only weapon left to her. She snatches off her Necklace of fireballs, and with a hearty curse in Draconic she slams them onto the ground.
"This is going to be bad guys," I tell them.
Cocky and unfamliar with this particular item, the barbarian seems unworried. He is sitting at 132HP after all and has insane saves.
The pally is stoic and quiet. He knows me well enough to know that when I say bad, I usually mean REEEAAAALY bad.
The rogue, who knows exactly what is going on just asks "What is the DC?"
I decide to do the damage dice first. "Four, Six, twelve, twenty eight... its going to be thirty six guys."
"Oh you had me worried there." says the Barbarian.
"No. 36D6." I reply.
The dice fall. I see a lot of fives and sixes. "144 points of fire damage. DC 14 Reflex for half, guys."
There are three or four seconds of dead silence followed by a muffled "Holy Crap..." from the barbarian.
The rogue rolls a 15, one more than he needed. "Sweet! I take no damage!"
The pally rolls his dice. "25 I take half. 72 points of fire damage. That puts me exactly at 0 HP."
The barbarian rolls. "10. Crap. I'm dead."
"What were you at before? 132? You are now at -12. So you are not QUITE dead."
"Yeah but my rage ends when I fall unconscious. I loose my con bonus and all my extra HP. I am dead." reply's the barbarian.
"Oh damn... wait... you are a half-orc. You have Orc Ferocity. So does the Pally!"
So the Pally and the Barbarian are left standing there staring at each other. Both of them are smoking like a B-B-Q. The barbarian is missing all his hair and bone is showing through his ragged flesh wounds. Between them is a breast plate and buckler both glowing white hot, and a greasy black smear - all that is left of poor Enga the Kobold Barbarian.
Meanwhile the rogue pops out from behind the pally where he hid to avoid the effects of the blast.
The pally looks at the barbarian, grunts, and slaps his holy symbol of Iomedae, channeling a heal for 30 points, bringing them both back to positive numbers.
The rogue then complains that his cloak got soot on it.
Thus ended our epic evening. The Wizard who missed it all was actually overjoyed, because he would almost definitely have been in range of the blast and would likely have been turned into paste.
Oh for bonus points, we had the barbarian roll a d100 to see what he would have been reincarnated as had he died.
92.
Kobold.
