DemonLord Maelik's page

Maybe you'll get as much of a kick from it as I did at the time of playing through this hilarious misadventure.

Anyway, it was my first session of my very first campaign, I believe it was the one that started out in Sandpoint. We had a party of five: A half-orc sorcerer of the undead bloodline, a high charisma rogue who was very good at slipping out of fights. As well as a straight up fighter with a habit of throwing caltrops behind him whenever it was most inconvenient and myself, a heavy armor donning battle cleric.

To start things off we had the most wonky party cooperation I have yet to match in the last two years and we had somehow lucked out enough to not get gutted by the townsfolk for our sheer annoyingness. Between the rogue's constant hitting on the town girl's, the sorcerer talking to gravestones and the fighter ruining every road he traversed with his and I quote, "tiny spikes of personal protection." I was far from perfect myself but my worst flaw was my zealous attempts at making sure the local church was bloody damn well clean.

Not too long after we were collected in the town square and introduced to one another a gang of loud, rude, vicious goblins came to harass and burn the poor townsfolk. Ironically enough the horde was slowed down immensely by the scatterings of caltrops piercing their stubby little feet. With their impeded progress it was simple work for me to go up to them one by one and bash their heads in with my mace. I however was not alone in my conflict as naturally the fighter took great pains to hack and slash as many as he could physically reach while the sorcerer went head to head against the goblin boss, a wolf riding beast with a serious case of littleman syndrome, (the rogue went to town on one of them with his rapier simply because he couldn't escape it.)

Stunningly enough the most memorable moment from the fight came from the sorcerer who was proficient with a falchion with a whopping strength of 16. He used every point of it to slice up the wolf and then literally punch the boss to death after he was disarmed by a lucky shot. To prove his point that he was something not to be messed with he then proceeded to grab another goblin and scorch his crotch away with a shocking grasp before disposing of the its twitching carcass in a tidy trashbin.

But we were far from over. In that same session we were tasked with going down into the Sandpoint dungeon and dispelling any evil we happened across. To make this very long post a little bit shorter the party came across some Sin Spawns (we were all level 1) and then happened across a small unassuming door. Being the geniuses we were we rushed through the door to stumble upon a couple more Sin Spawns with, and this was inspiring, a cross-dressing quasit. Well apparently we were meant to explore the rest of the dungeon rather than taking every left turn possible because hiding behind this distinctly not "boss room" door was the dungeon's boss. Unfortunately we didn't figure this out until the fighter struck the first blow and realized much to his horror that between the thing's DR and fast healing that he couldn't put a scratch in it. After a couple of rounds of getting our collective arses whooped we decided it was every man for himself and made a run for the exit.

Well unfortunately the very thing that was of such a blessing in our scuffle at the town was our very undoing. Care to guess what it was? The caltrops. THE CALTROPS! Those satanic little spikes slowed us down so much that we were forced to push our fighter down and leave him as bait. And we did it just so we had another round to flee before the quasit (who could fly and therefor avoid the blasted hellspikes) could catch back up and end us all. This lead our sorcerer to thinking that we needed another body to keep the beast at bay and took a swipe at our rogue but much to his despair he rolled a natural 1 and tripped over to the ground, becoming the very bait he so desperately didn't want to be. This left just me and the rogue who jumped up ahead of me when I fell into a deep pit of water and almost drowned before crawling back out only to be blasted by the quasit just 5 feet from the exit.

The worst part, the rogue actually got away, but he returned soon after with a rescue crew consisting of an npc healer class and a psuedo wizard. The intent was to rescue us from the terror that was the elegantly dressed demon thing... The result was all three of them being mercilessly ripped apart to the song "Do You Believe In Magic" which the sorcerer started to play from his laptop in the background.

Alright I for one find these stories immensely ammusing so I'll contribute one too, (please forgive my lack of avatar I'm new :P)

Anyway, it was my first session of my very first campaign, I believe it was the one that started out in Sandpoint. We had a party of five: A half-orc undead sorcerer of the undead bloodline, a high charisma rogue who was very good at slipping out of fights. As well as a straight up fighter with a habit of throwing caltrops behind him whenever it was most inconvienient and myself, a heavy armor donning battle cleric.

To start things off we had the most wonky party cooperation I have yet to match in the last two years and we had somehow lucked out enough to not get gutted by the townsfolk for our sheer annoyingness. Between the rogue's constant hitting on the town girl's, the sorcerer talking to gravestones and the fighter ruining every road he traversed with his and I quote, "tiny spikes of personal protection." I was far from perfect myself but my worst flaw was my zealous attempts at making sure the local church was bloody damn well clean.

Not too long after we were collected in the town square and introduced to one another a gang of loud, rude, viscious goblins came to harrass and burn the poor townsfolk. Ironically enough the horde was slowed down immensely by the scatterings of caltrops piercing their stubby little feet. With their impeded progress it was simple work for me to go up to them one by one and bash their heads in with my mace. I however was not alone in my conflict as naturally the fighter took great pains to hack and slash as many as he could physically reach while the sorcerer went head to head against the goblin boss, a wolf riding beast with a serious case of littleman syndrome, (the rogue went to town on one of them with his rapier simply because he couldn't escape it.)

Stunningly enough the most memorable moment from the fight came from the sorcerer who was proficient with a falchion with a whopping strength of 16. He used every point of it to slice up the wolf and then literally punch the boss to death after he was disarmed by a lucky shot. To prove his point that he was something not to be messed with he then proceeded to grab another goblin and scorch his crotch away with a shaocking grasp before disposing of the its twitching carcass in a tidy trashbin.

But we were far from over. In that same session we were tasked with going down into the Sandpoint dungeon and dispelling any evil we happened across. To make this very long post a little bit shorter the party came across some Sin Spawns (we were all level 1) and then hapened across a small unassuming door. Being the geniuses we were we rushed through the door to stumble upon a couple more Sin Spawns with, and this was inspiring, a cross-dressing quasit. Well apparently we were meant to explore the rest of the dungeon rather than taking every left turn possible because hiding behind this distinctly not "boss room" door was the dungeon's boss. Unfortunately we didn't figure this out until the fighter struck the first blow and realized much to his horror that between the thing's DR and fast healing that he couldn't put a scratch in it. After a couple of rounds of getting our collective arses whooped we decided it was every man for himself and made a run for the exit.

Well unfortunately the very thing that was of such a blessing in our scuffle at the town was our very undoing. Care to guess what it was? The caltrops. THE CALTROPS. Those satanic little spikes slowed us down so much that we were forced to push our fighter down and leave him as bait. And we did it just so we had another round to flee before the quasit (who could fly and therefor avoid the blasted hellspikes)could catch back up and end us all. This lead our sorcerer to thinking that we needed another body to keep the beast at bay and took a swipe at our rogue but much to his dispair he rolled a natural 1 and tripped over to the ground, becoming the very bait he so desperately didn't want to be. This left just me and the rogue who jumped up ahead of me when I fell into a deep pit of water and almost drowned before crawling back out only to be blasted by the quasit just 5 feet from the exit.

The worst part, the rogue actually got away, but he returned soon after with a rescue screw consisting of an npc healer class and a psuedo wizard. All three of them were mercilessly ripped apart to the backdrop of "Do You Believe In Magic" which the sorcerer started to play from his laptop.