Crazy Harry III's page

gran rey de los mono wrote:

I went to a horse ranch the other day. The man showing me around gestured at some horses in a building. He said "These are the stables." Then he gestured at some horses in a pen far from everything else. One of them exploded. He said "And those are the unstables."

Would make for one dynamite horse show.

Oooo, I've gone fishing with dynamite, but I never even considered horses with dynamite. Thanks!

I'm sorry. Goblins are just super-popular. They sell. Like hot cupcakes.

Like hot cockroach cupcakes. Mmmm...

I think I figured out how the Charisma penalty turned into a Charisma bonus-

Clever goblins figured out that in order to stop getting things thrown at them every time they get caught digging through people's garbage, they needed to be charming. So they worked at it and figured it out.

One thing about an incredibly fecund species that is willing to try almost anything, consequences be damned, is that you can enact cultural change (at least on a local level) *really* quickly in case they accidentally discover a really good idea.

Yes, we clever goblins learn to be charming. We are garbage-digging, fecund, entertaining charmers... think of us as cockroaches. Except with 'SPLODEY BOMBS goodness.

Maybe Golarion just has a closer connection to the Elemental Plane of Air than Earth does? (Or maybe the inside of a red dragon works like a hot-air balloon.)

{stops eating book} Me pretty sure dragons fly same way zeppelins fly. First time me meet red dragon, me take a torch and climb down throat to see if they full of hydrogen.

Yeah, TOAST!

*van roars in agony, then partially regenerates, sprouts vulcanized rubber tentacles, grabs 1d4 goblin babies and devours them*

*inside, Skiron pats steering wheel approvingly, coughs in mild annoyance at the smoke, sips tea from jewel-encrusted scrimshaw thermos*

{stuffs every exterior crack and crevice in the van with explosives... and a couple of Lew Zealand's week old boomerang fishes} Did somebody say THERMITE?

KABOOM!

A _____ of fire weirds

Is there a fire weird yet on Pathfinder/Golarion? The closest I've found is the lava weird. Oh well...

A mushu of fire weirds

A _______ of kodamas (kami)

Err, your link seems to be somewhat ... cyclical.

I blame Cosmo that I forgot to paste in the URL, thus ruining any meager humor value. This is pic of the typical American .

I blame Ambrosia for staying up all night and voting.

BigNorseWolf wrote:

When I was in the islamic republic of mauritania, I was walking with some locals in between a stretch of desert in between two sections of the town. The begging got a little aggresive and started to cross the line into a mugging. I pointed out that I weighed more than three of them combined, and I was from new york.

Middle of the sahara desert the three of them in unison go "Oh, New york" put their hands up and back away like I'm about to pull out a glock

Wait... Aren't all Americans Yankees carrying guns with them everywhere and fire them given half an excuse?!

Yes. This is an illustration of the typical American, although because of the summer heat, she is dressed lighter with fewer weapons. Also, yes, all Americans dress as superheros nowadays.

The Claw is our master! The Claw determines who will go and who will stay! :O

The Claw used to take all my quarters, build my hopes, and then always "almost" deliver the prize from the machine. {shakes tiny gob claw impotently at The Claw}

Since there's a marked ignorance of the classics...

"Yo mamma!"

Who you calling ignorant of the classics, Willis?

10. Enter us in the Carl Spackler Commemorative Golf Championship*.

That'd work. Groundskeeper Spackler taught my dad, the twelfth son of a llama, how to play golf using explosives in the holes.

Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-lagunga.

It's a stray Bob-omb from Super Mona Brothers.

{leaves offering of pitcher of cold Southern tea and a bag of peanut butter cups}

Dear Ms. Rysky-lady,

Do you like lycanthropes and/or (Paizo's) skinwalkers? Are their any lycanthrope and/or skinwalker breeds that are missing?

I just thought we should trademark the Condemned Culpability Cult of Cosmo, C4 for short.

Gencon is around the corner, and ya know, sacrifices in honor of the Mustachioed Master of Mayhem (patent pending) need to be made.

Did someone say "C4"? {laughs manically}

Rysky-lady still treat Gunter better than Ice King does.

Paraphrasing something I read on Tumblr:

"With all the constant stop-drop-roll routines they hammered into our heads when I was growing up I expected catching on fire to be a much more common everyday occurrence as an adult."

I was f%~&ing lied to. I Blame Cosmo.

Hmmm...

DEFENSE

AC 20, touch 13, flat-footed 17 (+3 Dex, +7 natural)
hp 84 (8d10+40)
Fort +7, Ref +9, Will +10
DR 10/cold iron or good; Immune electricity, fire, poison; Resist acid 10, cold 10; SR 18

I blame Cosmo that Rysky-lady forget she immune to glow-y dance-y burn-burn.

Golden Rule: Thought upon seeing a person, landmark, house, city, monster, dungeon, really anything:

"It could be more on fire."

Are you sure you're not a goblin? Cause, really:

12. Given sufficient determination and resources, everything catches fire eventually.

Surrender or not, best prepare to fight!

Harry!

To light our fires throughout the Lands Above!

To unite all gobbos within one nation!

Make it double!

Well, you could always attach smoke bombs to them, light them, and fly over a meeting of a chem-trail conspiracy group.

I can't wait to see these installed in the new 2024 Ford Fusions and Chevrolet Cobalt Bombs.