Mogmurch

Crazy Hairy's page

86 posts. Organized Play character for Uktar.


Full Name

Crazy Hairy

Race

Resources:
Flight 11/ 11 | Boots: 10/10 | Bombs: 20/ 26 | Extracts: |

Classes/Levels

Buffs:
Cognatogen, Freedom of Mvmt, Barkskin, Absorb Toxicity, See Invisibility, Stoneskin CL15, Heroism CL5, Shield, Ill of Calm, Red Person 12min, EH avail, Re-roll avail
Conditions:

Gender

Gnome Grenadier 11/Master Chymist 2 | AC: 24+11 (15+2 T, 21+10 FF) | HP: 122 /122 | BAB: +10/+5 | F:+18+2, R:+17+3, W:+14+2, +2 v Fear & Despair | Init:+6 | CMB +7, CMD 22

Deity

Fire :-)

Strength 7
Dexterity 17
Constitution 18
Intelligence 26
Wisdom 10
Charisma 9

About Crazy Hairy

Crazy Hairy
CN Male Gnome/TN Female HalflingGnome
Grenadier (Alchemist) 11 / Master Chymist 2
Small Humanoid (Gnome)
DARKVISION 60’

Bot macros:

Fire Bomb
[dice=Touch att]1d20+15[/dice] for [dice=Fire dmg] 7d6+8[/dice]
[dice=Iterative att]1d20+10[/dice] for [dice=Fire dmg] 7d6+8[/dice]
15 splash fire dmg, DC 24 REF for half

Frost Bomb
[dice=Touch att]1d20+15[/dice] for [dice=Cold dmg] 7d6+8[/dice]
[dice=Iterative att]1d20+10[/dice] for [dice=Cold dmg] 7d6+8[/dice]
15 splash cold dmg, DC 24 REF for half
Main target: DC 24 FORT or Staggered 1 round

Force Bomb
[dice=Touch att]1d20+15[/dice] for [dice=Force dmg] 7d4+8[/dice]
[dice=Iterative att]1d20+10[/dice] for [dice=Force dmg] 7d4+8[/dice]
15 splash force dmg, DC 24 REF for half
Main target: DC 24 REF or knocked prone

Explosive Missile:
Base range: 110’ (composite longbow)
NO SPLASH DAMAGE
No iterative/Rapid shot/fast bombs
usually using DYE ARROW as ammo for TOUCH Attack
OR, when appropriate, using Raining Arrow as ammo (-2 on range touch attack, +2d4 holy water dmg)
FIRE bomb: [dice=Touch att]1d20+14[/dice] for [dice=Fire dmg] 7d6+8[/dice]
FROST: [dice=Touch att]1d20+14[/dice] for [dice=Cold dmg] 6d6+8[/dice]
Main target: DC 24 FORT or Staggered 1 round
FORCE: [dice=Touch att]1d20+14[/dice] for [dice=Force dmg] 6d4+8[/dice]
Main target: DC 24 REF or knocked prone
CAN BE ADDING Alchemical Weapon infusion, i.e. alch fire, acid, or combos: alch fire& acid, Acid & Holy Water, Acid & waters of lamashtu, Alch fire & holy water, Alch fire & Waters of Lamashtu.

INFO ON ATTACKS: Bombchucker= Base range 30’
Only -1 per increment with bombs and alchemical weapons (Splash Weapon Mastery)
Point Blank Shot: +1 to hit, +1 dmg
Cognatogen: +2 dmg, +1 splash dmg, +2 on save DCs v splash and bomb effects
TARGETED Bomb Admixture: Double INT mod bonus, i.e. +16 damage instead of +8 (or +20 with cognatogen)
Haste (Boots of Speed): +1 to hit (ac, reflex, extra attack)
Heroism: +2 to hit
Reduce person: +2 to hit
TWF: -2 per attack
Rapid Shot: -2 per attack
FULL ATTACK ( Boots/Haste & Rapid Shot & TWF): 5 attacks: +12/+12/+12/+12/+7

potential buffs:
Heroism, Seishinru, Targeted Bomb Admix, other alch stuff...
Cognatogen: AC +2/--/+2 +2 dmg, +2 DC bombs, -1 to hit & dmg melee (+4 INT, -2 Str, +2 Natural Armor, at the end, take 2 dmg to Str (lesser restor!) )
Mutagen: +2 init +4 AC/ +2 Tch / +2 FF, -1 Will Sv, +2 Ref save, +2 Rg to hit (+4Dex, -2 Wis, +2 Nat Armor) 10 minutes/lvl, 1 hour brew
Shield of Faith: +4 Deflection
Barkskin: +5 AC/+0 Tch/+5 FF +4 natural armor, 10 min/lvl
Shield: +4(3) AC/ +0 Tch (+4 v. incorporeal)/ +4 FF(3) negates Magic Missile 1 min/lvl (Wand: 1 min)
Reduce Person: +2 AC/ +2 Tch / +1 FF +2 Range to hit, -1 melee dam (+2 Dex, -2 Str, size: +1 AC & to hit)
Enlarge Person: -2 AC/ -2 Tch / -1 FF Doubles size, Str+2 Dex-2 -1 to hit and AC

Init: +6 | Perc: +25
Sense Motive +6

HP: 122
base AC: 24 (15 Tch, 21 Fl)
CMB: +7, CMD: 22

Saves: Fort: +18, Reflex: +17, Will: +14 |
+2 v Fear & Despair
DUAL-MIND: If fail save v Enchantment, can re-roll next round, if succeed, free of enchantment, but transform (either to mutagenic form, or back to normal form)

Languages: Common, Gnome, Sylvan,
Abyssal, Aklo, Ancient Osiriani, Azlanti, Draconic, Dwarven, Giant, Goblin, Ignan, Infernal, Jistka, Tekritanin, Thassilonian, Undercommon

Gnome stuff:
OBSESSIVE gain +2 bonus on any single Craft or Profession (Craft-Alchemy)
Eternal Hope: Gnomes rarely lose hope and are always confident that even hopeless situations will work out. Gnomes with this racial trait receive a +2 racial bonus on saving throws against fear and despair effects. Once per day, after rolling a 1 on a d20, the gnome may reroll and use the second result. This racial trait replaces defensive training and hatred.
Lava Gnome: Fascinated by the power of magma and living in vast caverns beneath active volcanoes, lava gnomes are considered hot-tempered and dangerously unstable even by other gnomes. Lava gnomes have the darkvision and pyromaniac alternate racial traits.
Darkvision: darkvision with a range of 60 feet. This racial trait replaces low-light vision and keen senses.
Pyromaniac: Gnomes with this racial trait are treated as one level higher when casting spells with the fire descriptor, using granted powers of the Fire domain, using the bloodline powers of the fire elemental bloodline or the revelations of the oracle’s flame mystery, and determining the damage of alchemist bombs that deal fire damage (this ability does not give gnomes early access to level-based powers; it only affects the powers they could use without this ability). Gnomes with Charisma scores of 11 or higher also gain the following spell-like abilities: 1/day—dancing lights, flare, prestidigitation, produce flame. The caster level for these effects is equal to the gnome’s level; the DCs are Charisma-based. This racial trait replaces gnome magic and illusion resistance.

Traits:
Excitable (Basic-Combat): +2 initiative (Gnome only)
Clever Wordplay: Diplomacy

Feats:
Point Blank Shot, Precise Shot, Splash Weapon Mastery, 2-Weapon Fighting, Rapid Shot, Lob Shot, Improved Crit-Bombs

Skills:
Acrobatics +9, Appraise+12, Bluff+10, Climb+2, Diplomacy+25, Disable Device+25, Disguise-1, Escape Artist+6, Fly+28, Handle Animal+0, Heal+5, Intimidate+14, Linguistics +15, Perception +25, Sense Motive +6, Spellcraft+23, Survival +4, UMD +15,
Kn (Local) +24,
Kn (Arcana) +23,
Kn (Dungeoneering & Nature) +12
Kn (History)+10
Kn (Religion, Planes, Engineering, Geography) +9
Craft-Alchemy: +21 (+31 when crafting items)

Alchemist Stuff:
ALCHEMY: When using Craft (alchemy) to create an alchemical item, an alchemist gains a competence bonus equal to his class level on the Craft (alchemy) check. In addition, an alchemist can use Craft (alchemy) to identify potions as if using detect magic. He must hold the potion for 1 round to make such a check.
BOMBS: 20 feet rg, use Throw Splash Weapon special attack. considered weapons Direct hit, 1d6+1d6/even lvl fire damage (b/c Pyro Gnome) + INT mod. (not multiplied on a critical hit or by using feats such as Vital Strike). Splash damage from an alchemist bomb is always equal to the bomb’s minimum damage. Those caught in the splash damage can attempt a Reflex save for half damage. The DC of this save is equal to 10 + 1/2 (alchemist’s level+1) + the alchemist’s Intelligence modifier.
11th lvl: 6d6+7, DC 24 24/day (Alch lvl+int+Fav Class)
MUTAGEN: 1 hour to make, 10 min/lvl, +2 Natural Armor & +4/–2 alchemical bonus to DEX/WIS, Str/Int or Con/Cha. A non-alchemist who drinks a mutagen must make a Fortitude save (DC 10 + 1/2 the alchemist’s level + the alchemist’s Intelligence modifier) or become nauseated for 1 hour—a non-alchemist can never gain the benefit of a mutagen, but an alchemist can gain the effects of another alchemist’s mutagen if he drinks it. (Although if the other alchemist creates a different mutagen, the effects of the “stolen” mutagen immediately cease.) mutagens do not stack. Whenever an alchemist drinks a mutagen, the effects of any previous mutagen immediately end.

Grenadier (Alchemist Archetype):
GRENADIER:
MARTIAL WEAPON PROFICIENCY (with one weapon): LONGBOW

ALCHEMICAL WEAPON (Grenadier 2): infuse a weapon or piece of ammunition w/ a single harmful alchemical liquid or powder, as move action. Consumes the alchemical item, but transfers to weapon. Takes full effect on the next creature struck, but does not splash, spread, or otherwise affect additional targets. Any extra damage added is treated like bonus dice of damage, and is not doubled on a critical hit. The alchemical treatment causes no harm to the weapon treated, and wears off 1 minute after application if no blow is struck. At 6th lvl, a SWIFT action. At 15th level, free action.

DIRECTED BLAST: At 6th level, a grenadier can detonate a bomb so that it splashes in a 20-foot cone rather than affecting a radius. The cone starts at the alchemist and extends away from her in the direction she chooses. The alchemist designates one creature in the squares affected by the cone to be the target of the bomb and makes her attack roll against that creature; all other squares in the cone take splash damage. If the alchemist has the explosive bomb discovery and throws an explosive directed blast, the cone of splash damage is 30 feet long instead of 20 feet.

STAGGERING BLAST: Whenever successful critical hit with a bomb, the creature directly struck by that bomb is staggered for 1d4+1 rounds. A successful Fortitude save (DC equals the bomb’s Reflex save DC to avoid splash damage) reduces the duration to 1 round. The effects of this ability stack with a frost bomb’s staggering effect, but not with the effects of the Staggering Critical feat. Additional hits from a staggering blast add to the effect’s overall duration.
This ability replaces poison immunity.

Discoveries:
TUMOR FAMILIAR: The alchemist creates a Diminutive or Tiny tumor on his body, usually on his back or stomach. As a standard action, the alchemist can have the tumor detach itself from his body as a separate creature vaguely resembling a kind of animal suitable for a familiar (bat, cat, and so on) and move about as if it were an independent creature. The tumor can reattach itself to the alchemist as a standard action. The tumor has all the abilities of the animal it resembles (for example, a batlike tumor can fly) and familiar abilities based on the alchemist’s caster level (though some familiar abilities may be useless to an alchemist). The tumor acts as the alchemist’s familiar whether attached or separated (providing a skill bonus, the Alertness feat, and so on). When attached to the alchemist, the tumor has fast healing 5. An alchemist’s extracts and mutagens are considered spells for the purposes of familiar abilities like share spells and deliver touch spells. If a tumor familiar is lost or dies, it can be replaced 1 week later through a specialized procedure that costs 200 gp per alchemist level. The ritual takes 8 hours to complete.

PRECISE BOMBS (Grenadier bonus discovery): the alchemist throws a bomb, he can select a number of squares equal to his Intelligence modifier that are not affected by the splash damage from his bombs. If the bomb misses, this discovery has no effect.

EXPLOSIVE MISSILE: As a standard action, the alchemist can infuse a single arrow, crossbow bolt, or one-handed firearm bullet with the power of his bomb, load the ammunition, and shoot the ranged weapon. He must be proficient with the weapon in order to accomplish this. When the infused ammunition hits its target, it deals damage normally and detonates as if the alchemist had thrown the bomb at the target. If the explosive missile misses, it does not detonate. An alchemist must be at least 4th level before selecting this discovery.

WINGS (Ex): The alchemist gains batlike, birdlike, or insectlike functional wings, allowing him to fly as the fly spell for a number of minutes per day equal to his caster level. These minutes do not need to be consecutive, but they must be spent in 1-minute increments. An alchemist can select this discovery multiple times; each time he does so, he adds his caster level to the number of minutes per day that he can fly with the wings. This flight is an extraordinary ability. An alchemist must be at least 6th level before selecting this discovery.

FAST BOMBS: An alchemist with this discovery can quickly create enough bombs to throw more than one in a single round. The alchemist can prepare and throw additional bombs as a full-round action if his base attack bonus is high enough to grant him additional attacks. This functions just like a full-attack with a ranged weapon. An alchemist must be at least 8th level before selecting this discovery.

FORCE BOMBS: When the alchemist creates a bomb, he can choose to have it inflict force damage. Force bombs deal 1d4 points of force damage, plus 1d4 points of force damage for every odd-numbered level, instead of 1d6. Creatures that take a direct hit from a force bomb are knocked prone unless they succeed on a Reflex save. An alchemist must be at least 8th level before selecting this discovery.

FROST BOMBS: When the alchemist creates a bomb, he can choose to have it inflict cold damage. Creatures that take a direct hit from a frost bomb are staggered on their next turn unless they succeed on a Fortitude save.

COGNATOGEN: (Su): The alchemist gains the ability to create a cognatogen, a mutagen-like mixture that heightens one mental ability score at the expense of a physical ability score. If the cognatogen enhances his Intelligence, it applies a penalty to his Strength. If it enhances his Wisdom, it applies a penalty to his Dexterity. If it enhances his Charisma, it applies a penalty to his Constitution. Otherwise, this ability works just like the mutagen ability (including the natural armor bonus). Anytime the alchemist would prepare a mutagen, he may instead prepare a cognatogen. All limitations of mutagens apply to cognatogens as if they were the same substance—an alchemist can only maintain one mutagen or cognatogen at a time, a cognatogen that is not in an alchemist's possession becomes inert, drinking a cognatogen makes a non-alchemist sick, and so on. When the effect of the cognatogen ends, the alchemist takes 2 points of ability damage to the ability score penalized by the cognatogen. The infuse mutagen discovery and the persistent mutagen class ability apply to cognatogens.

Master Chymist (prestige class):
MASTER CHYMIST:
Extracts/day: +1 level
At indicated levels, gain new extracts per day as if she had also gained a level in alchemist. She does not, however, gain other benefits a character of that class would have gained, except for extracts per day and an increased effective caster level for extracts.

BOMB THROWER:
Add the character’s alchemist & master chymist levels together to determine the damage by bombs.

Advanced Mutagen: DUAL MIND: +2 WILL Saves (at all times). If she is affected by an enchantment spell or effect and fails her saving throw, she can attempt it again 1 round later at the same DC; if she succeeds, she is free of the effect (as if she had made her original save) and immediately changes to her mutagenic form or back to her normal form. If she has no more uses of the mutate ability remaining for the day, she cannot use dual mind.

MUTAGENIC FORM:
TN Female Halfling named Bombshell, (2/day besides Mutagen)
An alter ego that has a different personality. The mutagenic form shares memories and basic goals with the chymist’s normal personality but goes about meeting those goals in a different manner. The mutagenic form is often ugly and monstrous and may even appear to be a different race or gender than her normal form; they may look as different as two unrelated people. Indeed, the mutagenic form often has his or her own name, and may attempt to maintain independent relationships and strongholds (though the alter ego’s limited time in existence often makes this difficult). The mutagenic form even has his or her own alignment (which is selected by the player, but must be different from the master chymist’s normal alignment). Anly affects the master chymist while in her mutagenic form.

Extracts Prepped:
"Caster" Level 12: 7x1st + Boro bead; 6x2nd [d]+ 2 Boro beads[/s]; 6x3rd; 4x4th;
1st (7/day +1 BB): Targeted Bomb Admixture x2/2, Illusion of Calmx1/2, Reduce Person, Shield, One open slot
2nd lvl (7/day+2 BB): Alchemical Allocation x2/3, Barkskinx1/2, See Invisibilityx1/2. Resist Energy
3rd lvl (6/day): Orchid's Drop, Absorb Toxicity, Displacement x2/ 2, Amplify Elixir, Protection from Energy
4th lvl (4/day): Cure Crit, Freedom Movementx1/2, Greater Invis, Dragon's Breath

Gear:

Crazy Hairy has 9 Inventory Tracking Sheets (if it's PFS legal alchemical item, he's bought it...at least up through 2017 sourcebooks, and some 2018). If you'd like me to upload all of them to a googledoc, let me know. But in the meantime, here's his major items.
handy haversack
masterwork manacles & lock (Superior)
masterwork thieves' tools
Traveling Formula Book (Main formula book in lodge)
Hybridization Funnel
Alembic
2 vials of eficacious medicine
Snapleaf
Buffering Cap
Headband of Vast Int+6
Belt of Dex & Constitution+2
Cloak of Resistance+5
Cracked Pale Green Prism Ioun Stone (Saves)
Eyes of the Eagle (usually worn)
Goggles of Minute seeing (when disable device)
Lesser Ankh Talisman
Lesser Talisman of Freedom
Lesser Talisman of Life's Breath
Wayfinder
+1 Spellstoring Mithral Agile Breastplate (currently Frigid Touch CL3)
+1 Light Fortification Buckler
Sipping Jacket
Poisoner's gloves
Boots of Speed
BOMBCHUCKER
3x Bomb Launchers
Smine’s Best cold iron Cestus: +1 on Intimidate checks if target is proficient w/ cestus (simple weapon, "monk" weapon), +1 on Combat performance if wielding
+1 Corrosive Seeking Longbow
Efficient Quiver:
40 Dye Arrows
10 Raining Arrows
3 Tangleshot arrows
10 Dye Bolts
5 Raining Bolts
2 Tangleshot Bolts
10 Cold Iron Bolts
10 Blunt Cold Iron Bolts
Darkwood Underwater heavy crossbow

2 Springloaded Wrist Sheaths, containing:
Potion Cure Serious Wounds: 3d8+5
Oil of Daylight:

Wands & Potions:
Potion: CL12 Shield of Faith Pot (12 min, +4 Deflection)
Potion: CL15 Stoneskin (150min, 150hp of DR 10/Adamantine)
Potion: SeiShinru, Spirit Elixir
Pot: Cure Light Wounds 1d8+1
Pot: Displacement 5 rounds, 50% miss chance
Pot: Protection from Fire 50 min, absorbs 50 fire damage
Pot: Neutralize Poison: Caster Lvl check, (1d20+CL) a/g DC or each poison
Pot: Heroism: 10 min/lvl, +2 morale on att, save & skill
Pot: Good Hope: 1 min/lvl +2 morale bonus on Saves, Attacks, Ability checks, Skill checks, & weapon damage rolls
2x Oil of DAYLIGHT: 50 min, 60’ radius bright light
Wd: Shield: Personal, 1 min. +4 Shield AC (v. Incorporeal too) negates Magic Missile
Wd: Reduce Person
Wd: Lesser Restoration: heals 1d4 ability damage, eliminates fatigue, exhausted becomes fatigued
Wd: Restoration: 1 minute casting, all ability dam & all ability drain to 1 stat & 1 temp neg lvl, OR 1 permanent neg lvl
Wd: Mage Armor: 1 hour, +4 AC (normal, flat foot and incorporeal touch)
Wd: False Life 1d10+3 temp hp, 3 hours
Wd: Infernal Healing (52 ch) fast heal 1 for 10 rounds, detect as evil

Boons:
: Fixer Season Six boon 13: “Yakov Bok”, 250 gp of stuff/adventure, but must use: 15 Alch Fire, 15 Acid, 3 Antitox, 3 Antiplague USE FOR gem spell component for Waters of Lamashtu
- GC Boon#4-Smite Aspis ONE Shot
- Chron 23: One non-expendable, non-charged magic item 4000gp or less for one scenario (see below for recs)
- Chonicle #8: 1/scenario, any major city (5k+) 1d4 hours to find Jalmeray citizen &+4 circumstance bonus on any one Appraise, Diplo, or Knowledge
- Lingering Resonance: +4 save v Fireball +2 Diplo w/ Humanoid (Reptillian)—loan token to Party Face….
- Moment of Glory: Free action, 3 rounds of Mythic: autostabilize, & 1 time add 1d6 to a d20 roll (after roll is ok)
- Unrelenting Defense: As Move Action, gain DR/Adamantine 1+1/2 char level for 5 rounds, OR increase Stoneskin by 3 for 1 minute
- #28-2x: Swift action, gain 1d8+2x Char lvl temp HP for 10 min & DR 2/- v Aspis or employees, or heal 1d2 ability damage to one ability
- 30-Azlanti Wonders: if exploring ruin predates Earthfall (approx. 10,000), +1 insight to Saves & Skills for adventure
- 30: +1 morale on any d20 1/adventure, declare use BEFORE ROLL

Character History:
Zztasjatartklanboladkrzzkm (pronounced: ZTAH-yah-TAR-klan-BOH-lad-KRism--the last “zk” is silent) comes from a small tribe of Lava Gnomes that lived in the depths of Island of Hermea. When Menkgare discovered the tribe, he drove them out, but kept the most talented illusionists as part of his breeding program, and Zztasjatartklanboladkrzzkm is a descendant of that bloodline. Unfortunately for Zztasjatartklanboladkrzzkm, he was born with too much Lava Gnome in his veins, so he was exiled from the Island of Hermea since the age of 16 (very young for a gnome).

After struggling to survive, Zztasjatartklanboladkrzzkm found his way to Gogpodda. Unfortunately, Zztasjatartklanboladkrzzkm soon wore out his welcome; for some reason, residents of a small floating island made up on flotsam and jetsam didn't appreciate someone with a proclivity to start fires. Go figure.

After a number of years wandering from nation to nation, town to town, usually a mere half step ahead of the local arson investigators, Zztasjatartklanboladkrzzkm was taken in by a member of the Alchemist Guild of Katapesh, who recognized and channeled Zztasjatartklanboladkrzzkm's innate abilities with fire. After completing his training, Zztasjatartklanboladkrzzkm resumed his wandering ways, looking for bigger and better things to blow up. Along the way, he formed a bond with Franks, the Hedgehog who became his hairy tumorous familiar.

Then one day, he stumbled upon a group of gnomes who seemed to relish kicking the crap out of each other...and anyone who got in their way. They called themselves the G-Nomes, ‘cause there ain’t nothin’ silent about a G-Nome. He had finally found a real home...
Explosions and hilarity have been his life ever since.

At first, his G-Nome homeboys just called him "Zee", but after a heist ended with Zztasjatartklanboladkrzzkm blowing up most of a city block, the G-Nomes now call him Crazy. And since Crazy's only real friend was his hedgehog, where he was almost constantly muttering to the prickly hedgehog in his hand, they started to refer to his tumor familiar as Hairy. They were considered a team: Crazy & Hairy

After the G-nomes went to work for the Sczarni faction, some of the Sczarni henchmen overheard the G-nomes referring to the dynamic duo of “Crazy & Hairy” and mistook it as a single name for just the gnome, hence the outside world calls him Crazy Hairy.
But the G-nomes know: he’s just Crazy…
RE-PREE-ZENT!!! G-Nome in da HOUSE!!!
[The G-Nomes are sort of a street gang of gnomes whose culturally speaking are a cross between hip-hop (West Coast) and Fight Club. (See Larry Correia's Monster Hunter series--used with permission)]

Crazy Hairy is one of the smallest, puniest Gnomes you’ve ever seen. He has orange skin, and hair that looks a lot like a "troll-doll" that spikes to a point on top. It's deep red at the roots, ranging up into orange, with vibrant yellow at the tips (i.e. kind of looks like a candle flame). He carries a longbow, a wide assortment of bottles and vials (steel and iron for his consumables, glass for the weapons) on crossed bandoliers, attached to his belt and his backpack. He wears a very nice looking cestus over one arm, carries a buckler, and sports a shiny mithral breastplate amid his collection of vials and bags.
He’s very twitchy, and he seems fond of scratching and muttering curses at the large, hairy growth at the base of the back of his neck. Except as you keep watching, you notice he’s not really scratching it, more like petting it. And once you get close enough to hear, the muttered curses actually sound more like whispered sweet nothings.
Then he holds out his hand to the nasty looking tumor, and it crawls onto his hand, taking on the shape of a Hedgehog.

Tumor Familiar, Franks the hedgehog: