Conman the Bardbarian's page

Your goat ruined my magical tea party by eating all the special snowflake cookies.

Well, that's done now. Thanks TL

Message board troll wrote:

Live Bait wrote:

Wow, they can count in Arkansas.

Yup. Until I run out of fingers and toes.

You can always just chop them off and grow more.

One, two, many, lots. We've about capped it out already.

Wow, they can count in Arkansas.

Bob Jonquet wrote:

This is actually challenging me to create that elven wizard with a Con of 5 I have always used as an extreme example of what not to do in PFS

Random personal experience with something very similar: In a 3.5 organized play situation, there was an elf wizard with 6 Con who multiclassed into cleric (first level was wizard though) and was going mystic theurge. He somehow survived to level 6 (with 14 hp) and then wound up at my table. I was astounded, as this was the first time I met the character. I told him I'm not sure what he was doing, but it must be working, but nonetheless, I was terrified that he would die from an AoE. He said it was fine. I discovered what he was doing soon enough: for one thing, he was overleveled compared to the other PCs (though they still had way more hp), for another, he never did anything useful (even compared to a level 3 wizard without any cleric levels), so nothing wanted to target him because the other PCs were contributing. He survived encounter after encounter without a scratch due to this, until he was parked next to the two psions in the last encounter and the cleric dropped a flame strike, intending to hit the psions and incidentally hitting the elf, with pretty high rolls on the damage. He saved and died from full hp. All but one player demanded that they all chip in for a raise (the elf's share would have covered it on his own).

That's my kind of con.

Call Mr. Plow, that's my name. That name again is Mr. Plow

Oh no! Don't hit the oracle, you'll set the bard off!

OK, so now I'm aware of two but only know what one is. :)

But the guide says if you reach a certain age you die and are retired from play

I'm aware of at least one module where you could possibly age to that point and die.

captain yesterday wrote:

I don't care how many people find it annoying, I'm a morning person, that's just what we do.

You do realize this is WHY people hate morning people, right? It's not that you're up and active in the morning, it's that you're so damn SMUG about it.

Without the sMUG the coffee just pours right onto the floor.

baron arem heshvaun wrote:

From a certain point of view.

That brought a tear to my eye.

Lesson 15: I'm Hiding In Your Closet.

Lesson 16: The Fact that you don't believe him gives him +20 to stealth.

Yes! Yes, stab!

TOZ wrote:

Redbeard the Scruffy wrote:

Those other people are more than free to play the literally hundreds of other options out there for tabletop RPGs.

I am not there in person, so I can't quite see the guns being held to the heads of those complaining about Pathfinder while they roll the dice, hands shaking for fear of having their brains blown out if they choose another competitive option.

With f+&$ing who?

We don't play Pathfinder because it's good, we play it because it's f!##ing popular and getting together a table of a better game is nigh impossible.

"Play something else" is f&!*ing useless advice.

I've always wondered... are you typing out the little symbols, or does the forum do that for you?

f+@& if I know. And apparently it does it for you.

I can only imagine the discussion that will come up in your neighborhood on nextdoor.com. So I will.

Krensky wrote:

Wah.

Let's just coddle and make excuses for Ben Solo becoming a mass murderinget nutjob.

Why don't you add affluenza to it too?

To be fair his grandfather is the guy who went from killing is not the Jedi way to mass murdering child killer in less than 10 minutes.

You have to wonder how many times Han used him to get out of a debt.

7 is the only one I (vaguely) remember, I was young.

It was a great game tho, my favorite NES rpg was the one where you faught ancient Chinese wars, s~&!, can't remember the name.

Romance of the 3 Kingdoms?

Every time I've seen this kind of thread on RPG boards the vast majority choose INT or WIS as their highest stat and CHA or STR as their lowest. It's almost a universal law or something.

Watch it play out in the rules forum. Good times.

SPOILER Kylo Ren wrote:

Maneuvermoose wrote:

Maneuvermoose wrote:

I'm up to 2990 posts without aliases...almost at the big 3000. But for once, the posts I make on this thread will not actually put me any closer:)

2999 posts without aliases...which thread will get the next one? Not even I know!

Oooh Oooh!! Captain Yesterday's Alias Thread!** spoiler omitted **

You know you're going to die in episode IX!

I'll probably just wait for the Family Guy version to come out.

What would be the Nerd power of a dude that's never seen Star Wars?

Oh I don't read Star Wars spoilers, haven't seen the movie, but don't worry I know who ** spoiler omitted ** is.

Live Bait wrote:

Dear Captain Yesterday,

I just reached 100 posts for the first time with an alias. What should I expect from here?

Thank you,
Live Bait

Here, just to be safe, get on this string, now whatever you do don't let go.

It'll all be over soon enough.

Maneuvermoose wrote:

I'm up to 2990 posts without aliases...almost at the big 3000. But for once, the posts I make on this thread will not actually put me any closer:)

2999 posts without aliases...which thread will get the next one? Not even I know!

Oooh Oooh!! Captain Yesterday's Alias Thread!

MeanDM wrote:

Lastly. I feel really bad for Chewbacca. Got me a bit teary thinking about it.

Yeah, it struck me as odd that he didn't really have any sort of reaction post the event itself. Does he blame Leia in part, for what happened? Does he consider his life debt to Han over and will he go home to Kashhyk now? If he was a real character, and not a walking carpet that yowls occasionally, these sorts of things might be explored.

Instead he's just going to follow Rey around, for no reason, apparently.

BY IMPERIAL EDICT, WRIT AND DECREE, ALL SPOILERS TAGS ARE NO LONGER NEEDED ON THIS THREAD!

The movie has been out 15 days people. It's hard to fake working and open all those tabs.

I won't but Unchained, and I definitely won't buy ACG. :-)

But those are as yesterday as it gets we have Occult Adventures now.

Full Submersion!

That conversation made me think of John The Baptist.

Is this a baptism?

edit: the previous posts not the new years cheers.

SPOILER Kylo Ren wrote:

** spoiler omitted **[/spoiler]

play a country music record backwards

HEY! My cup 's full again.

Drahliana Moonrunner wrote:

Benchak the Nightstalker wrote:

I have it on good authority that Khan got stuck waiting for Chekov to finish using the bathroom on the Enterprise, and that's why they recognize each other/have beef.

They had bathrooms??? I always thought they took their dumps down the chute where Kirk tossed the exploding phaser.

They just beam any waste matter directly out of your body.

no comment

Koleton, Archmage of Spokane wrote:

The only way that explanation works, is if the premise is that Paizo is actually aware of the existence of magic and other worlds and Cthulhu and whatnot, and are just lying to us when they say it's all made up.

You realise that this issue applies to most fiction?

Star Trek was supposedly set in 'our' future. So was Captain Kirk aware of an ancient TV series portraying his future adventures in great detail?

Are the characters in zombie movies aware of the rules of how to kill zombies from watching zombie movies? And if so, how did those zombie movies get it right?

What would the cast of a TV soap see if they switched on the television when they were on?

Note to self: when reading about surviving the zombie apocalypse take into account surviving as a zombie.

Sarcasm Dragon wrote:

Tacticslion wrote:

God be willing, I'll have a functional computer by Monday...

No you won't. Functional computers are now BANNED!

I reject your reality and substitute my own~!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo!

The rogue 5. Because I don't know what the hell the other one is and would fall asleep hearing the player explain it.

That's how it gets you.

How much will you charge to help this guy protect his business in the future?

When you're waiting for your viewing of the car crash you will experience lots of traffic.

I recommend cooking it first, especially since you must harvest it yourself.

Wait, this isn't a stick, and the other end is giving me a weird look.

Darn, I was just going to start making a wizard, but if it's not that strong I'll go with something else.

Faqratta: This exotic blade deals 1d8 damage at medium size and has a crit range of 9-20 x4.

Dear Captain Yesterday,

I just reached 100 posts for the first time with an alias. What should I expect from here?

Thank you,
Live Bait

Congratulations!!! We're all so proud of you.

And I liked that post. Dang!

Reminds me of one time I was in Brooklyn with La Principessa meeting some of her friends and we were in some overpriced coffee shop. She and her friend started chatting and the friend's husband was cramming to pass the bar, so he had his headphones on which left me with a copy of Asimov's More Soviet Science Fiction eavesdropping on a couple of white, French I think, but what do I know?, maybe they were Belgian or something, hippies arguing with a black hippie about GMO's.

The Euro-hippies were adamantly anti-GMO and the black hippie was all like, "we could wipe out rickets in one generation." "I don't trust science," said Eurohippie. "Science is great" responded black hippie, who was wearing a t-shirt advertising something like Doctor Zang's Electrotherapy Clinic. I figured it was a band or something, but after they left, the law student looked it up and it turned out to be some quack in Bushwick or something who claimed he could use electric shocks to make you stop biting your nails or quit smoking.

I guess Quitter's Inc. was taken.

Replay is an oft-mentioned request. A boon that grants a one-time replay would likely be well received.

You are the winner of the ironic post of the day award.

A GM only game night for people who have stepped up.

I do wish the grapple rules were more simple and allowed for more options.

Though, my GMs typically give me more options if I suggest it. For example, my GM allows me to use my grapple target as an improvised weapon against another foe.

Don't be taunting me with your free body bludgeon.

DM_Blake wrote:

gustavo iglesias wrote:

A grappled lion should do less damage than a free one.

It does.

Read my post above, I show how Yogi-bear gets more attacks than Boo-Boo-bear when Yogi-bear is the one grappling.

Your example works for a bear, but a lion does more damage when it is grappled, because it gains two rake attacks when it is grappled, offsetting the loss of one claw.

But as any cat owner will tell you, grappling a feline is a bad idea.

Tonight's homework assignment. Grapple a cat.

Well, in my defense. Bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As it turns out: sprained wrist. Apparently I'm getting 'roided up.

Maybe I shouldn't have given away my copy of Juiced...

;p

I prescribe one week of not liking posts.

Juice by Tappy! Juice by Tappy!
Juice by Tappy!
ohhh, Tappy's got juice!
Tappy's got juice!
Whoa, Tappy!