Bloodstone Swords

Battery Sgt. Major Longears's page

26 posts. Alias of Limeylongears.


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Hare those 'igh hexplosive or harmour piercing milkmaids?

You can tell by the colour of their rings.

That bein' as it may, HATTENNNNNNNTION!!!!, you pathetic collection of plonkers, and CONGRATULATIONS to Colonel Free'old.


SAH, PEOPLE WOT 'AS BACKYARD 'OWITZERS HINSTEAD, SAH!


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HON THE COMMAND 'ONE', THE HACE OF BASE MINIDISCS ARE TO BE PLACED HIN THE BUCKET OF THE TREBUCHET!


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Freehold DM wrote:
Fritzy! Fritzy! We need boom boom now!

LET ME 'EAR YA SAY WAY-OH!


BY THE SIMPLE EXPEDIENT HOF 'AVING TO CALCULATE THE TRAJECTORY OF 'OWITZER BATTERY NUMBER FOUR, TAKING HINTO HACCOUNT THE CURVATURE HOF THE HEARTH, SAH!


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*Stands up and salutes*


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Lance Bombardier Orthos wrote:
Did someone say BLOW IT UP??!??!?

HON THE COMMAND 'ONE'!!


LIKE A REGIMENTAL SOLDIER?


WOT'S THIS? SQUISHED, AND MAKIN' A NORRIBLE MESS HON MY PARADE GROUND?! STAND UP STRAIGHT, YOU REVOLTING LITTLE STAIN, AND REPORT TO THE PROVOST FOR FATIGUES! BY THE LEFT, TWO, THREE, FOUR!


Amby's Brain wrote:
Pulg's Fairy Glockenspiel Band wrote:
PING PIIING!!!
I'm surprised that isn't "Sgt Pulg's Fairy Glockenspiel Band"

Only if 'e GETS 'IS BLOODY 'AIR CUT!

Disgrace to the regiment, that's what 'e is.


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*Fires 21-gun salute to the General. Since we're not allowed actual guns, this involves a) drinking 21 cans of over-priced cans of IPA and then b) belching explosively 21 times*


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The Invenusable Flytrap wrote:

*Puts on army uniform that outranks a battery sergeant.*

ATTENTION! NOW YOU LOOK HERE SOLDIER, WE WILL NOT TOLERATE THAT FACKIN' LANGUAGE! YOU ARE HEREBY DEMOTED TO LANCE CORPORAL AND YOU WILL SPEND THE NEXT WEEK OR TWO STATIONED AT THE TROOP BARRACKS WHERE YOU WILL BE CHARGED WITH CLEANING THE TOILETS! NOW GET TO WORK SOLDIER, DISMISSED!

Outranked by a bloody uniform, owwww.

Still, at least I get to be the Corporal of my VERY OWN LANCE!


About fackin' time. You can always rely on the fackin' RASC to be late, and I bet there's no fackin' spam again.


We're halready 'eeeeere!


5 people marked this as a favorite.
Vidmaster7 wrote:
<is a man of mystery people are always wondering about the other 5-6 of me.

If you want to see Vidmaster 1, I know where he is,

I know where he is,
I know where he is,
If you want to see Vidmaster 1, I know where he is,
He's hiding in I'm Hiding In Your Closet's closet.

I saw him, I saw him,
Hiding in I'm Hiding In Your Closet's closet (I saw him)
Hiding in I'm Hiding In Your Closet's closet.

If you want to see Vidmaster 2, I know where he is,
I know where he is,
I know where he is,
If you want to see Vidmaster 2, I know where he is,
He's grappling with a Succubus Paladin

I saw him, I saw him,
Grappling with a Palubus Succladin (I saw him)
Grappling with an Anadin Extra.

If you want to see Vidmaster 3, I know where he is,
I know where he is,
I know where he is,
If you want to see Vidmaster 3, I know where he is,
He's trying to escape from GoatToucher Island.

I saw him, I saw him,
Trying to escape from GoatToucher Island (I saw him)
Trying to escape from GoatToucher Island.

If you want to see Vidmaster 4, I know where he is,
I know where he is,
I know where he is,
If you want to see Vidmaster 4, I know where he is,
He's scraping the breadcrumbs off an old Scotch Egg.

I saw him, I saw him,
Scraping the breadcrumbs off an old Scotch Egg (I saw him)
Scraping the breadcrumbs off an old Scotch Egg.

If you want to see Vidmaster 5, I know where he is,
I know where he is,
I know where he is,
If you want to see Vidmaster 5, I know where he is,
He's rubbing a Cryohydra with Deep Heat.

I saw him, I saw him,
Rubbing a Cryohydra with Deep Heat (I saw him)
Rubbing a Cryohydra with Deep Heat.

If you want to see Vidmaster 6, I know where he is,
I know where he is,
I know where he is,
If you want to see Vidmaster 6, I know where he is,
He's putting blonde streaks in Number Seven's beard.

I saw him, I saw him,
Putting blonde streaks in Number Seven's beard (I saw him)
Putting blonde streaks in Number Seven's beaaaaard. Oi!


NOW THIS IS MY SORT OF FACKIN' BANKWIT. PRIVATES MORGAN, MARSHALL, McTAVISH AND SYKES, FETCH THE PARTY BOMBARD, ON THE BLOODY DOUBLE!


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HIT 'AS COME TO MY HATTENTION THAT 'OLLYWOOD HACTOR JONATHAN DEPP PAID $3 MILLION TO SHOOT 'UNTER THOMPSON'S HASHES FROM A CANNON.

SILLY BUGGAH.

I WOULD 'AVE DONE IT FOR:

2 X PACKETS OF PORK SCRATCHINGS
3 X PINTS OF SAMUEL SMITH'S OATMEAL STOUT
£5.50 FOR HEXPENSES.

WHILE SINGING 'DO YOUR BALLS HANG LOW?' HALL THE WHILE IN A RICH, FRUITY BARITONE VOICE.


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Captain Killjoy wrote:
Philo the Ratwampi wrote:
Biting them would at least make me feel a little better. Staying out of the Rules subforum would probably make me feel more better.
I suggest simply bombarding it at long range.

SAH! BLOODY WELL RIGHT, SAH!


PFC Hudson, USS Sulaco wrote:
I thought Private Gorbacz was assigned to bomb disposal duty?

FOLLOWIN' A SHORTAGE OF HAMMUNITION, PVT. GORBACZ 'AS BEEN RE-HEMPLOYED AS A REPLACEMENT LOAD FOR NO. 2 'OWITZER, AND IS PRESENTLY HAIRBORNE SOMEWHERE OVER THE CAIRNGORMS.


HON THE COMMAND "HACTION STATIONS!!" PRIVATES THORPE AND MCGARRY WILL HINVESTIGATE THE 'OLE AND REMOVE ANY 'OSTILE DEVICES THAT 'APPEN TO BE WITHIN.

HACTION STATIONS!


SAH! YES, SAH!

ORRIGHT, YOU 'ORRIBLE LOT! HMUNGHANUN, HFBBLLR! HHHHHHUUUUNMNGHURUGH! ULK! HNNNGH! YPPHTH!!


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captain yesterday wrote:
IT'S THE GENERAL'S BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!!

MA'AM, 'APPY BIRFDAY MA'AM!


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HABSOLUTELY!


*Breaks out the 105mm howitzers, blows up the train, the tunnel, and everything else within a half-mile radius, then bellows at his troops to sieve through the debris until they locate the win.*


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General Blockhead wrote:
Fritzy, Flaming Bike Artillery wrote:
NobodysHome wrote:
Fritzy, Flaming Bike Artillery wrote:

sprays coffee everywhere as he scrambles to load the cannon.

Damn, I wasn't expecting that.

Calm down, missy! Mister? Rodent?

I didn't espouse any politics here!
Rummages around for dog-eared, yellowed, FaWtL rules guide...
Is even mentioning a political thread a sin?

I'm not sure, so I'm just going to fire at everything.
COUNTERBATTERY FIRE! NIXON'S BACK, AND THEY CAN'T LICK OUR DICK!

MA'AM, YES MA'AM!

HATTENTION, HALL UNITS! HALRIGHT, YOU 'ORRIBLE LOT! HON THE COMMAND "I HAM NOT A C*CK", HATTACK THE HAREA WITH HEVERYTHING YOU 'AVE HAVAILABLE, 'AM HINCLUDED!


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captain yesterday wrote:
I'm sorry I can't bring my fresh garden veggies to the Paizo offices, but it's a two thousand mile commute. :-(

HON THE COMMAND ONE, LOAD THE ZUCCHINI HOWITZER!!

101!

I hapologise to Chris for Halias henvy, and bare calves, sah!