Acanamirium

Arianwen's page

RPG Superstar 9 Season Dedicated Voter. Organized Play Member. 27 posts. No reviews. No lists. No wishlists. 2 Organized Play characters.


Grand Lodge Dedicated Voter Season 9

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Congrats on making the top 32!

I'm excited about:
I want these! Invisibility is cool and moving too fast to be seen is cool. Your mechanics don't make me work too hard to get what I think of when I hear those ideas. Nice.

I'm cautious about:
If I'm walking around out of combat, can I stay invisible indefinitely? I would have liked to see something about out-of-combat use.
Does the salty smell give away my position when I'm invisible?

If you were in my creative writing group:
Disclaimer: gorgeous prose is hardly a requirement for a good item, so take what I say here with a pinch of salt.

*twitch* That's not how "permeate" works. I know what you mean, but something like "the air around the boots is constantly permeated with a salty aroma" is a better use of the word. I think my first choice would be to go super simple and say "These boots fill the air with a salty aroma."

"malleable material" is awfully vague. If you're going to call out the material, tell us what it is! Otherwise, just say that the boots allow for comfortable movement. Given your spare word count, I would vote for a little more description. Tie this in to the corsair and the salty smell, perhaps?

This feels like a really great idea that could perhaps use just a little more editing. Despite that, you were very successful in making me want those boots!

Grand Lodge Dedicated Voter Season 9

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Congrats on making the top 32!

I'm excited about:
This is one of my favourite items from voting. The Scottish flavour is cool, the idea is cool even without that and I can immediately imagine using this in just about any game. I understood what it does on the first scan through too!

I'm cautious about:
The sheer number of rule-facts thrown at me was a bit intimidating. Some of that's probably just the nature of the game, but I think that restructuring could make it a little easier to read.

If you were in my creative writing group:
Disclaimer: gorgeous prose is hardly a requirement for a good item, so take what I say here with a pinch of salt.

The flavour sentence at the start of the description has a lot of adjectives that don't seem to be pulling their weight. If the description were as concise as the technical stuff, this would be even more awesome. You don't need to tell me that a sheen is smooth; likewise "very" is really just eating up your word count.

I think you might get good results from consolidating paragraphs. The current form feels a bit like bullet points to me. A little more description of what's going to happen before the technicalities of how it's going to happen might help to frame that. (The name kinda does this, but I only clicked about the name after working out what the item did.) You might also improve the flow by breaking some sentences up. Every single sentence in your description is a compound sentence, which makes it just a little more effort to process. Not a big deal, but I notice things like that, so there you have it. ;P

Looking forward to seeing more from you!

Grand Lodge Dedicated Voter Season 9

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Congrats on making the top 32!

I'm excited about:
the teamwork-y feel of this item. The balance between clearly belong to one player and interacting with the party feels really well done to me. Works well with the flavour, although I'm not sure every party would be too keen on howling at their enemies. (Dunno if that's a bug or a feature.)

I'm cautious about:
I don't know how allowing five foot steps to 'stack' will affect balance. I don't think I've ever seen anything that lets you do that -- curious about what the judges will have to say about it!

If you were in my creative writing group:
Generally the item reads well, but I can always nitpick!
The metaphor in the opening line is clever, but I think it needs its own sentence to really shine. It's a bit too contrived to drop in incidentally, IMHO.
"On command three times per day," reads better as "Three times per day, on command"
Your last sentence has been infected by the dreaded comma splice. D:

Grand Lodge Dedicated Voter Season 9

1 person marked this as a favorite.

For people worrying about resolution: it should be easy to go to a lower dpi in a graphics program. As others have pointed out elsewhere, GIMP will do more than you need and it's a free download. In GIMP, you can open an image, click "Image -> Scale Image" and type in the dpi you want out. That's it. Other graphics programmes should be similar, but dpi shouldn't be a game changer!

Grand Lodge Dedicated Voter Season 9

2 people marked this as a favorite.

I tend to like items that encourage lateral thinking and can be used in ways other than what is obviously intended. Sometimes I vote for them even after I figure out how to use them to break the game, because you could always just add that one restriction the author didn't seem to think of, right?

Grand Lodge Dedicated Voter Season 9

3 people marked this as a favorite.

I regret a silly mistake that landed my item quite clearly in the snark thread, but I don't in the least regret entering and learning not to do that!

Grand Lodge Dedicated Voter Season 9

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Kalindlara wrote:
I'll be honest - I'm going to be really sad if I T8 and don't win, since it means I'll be banned in future years, and thus, locked out from ever writing my module...

As I understand it, they only ban the top 8 since they're generally good enough to get published through freelancing already, so that particular problem might go away. ;-)

Grand Lodge Dedicated Voter Season 9

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Another newcomer here, super impressed by how awesome this community is and how useful this list is. You guys rock!