|Arianwen Dedicated Voter Season 9|
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Congrats on making the top 32!
I'm excited about:
I want these! Invisibility is cool and moving too fast to be seen is cool. Your mechanics don't make me work too hard to get what I think of when I hear those ideas. Nice.
I'm cautious about:
If I'm walking around out of combat, can I stay invisible indefinitely? I would have liked to see something about out-of-combat use.
Does the salty smell give away my position when I'm invisible?
If you were in my creative writing group:
Disclaimer: gorgeous prose is hardly a requirement for a good item, so take what I say here with a pinch of salt.
*twitch* That's not how "permeate" works. I know what you mean, but something like "the air around the boots is constantly permeated with a salty aroma" is a better use of the word. I think my first choice would be to go super simple and say "These boots fill the air with a salty aroma."
"malleable material" is awfully vague. If you're going to call out the material, tell us what it is! Otherwise, just say that the boots allow for comfortable movement. Given your spare word count, I would vote for a little more description. Tie this in to the corsair and the salty smell, perhaps?
This feels like a really great idea that could perhaps use just a little more editing. Despite that, you were very successful in making me want those boots!