You Know You're Playing in a Redneck Game when...

You know you're playing in a redneck game when...

... Your character's name is BUBBA.
... Your character's main weapon is a masterwork picthfork.
... Your character has a pig as a familiar.
... Your character's family tree looks like a horizontal stick.
... If you've ever been on a quest to save your sister from your father's barn.

Ultradan

...your last character died after saying "Hey ya'll, watch this."

...you have the feat Skill Focus - Perform(banjo)

The corners of your game mat are held down by beer cans and spit-cups.

Mood music is a mix of the Charlie Daniels Band and Lynrd Skynrd.

The trailer rocks on every confirmed critical hit.

The paladin has a large-mouthed bass mounted on his shield.

The barbarian wears gold tights, tears his shirt off whenever he rages, and refers every NPC as a "jabroni."

The cleric wears lots of make-up, has big hair, and cries frequently.

The ranger's animal companion is a hound-dog.

The bard plays a washboard.

The cavalier bards his horse in bright orange armor, and his battle cry is "yeeeeeehaaaaw!"

... your character finds a denture of charisma +4.
... your character's horse's baring has a John Deer logo on it.
... you have to BITE every gold coin that you find.
... Your character has the skil: Knowledge (goat farming).
... Yo'mamma always has one more level than your character.

You see a treant with a V-8 engine on a chain hanging off his arm in the front yord of th dungeon.

dungeonmaster don't say hit or miss,
just "that dog'll hunt" or "you aint."

All the succubi you meet look like a cousin.

You put glass packs in your apparatus of Kwalish.

Instead of long beards, all dwarves have mullets.

The fighter’s belt buckle is bigger than his shield.

The mage carries a double barrel wand of fireballs.

The thief is always trying to get romantic with the livestock.

The ranger is a better shot with chaw spit than a bow.

The caviler's horse is branded "GTO" and named General Lee.

The only potion the alchemist knows how to make is Moonshine.

The princess needing rescue has three teeth, weighs 300lbs, wears leopard spot spandex and uses way too much blue eyeliner.

The Paladin worships Al Unser.

All the combat occurs in a 20' by 20' square.
The paladin challenges the bbeg to a Texas cage death match.

The cavalier's horse is propped up on bricks outside

The king's castle is referred to as "the big house."

Whenever the bard begins his inspire courage performance, the rest of the party lights torches, holds them aloft, and yells, "Freebirrrrrd!"

The wizard casts blue darts instead of burning hands.

Your house is so far back in the sticks it takes a Teleport spell 4 to 6 weeks to arrive.

Healing potions are served in foam koozies with the number 3, 8 or 88 emblazoned on the side.

Your Paladin has a decal of Calvin peeing on a holy symbol of Gruumsh on his shield.

Your fighter insist on putting shoes that are a minimum of 4 sizes to big on his horse,

A high charisma means "you got a real purty mouth".

The games pantheon of gods is very inbreed and so are the adventurers.

As opposed to the modern day "Beer Hat" you have an "Ale Helm"

Your cleric worships Elvis.

Your healing potions are BBQ flavor.

Your druid substitutes mesquite for mistletoe

Your barbarian rages with a sawed off crossbow

Your horse has longhorns attached to its head

This also convinces me to make a character now based off of all these tropes.

Your pantheon involves the names Richard, Dale, Danny, and Cale.

...Ogrekin stay far away from the PC's

..."gettin' dolled up" means "it rained on us on the way here"

...every PC has his/her own portable still

...and personal hooch recipe

...meth ain't a drug or poison, it's a flavor

...the party consists of a family: Uncle-Dad, Sister-Ma, Jr. and Billy-Jean-Sally-Mae-Cooter.

...the BBEG dresses impeccably, wears wingtip shoes, drives a black SUV, and works for the "Eye-Are-Ess" or "Dee-Eee-Aay"

...rope comes in "lasso, noose, or big ol' noose" varieties

...tobacco is a major food group

The ranger takes "varmit" as his favored enemy.

~laughter~

One of your spells is Protection from the Federal Guv'Mint

Every cure spell comes with a week of workmans comp.

Hunting and Fishing are always class skills.

The bard wears black.

Part of the game is to protect your sisters honor. From the half ogre.

You know you're playing in a redneck game when...

... Your character's name is BUBBA.
... Your character's main weapon is a masterwork picthfork.
... Your character has a pig as a familiar.
... Your character's family tree looks like a horizontal stick.
... If you've ever been on a quest to save your sister from your father's barn.

Ultradan

Damn I have had a character with a boar familiar, does that count?

Your best skill is Craft (Moonshine).

The parties first quest is for the fabled +1 bug zapper.

All the mages dress in white robes with white pointy hats.

Forks & spoons are considered party treasure and sold back in town for a great deal of coin to them city folk.

You see at least 3 broken carriages in the front lawn of the Baron's house.

Every dungeon has a taxidermy

Every initative starts with the words... "Gentlemen, start your dice rolling"

Mobile home skirting makes the perfect shield.

...You start a war to secede from the Union, then both ban secession and write a constitution that does many of the things you were complaining about, without realizing that you aren't acting much different than the Union except in the areas where you shouldn't be.

...when your favorite part of the chariot races is when THEIR MAKING A LEFT TURN.

...You start a war to secede from the Union, then both ban secession and write a constitution that does many of the things you were complaining about, without realizing that you aren't acting much different than the Union except in the areas where you shouldn't be.

I was almost in agreement... Until I saw the word WRITE in your post! :-)

This guy makes a guest appearance frequently.

...your group only uses 4 and 6 sided dice cause no one in the group can read them higher numbers on the other dice.

...battles takes forever because you have to explain the differences between combat rolls and the rules for checkers to Billy-Joe, EVERY time it's his turn.

...the Paladin's Coat of Arms prominently features the word "Skoal"

...you're playing with ME.

every one is chewing dip.

half the group has a hand gun out in their car.

any mention of Obama is met with hate and derision.

.

(this describes my group in Atlanta.)

... you begin as a dust farmer living with your aunt and uncle and get caught up in an unreal story to rescue a young princess who's actually your sister that was captured by a BBEG who, get this, turns out to be your very own father. Now the pets you found at the beginning of the story were once owned by your real parents but somehow forgot about them, BUT, the medling old man that lives not far from your farm that knew your parents very well (and their pets) has no recollection of them either, even though they saved his life countless time in the past. Anyway, that pesky hermit (who is totally responsible for you ending up living on some poor farm) lies to you about your father, and becomes a figment of your imagination when he finally croaks for nothing after supposedly being an ancient knight with mysterious powers.

I know, who would buy a story like that, right?

Ultradan

... you begin as a dust farmer living with your aunt and uncle and get caught up in an unreal story to rescue a young princess who's actually your sister that was captured by a BBEG who, get this, turns out to be your very own father. Now the pets you found at the beginning of the story were once owned by your real parents but somehow forgot about them, BUT, the medling old man that lives not far from your farm that knew your parents very well (and their pets) has no recollection of them either, even though they saved his life countless time in the past. Anyway, that pesky hermit (who is totally responsible for you ending up living on some poor farm) lies to you about your father, and becomes a figment of your imagination when he finally croaks for nothing after supposedly being an ancient knight with mysterious powers.

I know, who would buy a story like that, right?

Ultradan

Hmmmm, I don't know... Maybe if there was some good orchestra music in the background? Oh WAIT... How about if you have your post scrolling, so the words get smaller the farther you read?? Just a thought, other then that... It really doesn't have a chance! :-)

The campaign is called The War of Astral Aggression, and puts the party in the middle of an ongoing battle between the githyanki and the gith-rebels.

The campaign is called The War of Astral Aggression, and puts the party in the middle of an ongoing battle between the githyanki and the gith-rebels.

You, sir, just won this thread.

You have ripped the sleeves off your chainmail shirt

Your mother and father are 1st cousins in your character background

You have to have a translator even though you speak common because no one can understand how you talk

Your Battleaxe blade looks like the Chevy Emblem

You've shot yourself in the foot with a crossbow that you where cleaning and didn't know it was loaded

... You have ever pulled a Donut in a horse-drawn-carraige.
... your horse is Primer color.
... your ranger selected "Srimp" as his favored enemy.
... your ranger selected "The Porch," "the Kitchen," or "the Yard" as his favored terrain.
... Barbarians ask your Cleric to keep the language down.
... To cast Obscuring Mist your cleric must light a Cigarette.
... when the King dies and the party says "huh", but when the Liquor store closes for the day the entire party cries.
... the BBEG has more teeth than your party, but is the same race as the party.
... the bag of holding is partially made of or entirely made of Duct-Tape.

every one is chewing dip.

half the group has a hand gun out in their car.

any mention of Obama is met with hate and derision.

.

(this describes my group in Atlanta.)

I once had GM in society play who dips during the game It was kinda gross but nobody else says anything about it.