Goblin dot!
Dot. Not sure who I'll be playing.
”Poog not can wait to burn the bad horses, dogs and big people!!! Zarongel burn all bad peoples!!!“ Poog shouts.
"Oi, Oi, but Greta will fill them with her arrows. You are slow Poog."
Heh... Heh... Greta slow too! Chuffy's the fastestestest. Chuffy stab stab stab. - said the ugliest of the Goblins around.
Reta, wearing a corset made out of the harness from squealy and lookin' fine, contributes
"Reta not care who fastest, cause Reta has faster arrows. Reta show you."
Reta prepares her bow.
"You run fastest over there and Reta shoot you! You see!"
"You all beware might of Zarongel! He in me was ... he me give power! But I not fast like you but .... but I big fire maker!" Poog proudly says.
Reta nods appreciatively at Poog, having witnessed his big booms, and is distracted from her idea of seeing how many arrows she can stick in Chuffy before he can find cover.
"Reta like big fires!"
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We be legends! We make big!
We ride world’s bestest pig!
Goblins all do what we say,
Bring us tasties every day!
We beat harpy, ogre, witch,
Took their treasures, made us rich!
Burned the longshanks,
made them grovel!
We be too good for this hovel!
As the sun sets and the evening fog rolls in, the goblins of the Birdcruncher tribe gather once again to ply you with gifts of food and shiny bits scavenged from the land. Tasty as this nightly ritual is, it’s been getting boring—even the most delicious snails in the world grow bland when you eat them every night. You have conquered the greatest monsters, raided longshank settlements, and turned the Birdcrunchers into the bigtime greatest goblins of all time, but what now? Even the capering antics of the tribe’s prized war-pig, Squealy Nord, only bring so much delight these days.
But tonight your tribe chitters excitedly. Alongside the bowl of squishy apples, keg of nails, live puffin, and sack of chipmunks sits a muddy magical sack discovered by three of your precocious young warriors—Hoblob, Fnub, and Glorious Beez—who violated the forbidden lands and returned to the tribe with the bag of eating everything real good!
Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh, your tribe's spiritual leader, had ruled against scavenging for treasures in the old swamp to prevent curious goblins from rousing the ghost of the irritable Big Ex-Chief Rendwattle Gutwad. Hoblob, Fnub, and Glorious Beez violated the Birdcruncher rules to go search for treasures. Sometimes, though, the rewards of breaking the rules retroactively justify the rulebreaking. It's up to you, the chiefs of the Birdcrunchers, to decide whether that turns out to be the case here.
The bag of eating everything real good, the primary treasure these three whelps brought back, looks like a normal leather sack, but opens into a yawning black hole. The trio who discovered it originally experimented by throwing things into the bag. Only a few disgruntled swamp birds ever returned. While goblins rarely need any assistance eating things, the bag is undeniably neat.
Moggy, while eating his chipmunks, as deep in thought, or as deep as he ever got. ”Part of Mogmurch want kill sneaky goblins for break rule, but part of Mogmurch want slap high five for find such great sack of yummy foods. Maybe Mogmurch just have the three do push ups for four hours, while rest of us eat,” the Goblin thoughtfully suggested.
Reta, spoiling for a fight, tries to think of something she can argeu with Mogmurch about
"I think we should have them do the nail biter contest to see which one gets to join us!"
Reta sneakily tries to grab a pretaste of the goodies.
”Zarongel want one goblin burn for not order follow but rest ... haha ... fire get on butt another day!! Fire !!!“ Poog shouts and he starts to create fire in his hand shooting it at the first of the rulebreakers he sees.
”Ha ha ... you learn not to break rule!! Zarongel cleanse with fire! Ok!!!???“ Poog shouts.
”Hoblob!!! Burn!!!“ Poog cries out!! ;-)
Reta is disappointed that her nail biting contents idea was ignored, though Poog's flaming bursts are always entertaining. Nevertheless, she sulks.
Moggy had to laugh at the smoldering goblin being dragged away. ”Fire am fun okay. But food bag is yummy. Moggy vote to tie up other two, throw food at them, and a couple rocks mixed in to make game fun. Food and rocks...food and rocks....food and rocks,” he chants, tryin to get the crowd to join in.
The bigger Reta looks down at small reta and shrugs.
"I can eat bigger nails than you. HA!"
"You cheated last time! I ate the biggest nails!"
Reta looks ready for some rough and tumble to settle the matter with Greta.
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Without any dissent being expressed, Mogmurch's command is carried out. Glorious Beez and Fnub are tied up by the other goblins of the tribe, and the six of you toss rotten vegetables at them. The two don't seem to mind as much as you hope, as they attempt to catch the vegetables in their mouths, and after a few moldy carrots get eaten, you switch to rocks and pelt them until they cry out for mercy.
Molos had a grand old time. Yummy food and rock throwing made for a great evening. He was ready to turn in.
Reta really gets into the entertainment after she finishes sulking and has a thoroughly good time trying to bounce a rock off of one goblin's head into another, shrieking "Twofer!" every time she succeeds.
Unfortunately she does not think of putting one of the punishees into the bag to see what happens and decides to retire.
”Yes, yes good throwing!! Now sleeping everyone!“
Before going to sleep Poog casts detect magic and looks at the bag again.
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The bag is very magical, which is apparent considering that anything you put into it vanishes, even things much bigger than the actual apparent dimensions of the bag -- horsechoppers, for example.
Not being an in-depth scholar of magic, or anything else aside from ways to burn things, Poog cannot determine the bag's magical properties.
As expected, the event turns into a raucous, drunken party. Eventually the tribe goes to bed, or collapse where they are, and sleep off the celebration.
As the sun rises after a phenomenal night of celebration, inebriation, and throwing things into bags, the Birdcruncher tribe stands far weaker. The glorious pig, Squealy Nord, has vanished! Also Hoblob, Fnub, and Glorious Beez, but most importantly, Squealy Nord! The only clue is a clear trail of trotter prints leading into the still-open bag of eating everything real good, obscured only slightly by three sets of goblin footprints going the same direction.
Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh also has the unfortunate news that in the drunken revels, the tribe seems to have dumped most of their weapons and food into the bag, as well as her entire supply of potions, including some experimental ones she had been working on for a while.
The Birdcruncher tribe needs true champions to brave the unknown and save the helpless and innocent pig! And also those other goblins, probably.
Poog is clearly infuriated!
”What happen here!? Goblins smart not dumb so why go in bag? Why put all valuable things in bag? Also potions? We going! All come!“ Poog shouts and he gathers the group and is the first one to jump into the bag!
Moggy sighs deeply. Whatever was in the bag was probably bad and scary. So he waited for everyone else to go first before agreeing to follow the other chieftains.
Reta has the same idea as Mogmarch.
"You first!" she screeches. She always screeches though. If Mogmurch resists, Reta will try and push him ahead of her into the bag.
Unfortunately (for Reta) this does not work out well for her and she provokes.
Moggy deftly steps out of the way as he draws a jar and throws it at her, trying to cover her in stinky old pickle juice.
RTA
”Reta am pickle! Stinky like pickle! Pickle Reta!”
Reta licks her lips and shakes her fist at Moggy, but unfair is unfair and its only wrong that Reta goes through first. Besides, its best to wait to mess with Mogmurch when he is low on bombs. Once she remembers how free Mogmurch is with his bombs and how lucky she was to only suffer the indignation of pickle juice, Reta decides to duck into the bag before he changes his mind. Though she always wondered how fun it would be to run around while on fire. It sure looks fun.
After he long train of thought Reta bounces into the bag.
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After a bit of squabbling and brawling, the six goblin heros make their way into the bag.
The bag of eating everything really good is much bigger on the inside. The wind whips past your ears as you fall through a massive black void without an up or down. But then a point distant of light appears, slowly growing until you see a whole valley lies below you, with a lake, forests, and a tiny castle. The ground rushes toward you with incredible speed.
Surely this is the end. Even bouncy goblins couldn't survive a fall from this height, right? Wait, what's that?! A bird!
A giant bird, far larger than the goblins, is flying below. With colorful, rainbow feathers, long talons and a sharp-looking beak, this might be dangerous, but might be the only opportunity to break your fall.
”Oh no ... grabbing ... grabbing ... noooooooo “ he shouts.
Ride
As Moggy flew through space and time, all he could think of was that he should’ve killed those three goblin whelps that got him into this. He blindly ended up sitting on the strange bird.
Latching on to the back of things is second nature to Reta so its no wonder when she manages to grab a double handful of feathers and stick like glue. Oh, and laughs uproariously as Poog hurtles past.
Easely jumping on boss sparrow Reta holds on with maddening glee!
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Chuffy easily grabs onto the bird.
Poog falls until he hits the ground but, instead of the deadly impact he was expecting, the ground gives under his weight like stretchy fabric, and bounces back, hurtling him back into the air until he lands again a few seconds later.
The bird flutters and shakes as he heads down towards the ground.
All the goblins beside Poog cling to the bird as it lands near Poog. It starts shaking and flapping its wings, reaching behind to try to grab the riders with its sharp beak and claws.
Moggy drops to the ground, plucks a bomb off his belt and tosses it at the bird.
RTA
Fire damage
"Bird soup tonight!" Reta screeches as she plunges her flaming battle axe into its neck (vital strike).
, last d6 is fire damage
”Zarongel want one bird burn! I not dead! Super great!!! Fire to you ...!!!“ Poog shouts and again he starts to create fire in his hand shooting it at the bird.
"Burn, burn, burn, burn!"
Greta draws her bow and shoots at her prey.
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A flurry of furious attacks leaves the bird singed and bloodied. It tries to fly away, and Greta sends an arrow right through its head to bring it down to earth, dead.
You now have the chance to look around. The land looks lush and green -- but a little too green, almost as if it were a painting of a landscape come to life, rather than a real place. The sky blue is too perfectly uniform, and the clouds don't actually move.
As you're taking stock of the situation, a tall, lanky goblin—maybe tall as a longshanks—pokes out from behind a nearby rock.
“Ah! More goblins! Like me, because I am also a goblin. I knew there’d be more! You’re probably looking for your friends! They were here a few days ago. They burned m—they burned that castle over there and stole all the magic things inside, then ran off! I told them to go ahead without me because, being a goblin, I wanted to finishing watching the fire. Anyway, now you’re stuck too.”
Poog looks at the goblin.
"Kneel before us great goblins! You only little goblin! We great heroes! You tell where exactly go other goblins! Where took all the items they stealing from us!?"
"You funny looking goblin," says Chuffy. The irony not apparent to him as one of his pustules bursts and leaks onto his dogslicer.
You come with us. Show us where to go. You can go first.
Chuffy likes the idea of using the tall goblin as a trapfinder instead of himself. Though this place does not look like a place with traps. He looks the fellow over for the usual goblin paraphernalia. Something interesting he can steal from it.