Castle Greyhawk! (Inactive)

Game Master Misroi

"Are you joking!?! It's of Gigantic Proportions(TM)!"

"But how big is that?" Duncan is sounding a little worried.

"It's gigantic and we should kills it!" Grug announces and then motions everyone to keep quiet. "You wake beasty, keep quiet." His shrill little goblin voice sets the ear drums on edge.

Stealth: 1d20 + 14 ⇒ (13) + 14 = 27 ...Grub sneaks forward, horsey chopper at the ready and visions of glory dancing in his eyes.

You continue down the passageway, and soon you find another sign.

Grubyub looks at the sign, red eyes blinking as his head tilts back and forth.

Sparkly tugs at the hem of his filthy breeches, Grub looking down at him as the raccoon points at the sign, then holds his forepaws out like he's measuring some distance, then points down the pathway.

"Grub no think it say that, Sparkly."

With that, he continues forward.

Stealth: 1d20 + 14 ⇒ (15) + 14 = 29

You continue undaunted down the corridor. Signs on the wall seem to be evenly spaced as you head further west.

At last, you reach the end of the tunnel. A black curtain cordons off the tunnel you have been traversing and the room beyond. A final sign is placed directly above the curtain.

"Ooooh! Jester-sense tingling!" Fester says, cautiously entering the curtain.

" Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. I am going to go play with the Terrible Monster of Gigantic Proportions(TM). I hope he likes playing ball."

"Bah! He play bleed and die!" Grub calls triumphantly and marches in after his friends.

"And then he can play give us all his treasure!" Wielding the statement as a battle cry, Drysten hurries past the curtain.

Whatever you expected to find beyond the curtain, it was probably not this.

The chamber is circular in construction. Dominating the center of the room is a 30 foot diameter steel bar cage, conical in shape, surrounded by a small moat. The door to the cage lies bent and twisted near the far wall, as if tossed there by whatever was once held within. On the floor of the cage lies the leg bone of some great beast, shattered on one end. The air in this chamber feels thick and smells of animal fur. There is a small bronze plaque on the side of the cage.

The only other exit from this room is a tunnel that leads to the north. An arrow sign is hung just inside the tunnel's entrance.

"Well. That was disappointing." Fester snorts.

Grubyub jumps up and down, throwing his horseychopper in front of him in frustration. Next to him, Sparkly begins jumping and having a fit too. "Nie, nie, nie! Kde obrie Beasty?? Ako Grub ho krvácať a umierať keď tu nie je?"

Once done having his fit, the little goblin snatches up his weapon and marches towards the tunnel leading to the next room. "Grubyub find something, and Grubyub going to kill it!"

"Veľký Bip nikdy nerokovali s tým!" he grumbles to himself as he marches into the next tunnel.

Sparkly tilts his helmet forward in mock toughness and marches after his master. When they hit the mouth of the tunnel though, the raccoon places himself on the wall, allowing only his bandit masked face to peer forward.

Survival: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (19) + 5 = 24 ...tracking
Perception: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (10) + 4 = 14 ...looking / listening
Stealth: 1d20 + 14 ⇒ (3) + 14 = 17 ...sneaky goblin

Darius passes the curtain once he hears his teammates speaking safely on the other end, and smacks his palm against his forehead after taking in the room.

"This place is getting more pathetic with every passing moment," he sighs.

You continue on down the northern corridor, which ends abruptly in a balcony. Fifteen feet below is a large natural stone chamber. Reddish-purple stalagmites and stalactites cover the floor and ceiling, occasionally meeting to form huge, multicolored columns. Flowing through the center of the chamber is a swift, dark stream. On the far side is a gigantic two-headed giant. Scattered on the floor beside him are a variety of bones.

Beyond the giant is a cage, within sits a dejected blue-robed figure.

The air is heavy with the smell of burning flesh.

Culum gasps suddenly and hides behind Duncan. "There he is," the young boy says, pointing cautiously towards the cage from behind the man-mountain. "There's me da."

Fester peers over the railing to spy on the creature beyond. His nose barely makes it over, even when he's standing on his tiptoes. "Oooh, I think I know what that is!", he whispers. "It's..."

Knowledge (local): 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (10) + 3 = 13

"...big! Almost (dare I say it?) Tremendous Proportions(TM)!"

Grubyub lets his horseychopper rest against the railing of the balcony and rubs his dirty, goblin hands together like an Absalom banker over a pile of gold. "Oh boy, Sparkly..."

With a barely controlled glee, he pulls his longbow and knocks an arrow. He gestures to Lunk to lean over so he can whisper in his ear. "You put Grubyub real gentle on this here stone railing, Lunk." The goblin pats the railing, thinking it looks just wide enough for him to balance properly. "You put Grub there, then me shoot giant in face."

Duncan moves to put Grub on rail where he was told to. "I told you I not a giant, look nothing like him." Duncan pulls his sword after putting Grub down where he pointed. "Bad giant should't cage people's das."

"I told you I not a giant, look nothing like him."

Grub turns back to the big human and rests a hand on his shoulder. With all sincerity, Grubyub does something he's never done. "Grubyub sorry, Lunk. Me know what it like to be judged by face." With that, a tiny tear trails down the goblin's cheek...dramatic music in the background - Seasons by Chris Cornell

With that, the little goblin turns and draws his bow, sighting in on the life-size giant down below.
Longbow Attack: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (19) + 5 = 24...music shifts from Seasons to Back in Black by AC/DC
Damage: 1d6 ⇒ 4

The devious goblin begins a rigorous flurry of pelvic thrusts aimed at the giant. "Jah, pannes puit oma kahvatu nägu, sa kuradi hobune!!"

Still hiding in the corridor leading to the balcony, Sparkly imitates the gruesome display being presented by his master, taking off his tin-cup helmet and giving it a vigorous...loving.

The arrow flies across the chamber, striking the two-headed giant in the thick of the back. A full five seconds pass before one of the giant's heads suddenly snaps upright. "OW!", it bellows in a guttural voice. "Somefing just bit me, Burt!"

The second head looks at the first with a dumb-founded expression. "Wot'd you say, Jimmy?"

"I said somefing just bit me in the back!", the first head (or Jimmy, if you prefer) replies. "Fink it's the runty one up there?" Both heads turn to look at the group, and focus in on Grubyub and Sparkly's lewd dance, their ugly faces darkening.

"OI! Knock that off!", Burt yells, followed quickly by Jimmy. "We'll do you for that!" Burt and Jimmy clamber clumsily to their feet, twin snarls upon their faces.

Initiative: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (14) + 3 = 17
If you beat Burt & Jimmy on initiative, feel free to take an action before them.

Could we get a visual of the room's layout, or somesuch?

Init: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (1) + 3 = 4

Darius cowers behind the curtain, peeking in. Noticing that the goblin has thrown the first attack, he decides to hang back and wait for the right moment to strike.

Stealth: 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (9) + 6 = 15

Init: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (7) + 3 = 10

Initiative: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (19) + 2 = 21

The little green devil gives the two headed monstrosity another few thrusts, laughing his horrid black heart silly. "Grubyub panna ühte kõrva! Söö, mida kaks headed muda humpes!"

He whips out another arrow and lets it fly, still laughing.

Longbow Shot: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (7) + 5 = 12 ...doubtful it's a hit
1d6 ⇒ 6

Grub lets fly a string of nearly unintelligible goblin curses as he prepares to draw another arrow.

1d20 + 2 ⇒ (5) + 2 = 7

Ah now there's something to talk about to my grandchildren.

"Fire in the whole".

LeGrande jumps up and lobs a fresh Fire bomb at the two headed mutant.

Since this is what LeGrande's going to do, I'll go ahead and roll the dice. Better the others learn his tactics now than later...

1d20 + 4 ⇒ (12) + 4 = 16 Bomb Attack {Ranged Touch}

1d6 + 2 ⇒ (5) + 2 = 7 Fire Damage

Init: 1d20 ⇒ 1

Dunc is taken completely by surprise with the turn of events.

By the way, Dunc, I'm counting on you as a flanker when possible. I won't get far otherwise.

Oh trust me, I am always going to be trying to give you flanking.

Description: You're currently on a balcony that's about 10' square that overlooks a natural cavern some 80' x 100'. An underground river cuts through the northern and southern walls on the western side of the room. Burt and Jimmy are about fifty feet away, and your balcony is fifteen feet above the floor. The ceiling is about ten or fifteen feet higher than that.

Perhaps due to his vigorous, um, dancing, Grubyub's shot falls wide of its mark. Sparkly chitters at the two-headed creature, shaking his tiny fist at him.

Burt and Jimmy stand, and shake their mighty fists at the five of you. "Go on, get lost, or we'll smash you into paste as quick as you like!", says Burt.

"Wot if theys don't want be smashed into paste, Burt?", Jimmy inquires.

"Then more's the pity for thems!", Burt replies.

He collects a pair of spiked clubs from nearby, and a pair of cruel grins break out on his faces.

Lagrande whips up an incendiary and lobs it towards Burt and Jimmy. It shatters against them, and scorches him. His flesh smoulders and blackens, but the two-headed giant seems not to have noticed.

Darius decides to bide his time and wait for an opportune moment to strike. Or run. Whichever works out best.

Everyone else gets to go, and Grubyub gets to go again before B&J take their next action.

Actually, the biding for time was Darius's action "before" the fight began. I used the whole "Yeah I'm gonna wait" as the reason for his low init, and he was already hiding back there.

"I hope you're happy now, Darius. All this complaining about getting a real dungeon, and this is what I get.

Fair enough, Darius. Doing anything this round, then?

Delaying for now, waiting to see what the rest of the party does. I forget the rules; If Darius popped out of behind the curtains and moved into range, and the giants hadn't been aware of his presence until then, would he get to make a sneak attack with a projectile?

I don't see any problem with that, Darius.

Woah, woah woah woah. This guy is HUGE!

Personality Shift: 1d2 ⇒ 2

We can take him though; who needs healing! Drysten's voice shakes only a bit.

Seeing as there are no stairs I will wait until the Monster moves closer. After which I am going to do a leap from the balcony and attack his face with my sword before possibly falling to my death. Should be dramatic either way.

Sorry gang, I had thought my post from a few days ago had locked in, but it looks like it was eaten by the horrid monster from beyoooooooooooooooonnd!!!

"Daj ti grdi sina osel. Grubyub bo hrustljavo krompirček iz ušesa!" Frustrated by his last shot, Grub zeroes in on the giant and lets fly.

Longbow Attack: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (11) + 5 = 16 ...not sure if that hits, he's a biggun though, an we got elevation! ...wait, he stood up though, huh?
Damage: 1d6 ⇒ 5

He laughs his devilish, red-eyed laugh and uses his move action to turn around and, using his free hand, shows the beast his rump. "Ne upajo pogledati v zeleno oko!" Grub taunts the giant.

The goblin looks at the others. "Get to making the bleeding!! FIGHT!!"

No worries, Grubby, we'll get this show on the road.

A second arrow flies towards Burt and Jimmy, and buries itself in his formidable gut. Burt howls in pain. "YAAAAARRRRRGH!!!", he cries, shaking his scorched arm. "They're using fire, Jimmy!"

"I sees that, Burt! OI! Knock that off!" Burt and Jimmy lumber towards your perch, and as he gets close, Fester cackles and leaps up onto the railing next to Grubyub. "HA! Sneak attack, wiseguy!", he cries, throwing a tart at Jimmy's face, splattering Jimmy with a sticky fruit filling. "The classics are the best! Ha-cha!"

Will save: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (1) + 4 = 5

Burt and Jimmy stop, and Burt turns to regard Jimmy's new confection-laden appearance. He snorts, then snickers, and soon enters into a full belly laugh. "It ain't funny!", Jimmy replies, but the embarrassed grin on his face betrays any fury he holds. He soon falls to the ground, laughing uncontrollably, pounding the ground with meaty fists.

Hell of a time to fail a hideous laughter!

Aha! Great time to strike

Darius bursts out from behind the curtain. One nimble flick of his wrist later, he's holding a sharp, shiny dagger.

"Foul creature! In the name of honor and good, I, Darius Quint, Baron of Rosethorpe shall trounce you! Hyah!"

Dagger Throw: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (15) + 3 = 18

Darius expertly flicks the dagger upwards, catching the flat sides of the blade between his index and middle finger. (Inadvertently revealing a literal handful of faint scars between the two.) Then, with what seems to be an overly practice gesture, he sends the dagger spinning through the air, straight for Burt's neck.

Drysten runs to the side of the platform to stare at the laughing giant. Two people in one body? How crazy does this place get?

Legrande takes the opportunity to deliver some flambe to the pie festival.

1d20 + 4 ⇒ (10) + 4 = 14 Touch Attack
1d6 + 2 ⇒ (1) + 2 = 3 Flame Bomb

Oh hey, flambé pie and we even have the knife to cut it with. c:

"Hey, Bert! Who's on first?" the jester asks coyingly.

Will save: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (16) + 4 = 20

After a few moments of hysterical laughter (not to mention another lobbed firebomb and a dagger that has hit its mark), Burt wipes away the tears from his eyes. "OK, enough kidding around! Now we gets serious!!!" He stands, and both heads roar a challenge in stereo.

Current damage to B&J: 19. Darius, please roll me a damage roll, and go ahead and add a damage roll to all future rolls. Duncan, B&J are still a ways away, so your readied action has not gone off yet. They're using Intimidate to demoralize LeGrande this round: DC 13: 1d20 ⇒ 18 Since that's a success, Legrande, you are shaken for two rounds. Everyone gets to go again!

Dagger Sneak Attack Damage: 1d4 + 1d6 + 1 ⇒ (1) + (5) + 1 = 7

Seeing Duncan poised to strike, Darius draws his rapier and springs out his second dagger, then moves to the edge of the balcony.

Fester whistles once, a piercing sound that cuts through the murmur of combat like a knife through butter. "Hey Jimmy! Would you say that you're smarter than Bert?"

Burt & Jimmy damage: 26.

Jimmy blinks through confused and boysenberry stained eyes. "Well, yeah. Just look at 'im."

"OI! That's just mean!"

Not wanting to miss out on the action, Drysten reaches for a dagger from his belt and throws it at huge giant.

Attack: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (14) + 3 = 17
Damage: 1d3 ⇒ 1

Catching on to Fester's plan, Darius throws his two coppers in. "I don't know if he's the smartest, but he's definitely uglier than his brother!"

Sense Motive: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (1) + 5 = 6 +2 vs Humans

"Bah, both ugly, both dumb as rocks!" The poor goblin misses both the subtle nuances of Fester and Darius' plan and the irony of his statement based on his lack of discernment. "Grubyub gonna let 'em have it!"

Longbow Attack: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (1) + 5 = 6
Damage: 1d6 ⇒ 3

The goblin, seeing his arrow simply fall from his fingertips as the bow string lets go, jumps up and down in mad frustration. "Gnila lok! Grubyub vedel neumno Kobold laž, ko pravijo, nikoli ne zamudite! Grubyub iti nazaj in poje kuščar srce!!"

Duncan tries to gauge the jump from the balcony to the giant.

"'EY! I ain't the ugly one!", Jimmy says, a scowl upon his face. "Tha's Burt!" Drysten's blade flies the distance and lands in B&J's foot. Current damage: 20

Burt looks to Jimmy with fury, completely oblivious to Grubyub's arrow and chittering. "Who are you callin' ugly, ugly?!?"

Duncan, you're about 50' away from B&J. They've still been unable to move closer to you guys, but that's liable to change soon!

The goblin's eyes narrow, seething over his last miss as he draws another arrow and looses.

Longbow Shot: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (20) + 5 = 25 ...w h a t ?
Crit Confirm: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (8) + 5 = 13 ...o o o h h...
Damage: 1d6 ⇒ 3

"Ha ha!! Keep fighting, ugly!"

Seeing his master having success once again, Sparkly resumes desecrating his tin cup helmet.