@ Kobold Cleaver
Pardon my error there, I do recall that being mentioned, though 1 Con is still pretty terrible, but yeah, no insta kills :)
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Taking a break from critiques for the rest of the day, gotta finish packing for Virginia and will be driving all night, so the critiques will likely restart sometime tomorrow, likely live from the beach!
Canvas of the Dreamer
The Good: Very cool way to summon a creature, the use of an eidolon and EP was very clever, good way to represent an artists unique monster painting come to life.
The Bad: Loss of the items magic on a failed attempt is pretty rough. I would have suggested that is suppressed the magic for 24 hours.
The Ugly: 10k is a pretty high cost for a one shot summons.
First up, Thank you so much for the critique, and for "filling-in" for GM_Solspiral this year. Last year I tried to do everyone that entered, and I meant to do everyone this year, but it may be a bit till I really get that ball rolling. Thanks especially for "ending" on mine before the vacation ;-)
As to the Good -- Glad you liked it :D
As to the Bad -- Yeah, I think I would have had something like that, except for word count really. Everything I thought that was fitting, was too long a discussion for the item that was almost too long already. Also, big risk, big reward.
As to the Ugly -- I started this as being just a double priced scroll of summon monster VI, cost of 1,650 gp. But then realized to do everything I was hoping, it really needed to use planar calling rules which adds 1,250 gp material component + either 100 gp per minute per HD of for planar ally or 500 gp per hour per HD. With base 8 HD and everything else, it would cost a cleric like 4,000 gp per hour or so, so as a minimum caster level scroll it becomes like 44,000 gp for 11 hrs of service, etc. So thats why the cost got kinda crazy.
It was likely my biggest question mark, so having it called out is a solid complaint.
Thank you again!
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Critiques live from the beach turned out to be a bad idea, no wifi signal, and all that sand, but I have returned from a week of sun and surf, and will be picking up where I left on in the CMI thread, hope everyone had a good last week, I know I did :)
Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9
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Critiques live from the beach turned out to be a bad idea, no wifi signal, and all that sand, but I have returned from a week of sun and surf, and will be picking up where I left on in the CMI thread, hope everyone had a good last week, I know I did :)
Thank you for doing this. Having had coke spilled on my laptop, I totally get laptop protection.
Take care, and have a good vacation.
Glimmersheen Chain
Aura moderate illusion; CL 6th
Slot armor; Price 18,250 gp; Weight 25 lbs.
Description
The metal used to construct this +2 chain shirt is formulated to bond and interact with silversheen, which can be applied to it even though it is not a weapon. Coating the armor in silversheen requires two free hands and five minutes. The armor must not be worn during the application process.
One vial of silversheen adds five charges to the armor. All of the charges must be expended before applying another vial to the shirt. As long as the armor has one charge on it, it has the mirrored property and its armor bonus increases by 1 against melee attacks from lycanthropes or creatures with DR -/silver. The charges last indefinitely until spent.
As a swift action, the wearer gestures with an empty hand, causing one charge of the silversheen to come off of the armor and dance in the air between him and a single adjacent target. The target becomes distracted and loses his Dexterity bonus to AC and to CMD for one round. A successful DC 16 Will save reduces the distraction's effect, imposing a -2 penalty to Dexterity instead. Lycanthropes and targets with DR -/silver incur a -2 penalty to their saving throw. Sightless creatures are immune to this effect.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, hypnotic pattern; Cost 9,250 gp
Glimmersheen Chain
The Good: Really clever idea to have armor interact with silversheen. Nice out of the box idea, and I am a light armor fan, so this is right up my alley.
The Bad: There is no armor slot (I am aware older paizo formatting did use this, but changes happen, pays to be aware)
The Ugly: Overcoming DR/- is a dangerous place, I can see why DR silver is affected (great choice actually) but DR/- is meant to be pretty much impossible to overcome, just silver would have been fine.
Armbands of the Mummers’ Duel
Aura faint illusion and transmutation; CL 1st
Slot wrists; Price 1,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Sewn together from many small pieces of cloth in billowing, feathery layers, the armbands of the mummers’ duel are favored by acting troupes, which often must play great battles without the skill to portray them in a safe and yet convincing manner. With the armbands’ aid, the wearer can deliver crowd-pleasing blows to the head with an earth breaker and leave fellow actors merely dazed instead of dead.
Armbands of the mummers’ duel come in pairs, and once per day may be activated as a swift action by touching them to one another, an act traditionally worked into a dance or pose. For the next minute (or until the effect is dismissed as a free action) the wearer’s blows do nonlethal damage. This nonlethal damage never becomes lethal; all nonlethal damage by the wielder while the armbands of the mummers’ duel is activated that would exceed a target’s maximum hit points is ignored. While the armbands’ magics blunt any actual harm, illusions play into the wearer’s swings and scatter ephemeral blood, adding a +5 competence bonus to any skill checks made to convince watchers that the blows are deadly.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, magic weapon, silent image; Cost 500 gp
Armbands of the Mummers’ Duel
The Good: Mock combat is an interesting design space, and these could also be very useful in other performance combat situations (or in a cunning PC plan) so kudos for going a route normally ignored.
The Bad: I too love George R. R. Martin, but the word mummer makes me immediately go to the second part of that saying, which is not where you want the readers thinking (minor issue really, as those who have not read or watched GoT likely do no know the quote)
The Ugly: Craft Wondrous Item requires 3rd level as a minimum, so the CL 1st is a glaring mechanical oversight.
Murder Candle
Aura moderate abjuration; CL 5th
Slot nonet; Price 2,500 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.
Description
A Murder Candle looks like any ordinary candle. During the dipping process, as each layer of wax is added, runes are carefully carved into the wax. Only the last ten layers are rune free to disguise the candle's purpose.
When the Murder Candle is lit the countdown begins. Once the Murder Candle burns down to a height designated by the creator, it will trigger explosive runes.
Additionally, if the person who lit the Murder Candle blows it out, explosive runes is triggered. If anyone other than the individual who lit the Murder Candle blows it out, the spell is not triggered.
During creation, the crafter will place the strand of hair at a set point in the candle. This strand of hair is the point at which the spell will be triggered.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, explosive runes, (special) strand of hair; Cost 1,000 gp
Murder Candle
The Good: You went a very different route from what is expected from magical candles, and gave us some interesting construction details.
The Bad: Some typos and template errors are to be found, also never heard of the nonet item slot ;). Also CL 5 would be a faint aura not a moderate aura.
The Ugly: Very literally this item is a spell in a can(dle). SiaC normally does not cut it for RPGSS. This item could have used more playing with spell mechanics. Also the name just does not do it for me, names that basically just rehash the items purpose tend to lack flare and style.
Rapier of Shining Influence
Aura transmutation; CL 11th
Slot none; Price 38,220 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
A finely crafted +1 agile rapier, this weapon is expertly balanced, and looks to be of Taldorian design. The blade incorporates diamond dust that not only accounts for its superior point, but also causes it a shimmer and sparkle in the presence of any light source. Braided gold-plated steel is woven around three gleaming emeralds into a one-quarter cage basket hilt to protect the wielder’s hand. The basket hilt can be used like a gauntlet to deliver an armored punch attack. Using the rapier in this way does not confer any of its magical bonuses to the attack.
Three times per day, during combat, the wielder can attempt to use the power of the blade to influence allies. On command, as a free action, the wielder can cause the blade to flare brightly and crackle with arcane energy prior to the wielder’s next attack. If the attack hits, the dashing display of sword fighting grants all allies within 60 feet the wielder’s Charisma bonus (minimum of +1) as a bonus to hit for their next attack. If the wielder’s attack fails, no bonus is granted, and a daily use of the blade is expended. For each use of the special power of the Rapier of Shining Influence one of the emeralds in the basket hilt dims. The emerald regains its full luster the following day.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, cat’s grace, mass eagle’s splendor; Cost 19,270 gp
Rapier of Shining Influence
The Good: I can tell you were working really had to evoke a clear and compelling mental image of your item. Good to see you noted the magical bonuses do not apply to hilt punches.
The Bad: Armored punch is not the correct term for the use of a rapier hilt. Functions as a gauntlet when used to make an unarmed strike is the type of lingo you would have wanted here.
The Ugly: While I liked your enthusiastic description, it gets rambling and goes a bit too far with fencing terminology. While I understand what you mean, many others will not. Also the diamond dust bit for me goes too far, and does not make sense. Avoid catch all terms like finely crafted, show us, don't tell us.
Cloak of Subterfuge
Aura faint abjuration; CL 9th
Slot Shoulders; Price 8,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
While the exterior of this grey leather cloak is unremarkable, the interior is made of fine black velvet resembling a starless night sky. As a move action the wearer can press an item against the cloak's inner lining, transporting the item to an extra dimensional space (contents limit 20 pounds, volume limit 3 cubic feet) within the cloak.The cloak does not need to be worn for this effect to occur, placing the cloak over an object and applying pressure can also activate this ability. The wearer gains a +5 competence bonus to bluff checks regarding items stored within the cloak. As a swift action the wearer can retrieve items from the cloak by placing her hand, or equivalent, against the inner lining and thinking about the item they wish to retrieve. The item returns from the extra-dimensional space into the wearer's hand. If the cloak's capacity is exceeded or it gains the broken condition (Hardness 2, Hit Points 5), each item stored within the cloak falls into a random square 5 feet from the wearer; roll for each item separately. Using Detect Magic or an ability to view magical auras, this item gives off a faint abjuration aura. Using spellcraft identifies the Cloak of Subterfuge as a Cloak of Resistance. The caster must cast Identify and succeed a DC 13 Will save in order to reveal the item's true nature.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Magic Aura, Secret Chest, 5 ranks in bluff; Cost 4,000 gp
Cloak of Subterfuge
The Good: Neat bit about hiding the cloaks true powers, goes along with your theme nicely.
The Bad: This cloak is simply a storage item with a bit of extra protection. Useful, sure, but RPGSS is looking for inspired and amazing, alas this item does not hit that lofty goal IMO.
The Ugly: CL 9th is a moderate aura, even though there is a special element to this in the item body, that detail mechanics of the item must reflect its actual RAW aura strength. Also really wanted to see more subtle tricks from this cloak, there is room for more clever effects in this item.
Belt of the Depths
Aura Moderate Transmutation; CL 7th
Slot Belt; Price 12,000 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
This masterfully crafted belt emits a strong salty scent and is made of woven algae interlaced with golden merfolk hair. In guise of a buckle rests a large starfish-shaped piece of red coral.
While underwater, the wearer may break off one of the starfish's five limbs as a free action to activate the belt's powers for a period of two hours. At any time, the wearer may break off a second limb to end the effects prematurely. When the belt's powers are activated, the wearer is immediately granted the ability to breathe water as per the Water Breathing spell. One round later, he instantly starts sinking at a speed of 50 ft per round until he lands on a solid surface, such as a sunken ship wreck or the sea floor itself. Once on a solid surface, he is able to move about freely as if he were on land and carrying a light load. He, however, loses the ability to swim. If the wearer has to move over obstacles, he must use climb checks or acrobatics checks, although he ignores his armor check penalty. If he falls any distance, he lands harmlessly without injury. Finally, he may use any weapon without restrictions, ignoring the normal underwater combat penalties.
Like a true starfish, the Belt of the Depths has the ability to regenerate lost limbs, and does so at a rate of one limb per week. However, this regeneration is only possible as long as the starfish has at least one limb left. If all limbs are broken off , the belt loses all powers.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Items, Water Breathing, Freedom of Movement; Cost 6,000 gp
Belt of the Depths
The Good: Serious water theme mojo, really like the starfish detail bit, very evocative and cool.
The Bad: I see no real reason at the 12K price that I have to sacrifice a charge to end the belts effects early, think that hurt you here.
The Ugly: Not gaining a swim speed leaves you still less effective in underwater combat, used up allot of word count calling out what the belt does not let you do, when you would have been better served expanding on its underwater mobility theme.
Talisman of Essence Conversion
Aura Moderate Necromancy; CL 5th
Slot Neck; Price 4,340 (minor), 16,380 (medium), 38,500 (major) gp; Weight -
Description
This pendant consists of a single hand-sized, spherical, dim crystal affixed to a drop necklace coated in a dark lacquered hue.
When placed over the heart of a dying creature, the talisman begins to extract the victim’s essence. When worn, it allows the wearer to convert the essence into a usable resource.
The target must have some resource remaining for that day. While its essence is being sapped, the victim cannot stabilize. When the target dies from bleeding, up to one (minor), two (standard) or three (major) points of resource per day flow into the amulet which then boldly glows a distinct color based on the resource stolen: blue (arcane); black (grit); gold (panache); red (ki); purple (inspiration) or green (luck). Those nearby need only make a successful Perception check (DC 15) to notice that the orb is filled. The wearer may rob essence from multiple targets each day, but the item can never siphon more than the maximum amount. Once absorbed, the essence must be expended before any more can be filched.
If the thief can use the resource, he or she may access it at any time. Commuting the trapped essence requires focusing as a standard action. During this time, the jewel changes color to the new resource before being expended. All of the essence inside must be transformed at once but may be converted again later if at least one point remains. Once transmuted, at least one point must be utilized by the end of the wearer’s next turn or all of the essence drains from the charm and is thereby wasted.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Bleed, Ki Leech; Cost 2,170 (minor), 8,190 (medium), 19,250 (major) gp
Talisman of Essence Conversion
The Good: You went with all the pool mechanics rather than just one, making the item useful to a wide variety of classes.
The Bad: Falls into the soul stealing trope. Also robbing a dying creature of its power and ensuring it continues to die by doing so pretty much means goodly characters will balk at this item. Also Cl 5th is a faint aura, not a moderate, and strength and aura type are not capitalized as per the template.
The Ugly: Your last paragraph gets very confusing, stating you must use all the stored resource at one, but then talks about if some remains you can convert it again later. Very unsure what this works out to, clear mechanics are the best mechanics, to me, this is not very clear.
Candle of Otherworldly Fire
Aura strong divination; CL 15th
Slot none; Price 72,000 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.
Description
This simple black candle shines with the otherworldly glow of the aurora borealis. Within its eerie, shimmering light all that is hidden is revealed.
The candle provides constant light as per the spell faerie fire in a 30 foot emanation. All magical darkness effects of 7th level or lower that come within the candle’s light range are temporarily suppressed. The candle’s flame emits no heat and as such the candle never burns out or is consumed, though it can be extinguished or relit as a standard action.
Any creature, including one not in the light itself, viewing the area illuminated by the candle sees the area and all creatures and objects within as if the viewer was under the effects of arcane sight and detect secret doors. In addition, the viewer may make a will save against any illusion effect that can be disbelieved within the candle’s light range as if he had carefully studied or interacted with the illusion.
Some who bear a candle of otherworldly fire do not truly understand the implications of such powers until it is far too late: The candle’s light also acts as a beacon for strange extraplanar creatures who are attracted to it like moths to a flame.
Every time the candle is lit and for every hour it burns, there is a 5% chance of 1d4+1 hounds of tindalos appearing and attacking the wielder of the candle and all within its light. Even stranger and more powerful creatures may be drawn to the fire if it persists for long periods of time or is relit too often.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, arcane sight, detect secret doors, faerie fire; Cost 36,000 gp
Candle of Otherworldly Fire
The Good: Interesting idea, good description of the light effects, and a GM useful drawback (super kudos there).
The Bad: Seriously expensive for what it does, the description of the candle itself (not its light effects) falls flat for me compared to how you describe its light effects.
The Ugly: While the drawback is good, there being no absolute limit to how often the item is used could render some GM tactics, monsters, and traps completely useless permanently (well as long as PC's have the candle)
Lodestone Plate
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot armor; Price 17,750 gp; Weight 75 lbs.
Description
This suit of +1 stoneplate is brownish-black with a metallic sheen. The wearer can imbue the armor with a strong magnetic field as a swift action. This field allows the wearer, as a free action, to attempt to disarm any opponent attacking with a melee weapon made primarily of adamantine, cold iron, iron, or steel (and other metals at the GM's discretion.) Resolve the disarm attempt after the attack roll, using the wearer's CMB. The disarmed weapon remains affixed to the armor while the field is active, dropping to the ground in an adjacent square when it is deactivated.
Alternately, the field can be activated to repel rather than attract. Attacks from weapons made of the aforementioned metals suffer a 20% miss chance, including natural attacks from creatures primarily made of such metals, like iron golems. The magnetic field can be used up to 10 rounds each day. These rounds need not be consecutive. Switching from one field to the other is a swift action.
Finally, the wearer can expend the remaining rounds of the armor's daily allotment to generate a powerful magnetic pulse. This is a standard action that does not draw attacks of opportunity. Any creature carrying, made of, or wearing at least 10 pounds of appropriate metal within 15 feet is the target of a bull rush. The CMB for this combat maneuver is +11, with an additional +2 for every round of use expended beyond the first (maximum +29). A bullrushed creature that would be pushed into a square occupied by a solid object or obstacle is instead knocked prone in the square before it.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, telekinesis; Cost 9,850 gp
Lodestone Plate
The Good: Picked a theme and stuck with it, and kept the mechanics tight to said theme. Power for price is pretty good here.
The Bad: Not sure where the dislike comes, but magnetism style effects don't seem to do well in RPGSS. Choice of telekinesis as a construction requirement strikes me as a bit odd for a magnetic themed item.
The Ugly: The last power makes this armor go from useful if a bit obvious to SAK. The two defensive powers fit nicely, this last power does not, I think that armor is more elegant without it honestly.
Courtesan's Locket
Aura moderate enchantment and divination; CL 9th
Slot neck; Price 10,000 gp; Weight .2 lbs.
Description
Originally designed by a famously jilted countess, the courtesan's locket has since been replicated by a variety of individuals and groups ranging from hostile diplomats to bored noble pranksters.
This gold filigree pendant has a teardrop shaped emerald at the center. The emerald twists open to reveal a reservoir of poison sufficient for 1 use per day. The poison loses potency after 24 hours outside the pendant.
When the poison is ingested, the target must make a DC 18 Will save or have their surface thoughts broadcast to the wearer of the amulet for 24 hours, up to a distance of 10 miles.
At any time while reading the poisoned target's thoughts, the wearer may speak one of the following command words to overwhelm the target with the associated emotion:
Lust - The target is compelled to rush to the person or object they most recently thought about and passionately kiss or caress that subject for 1d4 rounds.
Hatred – The target is compelled to verbally assault the person or object they most recently thought about for 1d4 rounds.
Guilt – The target is compelled to immediately confess to 1d4 wrongdoings. If they are aware of the presence of any people they have wronged, they must confess to those acts.
Using any of these options allows the target a DC 18 Will save to negate the effects. After the compulsive acts have been completed, or if the target saves, the mind reading effect ends.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Heighten Spell, Detect Thoughts, Unnatural Lust, Compel Hostility, Confess; Cost 5,000 gp
Courtesan's Locket
The Good: Useful item, I can see a number of ways to use this outside and inside combat, a social character or villain could put this to great use.
The Bad: Filigree is a trope word that should be avoided, also item falls into the made for/by/favoured by trope.
The Ugly: SiaC is a heavy issue here, even though the poison delivery method is clever, it is still an item with direct spell effects from it's construction requirement spells. Unexpected and inventive is a big part of what makes an item RPGSS material, and I do not see that here.
Quicksilver Elixir
Aura moderate abjuration, conjuration, divination, and transmutation; CL 10th
Slot none; Price 2,000 gp; Weight -
Description
This rare elixir is made to look like a simple but delicate glass vial filled with mercury. The vial and its contents do not show as magical while contained, but this is a simple deception to disguise it as a caster's spell component or alchemical material. The elixir can be used to create one of three obvious magical effects. However, once a particular effect is chosen the elixir is used up:
Scry: If poured out into a cup, bowl, or a similar container (even a shallow depression on a flat surface can be used if needed) then the elixir can be used as a scrying device exactly like a standard crystal ball, but it can only be used once and the viewing only lasts 10 minutes before the elixir evaporates into harmless silvery mist.
Sheen: If poured onto a single non-magical metal weapon or armor of any kind, for one hour this item is considered mithral. This includes the object's effective weight, hardness, skill check penalties, and any spell casting miss-chances it may have. Any other material type the object may have is suppressed for this duration.
Bomb: If the elixir is tossed like a bomb, the vial will easily shatter and the contents will explode into silvery mist doing 2d4 Constitution damage to any creature in a 10 foot radius who has damage reduction that can be bypassed by silver. This effect has a Fortitude save DC 17 that can half the damage if successful and only has a duration of 1 round before it dissipates.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, cloudkill, mirror polish, non-detection, scrying; Cost 1000 gp
Quicksilver Elixir
The Good: Clever item, I like the multi-option route you took.
The Bad: As one use items go, this is pretty costly, for the increase in price making this a once a day item with the same power options would grab me more.
The Ugly: There are a number of formatting and rules language errors including spell casting miss chance (which should read as spell failure chance). Rather than using up word count to mention what the mithral special material does, I would have spent it on giving this item a benefit when used as a focus or power component.
Noose of Derangement Devouring
Aura Strong Enchantment; CL 9th
Slot Neck; Price 187,200 gp; Weight 1/4 lb.
Description
A cord woven of disturbingly sinew-like fibers, the noose is 18 inches long and embroidered with tiny sigils and runes in red, amber and gray. When draped about the neck and touched while whispering the command word, the noose coils around the wearer’s throat and its magic manifests.
I Hear Voices: The wearer can detect thoughts at will (DC 15), at double normal spell range (120’). The thoughts of those affected by insanity, afflicted by madness, that have prepared mind-affecting spells or that have mind-affecting spell-like abilities are detected as a swift action rather than a standard action.
Eat Insanity: Upon a successful touch attack, the wearer can “eat” the insanity of any creature affected by insanity or suffering from a madness-type affliction and render them sane (as heal). A similarly successful touch attack against a spellcaster or monster can eat one prepared mind-affecting spell (normal touch attack bonuses, no save for spells at or below 4th level; spells above 4th level gain a Will save to negate) or spell-like ability from the caster. The targeted caster is also staggered for 1d4 rounds (DC 16 Fortitude save negates).
The wearer converts whatever she eats into spell power and, for each instance in which the wearer has eaten, she can cast either (a) the same spell or ability that was eaten, or (b) possession (DC 19). All effects disappear if the noose is deactivated, and any unused spell power is lost. Spell power may be held indefinitely so long as the noose remains active.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, dream feast, detect thoughts, possession; Cost 93,600 gp
Noose of Derangement Devouring
The Good: Interesting use of a non-traditional neck slot item.
The Bad: Description is full of tropish language. Sigils and runes are buzz words in a bad way. Good descriptions avoid these obvious descriptors and paint the reading a vivid picture with original wording.
The Ugly: The price is so high that this item will almost ever see use, and limitless spell stealing is dangerous and rather OP IMO. Also staggering a squishy caster along with stealing spell is way over the top. I suggest next year going for something much less costly, expensive does not automatically equal a quality RPGSS item. Less is more as they say.
Crossbow of the Embracing Vine
Aura Moderate Evocation and Transmutation; CL 7th
Slot None; Price 56450 gp; Weight 8 lbs.
Description
This +1 heavy crossbow is entirely created from deep, red wood. Vines are carved into the crossbow, twisting along all of its surfaces, enhanced with a light scattering of dim gold flecks in its leaves. Its string shares this golden sheen. Attached to the front of the crossbow is a small wooden grip.
As long as the crossbow is wielded in two hands, a red vine with golden leaves grows from the weapon and wraps comfortably around both of the wielder’s hands, giving the wielder an additional +1 on attack rolls with the weapon.
At will, the wielder can extend the grip and plant it into solid terrain. Taking root, the vines grasp the wielder’s arms and legs, stabilizing them. This whole process takes 1 minute of concentration without moving from the starting position to complete. The user can crouch or lie prone while using this ability.
When this is done, the crossbow’s range increment increases by 25 feet, the bonus to attack rolls increases to +3, and the crossbow gains a bonus to damage equal to half of the wielder's dexterity modifier. The wielder also gains a +2 bonus to their CMD against bull rush attempts. Finally, the wielder cannot move and loses their dexterity bonus to armor class. As a full-round action, the wielder can unroot the crossbow, returning the vines and grip to their normal position without affecting the terrain in any way.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Cat’s Grace, Control Plants; Cost 28050 gp
Crossbow of the Embracing Vine
The Good: I have a soft spot for plantish items and vines, and I like that this item draws on those to make itself more accurate and gain additional range.
The Bad: Losing Dex to AC and being immobile while using the crossbows best power makes you (literally) a sitting duck. Any clever foe is going to exploit that hard. As a GM, a PC with this weapon who is immobile is going to get AoE'd. Drawbacks can be tricky, and this one goes too far. Also a number of minor formatting errors.
The Ugly: Pricing is indeed off, with the vine and plant theme I would have liked to see more versatility in its application. stabilization and a living mono-pod is cool, but there is more meat to be had in your theme, and we are hungry.
End of page 3, on to page 4. (sorry folks, I will get to everyone, including those who requested a review in this thread but not the CMI, just need to be patient)
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Nettlefin Sash
Aura moderate necromancy and transmutation; CL 7th
Slot chest; Price 18,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
The glistening scales of this iridescent sash take a life of their own when the wearer is in combat, expanding outwards to cover her body in sharp bristling spines.
Crafted from the skin of the exotic nettlefin pufferfish, the nettlefin sash acts continuously as +1 armor spikes, except as follows:
The sash does not require being affixed to armor.
The wearer is always considered proficient in its use.
At the beginning of the wearer’s turn, she may choose to use the sash until her next turn as either a secondary natural attack or an off-hand weapon.
The sash deals damage as +1 armor spikes of the wearer’s size category.
The sash is treated as both a manufactured weapon and a natural weapon for the purpose of spells and effects that enhance or improve either manufactured weapons or natural weapons.
If the sash is worn with armor spikes, it ceases to function.
When the sharp spines of the sash deal damage, they can deliver a dose of Nettlefin Toxin poison, identical to that used by the Adaro (Bestiary 3 7).
The burning pain of the injury is soon followed by a numbing paralysis that quickly spreads throughout the creature’s body.
This ability can be used three times per day as an immediate action.
Nettlefin Toxin: injury; save Fort DC 15; frequency 1/minute for 4 minutes; effect paralyzed for 1 minute; cure 2 consecutive saves.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item,, poison, spike growth; Cost 9,000 gp
Nettlefin Sash
The Good: Sash is an under appreciated item type, and I like that armor spikes got involved in this one, very neat and clever. Also as a fish keeper and fly fisherman, fish themes really grab mean, and this one very cool.
The Bad: The DC of the poison is low enough that many things will easily resist it, and at 18K that hurts.
The Ugly: There is allot of room in your theme for other interesting powers. If you are going puffer fish, really hit it hard and wow us with just HOW puffer fish this item is.
Hungry Ghost Incense
Aura faint abjuration and conjuration; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 150 gp; Weight -.
Description
This light grey stick of incense smells faintly like rotting flesh. When lit, it burns away rapidly, creating smoke that fills a 10-foot cube (treat the effect as a fog cloud spell, except that a moderate or stronger wind dissipates the smoke in 1 round, and it does not obscure vision or provide any form of concealment). The stick is consumed after 1 round, and the smoke dissipates naturally after 1 minute.
The smoke prevents incorporeal undead from making physical contact with living creatures within the smoke. As a result, the natural weapon attacks of incorporeal undead to fail when targeted against living creatures within the smoke.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, protection from evil, fog cloud; Cost 75 gp
Hungry Ghost Incense
The Good: Much different item base type that we normally see with wondrous items, good choice there.
The Bad: You have allot of word count left over, at the low low cost even low level PC's will never worry about incorporeal undead again, which removes them as an effective GM tool and foe.
The Ugly: Anti-ghost item, plain and simple, clever delivery method to be sure, but still a "I hate when ghosts and other incorporeal undead screw us at low level" item. That sort of design is just not RPGSS style.
Snowfall
Aura moderate evocation and abjuration; CL 11th
Slot xxxxx; Price 26,315 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
The pommel of this +1 frost longsword contains a miniature snowscape inside a crystal globe, tiny snowflakes whirling endlessly around an indistinct dark shape. The razor-edged blade glows with a pale blue radiance and sheds tendrils of translucent mist as it moves.
When used to successfully strike a creature, as a swift action the wielder can expend a memorized spell or spell per day slot to have that creature sheathed in a layer of frost, causing them to become entangled for a number of rounds equal to the level of spell used to activate this ability. A creature immune to cold damage is immune to this effect.
The wielder has Fire Resistance 5 whilst holding the sword, as the weapon hungrily drinks in the warmth around it, the hilt always ice-cold to the touch. Creatures native to the Plane of Fire, with the Fire Creature template or vulnerability to cold have a particular dislike of this weapon, and where possible will always choose to target the wielder with their attacks over any other opponent.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Rime Spell resist energy, ice storm; Cost 13,315 gp
Snowfall
The Good: Big fan of Rime spell, and I like how you worked it into the item.
The Bad: Miniature snow globe for a pommel nut kills the description for me, I get the logic, but snow globes and swords just do not go together for me.
The Ugly: Aside from entangling via Rime spell, not much new or interesting about the sword. Serviceable to be sure, but for me there is now "wow, now that is new, never sen that before, gotta vote for this" element, and in RPGSS, you need that element.
Junglestrider Raiment
Aura moderate transmutation and faint abjuration and conjuration; CL 7th
Slot armor; Price 13,590 gp; Weight 12.5 lbs.
Description
Favored by those to hunt in tropical lands, where many large dangers stalk the jungle and savanna. This light airy +1 bitter darkleaf cloth hide is have been assembled from different kinds of linen, small hides and darkleaf cloth strips giving this armor a tattered and feral look. This effectively granting the wearer the same bonuses as a hot weather outfit, providing a +2 bonus on fortitude saves to resist warm or hot weather.
While not in an urban area the wearer of this armor gain the ability to ignore any sort undergrowth and natural difficult terrain, allowing you to make 5-ft. steps within this terrain.
On command as a standard action the armor while sprout leafs and twigs and cover your body to take a shape of humanoid-plant-animal hybrid creature, resembling lycanthrope hybrid form. The shape you take is depending on the hide that is used in the armor. You can use the ability for 5 minutes per day. These rounds do not need to be consecutive.
While in hybrid form you gain the scent, low-light vision, and a +2 natural armor bonus on top of the armor bonus. And retain the ability to cast spells and use items.
Ape hide: you gain a 30 ft. climb speed.
Pteranodon hide: you gain a 30 ft. fly speed (average maneuverability).
Lizard hide: you gain a 30 ft. swim speed.
The armor has an arcane spell failure chance of 10%, a maximum Dexterity bonus of +6, and no armor check penalty. It is considered light armor.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, beast shape I, feather step, resistance; Cost 6,795 gp
Junglestrider Raiment
The Good: Including a specialized clothing type bonus into your armor was thematically a good call.
The Bad: Your call out the ability to make 5-foot steps because of ignore natural difficult terrain, but do not mention normal movement, this becomes confusing as written.
The Ugly: The become a plant/animal/human hybrid power is way too much here, scent is a huge bonus, and can really nerf some stealth based GM tactics.
Kilt of the Warriors Ancestors
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 12th
Slot xxxxx; Price 36,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This twill woven garment resembles a pleated skirt, but is knee high and with buckles and plates for extra protection and embelishment. The kilt is woven with the blessings of spirits of great warriors ancestors. Thanks to that, as long as the user impress the warriors ancestors, he receives greater power in battle, but they also are easly bored. When the user hit an melee attack in an opponent in combat, he gains +1 bonus on attack and damage on all his attacks in the next round. This bonus increases by +1 for each round that the user made a successfull attack against an opponent (up to a maximum of +4 attack and +4 damage).
Adittionaly, instead of accepting the atack and damage increases, he may combine a move action or a charge with a full attack in his next round. He can make any number of attacks after, before or during this movement.
If the user stays at least one round without making an attack or receiving one in combat, he bores the Warriors Ancestors, his bonuses are reset to 0 and he becomes staggered on the next round. After this, if the user pass another round without attacking or receiving one in combat, the kilt ceases to function for the rest of the encounter or for one minute, whichever lasts longer.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Deadly Juggernaut; Cost 18,000 gp
Kilt of the Warriors Ancestors
The Good: Interesting item choice, neat idea with a scaling bonus based on a particular action.
The Bad: Given the items description and type, armored kilt would have made a better base item choice, and been further enchantable, and warrior appropriate. Also there are some deviations from standard mechanical language. (aka you should use +1 bonus to attack rolls and damage.)
The Ugly: Perhaps English is not your first language, but there are allot of basic grammar and spelling mistakes in this item, and to be honest, it really detracts for it. If English is not your first language, I strongly suggest when you compete next year to have someone who is a native English speaker look over your work. Sloppy writing is a big turnoff to voters and judges alike.
Soul-Wrenching Spear
Aura moderate conjuration and necromancy [evil]; CL 11th
Slot none; Price 20,182 gp; Weight 6 lbs.
Description
This +2 ghost touch spear is made of pitch black wood, and glows with a pale, ghastly light. When a living humanoid is slain by a critical hit from the spear a portion of its soul is ripped free and trapped within the weapon. Only one soul fragment may be held in this way at a time. If the victim is restored to life while the soul fragment is still held in the spear it suffers one permanent negative level, in addition to any additional penalties from being raised. This permanent negative level may not be restored while the spear holds the victim’s soul fragment, but is instantly restored once it is released.
Once per day, as a standard action, a spear containing a soul fragment may be activated by driving it into the ground. Activating the weapon summons a poltergeist (see Bestiary 2) for one minute. Poltergeists summoned by the spear are considered to be site bound to the spear’s location, and do not rejuvenate if destroyed. The poltergeist attacks any living creatures except the activator. Once activated, the spear must be left in its current position to continue functioning. Removing or destroying the spear immediately ends the effect and releases the soul fragment. Once one minute has passed, or if either the poltergeist or spear are destroyed, the effect ends and the soul fragment is released.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, create undead, plane shift; Cost 10091 gp
Soul-Wrenching Spear
The Good: I personally think spears are an under-rated weapon, good choice of base item.
The Bad: The item description could be a bit more detailed and gripping. You have word count available, I would have used some of it there. If this is your weapon of choice, you have to disarm yourself to use its unique ability, which is a severe drawback.
The Ugly: Soul stealing is dangerous ground in RPGSS. Also poltergeists have very limited capacity to interact with the world, another incorporeal undead or creature would have been a better choice.
Armor of Burden
Aura faint necromancy; CL 5th
Slot armor; Price 6750 gp; Weight 45 lbs.
Description
This +1 Splint Mail is embossed with an image of a squire carrying the equipment of his knight. Once per day, the wearer of the armor may command it to impose its burden upon a creature within 120 feet. That creature must make a DC 14 Fortitude saving throw, or suffer the -6 armor check penalty, 40% arcane spell failure chance, and any non-proficiency penalty as if they were wearing a suit of Splint Mail for 1d4 rounds. While another creature is so affected, the Armor of Burdens imposes no armor check penalty or arcane spell failure chance upon its wearer.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Bestow Curse, Spectral Hand; Cost 3375 gp
Armor of Burden
The Good: Interesting twist on what magical armors normally tend to do.
The Bad: You have allot of word count left, and we get a very short and uninteresting description, I would have used some of that word count to bolster that aspect of your item. Remember description is like a first handshake, you want it to be firm and strong.
The Ugly: SiaC, no matter how clever in what it does, is still SiaC. Also having the armor's extra weight added to its lists of debuffs would have been a good choice.
Star Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9
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Nettlefin Sash
The Good: Sash is an under appreciated item type, and I like that armor spikes got involved in this one, very neat and clever. Also as a fish keeper and fly fisherman, fish themes really grab mean, and this one very cool.
The Bad: The DC of the poison is low enough that many things will easily resist it, and at 18K that hurts.
The Ugly: There is allot of room in your theme for other interesting powers. If you are going puffer fish, really hit it hard and wow us with just HOW puffer fish this item is.
Thank you for your review. This is an awesome service you are doing for the community here (you and the other serial reviewers of course) :-)
I find it ironic (in a funny way) that all the elements you mentioned came from redesign decisions I made after getting workshoppers' feedback on my last days before submitting.
- Fish was originally Porcupine, then Snake.
- The poison was one of the last thing I added and I just jumped at the cool paralyzing effect of the Nettlefin Toxin and did not rework it at all. As for the price, I got caught up in the devilish pricing process and did not consider such points as you mentioned. Definite lack of practice/experience there.
- Very interesting that the Ugly is almost exactly what GM_Solspiral wrote in his Edit my item thread. Great minds do think alike ;-)
Thanks for all the great feedback. It really provides great food for thought for future seasons.
@ The Raven Black,
Was my pleasure to review your item. I will be using your item in a home game and future ones as well (that is how much I liked it.) Despite the Bad and Ugly bits of the review, you have some very on point mojo detectors going, and that is something you can't teach. Thus I say keep competing and I look forward to what you come up with next year (perhaps you shall become the RPGSS Baron of awesome fish item?)
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Star Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9
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@ The Raven Black,
Was my pleasure to review your item. I will be using your item in a home game and future ones as well (that is how much I liked it.) Despite the Bad and Ugly bits of the review, you have some very on point mojo detectors going, and that is something you can't teach. Thus I say keep competing and I look forward to what you come up with next year (perhaps you shall become the RPGSS Baron of awesome fish item?)
Wow !!! Where is the deeply blushing smiley when you need one ? And the dance of awesome joy smiley too !!!
Thank you really a lot for your kind words. I am deeply moved to know that someone will use one of my ideas in his own game. That is actually far more recognition than I was expecting :-)
Not sure on the Fish-only theme though. I cannot in good faith take the oath that next season's inspiration will not take me to other territories of the mind ;-)
LOL, fair enough sir.
Skinkfinger Gloves
Aura faint conjuration and divination; CL 5th
Slot hands; Price 9,500 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
These short gloves have a fastening strap around the wrist, and appear to be made of colorful, striped lizard skin.
When an individual with the bloodline class feature wears these gloves, they can expend one use of any of their bloodline abilities that have uses per day and designate that charge to one of their fingers, storing it within; after doing so, they can detach that finger as a standard action. Detaching a finger deals 1d8 points of maximum hit point penalty, plus an additional amount of penalty equal to the class level at which the used ability is attained. This penalty cannot be removed until the detached finger is destroyed. A detached finger cannot be reattached.
As a standard action, the bearer of a detached finger can break the finger to activate the stored charge. This destroys the finger, leaving behind a pile of tiny scales, and activates the bloodline ability as if the breaker of the finger had activated the power, using all statistics of the creator of the finger. A detached finger is also destroyed if its charge is not expended within 24 hours, or if it is taken more than 100 feet away from its creator. Upon the destruction of a finger, its original owner gains fast healing 1 for a number of rounds equal to the penalty taken upon detaching the finger, and the penalty is removed.
Skinkfinger gloves cannot be removed while the wearer has fingers missing. A finger cannot be detached if detaching it would leave the hand with fewer than two fingers.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, blood biography, infernal healing; Cost 4750 gp
Skinkfinger Gloves
The Good: Neat insperation for an item, I have owned many reptiles in my time, skinks included, so this theme hits close to home in a good way for me (and others I suspect).
The Bad: Something a little too creepy about turning my own severed fingers into something akin to a scroll and giving them to others to use.
The Ugly: IMO going the mechanical route you did makes this item into a SiaF (spell in a finger) sort of item. Clever and new to be sure, but I think more skink themed powers would have served you better.
Fluttering sphere
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 9000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Up to seven swallowtail butterflies fly around in this translucent sphere, often carried by the favored of Desna. On command the sphere dissolves and each of the residents flies to an unoccupied spot within 60 feet, multiplying into a flutter of incorporeal butterflies occupying a square 5 feet on a side. The user of the item selects where the flutters form. The flutters provide concealment.
Any creature of Medium size or smaller entering a flutter teleports into another random flutter as though they had cast dimension door. The teleporting creature may not take other creatures with them. The destination flutter scatters. Random flutter also vanishes every ten minutes.
When only single flutter remains, it gathers and solidifies into a translucent sphere. Each dawn, a new butterfly appears within the sphere, until there are seven. The sphere may be activated when there is at least one butterfly within.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, dimension door; Cost 4500 gp
Fluttering sphere
The Good: Interesting defensive/positioning item, I could have some fun with this to be sure.
The Bad: Butterflies and Desna are a rather over used trope, some people like it, many do not.
The Ugly: SiaC is a serious concern for this item, as its effect is just dimension door, ever if it is delivered in an interesting manner. Playing with spell function in clever ways is something RPGSS items tend to do, you would have been well served to do so here.
Noose of Derangement Devouring
Appreciate the candid criticism! Thanks much Jeff.
Thieving Bookmark
Aura weak transmutation; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 3500 gp; Weight -
Description
This innocuous item is an elegant ribbon of any color, of the type used to hold one’s place in an expensive tome. It may be used as a mundane bookmark without its magic being drained.
To use, the bookmark is placed between the blank pages of a book and activated. It is then removed and placed between the written pages of another book. If left for an hour, writing and images are removed from the written book and placed in the blank book. Removal begins with the pages touching the bookmark and proceeds forward. Up to 30 pages of non-magical writing or 10 pages of magical writing can be moved. Magical protections like glyph of warding or explosive runes are bypassed and not transferred.
A thieving bookmark cannot transfer scrolls or magical books that do not grant spells. Secret page causes the illusory text to be copied and also dispels the effect. If a spell would continue beyond the remaining available pages, that spell is not transferred. If the blank book runs out of pages, subsequent pages are lost to both books. If the bookmark is moved before the hour ends, the magic simply fails.
Regardless of the result, an hour after being placed inside the second book the thieving bookmark vanishes.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, memorize page, comprehend languages, erase, creator must be able to scribe scrolls; Cost 1750 gp
Thieving Bookmark
The Good: Very novel idea, pretty sure I have never seen a magical bookmark in RGPSS before (that is not to say it has not happened, but I don't remember one in the last 4 years)
The Bad: There are a number of minor template and formatting errors in your item, the aura strength should be "faint" not weak.
The Ugly: While this item does something clever and could be very useful, there are limits for its functionality. The name needs work, as right now it just rehashes what the times does. Description also falls pretty flat for me, details are good, and we get very few in this item's description.
Staff of Perfect Harmony
Aura Moderate Abjuration; CL 13th
Slot None; Price 53,000 gp; Weight 8 lbs.
Description
This +3 quarterstaff is made from entwined darkwood and ivory, capped on each end with a warding palm made of electrum. The wielder of the Staff of Perfect Harmony can sunder a spell that targets her or a spell that includes her in it's area of effect as an immediate action, as the barbarian rage power spell sunder. Instead of surpressing the effect upon exceeding the CMD of the spell, the wielder instead gains a +2 circumstance bonus on the save to resist the spell, or +3 if she exceeded the CMD by 5 to 9. If the effect would be completely dispelled it still affects other targets and creatures as normal. This ability is useable three times per day. If the wielder if a monk of at least 9th level, she can expend 3 points from her ki pool to use this ability instead.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Improved Sunder Dispel Magic, creator must be a monk of at least 9th level; Cost 26,500 gp
Staff of Perfect Harmony
The Good: A magic staff that is more weapon that spell casting tool is a refreshing change.
The Bad: There are some minor template and formatting errors, aura and strength are not capitalized.
The Ugly: this is a MCD (multiple character dependant) item regarding construction. Also, as the creator must be a monk, to create the staff requires a PC to take feats may not have desired otherwise in order to craft the item.
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Ghostly Tome
Aura faint necromancy; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 40,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
Strewn with cobwebs, this pale tome appears to fade from view when moved into shadow.
When preparing spells, an arcane spellcaster may choose to inscribe up to five of her spells within the ghostly tome, paying the material cost of each spell as required. Spells inscribed in this way count towards her daily allotment of spells. Spells cast from the ghostly tome which target incorporeal creatures do not suffer the usual 50% penalty for affecting an incorporeal creature. Spells cast from the ghostly tome affect corporeal creatures normally.
Once cast, the spell's inscription fades from the book’s pages, becoming illegible. A new spell may be inscribed when the character has free spell slots available.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Craft (books), Empower Spell imbue with spell ability; Cost 20,000 gp
Ghostly Tome
The Good: Good call to not go with a skill enhancing of knowledge book, you gave us something different, which was wise.
The Bad: You have allot of word count left, and the description falls pretty flat for me. The cobweb bit is good, but the rest of the description does not meet muster. Curious why shadow was referenced, as it falls out of theme with the ghost basis of this item.
The Ugly: Anti-ghost items have been and likely will be a thing, but they tend to do poorly overall unless they have allot of mojo. In any game with few or no incorporeal undead, this item will never see use.
Nine Dimensional Blade
Aura strong abjuration; CL 15th
Slot none; Price 175,049 gp; Weight 8 lbs.
Description
This +5 dispelling adamantine greatsword is inscribed with impossibly interwoven cerulean runes.
If the nine dimensional blade is swung as part of an attack at a wall spell or spelllike ability or similar such effect (such as prismatic sphere or force cage), the wielder may make an attack roll against AC 10 + caster level at which the wall was created + spell level of the wall. If successful, the wielder suppresses the wall for 11 - spell level rounds in an area equal to the wielder's space, creating a hole in the wall. The wall effectively does not exist in the suppressed area. The minimum size of the hole is a 5 foot cube.
A suppressed wall causes no ill effects in the suppressed area. The wall reverts back to normal once the suppression ends.
This effect works on mundane walls (which are treated as AC 10 + hardness of material), walls created through instantaneous spells like wall of iron and on walls that have been made permanent through permanency. The effected wall still reverts back to normal at the end of the suppression duration.
If targeting a wall composed of multiple layers, such as a prismatic wall, the wielder of the nine dimensional blade makes one attack roll per layer as part of a single attack on the wall.
If the wielder of the nine dimensional blade fails to beat the effective AC of the targeted wall, this ability is suppressed for 1d4 rounds and the wielder suffers any appropriate effects for striking the wall.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, disintegrate, dispel magic, passwall, creator must be a caster of at least 10th level; Cost 89049gp and 5 sp
Nine Dimensional Blade
The Good: A defeneive/battlefield control spell attacking sword is a neat idea, lots of fun stuff one could pull with this blade.
The Bad: There are some minor template and formatting issues in this item. Beyond its ability to suppress walls and similar effects all we get is a +5 sword, I think you would have been better served by giving it less + and thus reducing its very high cost. Also sp are normally not part of magic item costs, you could have safely dropped that bit.
The Ugly: Castor level requirements don't match, which is confusing and a big misstep. Also at such a high price this item has limited viability until endgame levels. I suggest if you have not done so, you get yourself a pit crew for next year.
Stonewake Greatsword
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 15th
Slot none; Price 104,325 gp; Weight 6 lbs.
Description
This weapon is made from a single shard of obsidian, pale glowing veins run through the interior.
As a full-round action, the wielder can attempt a DC 25 strength check to drive this +3 Corrosive Burst Obsidian Greatsword into a surface of natural stone or earth, a successful check conjures a Huge earth elemental as if using summon monster vi; only one elemental may be summoned per day. The blade is embedded in the elemental for the duration of it's summoning, granting the elementals natural attacks the magical properties of the weapon. The blade may be removed with a DC 30 strength check, if successful the elemental loses the benefits of the weapon and disappears in 1d4 rounds, or when the summoning duration ends, whichever occurs first.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, acid arrow, summon monster vi; Cost 52,325 gp
Stonewake Greatsword
The Good: I have said it several times in this critique string, but I am a sucker for obsidian, prolly goes back to good old Darksun, but I like when this special material gets used.
The Bad: You should have put the "+3 Corrosive Burst Obsidian Greatsword" portion in your description, rather than the body paragraph. There are some minor template errors, namely do not capitalize corrosive burst obsidian or greatsword.
The Ugly: This item is really expensive compared to allot of other RPGSS item. Also given the high CL requirement, its use will be limited to endgame levels. Also this item is pretty SiaC for earth elemental summoning, with the added problem of having to give up the use of the weapon while its special ability is active. Drawbacks can sometimes be a good idea, except here it is not.
Stonewake Greatsword
Thanks for the critique. The ugly is pretty spot on, the trade-off was meant to balance the added power granted to the elemental but unfortunately just ended up being more problematic.
Time Shard
Aura Strong Transmutation; CL 17th
Slot neck; Price 50,000 gp; Weight - lbs.
Description
This green piece of material is translucent and warm to the touch. It looks to be made from glass but feels more like metal, and fits in the palm of a hand. A warm, green glow emits from inside when touched. It is worn as a brooch.
Once a day, this item can actived it as a move action, ending his round when he does so, which will cause him to become phased out of time. This functions as a Supernatural Ability. Until the beginning of his next round, he is insubstantial and can not be effected by any physical means, is immune to magic and gains DR 20/- against ethereal threats (and items that have Ghost Touch). Coming out of a phase of time at the beginning of the next round, the character will have two standard actions and a move action, will not provoke attacks of opportunity and can split his movement between attacks for that round.
At the end of the round, he gains the sickened condition for 1d4 rounds and the Time Shard has a cumulative 8 percent chance to be lost in the ethers of time, disappearing from the character’s inventory.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Haste, Time Stop, Crafter must have been through an instance of time at least 300 years out from his normal time progression; Cost 25,000 gp
Time Shard
The Good: I generally dislike time items, but something about using a crystal like shard off sets some of that for this item. Maybe it is fond memories of Crenshibon the crystal shard, but IMO this was the best time item I saw.
The Bad: Well, hate to say it, but its a time item, and once per day for only about one round means 50k is a hefty tag for what we get. Also because I liked the shard inspiration, a bit more description with some more direct grabbing language would have improved this item.
The Ugly: There are a number of minor template and formatting errors. Construction requirements that are non standard do work sometimes. However the "Crafter must have been through an instance of time at least 300 years out from his normal time progression" bit just goes way to0 gonzo. I get the reasoning, but as a construction requirement being a time traveller just does not work well.
Testament of Pharasma
Aura moderate abjuration; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 10,500 gp; Weight 85 lbs.
Description
This mossy gravestone features the spiral symbol of Pharasma prominently on the front, and holy text chiseled on the reverse. The testament is carried using a looped rope on the user’s back.The testament of pharasma is a holy symbol of Pharasma that does not have to be held or retrieved to be used as a divine focus, but must remain visible. Once per day as a full round action, the user recites a litany from the reverse of the gravestone granting allies within 30 feet DR 5/- against the attacks of undead creatures for 1 minute.
Once per day the testament may be affixed to the ground. The gravestone then counts as a permanent fixture dedicated to Pharasma for the purposes of consecrate and spells that require such a fixture. This placing is activated as a standard action that does not provoke an attack of opportunity.
An affixed testament of pharasma grants you total cover similar to using a tower shield for total cover; you choose the gravestone’s facing as if using a tower shield when it is placed. The gravestone is removed from its position as a move action using the command word, but otherwise remains affixed indefinitely.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, consecrate, greater shield of fortification; Cost 5,250 gp
Testament of Pharasma
The Good: I actually really loved this item, and voted it up allot. I have never seen a gravestone used as a sort of shield/mobile shrine, and now that sir, is what I call mojo, many kudos!
The Bad: I actually wanted this to BE an actual tower shield in the form of a grave stone. For all that weight I could have used some AC. Also the visual of this as a shield are just too good to waste.
The Ugly: There was allot of design meat left on the bone here. If the item is going to be an anti undead heavy as hell headstone, really make it shine at ruining that creature types day. I really wanted this to be useable as an actual tower shield, and found myself wanting it to have some sweet bonus that allows bashing undead. I guess I was looking for the Wolfwood from Trigun giant cross/gun angle, but did not get it here.
Spirit-Catcher
Aura moderate necromancy and divination; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 24,000 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
The top of this darkwood staff splits in two, with an intricate skein of cords stretched between its upper branches.
A spirit-catcher is used to capture the essence of incorporeal undead, and later releasing that essence as negative energy.
The skein of the spirit-catcher glows with an eerie blue nimbus when incorporeal undead are within 30 feet.
When an incorporeal undead creature is destroyed within 30 feet of a spirit-catcher, as an immediate action the bearer may draw its essence into the spirit-catcher. The amount of essence stored in the spirit-catcher is measured by the Hit Dice of the captured creature; it can store up to 10 HD--excess HD are lost. The spirit-catcher can only store the essence of one creature. Stored essence may be replaced by capturing another creature.
As a standard action, the bearer can release the essence harmlessly. Alternatively, the bearer may release the entire essence of the spirit-catcher to make a fearsome attack, also as a standard action. The shrieking spirit of the creature emerges and streaks unerringly towards a target creature within 30 feet and line of effect. Living targets take 1d6 negative energy damage per HD of essence released. A successful DC 16 Will save halves this damage. The spirit dissipates after this attack.
Necromancers are known to instead use the attack ability of the spirit-catcher to strengthen their undead minions. The attack can be directed against an undead creature, causing it to gain 2 temporary hit points per HD of essence released.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, chill touch, command undead, detect undead; Cost 12,000 gp
Spirit-Catcher
The Good:Interesting twist on what staves normally do. I like the use of a dream catcher like mechanism.
The Bad: Anti-ghost items are all to common, and while this one does something a bit different, it remains stuck in that trope to a good degree. I would have gone with Craft Magic Arms and Armor and given this item an enhancement bonus and perhaps ghost touched ability.
The Ugly: Craft Wondrous Item does not allow you to create staves. While dealing negative energy damage and bolstering undead are good powers, if there are no ghosts, this item becomes useless. Also other than making undead flee, not sure why chill touch is involved in this items construction requirements.
Earthbind Manacles
Aura moderate abjuration; CL 10th
Slot wrist; Price 12,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
These brown leather bracers of armor +2 can be used to strip opponents of their ability to fly. Once per day, the manacles can be activated to create a sphere of power around the wearer with a radius of 50 feet that negates all forms of magical flight and levitation. Negated effects act as if they had been dispelled, although they will function properly if they leave the radius of the sphere of power. While the bracers are activated, the wearer gains the grappled condition even if under the protection of effects that might normally provide immunity to that condition (such as freedom of movement). The wearer of the earthbind manacles cannot be affected by any form of magical flight or levitation until 24 hours after the manacles are removed.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, dispel magic; Cost 6,000 gp
Earthbind Manacles
The Good: Nice to see defensive bracers with something extra thrown in.
The Bad: Anti-flight items have a similar problem to anti-ghost items, they fall into "things as PC's we hate" trope. There is no limit to the duration of the anti-flight sphere. Item description is far to flat, you have word count left you could have used partially to make the item stand out better with a detailed description.
The Ugly: Earthbind is a spell name, which does not make for a good item name, when the item does not even use said spell. The wearer having the grappled condition and being unable to benefit from flight for 24 hours handicaps this item far to much.
Canary's Mining Helmet
Aura Faint Abjuration; CL 1st
Slot Head; Price 5,350 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
This rusted tin helmet is topped with a small cage containing a golden canary. When the helmet comes within 30' of a poisonous or particularly flammable gas, the canary in the cage emits a loud chirping sound to warn the wearer. In addition, when a piece of metal or ore is placed in the canary's nest, the wearer gains the ability to cast Detect Metal at will. This ability is only capable of detecting metal of the same type that was placed in the nest.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderous Item, Detect Poison, Detect Metal; Cost 2,675 gp
Canary's Mining Helmet
The Good: Fun and clever take on real world item/idea.
The Bad: You left yourself allot of word count, and some of that could have gone to a more eye catching item description. Also I feel some of that word count could have gone to providing some subtle action details in the item body to make it stand out more.
The Ugly: Craft Wondrous Item requires CL 3rd to even take the feat, thus your CL is wrong, and that is a big mechanical/RAW misstep. There are some template and formatting errors as well. With all the word count you have left over, you could have given us another one or two abilities related to mining and spelunking, which would have made this item much more useful and memorable. If you are going to wear a golden canary on your head, well, you gotta own that space.
Shield of Slick Escapades
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 23580 gp; Weight 45 lbs.
Description
This otherwise plain +2 tower shield has a coat of dark grease on its surface which visibly thins each time it is used until its bright polished surface is revealed. For three times until the grease is fully expended an immediate action can be used after an attack roll is made against its wielder to attempt having the attack skim off the side of the shield. This provides its wielder a 20% miss chance against the attack which does not stack with but may be used in addition to any similar effect.
If the tower shield has already been used to provide total cover during his previous turn, its wielder may also push it flat on the ground and get on it prone to slide up to five times his speed without any speed reduction from encumbrance by armor or weight as a full-round action. He is not threatened by any opponent he can see during this movement and uses up all the remaining grease on the shield to leave a trail of slippery dark grease behind him as the grease spell for seven minutes. Each change in direction during this movement requires a successful DC 15 Acrobatics check and spends 10 feet of movement.
Once the grease on the shield has been fully expended its wielder may carefully spread a new layer covering up its now bright surface by casting grease, applying alchemical grease or using any other similar spell or item for an uninterrupted hour. Starting the process again from the beginning requires additional uses of the spell or item.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Run, grease, expeditious retreat; Cost 11880 gp
Shield of Slick Escapades
The Good: Nice to see a different take on shields, and tower shields are so rarely used it is sad, so kudos on going with something outside the norm.
The Bad: The rules language in the first paragraph could be restated for better clarity and a smoother read. Also, while I do like tower shields, those who can use them by default is limited, and Acrobatics is not a skill many of those characters will have in abundance.
The Ugly: There are template and formatting errors, though they are minor. The item however is still somewhat SiaC IMO. You play with grease a bit, but not so much that I am surprised by where you go with it, which I would have liked to have been.
End of page 4.
Canary's Mining Helmet.
Thanks Jeff! I really appreciate you taking the time to go through all these.
There is 1 thing that I'd like to point out because it's come up a few times now in multiple threads about round 1. By RAW, you can have a wonder out item with a CL of 1. I had questions on this when designing my item and consulted the items in the Core to help solidify my reading. I used the Hat of Disguise(CL 1) to affirm to myself that you can in fact have items with CL lower than 3. Yes, it's inefficient since you need multiple people involved in crafting, but I guess that's how magic Walmart makes all its profit.
No argument intended, just clarifying the RAW. I'm a big fan of low level "mundane" magic items like this one, and can't help but try to spread the word!
Thanks again for the critique!
Rimemist Tetsubo
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 8th
Slot none; Price 22,320 gp; Weight 10 lbs.
Description
This +1 frost tetsubo glints with beads of frozen dew, while wisps of fog waft around the handle. As a swift action, the wielder can call on a rolling billow of chilling fog to transform her into a gaseous form as the spell for up to 5 rounds each day. These rounds need not be consecutive.
Ice clings to a rimemist tetsubo as it leaves gaseous form, and the next successful attack deals an extra 1d4 cold damage as ice shards break from it.
The wielder of a rimemist tetsubo may suspend a gaseous form spell affecting her as a swift action, solidifying her corporeal form for 1 round. These rounds still count against the duration of the spell.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, gaseous form, chill metal or ice storm; Cost 11,320 gp
Rimemist Tetsubo
The Good: Good base item choice, you have some little gems in your item description as well.
The Bad: I can't get past the word waft. That simply conjures for me something not close to what you were going for, while the word works, it has "other" connotations. Also avoid double spacing your entry, and also avoid carriage returns that lead to white space.
The Ugly: Alas predictable is the word I find myself going back to on this item. You have word count left, I find myself wanting something more unexpected or clever. The powers are decent, but they lack the "wow" never figured x would do y factor that many RPGSS top 32 items have. Throw us a curve ball next time!
Rogueblade
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 9,560 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
It is difficult to see the swirling smoke pattern etched into this blackened +2 short sword however once its special powers are revealed it is obvious that this is a weapon designed to appeal to those with a roguish bent. When the pommel ring is unscrewed and the wielder peers inside they see the inky blackness and seemingly endless depths of a bag of holding . Smaller than the smallest of known magical bags, , this shadowy blade’s extradimensional space can hold 50 lbs. and measures at only 10 cubic ft. in volume. If the item can fit into the one and a half inch opening where the pommel ring normally resides then it can be placed in the sword. Common items include lock picks, potions, pitons, silken rope and other tools of thievery. Items placed in the rogueblade can be retrieved as a full round action, rather than the standard action normally attributed to bags of holding. The pommel ring is designed to have rope tied to it and in a pinch the peculiar curve of the swords crosspiece allows the rogueblade to be used as a grappling hook. The weapon will not reflect light due to the tempering process used on the blade which creates its blackened luster.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, secret chest; Cost 4,780 gp
Rogueblade
The Good: Neat bit about being used as a grappling hook, that really keeps with the theme, and is a clever idea.
The Bad: You used the trope "however once its special powers are revealed it is obvious that this is a weapon designed to appeal to those with a roguish bent." What I always say here is, show us, don't tell us. Make the item SHOW us how roguish the weapon is.
The Ugly: A sword that is also a tiny bag of holding while useful for rogues, is not very inventive. Some clever shadow power, or something about being able to steal item and put them into that space when you sneak attack would have been cool, but as is, it is serviceable but not flavourful, and RPGSS voters like flavour!
Anathema Brand
Aura faint evocation and necromancy; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 500 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Visages silently crying out in horror flicker through the dancing flame of this torch so quickly that they appear almost a trick of the eye.
While lit, the torch generates a 40-foot-radius aura that creates a gnawing sense of desolation. Any creature other than the torch bearer within the aura must succeed at a DC 13 Will save or be shaken for 1 minute; it becomes immune to this specific torch's effect on a successful save or after 1 minute. The bearer can ignite a creature shaken by an anathema brand by using the lit torch to make a melee touch attack. On a successful hit, the target catches on fire, taking 1d6 points of fire damage each round as it is engulfed in flames filled with images of screaming faces.
Any allies of a burning creature must succeed at a DC 13 Will save or regard it as abhorrent and shy away from it. They cannot provide or receive a flanking bonus from the burning creature, and no longer consider it an ally for the purposes of effects such as teamwork feats, class abilities and magical effects such as bless. This effect ends when the burning creature is extinguished. The torch's abilities are mind-affecting fear effects.
The torch can only ignite a single target at a time; further attempts automatically fail until a previous target is no longer on fire.
After it is first lit, an anathema brand burns for up to eight hours, at which point its magic is expended. Time spent with the torch extinguished counts against this duration.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, scare, spark; Cost 250 gp
Anathema Brand
The Good: Because you were part of my pit crew you have heard some of my thoughts on this item before, but I still do like that you went with a consumable torch and avoided the fire spell enhancement trope as well as the everburning torch trope. Good call to do something different and unique.
The Bad: Effecting allies as well as enemies could get messy if things go poorly.
The Ugly: Some sort of synergy or coolness attached to the Torchbearer feat in this item could have enhanced the cool factor. Really wanted more description of the torch itself, to reinforce the creepy vibe.