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LOL!
Okay... now I want the Order of the Chauvinist to be an official new Cavalier order... :)
Cavaliers of this order must be male (aspiring female applicants must take steps to become male...). Mighty warriors and wise mentors, these cavaliers reinforce traditional gender roles and protect the world against new and dangerous ideas.
Edicts: The cavalier must refute all lies regarding gender equality, education, and sexual "harassment". He must disrupt feminist rallies, protect reckless females from engaging in duels, and prevent women from reading outside of the 'Society' section of each day's broadsheet. He must also stop and admire any woman whose flesh is exposed beyond traditional standards, offering suggestions or approval as applicable.
Challenge: Whenever an order of the chauvinist issues a challenge, he receives a +1 morale bonus on all melee attacks rolls against any obviously male humanoid, monstrous humanoid, or giant. This bonus increases by +1 for every four levels the cavalier possesses.
Skills: An order of the chauvinist cavalier adds Knowledge (nobility) and Perception to his list of class skills. In addition, an order of the chauvinist cavalier adds his Charisma modifier to the DC on another creature's attempt to conceal their gender from him through Disguise (in addition to his Wisdom modifier as normal).
Other Abilities: A cavalier belonging to the order of the chauvinist gains the following abilities as he increases in level.
Enhanced Bravery (Ex)
At 2nd level, the cavalier no longer fears women. He receives a +2 morale bonus on all saving throws against fear effects as long as he is facing two or more obviously female humanoids, monstrous humanoids, or giants.
Protector of Wenches (Ex)
At 8th level, the cavalier can keep any barmaid within 30 feet from harm. Whenever an unarmed female humanoid threatens an attack of opportunity, as a full-round action, the cavalier can rush to the unarmed female's square and receive the attack in her stead. Both the cavalier and unarmed female fall prone. The unarmed female uses the cavalier's AC until the cavalier takes another full-round action to get up. The cavalier also suffers a -10 penalty to AC from the unarmed female for the next two hours.
Strong Hand(Su)
At 15th level, the cavalier can smack prone a humanoid feminist wearing medium or heavy armor. As a standard action that provokes an attack of opportunity, the cavalier reaches out and strikes an adjacent humanoid female (wearing medium or heavy armor). The attack deals no damage, but counts as a bull rush. The cavalier suffers a -5 penalty to AC against all attacks of opportunity from female humanoids, monstrous humanoids, fey, and giants for the next 12 hours. This ability can be used twice per day.
Wait! Mr. Fishy get bonuses for how he plays anyway, SWEET!
One thing can the last ability name be changed to Strong Hand?
Wait! Mr. Fishy get bonuses for how he plays anyway, SWEET!
One thing can the last ability name be changed to Strong Hand?
Accurate and non-offensive. Yes...
Sure it wouldn't be called Pimp Hand or B!tch slap?Wait! Mr. Fishy get bonuses for how he plays anyway, SWEET!
One thing can the last ability name be changed to Strong Hand?
There are no pimps in my kingdom, only madams. Also, I will brook no puppy abuse within the realm...it makes the women cry.
Mr. Fishy's Trollop must hear of this. May Fishy join the Order of the Chauvinist? Cause Mr. Fishy is total interested.
While all applicants are encourage to grow a beard, any who adhere to the edicts are accepted. Remember, the Order of the Chauvinist isn't some kind of lodge nonsense: it's a way of life!
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Mr. Fishy also has a beard...Destiny? Is that you?
Mr. Fishy also has a beard...Destiny? Is that you?
Then you are now ' Mr. Fishy of the Order of the Chauvinist'. Arise and enjoy your double-honorific!
No. Just no.
Why not, just not?