I like the story, however, there are many things I think that need to be worked on for this scenario. My comments are based on playing it, and not GMing it or reading it.
First of all, organization of the social mechanic needs to be clearly organized. Many GMs reorganize it on their own--which is additional work on their part, which make it a bit better. Writing the rules is different than teaching it, explaining it, or playing it. One should look at the top board games and see how they organize their sequence of play. Chase mechanics have this problem as well. While I agree that these mechanics ATTEMPT to make characters more diverse, I think it makes playing more difficult and more frustrating...which overall is bad for the game (email me if you want to debate this, because I'm sure there is a lot of incorrect rationalizations).
Second, the ways to influence the participants are quite limited. Most of them skills are trained only, and may not be ones that people have as a class skill. Some of the skills are secondary tier skill such as knowledge nobility, history, or engineering. These are secondary things like spellcraft, knowledge arcana, or knowledge local. In previous scenarios that were similar, one could always use a charisma check. This was not offered, and based on the GM, it was either absent or difficult to find in the scenario.