My recent post about a Kitsune in a tavern prompted me to realize that our healthy, active, famous, and often-charismatic PCs who spend at taverns waiting to hear about quests must have heard all sorts of pick-up lines.
Which were the most positively memorable?
I'll start the brainstomring...
"Can I buy you a Hero's Feast?"
"Let's meet for breakfast. Should I cast sending or message?"
"Does this tavern bore you too? Myself, I have Fast Drinker and then thrice Extra Performance..."
"Of course Sensais make great woo-ers. We are Diplomatic; we know how to use Wisdom instead of Strength; we inspire courage, competence, and greatness; we keep ourselves and others immune to disease; and we study the best maneuvers."
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Rogue pickup lines
Bronze Medal:
"I can get up as a free action."
Silver Medal:
"I'm a lot more effective when I'm behind you."
Gold Medal:
"I'm even more effective when I'm behind you and he's in front of you."
Abharent sorcerers: that reach can be from any body part...
Diviners: i know what you like.
Transmuters: i AM what you like!
Rangers: I have endurance and am very skilled...
Bards: i know how to use a whip and can put on a show.
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"I'll show you my immovable rod [or Rod of Lordly Might], if you show me your portable hole."
Barbarian pickup lines
Wrong:
I can do it even when I'm fatigued.
Also wrong:
I can do it even with people standing all around me.
Very wrong:
I can't be sickened or nauseated.
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Goblin pick up line:
"Hey are you hot or just on fire? Oh right, on fire"
Ogre pick up line:
Hey Sister!
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Ranger pickup lines
Wrong:
I can get through any undergrowth, no matter how thick.
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Ogre pick up line:
Hey Sister!
Just read Hook Mountain Massacre, so this gave me the heebie-jeebies. Damn you.
Conjurer chat up lines:
Meg voice:
"i can teleport inside you, would you like that, me inside you?"
wrong:
"wanna party? I can call some fiends."
better:
"have you heard about conjuration (sexual healing)"
Just read Hook Mountain Massacre, so this gave me the heebie-jeebies. Damn you.Ogre pick up line:
Hey Sister!
WIN!
Sorcerer/wizard lines:
"I can cast both grease and enlarge person, wanna go have some fun?"
"Wanna see my magic wand ?"
"I'm the perfect package baby, I'm good looking and I know magic."
"Wanna go to my room and look at my spell collection ?"
*Casts charm/dominate person* "Let's go have sex."
Ninja makes some gather information diplomacy checks, goes to toilet, usues sudden disguise/master disguise and on goes the fun.
Ninja sneaks in the bedroom whispering: "Im the invisible manifestation of your desires ..."
Ninja drops some comments about "acrobatic" skills ...
not to mention what can be done with knowledge nobility and disguise.
"Hey baby, you look so worn out, im sure a massage would do you some good ... i have secret knowledge about some pressure points."
"Hey look over there! (bluff check) ... (sleight of hand check) ... Are those your underpants?"
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What's missing is a witch with a priapism hex and cauldron full of lube.
Also, in the spirit of everyone's least favorite cavalier...
"Rally 'round my banner, baby, and I'll lead you to the sweetest victory."
"I'd ask if you knew your place, but since we're talking here and not in a more private place where I can better appreciate you...I'd say no. Let's remedy that."
"You know we cavaliers are good to our mounts - care to find out how good?"
Wizard:
Cast summon Succubus/Incubus.
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My personal favorite, not so much a pick up line but a guard's reply to the adventurer next to him picks up chicks. "I used to be a stud like you, then I took an arrow to the knee." (Chick #1: -whispers to adventuring hunk- "It wasn't his knee")
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Ogre pick up line:
Hey Sister!
And then afterwards: (Spoilered for the horror)
"That's the best time I had since Ma."
"Gee, Daddy told me the same thing!"
Forgive me.
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One wizard to another: "If I ask you to visit my Mage's Magnificent Mansion, will your answer be the same as to this question?"
Lol most epic thread ever
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The Web Spell: When pick-up lines don't work.
The Web Spell: When pick-up lines do work.
Constructs have no constitution score. I can repeat this motion forever.
Party witch has Owl familiar. Her pick up line to friendly novice of Tyr on the market: "You looked on my bird, now I want to see yours!"
I can't believe no one has mentioned:
"Levitate"
"Wow, you're an avatar of Sarenrae!?" (impressed look)
[her answer]
(surprised look)
"You're not? Well, she's the only smoldering angel I knew... before now."
(smile)
"Someone needs to commune with Shelyn and tell her that one of her masterpieces has gone missing..." (smile) "...but I'll gladly accept the finder's fee."
"Am I close enough to provoke an attack of opportunity?" (sly grin)
(ok, so I am having a slowish day at work...)
Alchemist- "Hear me out- one part me, one part you, a bit of alcohol, apply a bit of heat and gentle rocking motion. Does that sound like chemistry to you?"
"Hey baby...I'll tell you how Aroden died: I ran into him at the latrine, and he died of jealousy."
Druid: "I can like an earth elemental in less than six seconds: ready to rock and roll."
Gnome with a High Bluff: "You know that banned book, the Gnomish Kama Sutra? I'm the author."
Paladin: "Can I Lay Hands on you?"
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"How about an expedition to the Realm of the Mammoth Lords...in my pants?"
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"You must have endurance to look so great after running through my mind all day."
"I must have failed my earthquake save, or else you just rocked my world."
"Well, it looks like my ring only has two wishes left now."
"Did you just levitate me? Cuz I'm walkin' on air."
"It's a good thing I prepared planar travel cuz you look like you need an escort back to heaven."
"No, that's not a dagger in my pocket, let's just say I researched my own version of gravity bow"
.... Heck this could go on all day...
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Barbarian: RAGELANCEPOUNCE!
A fighter, trying too hard to feign higher Intelligence and Charisma: "That Comfort Armor would also look great in the morning on the floor of my room."
The charismatic Paladin doing a better job: "Nice armor. Can I talk you out of it?"
---
Barbarian with lower Intelligence: "Nice muscles! I like every muscle in your body. Especially mine, hurg harg."
Barbarian with higher Intelligence, pretending to have lower Intelligence: "Urg. I lost my inn room key. Can I have yours?"
1: "Is that a broadsword in your pocket?"
2: "Close."
Bard: Cast Glibness
"You want to sleep with me." Roll dice
"I really do!"
Bard: Cast Glibness
"You want to sleep with me." Roll dice
"I really do!"
Potion of Glibness. It's like a love philtre in reverse!
That fighter, to a rogue, still trying too hard: "Wow, you must have a new Advanced Rogue Talent because just looking at you makes me flat-footed."
That charismatic Paladin, still doing a better job: "If I told you that tight-fitting leather armor was sexy, would you hold it against me?"
rogue: I'll be in and out faster than you can say "what the f.?".
rogue2 announces: I'll steal a kiss *rolls sleight of hand*.
goblin wizard: *empowered maximized touch of idiocy* "wanna sleep with me?"
alchemist: this
summoner: sorry girl, but I've created my perfect woman already, and can summon her at will.
summoner: sorry girl, but I've created my perfect woman already, and can summon her at will.
Reminds me of that scene in Galaxy QUest where they guy is making out with the alien in human form. Then she grows a tenacle that begins to caress his shoulder. He sees the tenacle, looks confused for half a second, then resumes his enraptured face and continues making out with her.
I'm sure they had beautiful children.
- Sitting around the fire... "Its my new Cleric spell.." "Create Food and Waiter"
Rogue- "Nice boots of speed, lets..."
......
Barbarian- "My Yrt or Your's?"
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Druid with Wildshape: "So, have you heard of the Argentine Lake Duck?"