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Today I announced to my crew of three decades that I can no longer GM for them, or at least not for a very long time. I felt I was coming out of my slump and was getting excited about world-building a Far Eastern-styled campaign or running a module (something brand new to me, basically). But when I got my notes out last night, I fell into a panic attack - sobbing and trembling and shaking so badly that my whole body aches today.
But, for now, my anxiety and panic disorders win. I hope and pray it's not permanent because this is the only hobby and means of socializing that I have left. Mental illnesses like mine also impact simple things like reading, something I was once voracious about, so that's not an option anymore. And so, for a while at least, my dice will sleep until they are summoned again.
I still plan to haunt the boards as much as I ever have, and I would also extend a Facebook invitation to anyone who'd like to join me over there and place bets on how long it takes before I'm sent to the dungeons of Castle Zuckula again (it would take too long to explain all of that nonsense here). My email addie is in my forum profile, so send me a note if you want.
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Being in a similar place made me take a two and a half year hiatus from tabletop, and I now know to force myself to take several months off from running anything - and to cap my campaign at a dozen sessions in length.
Best of luck to you! Taking care of yourself is always the right move.
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Take as much time as you need. Rest and recovery are necessary.
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Good luck with navigating this setback. Hopefully you find a solution that works for you. Losing contact with a passion youve had for so long would be sad. On the other hand - well done for recognising what needed changing.
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If it helps, I'm right there with you!
Though I've given up the hobby a couple of times, I've recently realized I'm most likely done for good.
Good luck!
I myself have found life less stressful, hopefully you will feel the same!
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Sorry to hear you're not doing well. I really hope you feel better soon!
Thanks everyone. I actually see my shrink today (our regular monthly session). In addition to everything else I say that makes her have this expression, 0_o, we'll talk about this.
I saw your blog post, too. Many signs of affection (hugs, if you want them).
I take a lot of strength from your posts and your perseverance. You often have taught me lessons in resiliance that hit home for my own situation.
We're all here rooting for you.
Thank you. And hugs are encouraged...LOL
As for teaching lessons, wait until your check for tuition clears.... :)
I didn't make my retirement for gaming announcement for sympathy at all, but am I being petty that out of a gaming circle of over a dozen players, both current and former, that only four of them, three of which are in the inactive bunch, said anything to me at all? You'd think that after playing together for three decades and change, being the driver of the clown car would garner a little support. One guy is actively no longer speaking to me over it. I have to admit, it hurts a bit. I got more responses from announcing it here in this forum than that, for goodness' sake. Anyway, I need to get up and get some more cheese to go with my whine. Have a great night, everyone.
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The reactions of your gaming group might help to explain why you were driven to this decision. Sounds to me like you're well rid of most of them.
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Its certainly not petty to feel slighted, imo.
Having said that - I find that players (those who dont DM, anyway) are often unaware of the emotional drain that comes with running a longterm game.
(Which isnt an excuse, but it may be theyre processing it as if a player took a break. Thats a smaller change, imo).