Blazing 9! (season 10 prep)

[Curaigh]

Timitius wrote:

UPDATE. About 38 hours left. Here is the current tally:

63 total

Bestiary: 7
Class: 11
Crunch: 7.5
Fiction: 9
Fluff/Flavor: 5 (2 gazetteers)
Game: 1
Magic Items: 0.5 (half an article is a magic item)
Poetry/Song: 5
Sidetrek Seed: 7
Weal or Woe: 9

So what do we need now?

Monsters are still looking a little sparse.
More fluff/flavor is needed, not necessarily just gazetteers.
Still no abundance of magic items.

Uh Oh! Blazing 9 needs to better represent. Unlike most Wayfinder articles, several items can be combined to complete the necessary wordcount. So if you have even one River Kingdoms themed item in the next 12 or so hours, consider sending it in. :)

If folks want to try and create a common theme, I am hoping to exploit the changing leadership of the kindgoms. Something akin to Flag of Convenience ability of the Low Templar PrC, or something that targets this Warlord today, that Warlord tomorrow. No matter who is collecting taxes, the common folk have to plant during planting season and harvest during harvest season.

EDIT: Regardless of size this will count as one article and each author is limited to three submissions. Please keep that in mind if you have already submitted to Wayfinder #15. :)

[Wren Brown]

Jarrett Sigler wrote:

Snow Goon
I don't know what a Snow Titan is... but if there is 6 snow-goons I know with that constant at-will Snow-ball spell, I'm never going to stand again.
That isn't a bad thing. I know exactly what I'm getting going into this... I'm fighting a giant snow-man... and I'm going to freeze to death. I do question having a snow-man bite... simply because I don't imagine snow-men having mouths... or many constructs for that matter. That's a personal preference however, not an actual fault in design choice. Tying the cold and the critical freeze to the bite, and enveloping someone in the snowy maw of this beast is a GOOD touch. Leaving the stick like claws to there own "claw" like features.

I am digging the ecology section If I had to criticize anything, I think the only thing I really could was the at-will snowball, but the lack of cone of cold...
Cone of Cold is such a CLASSIC ice-spell... I can understand not placing it on a CR 6 encounter though... 5d6 is kind of nasty... but the Players should be expecting Fireballs coming at them at that point, and that is about the same damage. I feel leaving out Cone of Cold was a missed opportunity.

Anywho, I really enjoyed your DOOM-SNOW man. I mean Snow-Goon.

Thanks for the feedback Jarret. Regarding Cone of Cold - I agree that it is a classic cold spell. The thing with classic or iconic abilities is that you need to be careful not to overuse them in my opinion. It can quickly become cliched if every cold themed monster can drop a cone of cold on the party. And BTW at caster level 5, those at will snowballs will do 5d6 each. Granted it is just to one target rather than an area, but that is why I made them at will.

And in case anyone missed it, here is my inspiration for the snow goons.

[Kim Frandsen]

Here is version 2 of the Boulderslinger, as per Raven Black's feedback.
Sorry Raven, but there was one piece of your advice that I couldn't really fit in, which was the PRD link. In this case the link is to the official Paizo FAQ for the dice progression chart, so I would assume that to be acceptable too. (If you can find it on the PRD, I'd be delighted, but I couldn't seem to find it there, which I found a bit odd).

Boulderslinger
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 8th
Slot none; Price 24,300 gp; Weight —
Description
This sling is made from tough leather, the skin of a long dead giant. The stone pouch, when loaded, feels heavier than it should for the size of stone that fits.

Boulderslinger is a +1 Bane (Humanoid (giant)) Sling, which changes size automatically to match the wielder.
When stones are slung from Boulderslinger, they automatically change size to match that of the target, increasing the damage as per the damage dice progression chart.

Once per day, the wielder can change the stone into a much heavier than normal stone for the target's size, increasing the damage by another 2d6, and ignoring any damage reduction that requires a special material. (i.e. silver, cold iron and so on)

Note that the sling stone will never decrease in size so will, at minimum, maintain the damage for a normal sized sling for the wielder. The stone decreases to it's original size immediately after impact.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, gravity bow, shrink item, summon monster I; Cost 12,300 gp

[Kim Frandsen]

And after Jarrett and Mikko's input, here comes Nisse v2.

This short, stocky man has a white beard and wears grey woolen clothing with a red hat. A faint scent of stables and animals surround him.
Nisse CR 2
XP 600
NG Tiny fey 
Init +2; Senses low-light vision; Perception +9
----- Defense -----
AC14, touch 14, flat-footed 12 (+2 Dex, +2 Size)
hp 18 (4d6+4)
Fort +0, Ref +5, Will +5
Defensive Abilities invisibility; DR 5/cold iron
----- Offense -----
Speed  20 ft.
Melee dagger -1 (1d2-2)
----- Statistics -----
Str 7, Dex 14, Con 13, Int 14, Wis 14, Cha 11
Base Atk +1; CMB -3; CMD 9
Feats Animal Affinity, Skill Focus (Handle Animal)
Skills Handle Animal +15, Heal +14, Knowledge (local) +9, Knowledge (nature) +9, Perception +9, Sense Motive +9, Sleight of Hand +9, Stealth +17
Languages  Common, Sylvan, Terran; speak with animals
----- Ecology -----
Environment any farm
Organization solitary
Treasure hat of invisibility
----- Special Abilities -----
Animal Affinity nisses have a special affinity with domesticated animals, granting it a +8 racial bonus to Handle Animal and Heal checks regarding domesticated animals. Furthermore, a nisse can use wild empathy as a druid, but only in regards to domesticated animals.
Hat of invisibility A nisse has possession of a hat of invisibility, which is only usable by the nisse to whom the hat belongs. The hat of invisibility functions as a ring of invisibility

Nisses are fey creatures, who have adopted humanoid families who live on farms, and who seek to protect the livestock from predators as well as from the humanoids themselves. They are especially prevalent in the northern regions of Golarion, seemingly having a particular affinity for the superstitious Ulfen.

Generally nisses will assist the humanoids in unseen ways, such as by healing animals, ensuring that plants and animals are kept watered and fed, but should the humanoids purposefully mistreat the animals, then nisses are not above playing practical jokes and tricks on the farmers. Should the families fail to understand the reason for the jokes, the nisses will eventually free the animals, and lead them to better families.
Should the farmer repent his ways, it is customary for them to leave out porridge with cinnamon topping, as nisses find this irresistible. Nisses who are given this treat often will remain remarkably loyal to their families, often helping out (unseen) in animal breeding programs and making sure that only the best plant stock is used for seeds.

It is considered good luck to have a nisse living on your farm in most regions, and even more so to actually see one. However, it is considered bad luck in those regions to have the nisse leave the farm and this has on occasion lead to superstitious farmers leaving their farms behind.

Nisses do not engage socially with each other, and there are no records of having seen females of the species. None the less, the nisses are not disappearing, leading scholars to speculate that female and young nisses must exist, though the few nisses who have been asked about this, have remained silent on the matter.

[dafelsheim]

Russ Brown wrote:

Hey Everyone,

Here is a monster for the holiday monster challenge. I actually just wrote this a few weeks ago for one of my products - but I thought I would share anyway. The snowball spell-like ability is non-PRD so would need to be changed for rpgss.

Snow Goon

This macabre, animated snowman sports wooden branches for arms and two black coal stones for eyes above a gaping maw filled with icicle teeth.

Snow Goon CR 6

XP 2,400
CE Medium construct (augmented outsider, cold)
Init +5; Senses darkvision 60 ft., low-light vision, snow vision; Perception +6
-----Defense-----
AC 20, touch 11, flat-footed 19 (+1 Dex, +9 natural)
hp 72 (8d10+20)
Fort +2, Ref +3, Will +0
Defensive Abilities amorphous; Immune cold, construct traits
Weaknesses vulnerability to fire
-----Offense-----
Speed 30 ft., snow trek
Melee 2 claws +11 (1d6+3), bite +11 (1d8 plus 1d6 cold and critical freeze)
Special Attacks critical freeze
Spell-Like Abilities (CL 5th; concentration +6)
At will—snowball (DC 12)
-----Statistics-----
Str 16, Dex 13, Con —, Int 14, Wis 7, Cha 12
Base Atk +8; CMB +11; CMD 22
Feats Improved Initiative, Power Attack, Toughness, Vital Strike
Skills Climb +11, Perception +6, Stealth +9, Survival +6
Languages common
SQ freeze
-----Ecology-----
Environment any cold
Organization solitary, pair, or gang (3-12)
Treasure standard
-----Special Abilities-----
Critical Freeze (Su) The bite of a snow goon carries a chilling cold. On a critical hit, the victim must succeed at a DC 15 Fortitude save or become fatigued. A creature that is already fatigued becomes exhausted instead. These conditions last until the creature spends 1 hour warming up in a place where the temperature is above freezing. The save DC is Charisma-based.
Freeze (Ex) A...

HP – Assuming the standard monster HP calculation (average HP for HD + Con modifiers + other), I get 42 (from the HD) + 20 = 62.

Snow Trek – What if there is something in their movement trajectory that would hinder movement/act as difficult terrain in ADDITION to snow/icy conditions? Like deep water or a frozen swamp or fallen logs, etc.

Fire Vulnerability – Constructs are immune to effects that require Fort saves unless they affect objects. What if they are targeted by a Fire effect that requires a Fort save?

Critical Freeze – First, if the bite crits, is the Critical Freeze the only effect or does it deal normal critical bite damage as well? Secondly, the rules for being fatigued and fatigued x 2 and exhausted and recovering from the effects, etc., as response to heat or cold, can be a bit confusing. After doing a fair bit of research on my own part, I've noticed that Fatigue and Exhaustion seem to be very rare special abilities for creatures even with the Cold subtype to deliver via physical attacks (or even those with cold auras.) I think this is because these conditions for cold are pretty much defined as resulting from nonlethal damage, which subsequently is a measure of how long it takes to recover from them. Critical Freeze doesn't really play by the established “rules” very well. The examples I've looked at for Cold creatures' special abilities tend to cause paralysis, being slowed, or staggered. I'd suggest looking at one of these conditions instead, or use the Frostbite spell ( http://www.d20pfsrd.com/magic/all-spells/f/frostbite ) as a benchmark for how to make Critical Freeze cause fatigue.

Freeze – This is a cool idea but I think needs more precise mechanical detail. Obviously we'll start with looking at the Hide in Plain Sight Rogue Talent. This allows a Stealth check regardless of the environment at all times, for the specific terrain they choose. I'm assuming the Snow Goon's chosen terrain is arctic/snowy. Normally, Stealthing is just an automatic roll made when moving or you can take ~20 minutes to take 20. The SRD says that Ex Abilities that are reactive aren't actions but ones that require activation are generally Standard actions that can't be interrupted/countered/etc. Freeze would then be a Standard Action probably enacted after a Move Action – is this what you intended? Despite having Hide in Plain Sight, however, a.. SNOWMAN just appearing out of nowhere within sight of the PCs.. Would kind of tell them exactly where to hit.

Wow, that was a lot longer than I expected. I hoped it was okay, and not too picky or offensive in any way! It was my first real review.

[Wren Brown]

Hey dafelsheim!
Sorry I am not one who usually tries to argue with critiques or feedback, but feel there are some misconceptions in what you posted.

HP - extra 10 hp from the toughness feat.

Snow Trek - says "Snow goons can move through snow and icy terrain without any penalties or hampered movement." So difficult terrain from any other source would still affect them normally. I guess I could specifically call that out, but I don't know if that is necessary.

Fire Vulnerability - they get this automatically from having the cold subtype. This is a universal monster rule. From the vulnerability rule (see below) I would say they take +50% fire damage even from effects that require fort saves.

PRD wrote:

Vulnerabilties (Ex or Su) A creature with vulnerabilities takes half again as much damage (+50%) from a specific energy type, regardless of whether a saving throw is allowed or if the save is a success or failure. Creatures with a vulnerability that is not an energy type instead take a –4 penalty on saves against spells and effects that cause or use the listed vulnerability (such as spells with the light descriptor). Some creatures might suffer additional effects, as noted in their descriptions.

Freeze: This is another universal monster rule (see below). The only reason I listed it in the special abilities section at all is to state what it appears to be when using freeze. See the gargoyle as an example of how freeze is listed. I agree that if a snow goon was moving around and then used freeze it would be obvious that it was a creature. However monsters typically use the freeze ability before characters encounter them and then lie in wait as there is effectively no limit on how long they could remain perfectly still. Especially for a construct.

PRD wrote:

Freeze (Ex) The creature can hold itself so still it appears to be an inanimate object of the appropriate shape (a statue, patch of fungus, and so on). The creature can take 20 on its Stealth check to hide in plain sight as this kind of inanimate object.

Critical Freeze - So this is an additional effect on a critical hit. Nowhere does it say that it replaces the extra damage so it still does all the things a crit would normally do. I agree that the rules regarding stacking fatigue to result in exhaustion can be confusing. That is why I explicitly stated that creatures that were already fatigued become exhausted from this effect. Since there is no nonlethal damage as there normally would be from exposure to cold, I explicitly listed what needed to occur to remove the conditions as well. The frostbite spell is a good suggestion, except that I actually wanted the effect to stack to exhaustion. Consider that frostbite is a first level spell that can give multiple touch attacks (1 per caster level) so if it resulted in exhaustion second level casters could be exhausting targets with touch attacks in 2 rounds. Compare that to Critical Freeze which only happens on a critical hit. On a bite attack that requires a natural 20 backed up by crit confirmation roll. Having that happen twice in a combat is probably going to be a semi-rare occurrence.

Thanks for the feedback. I may not agree with everything you stated but I did consider it and it is always good to hear what others think of your work. I would never get upset with anyone who actually took the time to evaluate my work and write up their thoughts. So thank you.

One bit of advice to anyone who designs monsters: Learn the Universal Monster Rules. In the RPGSS 2015 contest I gave my monster an ability called "Throw Rocks" which basically duplicated the UMR "Rock Throwing". This made me look a bit silly when several people called me out on it.

[Belabras]

I always feel outclassed by the monsters you guys make. I really need to up my rules-fu.

[Mikko Kallio]

Russ Brown wrote:

HP - extra 10 hp from the toughness feat.

The creature seems to have 8 HD, so it only gets 8 extra hp from Toughness. Moreover, 8d10+20 is incorrect; the +8 is not included as it should. In fact, for simplicity's sake, NPC stat blocks even include temporary hp from spells and effects like false life in xdx+xx. Have a look at any NPC in NPC Codex that has Toughness or false life.

However, it seems that the total hp is correct. I got 44+20+8=72. I also checked it in Hero Lab and got the same result.

[Jacob W. Michaels]

Belabras wrote:

I always feel outclassed by the monsters you guys make. I really need to up my rules-fu.

That's what practice is for. :) My first monster (in 2012) was crap. I worked really hard on designing them over the next couple years until I feel much more confident now, to the point I've had 3PPs hire me to do monsters (thanks, Russ!).

A good way to practice, IMO, is duplicate monsters you see in video games or pop culture. That way you're not using your top ideas that you could potentially sell, but you get practice at the mechanics of monster creation.

[Kim Frandsen]

I'm hoping to make the next submission a map, but I seem to have lost the link to the grid map that was used for the last RPGSS. Would any of you have it available still?

[Kim Frandsen]

Kim Frandsen wrote:

I'm hoping to make the next submission a map, but I seem to have lost the link to the grid map that was used for the last RPGSS. Would any of you have it available still?

Nevermind, I found by going through all the old blogs in the end.

So next goal is a map. Deadline: Within 2 weeks. Mostly due to work considerations.

[Jarrett Sigler]

Hello friends;

I'm glad to announce that I've created a Game-Design Blog!
https://throughthegmscreen.wordpress.com/
Through the GM Screen!

It's a personal blog to catalog my game-design thoughts. I'm going to post random feats that I think of while I'm at work, possible expanded mechanics for pathfinder. Ways to make "Villians" more mechanically interesting, and classes of some kind that I build. As well as of course magical items and maps.

Feel FREE to follow it, offer advice, share with freinds and use anything I create in your home games. I've been inspired by all your amazing support, and reading through a few of your blogs.

Thank you for your support, and thanks for working with me!

[The Raven Black]

Congratulations, Jarrett. A great way to start this new year. I wish you the greatest success in this endeavor.

And a lot of happy things for all of you in 2016

[Kim Frandsen]

Good luck Jarrett. Will try to follow it, time permitting. :)

[Wren Brown]

Mikko Kallio wrote:

Russ Brown wrote:

HP - extra 10 hp from the toughness feat.

The creature seems to have 8 HD, so it only gets 8 extra hp from Toughness. Moreover, 8d10+20 is incorrect; the +8 is not included as it should. In fact, for simplicity's sake, NPC stat blocks even include temporary hp from spells and effects like false life in xdx+xx. Have a look at any NPC in NPC Codex that has Toughness or false life.

However, it seems that the total hp is correct. I got 44+20+8=72. I also checked it in Hero Lab and got the same result.

As usual, Mikko is correct.

8d10+20+8
(8*5.5)+20+8
44+20+8=72

The hp total should read 72 (8d10+28). It looks like updated the total but forgot to change the +20 to +28 when I added the toughness feat.

[dafelsheim]

Noted on everything! And thanks for taking the time to explain some things to me!

Russ Brown wrote:

Hey dafelsheim!

Sorry I am not one who usually tries to argue with critiques or feedback, but feel there are some misconceptions in what you posted.

HP - extra 10 hp from the toughness feat.

Snow Trek - says "Snow goons can move through snow and icy terrain without any penalties or hampered movement." So difficult terrain from any other source would still affect them normally. I guess I could specifically call that out, but I don't know if that is necessary.

Fire Vulnerability - they get this automatically from having the cold subtype. This is a universal monster rule. From the vulnerability rule (see below) I would say they take +50% fire damage even from effects that require fort saves.

PRD wrote:

Vulnerabilties (Ex or Su) A creature with vulnerabilities takes half again as much damage (+50%) from a specific energy type, regardless of whether a saving throw is allowed or if the save is a success or failure. Creatures with a vulnerability that is not an energy type instead take a –4 penalty on saves against spells and effects that cause or use the listed vulnerability (such as spells with the light descriptor). Some creatures might suffer additional effects, as noted in their descriptions.

Freeze: This is another universal monster rule (see below). The only reason I listed it in the special abilities section at all is to state what it appears to be when using freeze. See the gargoyle as an example of how freeze is listed. I agree that if a snow goon was moving around and then used freeze it would be obvious that it was a creature. However monsters typically use the freeze ability before characters encounter them and then lie in wait as there is effectively no limit on how long they could remain perfectly still. Especially for a construct.

PRD wrote:

Freeze (Ex) The creature can hold itself so still it appears to be an inanimate object of the appropriate shape (a statue, patch of fungus, and so

...

[dafelsheim]

Any specific criteria for the map?

Kim Frandsen wrote:

Kim Frandsen wrote:

I'm hoping to make the next submission a map, but I seem to have lost the link to the grid map that was used for the last RPGSS. Would any of you have it available still?

Nevermind, I found by going through all the old blogs in the end.

So next goal is a map. Deadline: Within 2 weeks. Mostly due to work considerations.

[Kim Frandsen]

Not beyond the ones from Season 9. That said, if you'd like to throw me a curveball I'd be up for the challenge. ;)

[Mikko Kallio]

If you want it to be a bit more challenging, try these:

* Must include at least one man-made feature (e.g. house or bridge) and at least one naturally formed feature (e.g. cliff or tree)
* Must include at least two levels of elevation, e.g. ground level, 20-ft.-radius pit (-20 ft.), the top of a turtle-shaped giant statue (+20 ft.).
* Must include a "BBEG fight area" that takes up approximately 30-40% of the map. Doesn't have to have walls around it; could be an elevated platform, for example.
* Must include at least 2 other rooms/areas.
* Must include 3 types of special terrain, e.g. lava, shattered pillars, crowd of people

[Jarrett Sigler]

Mikko Kallio wrote:

If you want it to be a bit more challenging, try these:

* Must include at least one man-made feature (e.g. house or bridge) and at least one naturally formed feature (e.g. cliff or tree)
* Must include at least two levels of elevation, e.g. ground level, 20-ft.-radius pit (-20 ft.), the top of a turtle-shaped giant statue (+20 ft.).
* Must include a "BBEG fight area" that takes up approximately 30-40% of the map. Doesn't have to have walls around it; could be an elevated platform, for example.
* Must include at least 2 other rooms/areas.
* Must include 3 types of special terrain, e.g. lava, shattered pillars, crowd of people

Here's one that I stumbled on: Must be able to make an Interesting Flip-Mat.

(I do not know where I got the idea the map had to be a flip-mat... but I did, and man did I stick to that random requirement.)

[Wren Brown]

gives Jarrett the *evil eye*

Please don't start the flip-mat debacle again. Repeat after me: "24 by 30" map.

[Jarrett Sigler]

Russ Brown wrote:

gives Jarrett the *evil eye*

Please don't start the flip-mat debacle again. Repeat after me: "24 by 30" map.

Oh god!? The Evil Eye is coming at me! -2 to my will-saves!? Wait... does Russ have levels in Mesmoriest?

Yeah... DO NOT MAKE A FLIP MAT!

[Kim Frandsen]

Urgh no, not restarting that as I fell into that trap. 24x30 map it is.

Map Challenge: 1d5 ⇒ 4

Must include at least 2 other rooms/areas it is. So minimum 3 rooms/areas in total.

[Covent]

One of my rejects, I could just never get this one quite right. Going for a Winter Fey Royalty, banishment to otherworlds kind of thing.

Diadem of Winter Flame
Aura strong conjuration; CL 13th
Slot head; Price 42,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Freezing to the touch, yet leaving flesh unharmed, a diadem of winter flame is fashioned from fine strands of unmelting black ice woven into an elegant circlet.

On command the wearer activates the diadem by expending any number of available spell slots or spells per day and targeting a single summoned creature within 50 feet. If the number of spell levels sacrificed is equal to or greater than the level of spell that summoned the targeted creature the wearer makes a caster level check vs a DC of 11 + the spell’s caster level. Failure to expend enough spell levels or on the caster level check means the spell levels expended are wasted.

Upon a successful check the summoned creature is torn apart from within by a burst of frigid winter fire; its death throes birthing ice elementals.

For spells of first level the summoned creature is merely destroyed, spells of second through ninth level one ice elemental of size appropriate to the original spell for the destroyed creature is created. If no elemental is appropriate for that spell level, or at the wearer’s election, select the next lowest level and summon 1d3 appropriate ice elementals.

Ice elementals are born in the space where the original summoned creature was destroyed. Multiple elementals are summoned adjacent to one another with at least one occupying the original summoned creature’s space. All ice elementals are treated as if summoned by the wearer with a summon monster spell for the purpose of determining duration, control, and interaction with feats, spells, and effects.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, banishment, ice body, summon monster VII; Cost 21,000 gp

[Jarrett Sigler]

Covent wrote:

One of my rejects, I could just never get this one quite right. Going for a Winter Fey Royalty, banishment to otherworlds kind of thing.

Diadem of Winter Flame
Aura strong conjuration; CL 13th
Slot head; Price 42,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Freezing to the touch, yet leaving flesh unharmed, a diadem of winter flame is fashioned from fine strands of unmelting black ice woven into an elegant circlet.

On command the wearer activates the diadem by expending any number of available spell slots or spells per day and targeting a single summoned creature within 50 feet. If the number of spell levels sacrificed is equal to or greater than the level of spell that summoned the targeted creature the wearer makes a caster level check vs a DC of 11 + the spell’s caster level. Failure to expend enough spell levels or on the caster level check means the spell levels expended are wasted.

Upon a successful check the summoned creature is torn apart from within by a burst of frigid winter fire; its death throes birthing ice elementals.

For spells of first level the summoned creature is merely destroyed, spells of second through ninth level one ice elemental of size appropriate to the original spell for the destroyed creature is created. If no elemental is appropriate for that spell level, or at the wearer’s election, select the next lowest level and summon 1d3 appropriate ice elementals.

Ice elementals are born in the space where the original summoned creature was destroyed. Multiple elementals are summoned adjacent to one another with at least one occupying the original summoned creature’s space. All ice elementals are treated as if summoned by the wearer with a summon monster spell for the purpose of determining duration, control, and interaction with feats, spells, and effects.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, banishment, ice body, summon monster VII; Cost 21,000 gp

Hey Convent,

I'm a big fan of using spell-slots as a consumable resource for things other then spells. So if I'm reading this right, I'm digging it.

However: are you saying that if I expend a Second Level Spell on a monster summoned with summon monster 1 I tear it limb from limb on the inside.

That's brutal.

Why the needless deviation between summon monster 1 and all the other summoned monsters? I think a single specific elemental would be cleaner, clearer, and easier to write.

I think what would cost you in the competition, and player favor, is the lack of versatility of this ---- Edit: Item... (Edit note: I can't seem to type what I want to say today). Mind you, one of the more common spells is the summon monster series in my humble opinion. It is a great spell for traps, and for room defense, and all kinds of other fun things. I just think some players will say "Anti-summon item, boo" and move on. So I think you are possibly onto something.

But this is an expensive "anti-Summon" item. And at way higher levels this will become more useful, but is it worth it's price tag?
That's the major though process reading your item.

The item could also be misconstrued as trying to replicate the Summoner's Summon monster special ability, where they can just summon monsters willy-nilly.

[The Raven Black]

I apologize in advance for the harshness that seems to come when I try to be direct in my comments. They are definitely intended as constructive but honest and not at all as personal attacks. Do not hesitate to correct me if I am too abrasive.

Covent wrote:

One of my rejects, I could just never get this one quite right. Going for a Winter Fey Royalty, banishment to otherworlds kind of thing.

Diadem of Winter Flame
Aura strong conjuration; CL 13th
Slot head; Price 42,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Freezing to the touch, yet leaving flesh unharmed, a diadem of winter flame is fashioned from fine strands of unmelting black ice woven into an elegant circlet.

On command the wearer activates the diadem by expending any number of available spell slots or spells per day and targeting a single summoned creature within 50 feet. If the number of spell levels sacrificed is equal to or greater than the level of spell that summoned the targeted creature the wearer makes a caster level check vs a DC of 11 + the spell’s caster level. Failure to expend enough spell levels or on the caster level check means the spell levels expended are wasted.

Upon a successful check the summoned creature is torn apart from within by a burst of frigid winter fire; its death throes birthing ice elementals.

For spells of first level the summoned creature is merely destroyed, spells of second through ninth level one ice elemental of size appropriate to the original spell for the destroyed creature is created. If no elemental is appropriate for that spell level, or at the wearer’s election, select the next lowest level and summon 1d3 appropriate ice elementals.

Ice elementals are born in the space where the original summoned creature was destroyed. Multiple elementals are summoned adjacent to one another with at least one occupying the original summoned creature’s space. All ice elementals are treated as if summoned by the wearer with a summon monster spell for the purpose of determining duration, control, and interaction with feats, spells, and effects.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, banishment, ice body, summon monster VII; Cost 21,000 gp

This item tries to do too much. While it is great on visuals and concept, implementing it within the PFRPG framework twists it beyond recognition.

This item has excellent visuals. Both name and description make me hunger for its mechanics.

The wording seems different from what usually goes for item activation. Search the PRD for similar abilities and check how they are worded.

And here comes the crunch where we hit the many speed bumps on the way to RPGSS glory. This item does too many things at the same time, which is likely why you ended up with such circumvolutions in the description of its abilities.

In the end, your item permanently gives you the control of a summoned creature, while changing it to something you already know of and can readily adapt for beforehand (learn the appropriate language, prepare things that boost Ice Elementals). I believe that to be far too powerful.

The requirement is a meager opposed CL check and guessing the level of the opposite Summon spell. How that should be guessed is up in the air though.

But using this ability requires using precious slots, so in the end there will be 2 kind of situations.

It will devastate lower level summoners and be mostly useless against higher level summoners. What’s the point there for PCs ? Or is it more of a GM item ?

Come to think of it, it feels like a Magic blue card.

It is a very niche item both in its use (vs summoned creatures) and its users (casters only). This will cost you many votes in RPGSS.

CONCLUSION : you have a sure instinct for strong concepts and visuals but you must make sure that your item will be of use for many different parties and GMs. And you must learn to streamline its crunch by pruning its possibilities while still keeping true to the kernel of your vision.

[Covent]

Thank you both for your feedback!

@Raven While I appreciate the disclaimer and the fact that you are definitely sensitive to others feelings, I would just like to say that in my case at least the very best thing anyone can do for me is to be a true critic and point out the warts and flaws in my design. So for your honest, and in my opinion enjoyable, criticism my sincere thanks.

I agree with most of what is said.

My problems with this item

• Too niche.
  
• Too powerful in that niche.
  
• Needs more than 300 words for clear mechanics. It is obvious where I have shoe'horned in the bare bones of the mechanics. My original of this was around 500 words if memory serves.
  
• It is a magic bullet against some enemies, rendering them much weaker, potentially making play unfun.
  
• It is a "Makes Casters Better" item, like pearls of power or meta-magic rods.
  
• I worried that even with the caster level check it was too, "Fire and forget".

The above are why it went into my reject pile. Maybe some other day when I have 500-600 words I will try it again.

Thank you both for your feedback and responses!

[dafelsheim]

Can we still do the wondrous items?

[Covent]

I think you can do whatever and people are offering feedback.

[Curaigh]

dafelsheim wrote:

Can we still do the wondrous items?

As the design space leading to all the other designs spaces, Yes. Any previous RPGSS round is fair game, but magic items & monsters are most likely to be repeated, therefore the bits we should be practicing most often. :)

man I am really far behind on critiques and even worse for rewrites.

[Jacob W. Michaels]

Like Curaigh, I'm behind on commenting:

Covent wrote:

Diadem of Winter Flame
Freezing to the touch, yet leaving flesh unharmed, a diadem of winter flame is fashioned from fine strands of unmelting black ice woven into an elegant circlet.

Love this line. That's great descriptive writing that really pulls me into the item. Also really like the description of the summoned creature being torn apart.

I actually like the item -- yeah, it's a bit niche; it's straining to get all the details in the word count; and I'm not sure how you'd know what level spell is being used (barring a Spellcraft check when the spell is cast) -- but the visuals are strong enough IMO to compensate for a lot of that. I don't think this would have made Top 32, but I'd certainly have voted for it over a lot of stuff I've seen every year.

[dafelsheim]

Thanks!

*Working on map and item.*

[Jarrett Sigler]

I have a REALLY oddball question for everyone here.
Everyone here is either a writer for third party material, an editor for third party material, has experience writing for Paizo, or aspires for the above.

So I'm coming to ask you. What does a semi-colon mean in a feat prerequisite? How do you use it?
In regular grammar, it is when you

I know a "," is an AND. You must have Bab +1 AND strength 13 for Power Attack.
That does the semi-colon mean in other situations? I figured a semi-colon would act as the, as the oatmeal puts it, a super comma. Separating things that have many commas. I've seen a few feats that seem to "IMPLY" using them as Or statements.

Which... is nice, but I don't believe that is the case.

Thoughts? Perhaps this should go on the rules portion of the forums. But I figure I would ask here first.

[Wren Brown]

@Jarrett, can you give an example of a feat with the semi-colon?

[Jarrett Sigler]

Russ Brown wrote:

@Jarrett, can you give an example of a feat with the semi-colon?

Yes, I will go ahead and give a few that I have found.

Arcane Talent

Artillery Team

Banishing Critical

Breadth of Experiance

Confounding Tumble Deed

Detect Expertise

Heroic Leader

Dimensional Disruption

Those are a few. I think there are more. I know it's not exhaustive.

[dafelsheim]

Cleansing Coronal
Aura Moderate evocation and divination and abjuration; CL 9th
Slot Head; Price 57,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
A fine-wrought mithral diadem with a deep purple gem cut in the tristar halo style set at the brow.

The wearer of this crown benefits from constant detect demon (DC 12) and protection from outsiders (demons) spell-like effects. Furthermore, he acquires two gaze attacks described below.

• Supernal Stare (Su): Demons within 60' feet that meet the wearer's gaze must succeed on a DC 14 Will save or be stunned for 1d4 rounds. This is a Sonic effect.

• Amaranthine Glare (Su): 3d6 fire damage or 9d6 fire damage to outsiders with the demon subtype, 30 feet, Reflex 20 halves. This ignores the fire resistance granted by the demon subtype. This can be used once per day as a standard action.
  

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, burn corruption, detect demon, protection from outsiders, sound burst; Cost 28,500 gp

Breakdown of cost:

COST

Burn Corruption – level 5, CL 9
(spell level x CL x 2,000 gp) / (5)
(5 x 9 x 2,000) / (5) = 18,000

Detect Demon – constant level 1, cl 1 10 mins/level, Will DC
spell level x CL x 2,000 gp * 1.5
(1 x 1 x 2000) * 1.5 = 3,000

Protection from Outsiders (Demon) – constant level 2, cl 3 1 min/level
spell level x CL x 2,000 gp * 2
(2 x 3 x 2,000) * 2 = 24,000

Sound Burst – level 2, cl 3
(spell level x CL x 2,000 gp)
(2 x 3 x 2,000) = 12,000

18,000 + 3,000 + 24,000 + 12,000
= 57,000

[Anthony Adam]

Jarrett Sigler wrote:

Russ Brown wrote:

@Jarrett, can you give an example of a feat with the semi-colon?

Yes, I will go ahead and give a few that I have found.

Arcane Talent

Artillery Team

Banishing Critical

Breadth of Experiance

Confounding Tumble Deed

Detect Expertise

Heroic Leader

Dimensional Disruption

Those are a few. I think there are more. I know it's not exhaustive.

Make sure you reference the PRD for Paizo formatting, sometimes the d20pfsrd is not the same.

I think these examples are ok, for example, click the breadth of experience link here on the prd

[Mikko Kallio]

Jarrett Sigler wrote:

Russ Brown wrote:

@Jarrett, can you give an example of a feat with the semi-colon?

Yes, I will go ahead and give a few that I have found.

Arcane Talent

Artillery Team

Banishing Critical

Breadth of Experiance

Confounding Tumble Deed

Detect Expertise

Heroic Leader

Dimensional Disruption

Those are a few. I think there are more. I know it's not exhaustive.

I've designed one of those feats (the most hilarious one), so maybe I can try to answer this one.

Whenever you have a multichoice requirement (x, y, or z), you're going to need a semi-colon *if* there are also one or more other requirements. Otherwise it would be too confusing.

Multichoice requirement without additional requirements (no semi-colon needed):

Prerequisites: Dex 13, Int 13, or Str 13.

Two requirements, one of which has two options:

Prerequisites: Dex 13; Int 13 or Str 13.

No choice involved, you need 'em all:

Prerequisites: Dex 13, Int 13, Str 13.

So yeah, it's pretty much a super comma (and) that demotes normal commas (and-->or).

[Wren Brown]

dafelsheim wrote:

Cleansing Coronal

Aura Moderate evocation and divination and abjuration; CL 9th
Slot Head; Price 57,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
A fine-wrought mithral diadem with a deep purple gem cut in the tristar halo style set at the brow.

The wearer of this crown benefits from constant detect demon (DC 12) and protection from outsiders (demons) spell-like effects. Furthermore, he acquires two gaze attacks described below.

• Supernal Stare (Su): Demons within 60' feet that meet the wearer's gaze must succeed on a DC 14 Will save or be stunned for 1d4 rounds. This is a Sonic effect.

• Amaranthine Glare (Su): 3d6 fire damage or 9d6 fire damage to outsiders with the demon subtype, 30 feet, Reflex 20 halves. This ignores the fire resistance granted by the demon subtype. This can be used once per day as a standard action.
  

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, burn corruption, detect demon, protection from outsiders, sound burst; Cost 28,500 gp

Hi dafelsheim,

This is an interesting item. I like the flavor and description you gave. Overall the writeup seems very sparse though, you could have used more of your wordcount.

Some thoughts

• first off, three of the four spells you used (burn corruption, detect demons, and protection from outsiders) are not included in the PRD so assuming the same rules as the previous RPGSS that would be a disqualification right off the bat.
  
• with two gaze attacks, I would prefer some clarification on if they can both be used the same round. Or does the specification on Amaranthine glare as once per day as a standard action mean it does not have the normal non/free action effect of a standard gaze attack?
  
• Supernal Stare is a gaze attack sonic effect? You are shooting sound waves out of your eyeballs? that just doesn't compute in my brain for some reason, but that could just be me.
  

Overall I think this is a good effort. I did not see any issues with your formating.

[dafelsheim]

Hey, Russ Brown! Thanks for the feedback!

I've always had an insane tendency towards overwriting everything. All the time. A LOT. So this was a practice in trying to keep to the bare minimum word count provided the flavor got across and the mechanics were explained as soundly and succinctly as possible. Do you think I fell short?

• 1. Yeah, I was aware of this but decided to just go with the flow for now as general practice. But I did consider alternate base spells available in the PRD. Detect Undead instead of Detect Demon (just basically replacing Undead with Outsiders with the demon subtype.) Protection from Evil would have been a simple substitution for Protection from Outsiders (just using the standard Magic Item Gold Cost formulae for the doubling of saves/AC bonuses) except for the fact that there's no real guideline for how dramatically reducing the scope of a spell affects cost. Last, Flamestrike would have been a sloppy substitution for Burn Corruption not only due to the fact that it is impartial in terms of damage for all potential targets but because its theme is more “burn anything down that opposes your religion” than “remove and cauterize the corruption so that the rest can survive.”
  
• 2. Yes, I intended the referenced sentence to explicitly define that Amaranthine Glare can only be used as a standard action once per day. I agonized long and hard about adding more to clarify, but at length I decided to cleave to my mission statement of brevity. I used the syntax from the Amulet of the Blooded (Accursed) from the Advanced Class Guide as a guide. “Three times per day as a standard action, the wearer can fix his gaze on any one creature within 60 feet. The target becomes staggered for 4 rounds unless it succeeds at a Will saving throw (DC 18.)” However I didn't have a target restriction – so as per a standard gaze attack affecting all creatures within range gazing at them.
  
• 3. … Music of the Spheres! I was thinking something like a roaring, angry Angelic choir. No, to be honest, I just couldn't find any other spell whose primary effect was stunning, so I went with sound burst as a base.
  

[Covent]

More of the winter Fey riff, but just cannot get this below 600 words.

This has some serious problems, but thought i would put it out there for comment and to show how things evolve in my process.

This

Frozen Thyme V1.0:

Flickering from one position to another, yet never being seen to move, these repellent frostborn nightmare-spawn hunch in a subtly wrongly shaped imitation of mortal plantlife. The only visible signs of their foul being a jagged tooth maw.

Frozen Thyme CR 6

XP 2400
LE Small Fey
Init +6; Senses Low-Light Vision; Perception +15

----- Defense -----
AC 16, touch 13, flat-footed 14 (+1 size, +2 Dexterity, +3 Natural Armor)
hp 45 (10d6+0)
Fort +3, Ref +8, Will +8
Defensive Abilities DR 5/cold iron; Immune Cold

----- Offense -----
Speed 50 ft., climb 30 ft.
Melee bite +8 (1d4-1 plus Stolen Moments), 2 claws +8 (1d3-1)
Special Attacks Stolen Moments (age 1d6 years, Fort DC 18)
Spell-Like Abilities (CL 11th; concentration +14)
Constant—blink, tounges
At will—time shudder, frost fall (DC 15)
3/day—(Reach) sands of time (DC 16)
1/day—freezing sphere (DC 19)

----- Statistics -----
Str 8, Dex 14, Con 10, Int 16, Wis 14, Cha 10
Base Atk +5; CMB +3; CMD 15
Feats Improved Initiative, Reach Spell, Skill Focus (appraise), Toughness, Weapon Finesse
Skills Appraise +24, Diplomacy +13, Disguise +13, Knowledge (local) +16, Knowledge (nature) +16, Knowledge (planes) +16, Perception +15, Stealth +19, Use Magic Device +13; Racial Modifiers +5 Appraise, +5 Stealth while in undergrowth, +10 Disguise as a plant
Languages Common, Sylvan

----- Ecology -----
Environment urban cold
Organization Solitary, or Family group (2 adults, 3-5 sprouts (no spell-likes except blink, 5HD, apply the young template))
Treasure Triple (gathered momentos)

----- Special Abilities -----
Stolen Moments (Su) Living only by feeding on opportunities not taken and lives cut short, frozen thyme have the ability to ingest solid objects of importance to those affected by tragic events and siphon off the significance they need. As a standard action a frozen thyme may completely consume any size small or smaller item and store it unharmed inside of an extraplanar pocket of frozen time where it is slowly digested. A frozen thyme may at any time regurgitate any or all of its mementos as a standard action for each. If pushed to extremes a frozen thyme may chew off a peice of life from any creature struck by its bite attack. Anyone struck in this way must make a fortitude saving throw at DC 18 or age 1d6 years. This saving throw is Intelligence based. A frozen thyme gains no sustenance from attacking in this way.

Bleeding Temporous (Su) A frozen thyme is constantly losing its grasp on time, sustained only by its feeding on mortal loss. Its blink ability is it slipping away from one time to another through the ethereal plane. As such a frozen thyme has limited control of its blink and never suffers the 20% miss chance on its attacks or on its spell activation, always attacking or activating on the plane it intends. Further a frozen thyme may choose, as an immediate action, to loosen its grip on time and remain in the ethereal plane for any number of rounds. If a frozen thyme remains in the ethereal plane for longer than one round in this manner, when it returns to the material plane as a free action, it is stunned for one round. While remaining on the ethereal plane a frozen thyme has a cumulative 5% chance per minute, after the first, of completely losing its place in time and dissipating into nothingness.

Frozen thyme can be found anywhere that mortals dwell near the biting edge of winter. Desperately grasping for existence they delight in feeding on squandered opportunities and lost lives. They can sometimes be found creeping in to steal memento's from those who have had great tragedy befall them, knowing that these items alone will store the time needed to keep it anchored for another day. Frozen thyme will do almost anything for just one more moment of sweet being, this gives them an endless hunger for more and more valuable tokens as the more valuable to its original owner an item was the more time it may hold.

Only the fact that any tragedy or death caused by a frozen thyme cannot feed it prevents them from becoming a true scourge.

Intelligent and wise enough to know that less attention will be attracted by trading an item emptied of its original owners time and for which it now has no use for a new memento, rather that stealing from the living or the dead. Their preferred method of obtaining sustenance is to bargain for appropriate memento's with those foolish or desperate enough to deal.

became this

Zaiku V2.0:

Flickering from one position to another, yet never being seen to move, these nightmare-spawn appear as tiny frost covered scrimshaw men with gaping jagged maws.

Zaiku CR 6
XP 2400
LE Tiny Fey
Init +6; Senses Low-Light Vision; Perception +15

----- Defense -----
AC 17, touch 14, flat-footed 15 (+2 size, +2 Dexterity, +3 Natural Armor)
hp 45 (10d6+0)
Fort +3, Ref +8, Will +8
Defensive Abilities DR 5/cold iron; Immune Cold

----- Offense -----
Speed 50 ft., climb 30 ft.
Melee bite +9 (1d4-1 plus Stolen Moments), 2 claws +9 (1d3-1)
Space 2 1/2 ft.; Reach 0 ft.
Special Attacks Stolen Moments (age 1d6 years, Fort DC 18)
Spell-Like Abilities (CL 11th; concentration +14)
Constant—blink, tounges
At will—time shudder, frost fall (DC 15)
3/day—(Reach) sands of time (DC 16)
1/day—freezing sphere (DC 19)

----- Statistics -----
Str 8, Dex 14, Con 10, Int 16, Wis 14, Cha 10
Base Atk +5; CMB +2; CMD 14
Feats Improved Initiative, Reach Spell, Skill Focus (appraise), Toughness, Weapon Finesse
Skills Appraise +24, Diplomacy +13, Disguise +13, Knowledge (local) +16, Knowledge (nature) +16, Knowledge (planes) +16, Perception +15, Stealth +23, Use Magic Device +13; Racial Modifiers +5 Appraise
Languages Common, Sylvan
SQ Bleeding Temporous

----- Ecology -----
Environment urban cold
Organization Solitary
Treasure Triple

----- Special Abilities -----
Stolen Moments (Su) Living only by feeding on opportunities not taken and lives cut short, zaiku have the ability to ingest solid objects of importance to those affected by tragic events and siphon off the significance they need. As a standard action a zaiku may completely consume any size small or smaller item and store it unharmed inside of an extraplanar pocket of frozen time. A zaiku may regurgitate any memento as a standard action, and all such are ejected upon the zaiku’s death. If pushed to extremes a zaiku may chew off a piece of life from any creature struck by its bite attack. Anyone struck in this way must make a fortitude saving throw at DC 18 or age 1d6 years. This saving throw is Intelligence based. A zaiku gains no sustenance from attacking in this way.

Bleeding Temporous (Su) A zaiku is constantly losing its grasp on time, sustained only by its feeding on mortal loss. Its blink ability is it slipping away from one time to another through the ethereal plane. As such a zaiku has limited control of its blink and never suffers the 20% miss chance on its attacks or on its spell activation. A zaiku may choose, as an immediate action, to loosen its grip on time and remain in the ethereal plane for any number of rounds. If a zaiku remains in the ethereal plane for longer than one round in this manner, when it returns to the material plane as a free action, it is stunned for one round. While remaining on the ethereal plane a zaiku has a cumulative 5% chance per minute, after the first, of completely losing its place in time and dissipating into nothingness.

Zaiku can be found anywhere that mortals dwell near the biting edge of winter. Desperately grasping for existence they delight in feeding on squandered opportunities and lost lives. They can sometimes be found creeping in to steal memento's from those who have had great tragedy befall them, knowing that these items alone will store the time needed to keep it anchored for another day. Zaiku will do almost anything for just one more moment of sweet being. This gives them an endless hunger for more and more valuable tokens as the more valuable to its original owner an item was the more time it may hold.

Only the fact that any tragedy or death caused by a zaiku cannot feed it prevents them from becoming a true scourge.

Intelligent and wise enough to know that less attention will be attracted by trading an item emptied of its original owners time and for which it now has no use for a new memento, rather that stealing from the living or the dead. Their preferred method of obtaining sustenance is to bargain for appropriate memento's with those foolish or desperate enough to deal.

[dafelsheim]

So, I want purely personal opinions on which of two maps I might do.

• An ancient, secret Desert Elf Oasis-city dedicated to Sarenrae has evil growing right under its feet. Specifically, a subterranean Cult of Flauros has been working to awaken the long dormant magma channels that so long ago culminated in the eruption that literally paved the path for the obsidian-lined river feeding the oasis. See what I've done so far here (if you can actually make out anything, you're lucky! :p )
  
• Imagine a Zaratan (in Pathfinder, basically the Immense Tortoise as a turtle) that perished during Earthfall only to be later reanimated as a Skeletal submarine the size of a small island. This is the center of faith for the Abyssal Lord, Dagon, whose Herald - a Mythic Kraken - does all he can to sink his tentacles into every body of water they can reach. I would actually use anatomically accurate sections from a hollow turtle shell for the map.
  

[Covent]

dafelsheim wrote:

Cleansing Coronal

Aura Moderate evocation and divination and abjuration; CL 9th
Slot Head; Price 57,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
A fine-wrought mithral diadem with a deep purple gem cut in the tristar halo style set at the brow.

The wearer of this crown benefits from constant detect demon (DC 12) and protection from outsiders (demons) spell-like effects. Furthermore, he acquires two gaze attacks described below.

• Supernal Stare (Su): Demons within 60' feet that meet the wearer's gaze must succeed on a DC 14 Will save or be stunned for 1d4 rounds. This is a Sonic effect.

• Amaranthine Glare (Su): 3d6 fire damage or 9d6 fire damage to outsiders with the demon subtype, 30 feet, Reflex 20 halves. This ignores the fire resistance granted by the demon subtype. This can be used once per day as a standard action.
  

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, burn corruption, detect demon, protection from outsiders, sound burst; Cost 28,500 gp

First, I love the use of the word "Coronal" both evocative and a rarely used word outside of medicine.

The aura while not incorrect sticks out to me as most items have only one school. I would recommend picking one that you find most appropriate and using that.

For the linked picture while I enjoy the visual, I am just not sure how it would be received in the contest. I know some people don't even like the hyper-linking of rules.

For the effects I find the DC's extremely low. They are most likely calculated correctly but at the level where a PC could afford this, 14th-15th, they will fail 95% of the time. The only exception is the fire damage and even that will fail 80% and up.

Given the above the power of the item is just not enough to justify the cost of the item.

One thing I would recommend is that whenever you are creating an item compare its price to the WBL guidelines and what big six item it is possibly delaying. Then ask "What character would delay that item for this one?"

Also you are short on use of word count. Brevity can lead to elegance, but here it seems to just be incomplete.

Even with the lower DC's an infinite use no action stun is crazy. Perhaps raise the DC's and put a limit on the stun effect?

I hope this helps, and good luck!

[dafelsheim]

Covent wrote:

First, I love the use of the word "Coronal" both evocative and a rarely used word outside of medicine.

The aura while not incorrect sticks out to me as most items have only one school. I would recommend picking one that you find most appropriate and using that.

For the linked picture while I enjoy the visual, I am just not sure how it would be received in the contest. I know some people don't even like the hyper-linking of rules.

For the effects I find the DC's extremely low. They are most likely calculated correctly but at the level where a PC could afford this, 14th-15th, they will fail 95% of the time. The only exception is the fire damage and even that will fail 80% and up.

Given the above the power of the item is just not enough to justify the cost of the item.

One thing I would recommend is that whenever you are creating an item compare its price to the WBL guidelines and what big six item it is possibly delaying. Then ask "What character would delay that item for this one?"

Also you are short on use of word count. Brevity can lead to elegance, but here it seems to just be incomplete.
Even with the lower DC's an infinite use no action stun is crazy. Perhaps raise the DC's and put a limit on the stun effect?
I hope this helps, and good luck!

• 1. How would you personally decide which school might be the most appropriate for a magic item whose prereqs include spells of 2+ different schools? Just go with the one with the highest CL, maybe? Here, that'd be Evocation.
  
• 2. I actually spent about half an hour speed-reading-up on gem cuts and settings, then google image searching for one that looked JUST right, and reverse-searching for what it was called. Ha. Since before I made the item I had no idea a “tristar halo cut” even existed, I included the linked image for consideration. Do you think if I was formally submitting an item that used niche terminology in its appearance it would be best not to include an image unless a reviewer asked?
  
• 3. So, I think I figured out a way to both replicate the results of Supernal Stare I wanted, balance it better, and maybe improve the DC vs. cost issue. Soon to come!
  

[Covent]

dafelsheim wrote:

Covent wrote:

First, I love the use of the word "Coronal" both evocative and a rarely used word outside of medicine.

The aura while not incorrect sticks out to me as most items have only one school. I would recommend picking one that you find most appropriate and using that.

For the linked picture while I enjoy the visual, I am just not sure how it would be received in the contest. I know some people don't even like the hyper-linking of rules.

For the effects I find the DC's extremely low. They are most likely calculated correctly but at the level where a PC could afford this, 14th-15th, they will fail 95% of the time. The only exception is the fire damage and even that will fail 80% and up.

Given the above the power of the item is just not enough to justify the cost of the item.

One thing I would recommend is that whenever you are creating an item compare its price to the WBL guidelines and what big six item it is possibly delaying. Then ask "What character would delay that item for this one?"

Also you are short on use of word count. Brevity can lead to elegance, but here it seems to just be incomplete.
Even with the lower DC's an infinite use no action stun is crazy. Perhaps raise the DC's and put a limit on the stun effect?
I hope this helps, and good luck!

• 1. How would you personally decide which school might be the most appropriate for a magic item whose prereqs include spells of 2+ different schools? Just go with the one with the highest CL, maybe? Here, that'd be Evocation.
  
• 2. I actually spent about half an hour speed-reading-up on gem cuts and settings, then google image searching for one that looked JUST right, and reverse-searching for what it was called. Ha. Since before I made the item I had no idea a “tristar halo cut” even existed, I included the linked image for consideration. Do you think if I was formally submitting an item that used niche terminology in its appearance it would be best not to include an image unless a reviewer asked?
  
• 3. So, I think I figured out a way to both replicate the results of Supernal Stare I wanted, balance it better, and maybe improve the DC vs. cost issue. Soon to come!

Aura usually is highest spell level and if you have two equal level spells just pick which is a best thematic fit.

I would avoid image pics at all honestly as some people might downvote due to not liking image use in a writing contest. If someone does not know what it is they can google it if you use the terms correctly, which it looks like you did.

Good luck!

[Curaigh]

dafelsheim wrote:

• 1. How would you personally decide which school might be the most appropriate for a magic item whose prereqs include spells of 2+ different schools? Just go with the one with the highest CL, maybe? Here, that'd be Evocation.
  
• 2. I actually spent about half an hour speed-reading-up on gem cuts and settings, then google image searching for one that looked JUST right, and reverse-searching for what it was called. Ha. Since before I made the item I had no idea a “tristar halo cut” even existed, I included the linked image for consideration. Do you think if I was formally submitting an item that used niche terminology in its appearance it would be best not to include an image unless a reviewer

...

1. Use the stronger of the school. There are enough examples out there of multiple auras I wouldn't limit it to one for that reason. I would limit the number of spells needed (hence araus) to avoid SAK however.

2. The item has to stand on its own. Including an additional 'thousand words' with a picture goes too far. If that image happens to also be copyrighted, it doesn't work for Paizo either. This year the rules 'limited items to the PRD' which these are not. In this case I do not know what the specific cut of the gem lends to the item. Saying it is cut is enough, a 'halo cut' might lend some to see a halo on the wearer, but that still seems different from what the item offers (gaze attacks).
3. Writing is easy, rewriting is hard :)

[dafelsheim]

Thanks for all the input so far! Here's version 2.

Changes:

• Changed protection from outsiders to protection from evil
  
• Changed Supernal Stare to base it off of Hold Monster
  
• Updated Aura
  
• Changed slot from Head to Headband
  
• Removed picture
  
• Made both Gaze Attacks usable up to 3/day as activation-trigger standard actions
  
• Made the item charged
  

Cleansing Coronal
Aura Moderate evocation and enchantment; CL 9th
Slot Headband; Price 47,500 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
A fine-wrought mithral diadem with a deep purple gem cut in the tristar halo style set at the brow. Each faceted face of the gem waxes and wanes with internal fiery illumination in a perfectly syncopated harmony.

Cleansing Coronals have 50 charges at creation and cannot be recharged in any way. The wearer of this crown benefits from constant detect demon (DC 12) and protection from evil spell-like effects. Furthermore, he acquires two gaze attacks described below. Both are spell-trigger activated, can be used up to three times per day, and drain 1 charge per use.

Supernal Stare: The wearer's pupils shift to mimic the Coronal's gem in appearance. They shoot forth purple falling stars aimed at the eyes of all Demons within 30 feet. All targets gazing at the wearer must pass a DC 20 Will save or be paralyzed for 9 rounds. Each target may attempt a new saving throw each round as a full-round action to negate the effect.

Amaranthine Glare: All creatures within 30 feet that gaze at the wearer are consumed in ethereal violet flames that spring from the wearer's eyes. Creatures with the demon subtype suffer 9d6 fire damage while all others suffer 4d8 fire damage. This ignores the fire resistance granted by the demon subtype. A DC 20 Reflex save halves damage dealt to all affected targets.

When a Cleansing Coronal reaches 0 charges its gaze attacks can no longer be used.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, burn corruption, detect demon, protection from outsiders, hold monster; Cost 23,750 gp

COST:

Burn Corruption – level 5, CL 9
(spell level x CL x 750 gp) * 3/5
(5 x 9 x 750) *3 / 5 = 20,250

Detect Demon – constant level 1, cl 1 10 mins/level, Will DC
spell level x CL x 2,000 gp * 1.5
(1 x 1 x 2000) * 1.5 = 3,000

Protection from Evil – constant level 1, cl 1 1 min/level
spell level x CL x 2,000 gp * 2
(1 x 1 x 2,000)*2 = 4,000

Hold Monster – level 5, CL 9
(spell level x CL x 750 gp)
(5 x 9 x 750) * 3 / 5 = 20,250

18,000 + 3,000 + 24,000 + 12,000
= 47,500

[Isaac Volynskiy]

Here is a wondrous item I made!

Fan, Poisoner’s
Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd;
Slot none; Price 7,500 gp; Weight —
Description
This dull gray moth wing fan leaves behind a faint swirl of silvery powder when waved.

A contact or inhaled type poison can be applied to the fan as if it were a weapon, the fan quivers as the poison is magically sealed into it. The fan can then be activated by a whispered command word and wave, causing the sealed poison to be dispersed in a 30-foot cone.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, gust of wind; Cost 3,750 gp

[Isaac Volynskiy]

Covent wrote:

Diadem of Winter Flame:

Diadem of Winter Flame
Aura strong conjuration; CL 13th
Slot head; Price 42,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Freezing to the touch, yet leaving flesh unharmed, a diadem of winter flame is fashioned from fine strands of unmelting black ice woven into an elegant circlet.

On command the wearer activates the diadem by expending any number of available spell slots or spells per day and targeting a single summoned creature within 50 feet. If the number of spell levels sacrificed is equal to or greater than the level of spell that summoned the targeted creature the wearer makes a caster level check vs a DC of 11 + the spell’s caster level. Failure to expend enough spell levels or on the caster level check means the spell levels expended are wasted.

Upon a successful check the summoned creature is torn apart from within by a burst of frigid winter fire; its death throes birthing ice elementals.

For spells of first level the summoned creature is merely destroyed, spells of second through ninth level one ice elemental of size appropriate to the original spell for the destroyed creature is created. If no elemental is appropriate for that spell level, or at the wearer’s election, select the next lowest level and summon 1d3 appropriate ice elementals.

Ice elementals are born in the space where the original summoned creature was destroyed. Multiple elementals are summoned adjacent to one another with at least one occupying the original summoned creature’s space. All ice elementals are treated as if summoned by the wearer with a summon monster spell for the purpose of determining duration, control, and interaction with feats, spells, and effects.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, banishment, ice body, summon monster VII; Cost 21,000 gp

I had some trouble wrapping my head around strands of ice being woven. I like the idea of turning someone's monsters into YOUR monsters, though this is more of a Batman's anti-shark spray item. Would've liked it more if it had some other effect I could benefit from all the time since it's 42k and has to be fueled by spell slots. Could be more elegant if you just went with x/day, as well as more friendly for use. If you are burning slots, a bonus for spending more than you needed to would be good.

[Mikko Kallio]

What makes a good monster?

Soon, very soon you'll get to put your monster creation skills to the test. :)