Heh, ok, i'm usually a pretty calm and rational guy but I found out yesterday that my wife and I are going to have a little boy in about four months. He's our first. For some reason, when I actually saw the little one on that ultrasound screen, I became a nervous ball of energy and i was up almost all night stewing about things. So, i'll decompress by typing a query to all D&D dads and moms out there. How did your gaming habits change when you had your first child? Especially through their infancy...
A bit more nervous than ever,
ACE
It will really depend on your wife. My gaming habits disappeared completely when my son was born, but that was a special circumstance. He was born 3 months early, and delivery was very difficult for my wife (she was on bed rest for most of the time he was in hospital - 10 weeks) so by definition, D&D was not a priority. And since we have two other boys from my wife's first marriage, my hands were pretty full at the time.
However, after he had been home for a few months (4 or 5) and my wife was back on her feet, we were back at it every Tuesday night (more or less). We tend to get a babysitter in on D&D night so that my wife has some help on the evenings I'm 'inaccessible', but she's been great about it. (In fact, when I feel I need to cancel an evening, she usually tries a little bit to convince me not to - I feel pretty lucky.)
So, all is not lost, but don't go pushing it. Throw out a few feelers after a while, but in the end she'll probably let you know when she's ready to let you go traipsing off to your regular game.
Lots of luck with the new addition to your family, and all the best!
Greg
P.S. If you're a DM (like me) kiss your prep time good-bye! Use a lot of pre-canned adventures, and expect that every once in a while the game will seem like a disaster because you forgot this BBEG had that power, or that monster had that DR. Of course, the players will never know, and you'll have to keep it to yourself. But just prepare yourself for a few personal let-downs. Just be thankful you're playing and having fun.
/cheers for theacemu!
First and foremost, congrats! Good news is...good!
I would say before game entered into the equation, is to make sure that you and your wife have Together Time, even if it is just a cup of coffee (or tea, or whatever) together, alone, with just each other.
Now about game...prep time is likely in the toliet, so try to have a crib sheet of quick game ideas just in case, along with NPC names, bar names, etc.
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Also, the first 3-4 months are a lot of work. I'd kiss most things goodbye for a while, especially sleep. A lot of times the kid is up every 2-3 hours all night to eat.
The ultrasound is cool, isn't it? Watched that on t.v. for a few hours. It makes it more like it's really happening; there's an actual human in that swollen area in your wife's belly. What a trip.
And be ready; when it's about that time, the kid comes whenever he wants to. He doesn't give a damn about your schedule!
I guess it's worth it. ;)
Bella Sara Charter Superscriber
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Congratulations! Wait until you get your first kick. For me that's what made it real. I was in bed with my hand on my wife's belly and I could feel my son wiggling around and then he gave my hand a big hard kick.
As mentioned, the impact on your gaming life will depend on the temperment of your kid and your wife. If you have a child who sleeps a lot and has a pleasant temperment, things will go a lot smoother.
I would agree though that you should probably write off the first 3-4 months as far as gaming goes. You may have heard of the 4th trimester already - the first few months of a baby's life it is a mostly inert lump that cries and poops.
But once they hit month 4, you won't believe the difference.
How did your gaming habits change when you had your first child? Especially through their infancy...
My gaming habits didn't really change all that much after my daughter was born last year. I was DMing a campaign, and the only real difference was less prep time. I tried to make sure that sessions ended by midnight because I was pretty tired the first three months. After three months my daughter started sleeping through most of the night and life pretty much got back to normal.
If your wife is a gamer, gaming changes a little more drastically for her. My wife didn't do any gaming for a while after the baby was born, but she's back into it now, and we started hosting games at our house starting at 8pm after the baby goes to sleep.
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Congrats ACE, its a lot of hard work in those first few months especially, but all very worth it.
My son (and only child) is almost 8 months old. Didn't game for about two months prior to his birth, or until he was about 6 months. Have managed to get in two gaming sessions since then.
Yep, prep time is shot - Dungeon and Dragon mags are your friend!
Congratulations! You'll eventually squeeze gaming back into your routine after 3-6 months. But I totally depend on Dungeon magazine for my campaign material, as mentioned before. Without the magazine, I would not be running a game PERIOD.
It hasn't cramped my games too badly. Dungeon has become more important, but as an "experienced" DM of a certain sort, I can wing things comfortably. I even managed a great homebrew. My wife plays with our group, and everyone was and is good about kids, so that plays a factor.
What most posters are saying about the lack of prep time is true. Remember to make time for yourself, just like your wife should for herself (hopefully some new grandparents will be around to help you out with that!). My playing time is down to about 3 hrs each Thursday night, but it is MY time. The other 21hrs, 6 days of the week will belong to your newborn.
You may also want to check out playing via an online/play by post/chatroom campaign, through rpol(dot)net or somesuch. No travel time, you're still at home and can get together a decent gaming group. I wasn't optimistic about the online game at first, but it was the best solution for the family situation. Email me if you want more info about it. rjjr(at)yahoo
Congrats, by the way!
When my son was 2 years old, I let him roll a d20. He got an 18!
You waited until 18 months? Heck, my oldest was rolling the dice for me during my biweekly D&D minis games (he still plays with the minis when I get them out during the day, although I have to be careful with our 10-month old). Ahh, the good 'ol days...
Anyhoo, back on topic... Ace:
Congratulations and my condolences to you. Your gaming life will disappear completely for at least a few months (3-6 depending on your spouse), as has been said. You'll also find it MUCH easier to play in games than to run games, also already noted by others. The biggest thing with the first child is that if you want your toys to stay safe, let the child see you play with them (speaking of minis here, but applicable to some books as well). They're less likely to shove it in their mouth that way, or at least mine are.
As far as the child is concerned: Remember every smile, every coo, and just BE THERE no matter how exhausted you are (you will be :P ), and make sure the child knows it's for them and only them. Take that last 30 minutes before bed, rock the baby to sleep, heck if you don't move while you sleep let the child sleep with you when it wakes up frightened (mostly after 7-8 months). Above all, be glad for the blessing and challenge that is to come, because our children show us how to live and what real strength is every day.
blessed be
/d
My third was born this summer ... yeah it really clamps down on your prep time, your writing time, your rec anything time .... you can forget about sleeping, too.
F2K's got it right about Dungeon being a lifesaver.
After the first was born I re-discovered Dungeon magazine, and that helped with the prep time. I run Dung. adventures exclusively now. For the time-starved daddy, there's nothing better.
Gaming at the same time as the missus, though, is out the door. It's either mom or dad (or a babysitter) watching the kiddies, at least until one child is old enough to babysit the others. :)
Mmmmmm...thanks to all for well wishes and good advice. I have a feeling that my playing days are either nearing an end or will be on hold for a while. I'll try to keep up on the Paizo boards!
As ever,
ACE
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Mmmmmm...thanks to all for well wishes and good advice. I have a feeling that my playing days are either nearing an end or will be on hold for a while. I'll try to keep up on the Paizo boards!
As ever,
ACE
Never nearing an end....You will go stir-crazy without it. You will find that after a few months you will be desperate for some decompression time.....Take it. It helps you keep an even keel while dealing with the craziness. I was down for maybe 3-5 months with each kid but now (and for the last year and 5 months) I have been gaming every week, once a week. Things come up and I miss a day here and there but I gots to have me D&D shot or I start getting real antsy. Kids are a blessing. Have a 2nd soon and when they get old enough you can run them through some smaller campaigns. YOUR OWN PEMANENT GAMING GROUP....ON DEMAND! Bored on a Sunday afternoon? Run a one shot Dungeon adventure! Couple of hours free on a lazy Wednesday night? Roll up some characters with the kids!
I can't wait until they hit 9 or 10.Congrats buddy!
FH
Let me add to Heathansson's first post:
Gaming habits GONE.
Social life GONE.
Discretionary cash GONE.
Eating out GONE.
Full night's sleep GONE.
Television viewing GONE.
Seeing movies GONE.
Clean clothing GONE (they spit up a lot).
Sanity GONE.
I have two: 7 & 4 :)
Good luck -- you're gonna love it!
Never nearing an end....You will go stir-crazy without it. You will find that after a few months you will be desperate for some decompression time.....Take it. It helps you keep an even keel while dealing with the craziness.
FH
Fake is absolutely right. If you suborn your life to your baby 24/7 you'll go nuts. My wife and I each took a mental health night each week. One night she'd go out with friends, and leave me with the baby, while another night was my gaming night. I found that relaxation and recreation time each week was even more important that an extra few hours of sleep.
Got to agree with most comments here. Biggest thing to suffer is prep time. You'll have all these great ideas and no way to vent them. Dungeon and Dragon help a lot but never replace your own touch, although if you get the time to edit the games grab it.
Threadjack alert!: What's everyone got anyway?
I have three: A girl (8) and two boys (5,2).
Life is a haze at the moment...
My son is 11 and my daughter is 7. So far I haven't really played D&D with my kids. My son loves computer games like Neverwinter Nights 2 and Oblivion, but I don't let him play D&D yet. I want him to want to play, and although he wants a PHB and is ready to play I want him to wait. Maybe in another year or two I'll start taking him to conventions or something but I'd rather see him play with his friends than play a "regular campaign" with his dad.
In our gaming circle we have a one dad who just had his second baby in a two year span. Both times he's taken a month off of gaming but afterwards he still plays at least once a week for a few hours.
Congratulations! You are fortunate and blessed and gaming won't mean a thing until well after the child is a toddler. You will be so wrapped up in the joys and concerns of parenthood that gaming will seem a little bit gauzy and irrelevant.
I actually first got into gaming on the PC & older consoles after my only daughter was born and I suddenly had no time to socialize, let alone game. After a few months, I was able to make the occasional game, so it wasn't that bad. I played more than DM'ed though, because of the aforementioned lack of prep time. It tided me over until she was old enough not to need constant mental energy & attention from me (read: I stopped freaking out every time I was more than a hundred yards from her) and Mom didn't work, so that helped.
Now she plays Heroscape with me and I don't doubt she will be curious enough to ask me to show her how to play D&D when the time comes, so I figure the investment of time was worth it. The return: A brand new gamer!
She is nine, by the way and looks like the spit 'n' image of me, poor unfortunate girl. Just kidding, somehow she managed to pull off beautiful with my genes, go figure.
When my first son was born, I had to suspend play for about three - four months, for several reasons. Mainly, helping out, the baby needed a lot of attention at day and especially during the night - so sleep became an issue. Not a lot. I also felt it unfair to leave the Mrs. for long periods while I gamed, so I was extra diligent being home and just available in order to lend a hand and take care of my first born. I also kept my gaming sessions shorter until he was about eight months old. By the time he was a year, I could safely say my gaming sessions went back to normal (twice a month - sessions endures 8+ hours).
When my son became 11 years old, my wife and I received news that our second was en route. So, when she was born - the same situation arose, but as we were much older - the sleep deprivation seemed to hit us harder. But, we also seemed more knowledgable the second time around and we got back into regular swing much sooner.
My wife is very understanding and D&D is by biggest compulsion, she dabbled with it once (was bored to tears), but knows my love for the game and is very accomodating. We celebrated our 20th anniversary last November and together we have always agreed on my gaming schedule. Of course, we have other mutual interests to share that keep us unified and happy.
New dads and moms alike, take my two cents of advice and do all and even more than that during those first six months that the baby is around. Young mothers need the help, they are exhausted far beyond us dads, and need all the help they can get. Also you really will bond with your child and that is really the game you really want to win.
Interesting side note, my 15 year old son, a Nintendo/Playstation fan never tried dad's weird hobby. Dice, imaginary monsters, and fantastic characters with no visuals, graphics or incredible sounds, just didn't appeal to him. About a year ago, during summer break he was in his "Man, am I bored - there is nothing to do mood" (ah, the advantage of youth, remember those days?), so I rolled up a character for him and his half elven ranger went on the quest to retrieve the lost Silver Whistle, something I slapped together in a few hours for him. Imaginary orcs hunted him, forests sang to him, he figured out the runes that led him to the White Elm and there found the Silver Whistle, just as his orc adversary came upon him - with little option left - he blew the Silver Whistle - an a cadre of white owls came to his defense...
he's been hooked since and has his own gaming group that meets a few times a month. One mantle successfully passed, now if I can only get him to become an avid reader like pop!
Congratulations on your blessed arrival, the best of times will soon be yours.
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Hey,
I am gonna tell you soon how it's going to be for you, since my wife is expecting our first child also, and the birth "should" happen on the 6th of march...
I know it's gonna be quite difficult at the beginning, and I'll have to find how manage this !
Savage Tide (as a DM) has just begun (end of 1st installment), and I'll try to finish the 2nd before the 20th of february (hopefully, TBG is shorter than TINH).
I also play in SCAP (beginning of 5th instalmment I believe), and my DM also would like to finish it before the end of february. I don't know if it's short or long, though...
Good luck, and congratulations !
Gaming habits GONE.
2 kids 3.5y.o. and 1yr 8mo's old.
Of course, there were other circumstances (one friend passed away, other guy moved).
I've played maybe 2 or 3 times in the last 3.5 years. May start again soon; I'm working a lot of hours though.
I am in the same camp as Heathansson on this one.
When my son was born, I still played once a week for a while - but typically I got to the sessions late. After a few months I just bagged it - I decided it wasn't fair to my wife or child. Of course there were other factors my work schedule my wife's etc. but I decided I needed to focus on priorities.Number one the kids - I brought them into the world I need to try to give them not just the time they need but the time they deserve to get the best start they can in life.
Number two my wife - she has made a number of sacrifices (marrying me in the first place is a big one)
Number three health and fitness - keeping strong and healthy to take care of my children, my wife, my work - can't do any of those things to the degree they deserve if I am tired and cranky from being spread to thin.
Number four my interests.
I still find time for gaming - mostly posting here, and writing (more queries than articles but still) for dragon.
Your kids will get older and there will be time for games, or marathons, additional degrees, or TKD or whatever - but you only have your kids childhood once - and the biggest responsibility I have is to help them to mature into the best individuals they can. That happens with time and attention.
I felt like I got shorted on that by my father - a mistake I don't intend to make.
Also, I love the game - I don;t want to short it, or my friends, by not being ready or showing up inconsistently - its not fair to them. That said, I had like 3 time intensive hobbies - I kept one - for myself for various reasons:
Time - not game time but prep time
Hours - the game sessions were late and left me tired
Timing - the game I was in was during one of the blocks of time I would otherwise spend with my family
Bad Habits - when I played I tended to eat to much, eat junk food, drink to much caffeine, and stay up to late (even though my son was too young to really make the associations - I am trying to train myself to set a good example for when he does - and stay healthy so I can enjoy him and be there for him)
The habit I kept (until we moved overseas) was TKD, for the same reasons, it was after my son was asleep, and drove my energy level up, helped manage stress, encouraged good diet and exercise, and I think set a good example.
Congratulations on your impending fatherhood - my recommendation, don't squander it.
Well, congrats on the expected child; what kind of time your going to have is going to be completely dependent on what kind of parent you are; our first one was a big life style change and we were always trying to figure out how to do things and work out stuff we never considered; by the second one things were pretty easy; I would highly recommend that you grit your teeth and really set a schedule for your child; naps and when to put them down for the night; the sooner you can get them to sleep through the night, but better off you will be; I can't stress enough how keeping a shedule with meals and naps will really help you; if you dont do this; your going to both be worn out in very short order; do your regular stuff like vacuuming and whatnot that way your kid will not wake up at every little noise and will generally go back to sleep right away.
As for gaming; we dont run any games at the house with an infant under 1 year old; just too much risk of them getting sick with all those peeps over and too much noise and strange interuptions; and basically just cut down to gaming one night a week. Do your best to make sure your wife feels very special during this time and not abandoned with the kid after he is born; in my experience the first 3 months after the birth are they hardest as my wife was a total lune during these times with lots of post partem depression, get educated about it and keep it to yourself.
best of luck,
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Hey Ace - Contrats!!!
I have two also, a daughter (4), and son (just turned 1 last week). Like Heathansson said, gaming pretty much goes into the toilet for the first several months. Once the kid is a couple of months old, you might be able to dip your toes back in... Especially if you are able to slip into the playing role instead of the DMing role. If someone else wants to have the reigns for a while, it might be a good time to give 'em a test run.
Is you wife planning on breast feeding? If so, and she doesn't mind doing it within the circle of gaming friends (and they don't mind... It can be done discretely) then you can probably slip back in a bit sooner. This helped us out, but it kinda depends on the maturity of your personal group, obviously.
My biggest problems haven't cropped up from my kids, it's been in really getting a group started... I'm in a military town, so deployments and people moving has played real hell with getting a good group set up.
I think it's much, much harder playing with a toddler than with an infant! Toddlers are REALLY INTERESTED in all the great little choking hazards we play with...
Also, I think it's been a helluva lot of fun sewing the seeds of future gamers. My daughter loves the minis and she loves going through some of my books (with supervision...there's a lot of imagery that I don't want a 4 year-old exposed to). I'll never forget, she was about 2 and saw the Demogorgon cover of Dungeon and said solemnly "Bad Monkey!" or her laughing at a gibbering mouther and saying "That eye-thing is silly!". Working on number recognition with dice, showing her how minis move on the tile-sets, her using my stuffed Cthulhu to play 'got-your-nose' with her brother... It's all groundwork for my own personal gaming group.
Congrats Dude!
Do not dispair... My nephew's father plays in my bi-monthly game. When his son was born, we (the group) stopped playing for a few weeks, and slowly began again after a couple of months.
Sure you'll probably have to cut some slack if you're gaming four times a week, but you shouldn't have to stop completely the hobby you love.
With a little re-scheduling, you'll be playing again in no time... Having a kid should not be a burden; It should be celebrated!
Ultradan
Congratulations from England!
Yes gaming is going to take a back seat for a while but look to the future!
my little girl is 5 and her favourite film is shrek! Its a great chance to watch all those movies you loved from the past, she loves Disneys, especially Peter Pan , but also ET, STar WArs(R2 D2 's her favourite) Narnia and remember Jim Henson's Dark Crystal and Labyrinth.
She also loves snuggling up with me on the sofa for saturday nights fix of Dr Who, She has A cyber man mask and a radio controlled K9.
She has just been getting out my D&d miniatures and loves to play with them, especially when i put on the funny voices.
I am just getting her ready for when can start gaming.
My friend plays with his 4 kids of 8 -13 and we go to conventions like Dragonmeet in London together.
Its one thing to be a gamer but introducing the next generation to the games we all love is the future of D&D and other role playing games.
Ah yes sowing the seeds of geekdom!
I now game with my seven year old son and eleven year old nephew. I am running Age of Worms and I have TPKed them twice (see obituaries) and made my son cry three times.
Great fun had by all - me especially.
Peebo
You are one twisted man!
LOL
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Ah yes sowing the seeds of geekdom!
I now game with my seven year old son and eleven year old nephew. I am running Age of Worms and I have TPKed them twice (see obituaries) and made my son cry three times.
Great fun had by all - me especially.
I remember the day I was FINALLY able to beat my dad at chess.
He ragged on me the whole game long from when I was 6 on. Then I finally got my revenge. It took til I was 21.No we play, whoever plays black can't win, all they can hope for is a stale; means we're about dead even...
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Ah yes sowing the seeds of geekdom!
I now game with my seven year old son and eleven year old nephew. I am running Age of Worms and I have TPKed them twice (see obituaries) and made my son cry three times.
Great fun had by all - me especially.
I remember the day I was FINALLY able to beat my dad at chess.
He ragged on me the whole game long from when I was 6 on. Then I finally got my revenge. It took til I was 21.
No we play, whoever plays black can't win, all they can hope for is a stale; means we're about dead even...
Sidenote Heathy: See the Threadjackers Thread...
Sidenote Heathy: See the Threadjackers Thread...Ah yes sowing the seeds of geekdom!
I now game with my seven year old son and eleven year old nephew. I am running Age of Worms and I have TPKed them twice (see obituaries) and made my son cry three times.
Great fun had by all - me especially.
I remember the day I was FINALLY able to beat my dad at chess.
He ragged on me the whole game long from when I was 6 on. Then I finally got my revenge. It took til I was 21.
No we play, whoever plays black can't win, all they can hope for is a stale; means we're about dead even...
I managed to miss out on the whole newborn thing taking on my wife's two kids from her previous marriage and not having any of my own. That aside my spare time, energy and cash are taken up by the extra activities that my two (a son of 16 and a daughter of 14) take part in so playing D&D has to take a back seat.
I should have been gaming this weekend just passed but something came up so i took the family to watch my kid brother wrestling instead (not a complete loss). If your mates ask you if you'd like a gift then a subscription is a great idea, either that or pick up one of the longer campaign arcs or APs such as SC or AoW (if it is ever produced) as they are pretty much plug and play.
It is good to be able to catch up with your mates just don't sacrifice too much to do it too often. My group plays once a month, twice if we can manage it for roughly six hours... as you can tell campaigns tend to take a while. Good luck mate, to you, your Mrs and the litt'lun too
Kendrik
Congrats dude! I've got a 15 month and one on the way in julish.
After the first few months it kinda calms down a bit. but yes it will take all of your energy to get through it. For me, my wife recognized that I put all my energy towards the family and keeping us a float. She saw that if I were to keep this up I would need time for me. Yes this helps. I don't care what kind of person you are everyone needs a release of some sort.
So I game every thursday and we have a date night friday and the rest of the week is normal.
If you are just a player it shouldn't be so bad. But if you are a DM like I'm trying to become.*chuckle* I study when the wife and kids go to sleep. Crunch time!
Well good luck man. this is prolly the best resource you can get beside time and the magazines.
Best wishes!
Daughter, 5; Son, 2. Daughter was way into princess and make-believe and knights, so I did what any good D&D parent would do- roll up a character with her, gave her some cool spells and equipment and a mini and we played. Her character and my DMPC had to save a kidnapped dog from an ogre in a cave. Surprised her with 2 wolves on the way. I kept the rules very simple, fudged a few rolls and we had a blast.
Planting the seeds...
Congratulations.
I don't plan on spawning anytime soon but as the daughter of a long time gamer, I'll tell you that some of my best memories of my dad are when we were playing D&D.
I made my first characer when I was about 8 and used to read the old 1st editon books for fun. About 11 years later, I'm still going strong.
From what I've heard of raising kids, it'll be a lot of work. But at least you'll always have someone to talk about D&D with loudly in public places.