Who could whup Conan?

[David Fryer]

Ambrosia Slaad wrote:

Only one man can kick Conan's ass:

"The year is 2009, and NASA launches the last of America's deep space probes. In a freak mishap, Ranger 3 and its pilot, Captain Carlos Ray "Chuck" Norris, are blown out of their trajectory into a wormhole which freezes his life support systems, and returns Chuck Norris to Earth, over 10,000 years in the past."

{cue futuristic techno country theme music}

Chuck Norris in the Hyborian Age!

Actually, the dirty secret is that during the Hyborian Age, Conan kicked Death's ass and earned immortality. Now he walks among us as Chuck Norris!

[Ambrosia Slaad]

Ambrosia Slaad wrote:

Only one man can kick Conan's ass:

"The year is 2009, and NASA launches the last of America's deep space probes. In a freak mishap, Ranger 3 and its pilot, Captain Carlos Ray "Chuck" Norris, are blown out of their trajectory into a wormhole which freezes his life support systems, and returns Chuck Norris to Earth, over 10,000 years in the past."

{cue futuristic techno country theme music}

Chuck Norris in the Hyborian Age!

Studpuffin wrote:

Little secret...

Chuck Norris is Conan's father.

That just means they mistake each other for enemies and massive fight between them ensues. Then evil Liberal ninja zombies show up, and Chuck and Conan kick their ass.

Unfortunately, this creates a temporal paradox. Unfortunate... for the temporal paradox, that is, who promptly gets its 4th dimensional ass kicked by the team of C & C!!!

[Sothmektri]

Somebody said Drizzt??? Conan would buttfloss with Drizzt.

[Mykull]

NORRIS: Conan, I am your father.
CONAN: No! That's not true! That's impossible!
NORRIS: ... {roundhouse kick snaps Atlantean steel sword in half on its way to the Cimmerian's face.}

[Xabulba]

Lemmiwinks would eat him up from the inside out.

[Sothmektri]

Mykull wrote:

NORRIS: Conan, I am your father.

CONAN: No! That's not true! That's impossible!
NORRIS: ... {roundhouse kick snaps Atlantean steel sword in half on its way to the Cimmerian's face.}

NORRIS: ... however, the Atlantean sword was an invention of L. Sprague De Camp, not Robert E. Howard purist canon, so *there is no sword* and Norris hyperextends his knee and falls to the ground!

CONAN: 'Crom's balls, that looked painful...' the Cimmerian tosses Norris' woman over his brawny shoulder, leaps into the saddle of Norris' horse, and heads for the nearest Motel 6.

'... but that is another tale....'

[Jal Dorak]

I think the real question is in the thread title:

Could The Who whup Conan O'Brien?

[Hungry Jack]

Cheesy-Chili Mashed Potatoes

Ingredients:
• 2 1/2 cups water
• 1 cup milk
• 1 to 1 1/4 teaspoons chili powder or to taste
• 1/4 teaspoon dried oregano leaves
• 2 (3.5 oz.) pouches Hungry Jack® Easy Mash'd Hearty Baked Mashed Potatoes
• 1 cup (4 oz.) shredded Cheddar cheese
• Diced tomato, chopped green onion, additional Cheddar cheese, for garnish

Preparation Directions:
1. COMBINE water, milk, chili powder, oregano and two pouches of mashed potatoes in a 2 1/2-quart microwave-safe bowl. Cover loosely with plastic wrap.
2. MICROWAVE on HIGH (100% power) 3 to 4 minutes or until heated through.
3. WHISK or mix with fork until potatoes are of desired contistency. Stir in cheese. Serve topped with diced tomato, chopped green onions and additional cheese.

Yield: 8 (1/2 c Servings
Prep Time: 3 min
Cook Time: 7 min

[Diya]

Hungry Jack wrote:

Cheesy-Chili Mashed Potatoes

Ingredients:
• 2 1/2 cups water
• 1 cup milk
• 1 to 1 1/4 teaspoons chili powder or to taste
• 1/4 teaspoon dried oregano leaves
• 2 (3.5 oz.) pouches Hungry Jack® Easy Mash'd Hearty Baked Mashed Potatoes
• 1 cup (4 oz.) shredded Cheddar cheese
• Diced tomato, chopped green onion, additional Cheddar cheese, for garnish

Preparation Directions:
1. COMBINE water, milk, chili powder, oregano and two pouches of mashed potatoes in a 2 1/2-quart microwave-safe bowl. Cover loosely with plastic wrap.
2. MICROWAVE on HIGH (100% power) 3 to 4 minutes or until heated through.
3. WHISK or mix with fork until potatoes are of desired contistency. Stir in cheese. Serve topped with diced tomato, chopped green onions and additional cheese.

Yield: 8 (1/2 c Servings
Prep Time: 3 min
Cook Time: 7 min

wooo... That definitely might put Conan down for a day or two at least. Nothing worse than Cimmerian Mudbutt.

[Tensor]

"The Frost Giant's Daughter" is my favorite Conan story.

"The clangor of the swords had died away, the shouting of the slaughter was hushed; silence lay on the red-stained snow. The bleak pale sun that glittered so blindingly from the ice-fields and the snow-covered plains struck sheens of silver from rent corselet and broken blade, where the dead lay as they had fallen. The nerveless hand yet gripped the broken hilt; helmeted heads back-drawn in the death-throes, tilted red beards and golden beards grimly upward, as if in last invocation to Ymir the frost-giant, god of a warrior-race..."

— Robert E. Howard, "The Frost-Giant's Daughter"

I was at my FLGS today, and noticed a new series of illustrated Conan books. The first one was good: >Dark Horse's "The Frost Giants Daughter"<

p.s. Conan kills wizards.

[Bill Lumberg]

Tensor wrote:

p.s. Conan kills wizards.

That is why Conan is not welcome at Hogwarts anymore.

[Heathansson]

Bill Lumberg wrote:

Tensor wrote:

p.s. Conan kills wizards.

That is why Conan is not welcome at Hogwarts anymore.

heh heh...Conan doesn't work Saturday either.

[Jal Dorak]

I'd like to see Voldemort call Conan a muggle.

Just finished reading Planet Hulk...I think it might go something like that. Incidentally if you like Conan and sci-fi and the Hulk, it's a great read.

[Bill Lumberg]

Heathansson wrote:

Bill Lumberg wrote:

Tensor wrote:

p.s. Conan kills wizards.

That is why Conan is not welcome at Hogwarts anymore.

heh heh...Conan doesn't work Saturday either.

That's why I have underlings like you.

Spoiler:

Just kidding, Heathy.

[Heathansson]

Jal Dorak wrote:

I'd like to see Voldemort call Conan a muggle.

Just finished reading Planet Hulk...I think it might go something like that. Incidentally if you like Conan and sci-fi and the Hulk, it's a great read.

I'm gonna pick it up eventually; can't afford it now.

[Heathansson]

Bill Lumberg wrote:

Heathansson wrote:

Bill Lumberg wrote:

Tensor wrote:

p.s. Conan kills wizards.

That is why Conan is not welcome at Hogwarts anymore.

heh heh...Conan doesn't work Saturday either.

That's why I have underlings like you.

** spoiler omitted **

I like my boiler room. It's cozy.

[Nasty Pajamas]

I'm going to say a bad economy, and getting laid off would land Conan on his arse.

[Shinmizu]

The Crimson Chin from Chincinatti.

[Heathansson]

Conan gave him a Cimmerian Cincinnati Surprise.

[DaphneNaiadAngelos]

Heathansson wrote:

I'm saying nobody. Probably nothing. Conan the Cimmerian could whup anybody.

Except Chuck Norris. I'm pretty sure that would be a draw.

[Tensor]

"One of the strangest photos that has ever been taken of space is that of the Eagle Nebula. The photo itself is supposed to show the birth of a star from the gaseous clouds. However, when the photo was shown on CNN, hundreds of calls came in from people reporting they could see a face in the cloud."

It is Conan

[ulgulanoth]

the wrapping around scissors could beat conan, a rubix cube could beat conan, hell a toaster would beat conan

[Cpt. Caboodle]

Heathansson, long time ago, wrote:

I ain't talking about William Shatner. He couldn't whip butter.

I'm talking about the real Captain James T. Kirk from Star Trek.

Crane.

Denny Crane.

5000 fights, hasn't lost a single one.

[Tensor]

ulgulanoth wrote:

... a rubix cube could beat conan, ...

Conan would dexterously solve a Rubix cube in no time. After which he would decapitate Professor Rubix, the guy who invented it – damn wizards.

[high G]

>This< top 10 warriors clip is wrong!!

Conan is the #1 Best warrior.

I feel embarrassed for its creator for publically displaying his ignorance.

[Urizen]

Can/Does anyone know how to extract the music file from the video as a separate audio-only mp3? I like how the poster gave O Fortuna! an electro-dance beat, to be honest.

[Tensor]

Urizen wrote:

Can/Does anyone know how to extract the music file from the video as a separate audio-only mp3? I like how the poster gave O Fortuna! an electro-dance beat, to be honest.

At the moment, this is the best algorithm I can come up with:

(1) Set up tape-recorder.
(2) Play video.
(3) Press [record] on tape-recorder.
(4) Press [stop] when video ends
(5) Re-wind tape.
(6) Fire up Windows Audio-recorder.
(7) Plug in mic to computer, and position near tape recorder.
(8) Press [play] on tape recorder, and [record] on Audio-recorder
(9) When tape finished, press [stop], [save-as], and wha-laa ... done.

:-)

Crom.

[Urizen]

Too much work. Must be an easier way. :D

[Grand Magus]

I know. I know. Over analysis of insignificant details.

[Mr.Fishy]

Tensor wrote:

"One of the strangest photos that has ever been taken of space is that of the Eagle Nebula. The photo itself is supposed to show the birth of a star from the gaseous clouds. However, when the photo was shown on CNN, hundreds of calls came in from people reporting they could see a face in the cloud."

It is Conan

Mr. Fishy and his trusty hickory axe handle made that happen. Your welcome.

Conan can not be defeated only stalled.

[Grand Magus]

Mr.Fishy wrote:

Mr. Fishy and his trusty hickory axe handle made that happen. Your welcome.

Conan can not be defeated only stalled.

Didn't Lincoln carry a hickory axe handle (for fun) ?

[LazarX]

Heathansson wrote:

I ain't talking about William Shatner. He couldn't whip butter.

I'm talking about the real Captain James T. Kirk from Star Trek.

Just this pair of sentences alone is the funniest thing this thread has produced.

You win sir.

[Prince That Howls]

Most of these guys.

[Grand Magus]

LazarX wrote:

Heathansson wrote:

I ain't talking about William Shatner. He couldn't whip butter.

I'm talking about the real Captain James T. Kirk from Star Trek.

Just this pair of sentences alone is the funniest thing this thread has produced.

You win sir.

in answer, i'm a god, i'm a sumurai yay. i'm lit up non-stop, not afraid to die.

[Yucale]

Ivan Braginski could whup anyone's a$$, without even trying.

[Tensor]

Godzilla heard a commotion coming from over the next hill. He turned his head to look in that direction and burped. Then spit out the toothpick he was chewing on.

He began walking, wondering what was going on over here in this thread, and in the mood for a fight.

Feel your fear.

[Spanky the Leprechaun]

KING Conan said he best bring a sammich.

[Hudak]

I killed Black Magga, and I wouldn't mess with Conan.

[Bertious]

I'm gonna have to go with

1/ The Spanish Inquisition

2/ Randolph Scott or

3/ THE SHADOW!?!

[TheWhiteknife]

Homer Simpson would be a draw in a bare knuckle fist fight. With that extra layer of fat protecting his brain and all. Also, Bizarro Conan.

[Crimson Jester]

Conan could whup Conan.

[Jaelithe]

I haven't read the whole thread, so forgive me if I'm repeating stuff.

Has anyone mentioned Batman, given time to plan?

How about Captain America?

Miyamoto Musashi? [Or am I getting too serious with this one?]

[Crimson Jester]

Jaelithe wrote:

I haven't read the whole thread, so forgive me if I'm repeating stuff.

Has anyone mentioned Batman, given time to plan?

You just did. I am sure it would be epic.

Jaelithe wrote:

How about Captain America?

Marvel did that one, Conan got a nice new shield out of the deal.

Jaelithe wrote:

Miyamoto Musashi? [Or am I getting too serious with this one?]

Way too serious. But once again it would be epic. Also I think it would be one of the few times Conan would get beat upon with items such as a oar.

[Jaelithe]

Crimson Jester wrote:

Jaelithe wrote:

How about Captain America?

Marvel did that one, Conan got a nice new shield out of the deal.

Hmm. Interesting. I'd give Cap a more than even chance. He's the only one of the three physically stronger than Conan (though the Cimmerian's legendary power makes this a near wash), possesses an indestructible shield ... superior hand-to-hand combat skills ... and can handle himself in melee, as well.

Of course, Conan ain't above a few dirty tricks, and Cap's a little too much of a straight shooter, at times. If they fought 100 bouts, I'd probably give it to Cap, say, 53-47, with Conan winning most of the encounters that stayed weapon-to-weapon, and Cap taking the majority of those that came down to grapple, punch and kick.

Conan (especially in his later years as King of Aquilonia) might well be so experienced a combatant that Musashi's favored and famed psychological tactics would be of little or no avail. If not, well ... Conan would probably defeat him. If he did get under the Cimmerian's skin, though, I'd favor history's greatest samurai.

As for Batman, well ... the longer he has to study Conan, the more likely his eventual victory is. Thrown in a room together having never encountered each other, though, Batman would likely underestimate Conan, and pay a fatal price.

[Interesting note: Batman has admitted more than once that Cap would likely take him straight up.]

[Kthulhu]

Crom

[Bill Lumberg]

Remember the Verb guy from "Schoolhouse Rock"? He could do anything as long as there is a verb for it. Since "whup" is a verb, he could whup Conan.

[Spanky the Leprechaun]

Bill Lumberg wrote:

Remember the Verb guy from "Schoolhouse Rock"? He could do anything as long as there is a verb for it. Since "whup" is a verb, he could whup Conan.

You ARE just a Bill.

[Shifty]

Jaelithe wrote:

If he did get under the Cimmerian's skin, though, I'd favor history's greatest samurai.

/cough RONIN /cough :p

[Jaelithe]

Shifty wrote:

Jaelithe wrote:

If he did get under the Cimmerian's skin, though, I'd favor history's greatest samurai.

/cough RONIN /cough :p

He was both during his lifetime. He's usually remembered as a samurai.

And, at any rate, a ronin is, after all, by definition a masterless samurai—"samurai" being the operative word. They still wore the long and short.

In this case, a difference which makes no difference is no difference.

[Shifty]

ok I'm a nitpicker :)