. This last element shocked even the most
staunch Maury viewer, so they brought Jerry
"Orcus" Springer in for a change of
pace, along with his bald tough guy
to forcefully give paternity tests to everyone
Suddenly, Mr. T and Govener Termanator got
news that their love child, Justin Timberlake
released the Savage Tide in Malibu. Hasselhoff
, who is no stranger to demonic influences,
raveningly hungered to taste the flesh of
his friends and allies. However, KITT was
hooked on nitrous and couldn't slow down
his tricycle as he approached a sharp
wall of vorpal blades that mysteriously appeared
when Donald Rumsfeld muttered an incantation that
summoned Neo, Miss Congeniality, and a bus
that was wired to blow up when
it anti-life shell was dispelled by extraplanar
tinkertoy golems with girdles of storm giant
stench and ioun stones that granted intense
pain in the cerebral cortex due to
their repeated collision with the golems' heads
. Rumsfeld gave a knowing grin and sipped
a mixture of bile, the blood of
troglodyte witchdoctors and the brain juices of
far realm ponies. This tasty brew went
up in flames when exposed to fresh
air passed from out of a bullock.
Rumsfeld merely chuckled at the inferno engulfing
the D-list celebrities facing him; he had
thought the opposition would be a bit
tougher, still...chewing through them, his dentures
got caught on the bikini briefs of
Alan Thicke, and he had to extract
them lest he become disarmed - without dentures,
he couldn't deliver his poisonous bite attack
and was defenseless as a newborn baby
in a trash compactor. Fortunately, his oracular
ice cream man, Jean Claud Van Damme
was around to provide backup, in case
the fiendish halfling wrestlers from Nacho Libre
started talking smack. Bad news was, JeanClaude
was packing Nair. The gnarley little fiends
were powerless without their body hair. They
tried to attack Van Damme, but he
had mad skillz with the squirt bottle
and they screamed like pigs when the
hair shed from their backs in clumps.
Sans hair, the little freaks closely resembled
small versions of David Schwimmer with bad
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