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Very Tempermental PlantJack's page

184 posts. Alias of Kobold Cleaver.


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Did somebody say the word "jack" in some unrelated context???


Crimson Jester wrote:
Of course not.

*Puts in Jackapult*

This is for the weed exterminating liquid which you sprayed upon me many posts ago, unintelligent burglar!
*Fires at poodle thread*


Crimson Jester wrote:
Horny The Leprechaun wrote:
*sacrifices a virgin to Moorluck*
But But I wanted that@!

It would appear that Crimson Jester, once a significant force and leader of a thieves' guild, is now a--I gasp--cultist!

You fools can not steal the Angry Jack's Cult's main source of power. We will destroy you all. It is possible, at any rate. We may tolerate you if we are provided with a tithe. But it is not in a Angry Jack's Cultist's way to be forgiving enough to avoid annihilating any who may or may not incur his/her wrath.


The Hurl of Sandwich wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:
The Hurl of Sandwich wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:
Malice Jack wrote:
yanks finger

BBBRRRRRRRRAAAPPPPPPP!

Oh, lumpy.

Thanks!

Gross!

HUUUUUURRRRLLLL!!!

Who the heck are you?

*punts stranger*

I get air....sick.....

UUUUURRRRRPPP!

Thank you very much for the fertilizer.


Borg Chachi wrote:
Easy Rusty, you will have a chance to feed soon enough. In the mean time why don't you snack on some of those old cans over there?

Actually, many of us are made from ceramic, mostly, with only a few of us still resembling our original selves. None of us except Acme are metal, though.


"Listen, I might have done great harm to your daughter. I have given her second sight. At first, I thought I was giving her a gift...but then I realized just how young she is. I am very worried...that the Mask will try to seize the advantage on this."


lynora-Jill wrote:
"Oh. Well, I'm here now. What can I do for you, PlantJack?"

"Ah, Lynora. I have a few messages for you.

"First of all, you can trust Frost.
"Second, what do you mean, 'drama queen'?! I was simply protesting the injustice that you would not come to me in person!" He chuckles but presses on.
"Third, I have heard rumors that you have given The Mask shelter, and that Frogskin has given him the same, but of...a different nature. Lynora, this is folly. He is a trickster, and he is still the foul creature who animated the dead servants of Calistria. You know as well as I do that your wards do not block evil creatures, but those who mean harm to others within. Why do you think he possessed Frogskin? I believe it may confuse the wards just enough to get in there, as long as Frogskin remains innocent.
"Fourth: I am worried that he will not. He has not slept in ages, the Mask barely kept under his skin. It's only a matter of time before he cracks, and it is my belief that in such a case, he will be in the most danger. From the Mask...and from Jack Hammer and the others.
"Fifth...Lynora, I truly am sorry about this. I wonder if it was the right decision at times." He seems hesitant to continue.


Lilsa is silent for a moment. She closes her brown eyes. When she reopens them, they are bright green.
"Who are you? The woman told me she would take me to Lynora."


Jack Hammer wrote:
Very Tempermental PlantJack wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:
Obi-Jack wrote:
I do not see it on Butterfrog's Deviantart.
here's a link to another site link to immortaty BTW, this graphic is a gift to you all. Enjoy it responsibly. ;)

That is ni--WAIT A MINUTE! Why did the slaad get on there and I did not?!

*Glares*
Figures, you leave for a little while and EVERYBODY forgets about you....
What slaad? Angel of Violence is a Jill, as is LJ. ???

What? that is not Angel of Violence! That is the stupid Bunny slaad thingy!

Yes, actually. Hungry Jack cooking. It doesn't even need to degrade, it starts out that way!


Jack Hammer wrote:
Obi-Jack wrote:
I do not see it on Butterfrog's Deviantart.
here's a link to another site link to immortaty BTW, this graphic is a gift to you all. Enjoy it responsibly. ;)

That is ni--WAIT A MINUTE! Why did the slaad get on there and I did not?!

*Glares*
Figures, you leave for a little while and EVERYBODY forgets about you....


She hears a voice in her head, more like a memory.
"My gift to you..."


lynora-Jill wrote:
Very Tempermental PlantJack wrote:
A glowing green orb flies into the Eyrie. It stands outside the door to Lynora's room.

The door opens as Arielle is leaving. She looks at the orb and back at her mother questioningly.

"It's alright, Arielle. You can go find your friends."

She modifies the barrier to allow the orb to enter if it wishes.

It does not. It zooms towards Arielle, and flies right in front of her forehead. it touches it, and vanishes.

Spoiler:
She now has the gift of prophecy.


A glowing green orb flies into the Eyrie. It stands outside the door to Lynora's room.


Ninja'ed.
Plantjack catches the bottle.
"Thank the heavens. I must reward that child...something tells me she may need it." He sends a viny tendril into the air, and something is sent to Arielle, wherever she is. Then Plantjack begins fading.
"Thank you so much....my final rest..."
He vanishes.


The Executioner of Lilies wrote:

For a moment Plantjack has a sense of unease - a feeling almost of the creeping shadows starting to gather of a tormentor he had dared to hope that he had rid himself of a long time ago.

Edit:
See the profile, though doubtful that Plantjack knew what she was or the extent of any limits that she has (such as the restrictions to shapechanging); just that she seemed impossible to kill and that for a period of twenty seven days she seemed bent on making his life as miserable as possible without actually physically harming him.

Plantjack feels a chill. "Arielle, I think it best you get out of here soon. The Weedwhacker is near. My soul can be saved by incarnum. That is the only way I know of, and only a god--or one who knows certain secrets of the gods--can give me enough incarnum to help. I am like a swarm of bees, trapped in a jar. I can only be saved if I have a bigger jar. They must cast the incarnum harvested with their knowledge to Plant of the Ch'acks. It will find me. Please, this is my last chance. Now go!"


Arielle wrote:
Very Tempermental PlantJack wrote:

Plant looks offended.

"I was not being a 'drama queen'. I needed somebody to communicate through. Who the hell are you? Mom?? Don't tell me Lynora has a daughter!"
"Yep, she does. I'm Arielle. And I think mom is busy with something right now. She's not a telephone service, you know. Anyways, here I am, so if you have something you need to communicate go right ahead."

"I need help. My soul will fade back into the ether as soon as this dream ends. It came into existence here, as an act of pity by the Boardmother perhaps, but only for a short time. Arielle, I do not want to fade. I want an afterlife. My soul can be saved, but only with the help of Lynora or another who has known the power of a god. Other than your mother, though, I know of no such individual who will help. Do you?"


Arielle wrote:
Very Tempermental PlantJack wrote:
Plantjack--no, just Plant now--searches his memories. Finally, he decides on a desperate attempt to reach Lynora's friends, particularly those who have a bond with her. He can only pray it works. For now, though, all he can do is rest, and try to regain his strength. He'll need it.

His rest is interrupted by an annoyingly cheerful voice.

"Mom says to tell you that she hasn't forgotten you and to stop being such a drama queen. Oh, and that she's not allowed in the Realms of Dream so you were asking the wrong person for help in the first place."

The person before him keeps changing as he tries to look at her. Sometimes she appears as a small auburn-haired child, sometimes as an older child with blue hair and blueish skin, sometimes as a young woman. The only thing that's constant is her eyes, a brilliant green.

"I've only got a limited time here myself, so no beating around the bush, so to speak." ^.^

Plant looks offended.

"I was not being a 'drama queen'. I needed somebody to communicate through. Who the hell are you? Mom?? Don't tell me Lynora has a daughter!"


Plantjack--no, just Plant now--searches his memories. Finally, he decides on a desperate attempt to reach Lynora's friends, particularly those who have a bond with her. He can only pray it works. For now, though, all he can do is rest, and try to regain his strength. He'll need it.


The plant weeps.
"I cannot believe this. We were brethren once. Now, she will let me fade back into nonexistance for the sake of her breakdown. I must find another way. I will NOT fade!"


lynora-Jill wrote:
Very Tempermental PlantJack wrote:

Suddenly, there is a faint voice in Lynora's mind.

"Lynora...can you hear me? This is Plantjack! Can you hear me?"
:Unless it involves the universe ending, go away. I'm not in the mood to hear it right now.:

"Dammit! This is no time for stubbornness! I have very little tim--"

The voice fades.
I probably should've expected that. Right, Plan B.


Suddenly, there is a faint voice in Lynora's mind.
"Lynora...can you hear me? This is Plantjack! Can you hear me?"


A plant stirs in the dawn light. Two glowing eyes form, as it begins moving.
"I...am manifest...I...live. I must...not waste this opprotunity. My soul is saved, but not for long. The barriers...I may be unable to project outside Jack Hammer's dream...but I must tell them...I sense a bond...between Lynora and Jack Hammer...I may be able to exploit this..."
Returning with style, for a short time only!


Ambrosia Slaad wrote:
KaeYoss wrote:
You have to bring up spiders. I hate spiders. The more legs it has, the less I like it. That sometimes starts at 2. When we get to 8, it's far too late.

So, by that reasoning, do you hate spiders twice as much as poodles? Or does it go up by orders of magnitude?

Yes, please show your work when you calculate your hate. ;)

Yoink!

*Comes in and swallows Ambrosia Slaad*
It is no longer a danger, Jacks.


Indeed. Is everything being alright? It is quite different since I had left.


Chicken Slaad wrote:

<comes running into the thread>

It's so scary out there and I ...

<looks around at the random destruction>

Do you all redecorate?

<Notices signs of the Jacks having been here ... empty beer cans, discarded copies of Play Poodle, the LAW-mower>

AHHHHH!!! JACKS!!!

<runs out of thread in a cloud of feathers>

Not to mention myself. They failed to punt me out do to my roots.

I am going to depart now, though. I am tired of all this. the beer poisoners have been punished, and that is enough.
*Leaves*


Dick Cheney wrote:
*casts disintegrate on VTPJ*

That provokes an attack of opprotunity, Dick Cheney.

*Smacks former VP. Spell fails*


Dick Cheney wrote:
Devlyn, Jack o' Nine Dales wrote:
Dick Cheney wrote:
Very Tempermental PlantJack wrote:
Dick Cheney wrote:

*calls in a fleet of mercenaries who arrive via Blackhawk helicopter and open fire on the jacks*

*shoots Egg Slaad in the face*

Oh, sorry about that, buddy.

*Thorny roots spring up from the ground and strangle the mercenaries*
*mercenaries set fire to VTPJ*

Shadow Jumps in. Brandishes Nobel Peace Prize like a holy symbol in front of Dick Cheney, then clubs him over the head with it to 'Turn' him. Shadow Jumps out.

Sorry - it's all I could think of... ;P

You'll never get through my turn resistance. But that kinda hurt when you hit me in the head. You shouldn't hit people.

*Holds jug of holy water*

Back! Back!


Dick Cheney wrote:
Very Tempermental PlantJack wrote:
Dick Cheney wrote:

*calls in a fleet of mercenaries who arrive via Blackhawk helicopter and open fire on the jacks*

*shoots Egg Slaad in the face*

Oh, sorry about that, buddy.

*Thorny roots spring up from the ground and strangle the mercenaries*
*mercenaries set fire to VTPJ*

I am immune. I am a golem, do you remember?


Dick Cheney wrote:

*calls in a fleet of mercenaries who arrive via Blackhawk helicopter and open fire on the jacks*

*shoots Egg Slaad in the face*

Oh, sorry about that, buddy.

*Thorny roots spring up from the ground and strangle the mercenaries*


Dick Cheney wrote:
I told you you wouldn't like it when I'm angry.

Oh sh**.

This raid is going sour.


Tossed Slaad wrote:
You're making me angry. And you won't like me when I'm angry.

*Tosses slaad again*

There are a lot of walls here. And I think I shall like your anger a great deal. This is boring.


Tossed Slaad wrote:
Very Tempermental PlantJack wrote:
Tossed Slaad wrote:
Very Tempermental PlantJack wrote:
I am back! Did anybody miss me?
I didn't.
That is too bad. *Picks up slaad in vines and throws him at convenient wall*

Ouch!

I don't got into your threads and start throwing people around! Although I appreciate the chaos of it...

Yes... Yes indeed. With your chaotic natures, you are slowly becoming slaadi yourselves. I can see it now.

We were here first, you morons. You're becoming us. Or are you corrupted versions of us or suchwhat? It is difficult to be certain.

*Throws against wall again*


Tossed Slaad wrote:
Very Tempermental PlantJack wrote:
I am back! Did anybody miss me?
I didn't.

That is too bad. *Picks up slaad in vines and throws him at convenient wall*


Tossed Slaad wrote:

*hands out some more beers to the Jacks*

See? We can be friends.

*Suddenly, in an old forest, miles away, a call is heard...a call that there is poisonous beer. This call enrages our hero, who flies in through the planes to save the day, and the skunk...*

SUPER PLANTJACK!
*Removes poison from Jackskunk and smashes beers*
I am back! Did anybody miss me?


lynora-Jill wrote:
Within the World Tree, LJ wanders. No more dancing with stars and feeling the power of the universe as it moves. Here she was just herself, alone. There are many worlds that connect here, but she can only look at them from afar, stuck within the tree itself where she chose to fasten her life force until she either dies for good or is called back to the living world.

Lynora feels a presence nearby her.


Innocent Blood wrote:

Innocent Blood screams, jacknifing as the disk attaches to her. She flings her hands to the sky

KARRAGH MORVOGH'TH TREVIGH NIHILO KALIYOG!

The entire thread shivers and the disk explodes in a thousand shards

"Well played. But the Board is friend to you no longer."


Innocent Blood wrote:
Azuri'ith wrote:


Azuri'ith also enters the fray, wading into the undead and battering them with powerful winds.
Innocent Blood notices this new threat and shoots a green glowing bolt of energy at the elder air elemental.

Then she sees that Plantjack has arrived. He glares at her.

"Too long have you threatened us. You broke Rio's heart, you broke Alaina's mind, you broke so many bodies. But no longer."
He pulls out the disk.
"Feel the wrath of flame."
A bit of flame shoots from the cleaver into the disk. It starts glowing bright orange.
"Feel the strength of earth."
The disk turns into stone.
"Feel the determination of wind."
A hole appears in the disk, which winds rush through.
"Feel the eternity of water."
The disk becomes wet to the touch.
"Feel the wisdom of Board Essence."
The stone begins floating in the air.
"Feel the power of Incarnum!" Plantjack shouts. The disk becomes ethereal. Plantjack begins fading. "From my own soul..."
Plantjack disappears.
"Feel."
The stone flies at Innocent Blood, and attaches itself to her. She feels pain, pain the likes of which she hasn't felt since she died. The disk will not come off. She feels her power over Board Essence slipping away, until she hardly has any left.
"Finally...."


... wrote:

Roughly a mile away from the Army of Life a huge portal opens and swarms of undead and carny freaks emerge, setting up defensive lines facing their foes. The Steel Tsar, riding his skeletal smilodon rides back and forth along the lines. Massive undead siege engines built of leviathan bones roll forward and dracolichs patrol the sky.

In front of it all floats Innocent Blood.

Plantjack appears.

"Finally."
He grabs a small wooden disk and sighs.
"Finally."
He grabs something out of his pack. The Cleaver! But it looks weak, mostly dormant. While the disk glows with life.
"Goodbye. My affairs are in order."
He charges straight at Innocent Blood, blasting all in his way.


lynora-Jill wrote:

"Joe!" she gasps in horror. "What happened to you?"

She absent-mindedly sends a wind to catch PlantJack before he hits the ground.

Plantjack gasps.

"Thank you. I really have to go."
He vanishes, with some difficulty.
See ya all later!


Mah Cousin Joe wrote:

Suddenly, a cloaked figure appears.

"Actually..."
The figure takes off his hood. Under it is a skeletal kobold, with a strange orb in one eye. But it is Joe.
"...It could."

Plantjack leaps back in horror, causing him to lose his grip and fall.

"YouAAAUG!


lynora-Jill wrote:
Very Tempermental PlantJack wrote:

"It doesn't support them. It's a complex branch, but really they all just believe that the ends justify the means. If they stop someone from taking over, even if they use Black magic, it's all still good, from their point of view. Even if innocents die.

"And I don't know who. We had an old leader, but...no, it couldn't be him."

"Intentionally or not, it supports them. Using the Black disrupts the Song. You would not believe the amount of work required to put things right after something like that decides to 'fix' things. And exactly what have they protected when they accomplish the destruction of everything that was being taken over? They will only become that which they claim to fight."

"Who was this leader that you had? Even if it couldn't be him, it might give some insight to know."

Plantjack sighs.

"Well, you see, before the Jacks...captured him, Joe was. He was utterly incompetent, though, and only became a leader because of Meepo's and Esmerelda's interference. Back then, they were highly respected Protectors. After Joe was elected, though, everyone realized their mistake. We didn't even like to talk about him to people. It's his fault that the Servants are dying out. But it couldn't be him."


lynora-Jill wrote:
Very Tempermental PlantJack wrote:
"No!" Plantjack says urgently. "Kobold Cleaver knew that. He's not in charge of the Servants. Somebody else must have put him in that position. You can't leave the Servants."
"PlantJack, there is always a choice, no matter how unpleasant. But who precisely would have been in a position to disband the protectors and empower a group that strengthens Innocent Blood's goals?"

"It doesn't support them. It's a complex branch, but really they all just believe that the ends justify the means. If they stop someone from taking over, even if they use Black magic, it's all still good, from their point of view. Even if innocents die.

"And I don't know who. We had an old leader, but...no, it couldn't be him."


lynora-Jill wrote:
Very Tempermental PlantJack wrote:
]"The Protectors of teh Board has been disbanded. Kobold Cleaver has been moved to the Blackguards. They're an almost dead branch of people who use the Black's magic to protect the Board. Most of us dislike talking about them."
She shakes her head sadly. "Foolish kobold. I tried to tell him. I offered to help him. You cannot use the powers of unlife in order to protect life. I fear he is lost to us for good this time."

"No!" Plantjack says urgently. "Kobold Cleaver knew that. He's not in charge of the Servants. Somebody else must have put him in that position. You can't leave the Servants."


lynora-Jill wrote:
Very Tempermental PlantJack wrote:
"Now, bear in mind that it is quite possibly untrue...but he has been a bit cynical lately...."
"Just tell me, PlantJack. Your mention of cynical leads me to believe that you speak of the kobold. What has he done?"

"The Protectors of teh Board has been disbanded. Kobold Cleaver has been moved to the Blackguards. They're an almost dead branch of people who use the Black's magic to protect the Board. Most of us dislike talking about them."


lynora-Jill wrote:
Very Tempermental PlantJack wrote:

Plantjack comes in. It looks like he's struggling, holding onto one of the nests.

"This place isn't really plant-friendly.
"Lynora, I have some bad news. Well, more bad news."

"I'm sorry PlantJack. We wanted the Eyrie to be safe, and the mountains make a good natural fortress to start with."

"What bad news do you have?"

"Now, bear in mind that it is quite possibly untrue...but he has been a bit cynical lately...."


Plantjack comes in. It looks like he's struggling, holding onto one of the nests.
"This place isn't really plant-friendly.
"Lynora, I have some bad news. Well, more bad news."


Shovastika wrote:

Of course all of this could be a cunning plot to mislead me and get me to report this to you...

I'll leave you to make your mind up on that. You know Kobold Cleaver and who he reports to.

Plantjack takes a step back. Then, he turns to the two intruders.

"Get. Out."


Prince Azran wrote:

He rolls his eyes but says nothing more and waits whilst she collects the birdcage with its solitary surviving imp, puts the knife away, and comes back to join him. Then, arm in arm, they depart the Place of the Winds.

Plantjack appears.

"Really, this is beginning to get annoying. Create your own home, this is not for you. Please depart, I'm, not in the mood for a fight. Really, I'm growing sick of guarding this place."


Auruns the Goblin wrote:
Very Tempermental PlantJack wrote:
Auruns the Goblin wrote:

The goblin approaches PlantJack, his desert robes flapping.

You be one of the champions of the boards?
"Indeed I am. Aren't you that goblin who serves the 8th Runelord?"

Uh, one of them.

Auruns take sample of the stuff which reddish skeletons that attack the oasis the other day turn to when dead to the bazaar and spend a good deal of time asking a great many sages and wise men questions about it.
Sages say analysis very difficult, some say undead, some say constructs.
Eighth Runelord busy watching for moves by something dangerous and sneaky-clever, and not have time to take look at sample.
All sages say that attacking creatures likely created by powerful wizard or necromancer, and one say that nine thousand years ago a dracolich from the Realm of Dreams try something similar, but his magic not work very well and skeletons then fall to pieces if they try to fight; but Auruns see that skeletons which attack Oasis not fall to pieces when they fight, but need knocking apart, so Auruns think that this must be a better wizard than that dracolich.

"Thank you, Auruns. This is most helpful." Plantjack seems to smile, though it's hard to tell on a plant.


The Shadow wrote:
Very Tempermental PlantJack wrote:
I would be wary, if I were you."
"I have nothing to fear from Aidan."

"It isn't that. Champions are in constant danger. Especially since the Tsar likely wants his job back. Be careful. Or--Aidan meeds protection."

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