The Angry Jack Cult


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Egg Slaad wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:

Looks like the slaads are just as fragmented as we are. What fun is a war when nobody shows up? Without the weeping, wailing, and lamentation of their women as we drive them before us it just isn't the same.

I'll reconnoiter. Maybe I can provoke them.

<pops in from the Maelstrom and starts flinging spheres of Chaos throughout the Jacks' thread>

Mwahahahahaha!!! Let the chaos be released!!!

<the spheres of Chaos explode with random effects, changing the Jacks' manly outfits into tutus, calling forth masses of lemmings who jump into the Jacks' pool and start playing Marco Polo, changing the paint job on the Jacks' house to a plum paisley print, turns all their liquor into kumquat flavored Kool-aid, etc>

Messin' with our booze?! That's low.

dusts off the LAW-mower and turns it loose on the chaos spheres

Haven't used this in a while but it should still work.


General J. Debauchery wrote:
Egg Slaad wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:

Looks like the slaads are just as fragmented as we are. What fun is a war when nobody shows up? Without the weeping, wailing, and lamentation of their women as we drive them before us it just isn't the same.

I'll reconnoiter. Maybe I can provoke them.

<pops in from the Maelstrom and starts flinging spheres of Chaos throughout the Jacks' thread>

Mwahahahahaha!!! Let the chaos be released!!!

<the spheres of Chaos explode with random effects, changing the Jacks' manly outfits into tutus, calling forth masses of lemmings who jump into the Jacks' pool and start playing Marco Polo, changing the paint job on the Jacks' house to a plum paisley print, turns all their liquor into kumquat flavored Kool-aid, etc>

Messin' with our booze?! That's low.

dusts off the LAW-mower and turns it loose on the chaos spheres

Haven't used this in a while but it should still work.

<takes a quick photo of the General mowing Chaos Spheres while wearing a tutu and jumps back to the Maelstrom before the inevitable explosion from cutting Chaos spheres with a LAW-mower>


Egg Slaad wrote:
General J. Debauchery wrote:
Egg Slaad wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:

Looks like the slaads are just as fragmented as we are. What fun is a war when nobody shows up? Without the weeping, wailing, and lamentation of their women as we drive them before us it just isn't the same.

I'll reconnoiter. Maybe I can provoke them.

<pops in from the Maelstrom and starts flinging spheres of Chaos throughout the Jacks' thread>

Mwahahahahaha!!! Let the chaos be released!!!

<the spheres of Chaos explode with random effects, changing the Jacks' manly outfits into tutus, calling forth masses of lemmings who jump into the Jacks' pool and start playing Marco Polo, changing the paint job on the Jacks' house to a plum paisley print, turns all their liquor into kumquat flavored Kool-aid, etc>

Messin' with our booze?! That's low.

dusts off the LAW-mower and turns it loose on the chaos spheres

Haven't used this in a while but it should still work.

<takes a quick photo of the General mowing Chaos Spheres while wearing a tutu and jumps back to the Maelstrom before the inevitable explosion from cutting Chaos spheres with a LAW-mower>

Silly Slaad. I go commando all the time!

Places a copy of Play Poodle under a box, held up by a stick with a string attached. Waits for slaad to return.

Sovereign Court

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Release the Inevitable Sm*rfs!


Callous Jack wrote:
Release the Inevitable Smvrfs!

Eeek! Begins launching the invisible smvrfs into the Slaad Thread.

Boss must be ticked, to pull out the big guns so soon.


<pops in from the Maelstrom and proceeds to fling numerous Chaos spheres which burst open, releasing raw Chaos into the Jacks' thread, turning the Jacks' yard orange with small purple dots, covering lynora-jill in regenerating levels of Victorian era dress, animating the Jackapult which runs in circles in the yard as it chases invisible smu*fs and turns all of the Jacks' risque entertainment into DVDs of bad stand-up comedy and magazines filled with home gardening tips>

Hmmm ... out of spheres ... be back soon

<pops back to the Maelstrom>


Egg Slaad wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:

Looks like the slaads are just as fragmented as we are. What fun is a war when nobody shows up? Without the weeping, wailing, and lamentation of their women as we drive them before us it just isn't the same.

I'll reconnoiter. Maybe I can provoke them.

<pops in from the Maelstrom and starts flinging spheres of Chaos throughout the Jacks' thread>

Mwahahahahaha!!! Let the chaos be released!!!

<the spheres of Chaos explode with random effects, changing the Jacks' manly outfits into tutus, calling forth masses of lemmings who jump into the Jacks' pool and start playing Marco Polo, changing the paint job on the Jacks' house to a plum paisley print, turns all their liquor into kumquat flavored Kool-aid, etc>

Holy--

*Rages*
Grabs slaad and sticks in Jackapult. Drops acid in Jackapult and fires at slaad thread*
You forget, skunks have the stats of wolverines!
*Runs off to slaad thread to kill some more*
*Ignores plothole*


The chaos balls fizzle whenever they strike the axiomatic fields that are revealed to protect all construction zones. The money spent on the project wizard was well spent. The finishing coat of paint is being put on a large skunk guard house placed under the shade of a plane tree out on the front lawn.


Egg Slaad wrote:
...covering lynora-jill in regenerating levels of Victorian era dress...

{telepathically:} HEY! Don't hurt Lynora-Jill! Her skin will suffocate under all those clothes!

*Now I'm imagining LJ covered in gold paint- Argh, naughty thoughts!, naughty thoughts!, naughty thoughts!...*


Ambrosia Slaad wrote:
Egg Slaad wrote:
...covering lynora-jill in regenerating levels of Victorian era dress...

{telepathically:} HEY! Don't hurt Lynora-Jill! Her skin will suffocate under all those clothes!

*Now I'm imagining LJ covered in gold paint- Argh, naughty thoughts!, naughty thoughts!, naughty thoughts!...*

It's okay. I'm pretty sure my new pet hydra hatchling with a lot of templates added can handle destroying some pesky clothing. ;)


lynora-Jill wrote:
Ambrosia Slaad wrote:
Egg Slaad wrote:
...covering lynora-jill in regenerating levels of Victorian era dress...

{telepathically:} HEY! Don't hurt Lynora-Jill! Her skin will suffocate under all those clothes!

*Now I'm imagining LJ covered in gold paint- Argh, naughty thoughts!, naughty thoughts!, naughty thoughts!...*

It's okay. I'm pretty sure my new pet hydra hatchling with a lot of templates added can handle destroying some pesky clothing. ;)

Hey! When I suggested that you didn't like the idea. *grumble*


R. S. Powerhouse wrote:
The chaos balls fizzle whenever they strike the axiomatic fields that are revealed to protect all construction zones. The money spent on the project wizard was well spent. The finishing coat of paint is being put on a large skunk guard house placed under the shade of a plane tree out on the front lawn.

Not to second guess Panama but a couple of stone guardians at the entry to the CJ monument woulda been cool. You know, like a JackSphinx? linky

I'll pay for the change order if it works with the design intent.


Jack Hammer wrote:
lynora-Jill wrote:
Ambrosia Slaad wrote:
Egg Slaad wrote:
...covering lynora-jill in regenerating levels of Victorian era dress...

{telepathically:} HEY! Don't hurt Lynora-Jill! Her skin will suffocate under all those clothes!

*Now I'm imagining LJ covered in gold paint- Argh, naughty thoughts!, naughty thoughts!, naughty thoughts!...*

It's okay. I'm pretty sure my new pet hydra hatchling with a lot of templates added can handle destroying some pesky clothing. ;)
Hey! When I suggested that you didn't like the idea. *grumble*

We define what level of clothing qualifies as pesky differently ;)


lynora-Jill wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:
lynora-Jill wrote:
Ambrosia Slaad wrote:
Egg Slaad wrote:
...covering lynora-jill in regenerating levels of Victorian era dress...

{telepathically:} HEY! Don't hurt Lynora-Jill! Her skin will suffocate under all those clothes!

*Now I'm imagining LJ covered in gold paint- Argh, naughty thoughts!, naughty thoughts!, naughty thoughts!...*

It's okay. I'm pretty sure my new pet hydra hatchling with a lot of templates added can handle destroying some pesky clothing. ;)
Hey! When I suggested that you didn't like the idea. *grumble*
We define what level of clothing qualifies as pesky differently ;)

pesky = anything that covers up a HAWTY ;)


Salty Jack comes sailing in. Thru the air, not thru the sea.

Hmmph! Pesky slaadi think they can simply say 'you go home now' and we'll leave?

Jumps into Jackapult and launches himself back to the war


JH bounces back into the thread

Ouch!

Hey Jacks! Can't wage this war all by my lonesome!

Besides, all their beer has acid in it.


Jack Hammer wrote:
R. S. Powerhouse wrote:
The chaos balls fizzle whenever they strike the axiomatic fields that are revealed to protect all construction zones. The money spent on the project wizard was well spent. The finishing coat of paint is being put on a large skunk guard house placed under the shade of a plane tree out on the front lawn.

Not to second guess Panama but a couple of stone guardians at the entry to the CJ monument woulda been cool. You know, like a JackSphinx? linky

I'll pay for the change order if it works with the design intent.

Unrolls plans.

Well, dere's a blank area here on da lawn about a third of da way up da main drive, marked "future development?". If we can get da wizard on da horn, we might be able ta make sumthin happen.


Jack Hammer wrote:

JH bounces back into the thread

Ouch!

Hey Jacks! Can't wage this war all by my lonesome!

Besides, all their beer has acid in it.

Yeah, nearly killed me. My stomach acids were apparently resting after I ate that big glowy frog...


Indeed. Is everything being alright? It is quite different since I had left.


Mairkurion {tm} wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:
R. S. Powerhouse wrote:
The chaos balls fizzle whenever they strike the axiomatic fields that are revealed to protect all construction zones. The money spent on the project wizard was well spent. The finishing coat of paint is being put on a large skunk guard house placed under the shade of a plane tree out on the front lawn.

Not to second guess Panama but a couple of stone guardians at the entry to the CJ monument woulda been cool. You know, like a JackSphinx? linky

I'll pay for the change order if it works with the design intent.

Unrolls plans.

Well, dere's a blank area here on da lawn about a third of da way up da main drive, marked "future development?". If we can get da wizard on da horn, we might be able ta make sumthin happen.

HAHA. Yeah, you Jacks and your gags. Here, take your leaf mask and let me get back to work.


R. S. Powerhouse wrote:
Mairkurion {tm} wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:
R. S. Powerhouse wrote:
The chaos balls fizzle whenever they strike the axiomatic fields that are revealed to protect all construction zones. The money spent on the project wizard was well spent. The finishing coat of paint is being put on a large skunk guard house placed under the shade of a plane tree out on the front lawn.

Not to second guess Panama but a couple of stone guardians at the entry to the CJ monument woulda been cool. You know, like a JackSphinx? linky

I'll pay for the change order if it works with the design intent.

Unrolls plans.

Well, dere's a blank area here on da lawn about a third of da way up da main drive, marked "future development?". If we can get da wizard on da horn, we might be able ta make sumthin happen.

HAHA. Yeah, you Jacks and your gags. Here, take your leaf mask and let me get back to work.

Who was that Masked Jack?

Sovereign Court

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

I think that was a slaad, Cobb Slaad perhaps?


JH leaves the party site and arrives in front of the Callous Jack monument. He sits cross-legged in front of it, taking up a Buddha pose.

Must recharge the Jack batteries. Must recharge the Jack batteries.


Salty Jack inspects the recent renovations


General Jack stares in awe at the scope of the project.

Sovereign Court

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

I need a taxidermist to stuff a slaad for our trophy room so we can put it next to the lawyers and thieves.


Callous Jack wrote:
I need a taxidermist to stuff a slaad for our trophy room so we can put it next to the lawyers and thieves.

How 'bout placing it in the Tarrasque's maw, or have it riding a stuffed poodle? Nah. Each victory should stand on its own.

Sovereign Court

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
General J. Debauchery wrote:
Callous Jack wrote:
I need a taxidermist to stuff a slaad for our trophy room so we can put it next to the lawyers and thieves.
How 'bout placing it in the Tarrasque's maw, or have it riding a stuffed poodle? Nah. Each victory should stand on its own.

Maybe a rug in front of the fireplace?


Callous Jack wrote:
General J. Debauchery wrote:
Callous Jack wrote:
I need a taxidermist to stuff a slaad for our trophy room so we can put it next to the lawyers and thieves.
How 'bout placing it in the Tarrasque's maw, or have it riding a stuffed poodle? Nah. Each victory should stand on its own.
Maybe a rug in front of the fireplace?

Probably slip when we walked on it....


Now people are refusing to call Jedi Jack Masters by their rightful titles!?! Truly, I belong to a more civilized age...


Maybe we can place it on the keg chute, so the kegs slide up easier from the cellar?


Obi-Jack wrote:
Now people are refusing to call Jedi Jack Masters by their rightful titles!?! Truly, I belong to a more civilized age...

Disgusting it, isn't it?

Almost makes me think a second invasion is necessary. *takes large pull of Black Seal Rum*


Callous Jack wrote:
General J. Debauchery wrote:
Callous Jack wrote:
I need a taxidermist to stuff a slaad for our trophy room so we can put it next to the lawyers and thieves.
How 'bout placing it in the Tarrasque's maw, or have it riding a stuffed poodle? Nah. Each victory should stand on its own.
Maybe a rug in front of the fireplace?

Maybe we could make this rug out of a poodle, particularly Courtfool.

Sovereign Court

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Maybe we could make this rug out of a poodle, particularly Courtfool.

He is still vice-president and our ally, maybe the Depressed Poodle or Cockapoo?


Callous Jack wrote:
Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Maybe we could make this rug out of a poodle, particularly Courtfool.
He is still vice-president and our ally, maybe the Depressed Poodle or Cockapoo?

People would be too happy if we took that Depressed Poodle out of commission.


Callous Jack wrote:
Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Maybe we could make this rug out of a poodle, particularly Courtfool.
He is still vice-president and our ally, maybe the Depressed Poodle or Cockapoo?

Dang it, I forgot about that! Any poodle would work but CDP would be the best choice because we actually would be doing him a favor by putting him out of his misery.


JH walks in from his meditation, and pours himself a Dark & Stormy, then another.

Ahhh...much better.

So, what we doing today?

Spoiler:
Insert Pinky & the Brain response here.

Sovereign Court

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
Jack Hammer wrote:

JH walks in from his meditation, and pours himself a Dark & Stormy, then another.

Ahhh...much better.

So, what we doing today?

** spoiler omitted **

Same thing we do every night... try to take over th-hey, didn't we do that already?


Callous Jack wrote:
Same thing we do every night... try to take over th-hey, didn't we do that already?

Yes we did, sorry, maybe the you memo got eaten by a poodle


6000!


Frat Jack wrote:
6000!

All Hail the Angry Jack Cult!


Callous Jack wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:

JH walks in from his meditation, and pours himself a Dark & Stormy, then another.

Ahhh...much better.

So, what we doing today?

** spoiler omitted **

Same thing we do every night... try to take over th-hey, didn't we do that already?

Yep. People just don't appreciate our AWESOMENESS the way they used to.

Oh well, anyone up for nachos?

Sovereign Court

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
Frat Jack wrote:
6000!

Where you been?


1000 posts since July 18. Less than 13 days. That's ...a lot, over 75 a day! And mostly quality posts, unlike the karaoke thread. Go Jacks!


Callous Jack wrote:
Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Maybe we could make this rug out of a poodle, particularly Courtfool.
He is still vice-president and our ally, maybe the Depressed Poodle or Cockapoo?

Grr!

*Starts yapping*


Greyish-Greenish Slaad wrote:
Callous Jack wrote:
Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Maybe we could make this rug out of a poodle, particularly Courtfool.
He is still vice-president and our ally, maybe the Depressed Poodle or Cockapoo?

Grr!

*Starts yapping*

Is that a poodle, or a slaad? Do I punt it, scrub the bar with it, or slap it?


Whatch the spam Slaad! Over 100 yaps are flaging material... Have you notice that the thread dosn't mark over 6000? I fear the Postmonster General will come knocking soon...


Jack Hammer wrote:
Greyish-Greenish Slaad wrote:
Callous Jack wrote:
Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Maybe we could make this rug out of a poodle, particularly Courtfool.
He is still vice-president and our ally, maybe the Depressed Poodle or Cockapoo?

Grr!

*Starts yapping*
Is that a poodle, or a slaad? Do I punt it, scrub the bar with it, or slap it?

Doesn't matter! Blast it!

Pulls Panama's hunting rifle off the wall and fires at *yapping thing*

Sovereign Court

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

I think Gary might kill those posts.
And we have a winner for our new rug!


Callous Jack wrote:
Frat Jack wrote:
6000!
Where you been?

Been quite busy lately... sorry boss...

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