The Jackskunk's page

yellowdingo wrote:

Jack Hammer wrote:

FRED THE TARRASQUE wrote:

Crikey!

Is that tarrasque rubbing his butt on the carpet?

Bugger! Its got the worse case of Worms ever...Casts Death spell on the Tarrasque's Worms thus eliminating the problem.

That is what you call top of the line Vetinary Magic. That will be a thousand gold pieces for the cure for the Worms.

Bleh! You missed me!

<Burrows into the carpet>

*Munches on carpet*

Jack Hammer wrote:

Hungry Jack wrote:

You can't spread chaos on an empty stomach. So fill your belly with some delicious Hungry Jack® products. Maybe some Hungry Jack Mashed Potatoes, or perhaps some Hungry Jack® Pancakes with yummy re-heatable microwavable Hungry Jack® Syrup. Whether it’s breakfast, lunch, dinner, or something in between – you can’t go wrong with Hungry Jack®.

This message brought to you by the Jacks Restoration Program.

Actually, this message was brought to you by Hungry Jack™.

Hungry Jack® has been feeding families like the Slaads for nearly 70 years. From the launch of Hungry Jack Mashed Potatoes in 1967 to the innovation of the reheatable microwavable Hungry Jack Syrup bottle in 1994, Hungry Jack has been gathering families around the table for good times, great food and that delicious Hungry Jack taste. That's why every slaad’s happy when it's Hungry Jack™!

No, it's brought to you by the Jack's Restoration Program!

JH bounces back into the thread

Ouch!

Hey Jacks! Can't wage this war all by my lonesome!

Besides, all their beer has acid in it.

Yeah, nearly killed me. My stomach acids were apparently resting after I ate that big glowy frog...

Hey, look what I found! A case of beer! How fortuitous.

Jacks, want a cold beer?

*offers Jacks beer lace with golem-bane acid*

*Sips*

Jack Hammer wrote:

dang hippeh wrote:

Stop the violence!!!

All the combatants, Slaad and Jack alike turn at once to face the hippeh.

You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?

That hippeh looks a lot like a peasant.

It looks fat. *drools*

Jack Hammer wrote:

Looks like the slaads are just as fragmented as we are. What fun is a war when nobody shows up? Without the weeping, wailing, and lamentation of their women as we drive them before us it just isn't the same.

I'll reconnoiter. Maybe I can provoke them.

<pops in from the Maelstrom and starts flinging spheres of Chaos throughout the Jacks' thread>

Mwahahahahaha!!! Let the chaos be released!!!

<the spheres of Chaos explode with random effects, changing the Jacks' manly outfits into tutus, calling forth masses of lemmings who jump into the Jacks' pool and start playing Marco Polo, changing the paint job on the Jacks' house to a plum paisley print, turns all their liquor into kumquat flavored Kool-aid, etc>

Holy--

Thanks! *runs off*

Sorry I'm late!
*Releases horrible cloud of axiomatic stench, specially blessed by angels earlier. Jacks are, of course, immune*

Jack Hammer wrote:

Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:

Callous Jack wrote:

We need another war...

We could destroy the Slaads.

Do they have beer, or anything valuable? Oh heck, beggars can't be choosers.

At least their egg implantation tactic won't work on us.

Rally the troops?

Sounds good to me. I'll get the sm^^fs ready.

Oh, goody!

L. G. G., C. o. t. 101st G.A.R. wrote:

War Minister of Yunevrherdofus wrote:

!Death to Moorlockovia!

What do you mean we used all the missiles on the poodles?

It's Paizonia, not "Moorlockovia."

*Runs back in, pausing to respond to G.A.R.*

No, we're attacking Moorluck's country, not Paizonia.

*Chomps King*

Look out! It's a dragon!

The Jackskunk wrote:

Wow, we got a lot of pages. Clearly we are talking about something important. *hic*

Whoa a Jackskunk, is it a result of the same process as a Jacknape? Forgive me I am new here

no, it's the result of a Deathskunk becoming a Jack. Don't make me kick you into the poodles.

Wow, we got a lot of pages. Clearly we are talking about something important. *hic*

Unseen Servant wrote:

Enclosed: 1 disturbing photo

I thought we burned all of those pictures.

Oops. Sorry. I saw them in the fire grate and I assumed that you guys wanted them. Heh.

The Jackskunk wrote:

*Swallows Tapewyrm*

I swallowed a portable hole earlier, anything else I swallow goes into it. One sec...take cover.
*Swallows bag of holding*
BOOM

{watches Jackskunk implode into nothingness} "That's terrific, Daffy! They loved it. They want more."

Muahaha! But, secretly, that portable hole was inside another, bigger portable hole, which contained the blast!

Jack Hammer wrote:

NO! Only Jack rodents can be accepted.

What is going on here? Slaads, critters, all kinds of beings without Jack in their name.

Oh, the golem-anity!

Jackin'! Where are you?

heads to his room to get his hammer

Lookz like zomeone needz to remove the adamantine ztave from hez tookus.

*Swallows Tapewyrm*

The Jackskunk wrote:

Thank Jack, naked humans are gross.

BOO!

Naked Jackskunk's are like, way, way gross-er.

Hey, wanna go into my stomach again? Since that worked so well last time.

lynora-Jill wrote:

Oh, I hope that rust monsters can't climb!

Rusty the Poodle wrote:

<Hops up and down> I can't reach! Can you get down off the table? Please?

*I may be dead, but maybe I can still help here* {possesses old forgotten suit of armor}

Hey, Rusty, over here! Let's play tag- you're it! {runs off at top speed away from lynora-Jill and Rusty}

Thank Jack, naked humans are gross.

Punting is a sign of affection among slaadi. If anyone punts me, I will assume that they want to be implanted with slaad eggs. It is a true joy to give birth to a clutch of baby slaadi, watching them wriggling about as they eat their way out of you...

Oh. Darn it. I don't feel that way about you. Ew.

That freakish greyish-greenish slaad thingy blasted me into this thread.

*looks around*

What do you guys do around here, exactly?

Arg, do we have to put up with the slaad? Are they puntable?

The Jackskunk wrote:

Hey, there are two poodles now! This can only be one thing: Poodle Jack is breeding!

There's nothing for it. I'll have to kill her before it's too late! *resigned sigh*
*Kicks*

*Bites Jackskunk, throws him in to pile of empty beer cans.*

Now, now, play nice or get hurt.

I wasn't talking to you. However, now that you're here...not even Lynora can complain about this.

lynora-Jill wrote:

Eeew! Bad dog! Where's Poodle Jack? Get him boy! Chase him out of here before he makes another mess!

GRRR!

You heard the lady you ..you ... micturator!

YAP!

Engages attack sequence

Hey, there are two poodles now! This can only be one thing: Poodle Jack is breeding!

Gark the Goblin wrote:

Maelstrom Tapewyrm wrote:

Hungry Jack wrote:

Hungry Jack® has heard something similar said about kobolds. Intersting.....

I've heard you can take Hungry Jack® biscuit dough, roll them around a freshly-scaled kobold, and bake at 350F for 10-12 minutes for "Kobolds in a Blanket."

Mmmm... kobolds...

Mmmm... goblins...

Mmm...poodles...

The Jackskunk wrote:

And everybody knows that the Poodles are such a lame race that they count against themselves.

Hungry Jack® has heard something similar said about kobolds. Intersting.....

That's hardly news. Just FYI, though, similar things have been said about Hungry Jack's® cooking. You know, that it shrivels you up.

Fruit Slaad wrote:

We must destroy the result of this most lawful coupling!

You realize it is actually a tripling?

Poodle+Jack+Slaad=3 were involved.

Um, you said at the Jack thread that the Poodle came first, and mated with a Jack, and then the resulting hybrid mated with a slaad (which is impossible, by the way). Remember? So it's still a coupling.

The Jackskunk wrote:

The Poodle part counts against him.

Then Hungry Jack® believes that you must be smaller, since skunks are smaller than poodles, and you are part skunk.

No they aren't, not the Giant Skunk species. And everybody knows that the Poodles are such a lame race that they count against themselves.

The Jackskunk wrote:

Poodle Jack Slaad wrote:

The Jackskunk wrote:

Poodle Jack Slaad wrote:

*puff of smoke with barks, metal sounds and slaadic noises inside*

Hi!

Gah! Another poodle! *Bites*

*Looks down at tiny Jackskunk biting his ankle. Bites back.*

*Burps up beer cloud*

I'm bigger than you, moron!

*Kicks across room*

Hmmm....Hungry Jack® is not so sure about that. He's got Slaad parts, Poodle parts, and Jack parts. You've just got jack parts mixed with a skunk. Hungry Jack® thinks he might be bigger than you.

The Poodle part counts against him.

The Jackskunk wrote:

Poodle Jack Slaad wrote:

*puff of smoke with barks, metal sounds and slaadic noises inside*

Hi!

Gah! Another poodle! *Bites*

*Looks down at tiny Jackskunk biting his ankle. Bites back.*

*Burps up beer cloud*

I'm bigger than you, moron!

*puff of smoke with barks, metal sounds and slaadic noises inside*

Hi!

Gah! Another poodle! *Bites*

Dragonborn3 wrote:

BlueBird of Happiness wrote:

Dragonborn3 wrote:

BlueBird of Happiness wrote:

Dragonborn3 wrote:

Or at least a bit more mean...

Noooooo!!!! Don't be mean! Come on get HAPPY!!!

NO!!

Don't get GLAD, get MAD!

Darn you mean old red dragon. Don't make me break out my wine.

You get the wine, and I'll get the roast BlueBird...

Waaaahhhhh!

Yum, bet it tastes like chicken.

{gates in, strips naked} That's more than I ever needed to know about the GI-tract of Jackskunk. Wonder if he'll find those couple eggs tucked away in those nooks and crannies? {fireballs ruined clothes, stomps off to Elemental Plane of Water} And there damn well better be some hot water left!

I didn't. Unfortunately, they could not survive the stomach acids of the Jackskunk.

lynora-Jill wrote:

"How can you say that! It's the cutest doggy ever! Don't listen to that cranky skunk. Who wants another pancake? You do? Okay, here you go. Sit, buy! Good dog! What a good doggy!" She gives Poodle Jack two more pancakes.

OM NOM NOM!

wags tail and places head in Lynora-Jill's lap. Looks over at large rancid skunk and sticks tongue out

One of these days, poodle. One of these days...

Poodle Jack wrote:

Runs to Lynora-Jill and cries pitiably

"Oh, you poor thing. Was that big skunk mean to you, poor doggy?"

She cuddles Poodle Jack close and glares at the Jackskunk.
"You should apologize to the poor cute doggy!"

It's an abomination! And very, very ugly!

The Jackskunk wrote:

Gah! Smoke is coming out of my mouth!

Time to drop an oblivion sphere in my stomach to get rid of it!
*Drops sphere in mouth, careful to keep it from touching him*

{squints eyes} Hey is that a Sphere of Annilation? Ha ha, I've got my Talisman of the Sphere right here- {fumbles frantically} right-, right-... oh crap, it's in my other purse.

This isn't right, the smoke is supposed to make him sneeze, and then me and Geppie escape- oh crap.

Fine. I'm a Green Slaad damnit, I'm resourceful {polymorphs into Maelstrom Tapewyrm} FINE! You don't wanna play nice? Then I'm going out the other door!

Holy ****, you did not just do what I think you did. Stop it...that's it! I hope you can swim...

Runs to Lynora-Jill and cries pitiably

Kill it! Before it manages to make its poodle-attacks!

Runs over and humps Jackskunk's leg

YAP!

Right, then!

Eekster Buhnay wrote:

{gathers wood and starts fire}

{glances up at gathering smoke in Jackskunky's stomach} This has to work -- I saw it in a cartoon.

Gah! Smoke is coming out of my mouth!

wags tail

YAP!

Initializes sparkly eye function

Cute?! It's a poodle!

Hungry Jack wrote:

Nacho Poodle Casserole

Actually that sounds quite yummy. If only we had a ready supply of poodles on some nearby demiplane...

The Jackskunk wrote:

Shoo! Stupid slaad...

Such a gwumpy wumpy Jackskunk. {wiggles saucily up with basket, bats eyelashes} Would a nice colored egg cheer you up? How about a chocolate-covered dretch?

How about a stomach acid-covered slaad?

Yo me gusta nacho potato casserole!

Ole!

Shoo! Stupid slaad...

Oh my, what a sasy wench!

*Goes for the stun gun*

Ew, keep the slaad out of this thread. They smell funny.

The Jackskunk wrote:

Kobold Cleaver wrote:

Frat Jack wrote:

Well, I'm not known for my patience so here it goes:

Sneak peek -quite "clear"-

The foreword Illo is fom our Boss!

I found it!

Haha, Jacks, you have been trumped by the Poodles!

Dammit. Can we attack the Poodles?

Hungry Jack® is curious why we would want to attack those fuzzy, french-hating poodles, when it seems that a certain cowardly reptilian is the real annoyance factor.

Well, I was created by KC, it's embarrassing to bicker with him. Anyways, I assumed that we wouldn't waste time 'attacking' him. He's a kobold, we can just scare him or something. At least he didn't get into the magazine!

Frat Jack wrote:

Well, I'm not known for my patience so here it goes:

Sneak peek -quite "clear"-

The foreword Illo is fom our Boss!

I found it!

Haha, Jacks, you have been trumped by the Poodles!

Dammit. Can we attack the Poodles?

Ooh! Food in the chimney? Sounds like Santa really can get anything! *Grins and goes to eat his lunch*

Callous Jack wrote:

Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:

Sebastian's Ghost wrote:

Now, now, let's not resort to violence when we can all be friends, sing songs and give hugs to one another!

What happened to you? I thought you were a pony.

I'm actually a werepony...er, that's now undead.

Pssst....errr, boss, your Halloween mask fell off...

I knew it! Our leader has pony connections!

Jackin' Ape wrote:

Begins grabbing interlopers (pony, dislocator, ponyfans) and tossing them around in an attempt to get a game going with the skunk and the kitties.

OOO-OOO-OOO!!!

:::Dives right In:::

"I haven't had this much fun since I clamped down on a certain animal trainer in Las Vegas."

RRRWWWWOOOOOOAAARRRRR!

Hey, cool. Food's here!

This is weird....