The Angry Jack Cult


Off-Topic Discussions

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lynora-Jill wrote:
Oh, I hope that rust monsters can't climb!

<Hops up and down>

I can't reach! Can you get down off the table? Please?


Rusty the Poodle wrote:
lynora-Jill wrote:
Oh, I hope that rust monsters can't climb!

<Hops up and down>

I can't reach! Can you get down off the table? Please?

But I don't want you to eat my bikini! That's why I'm on the table.


lynora-Jill wrote:
Oh, I hope that rust monsters can't climb!
Rusty the Poodle wrote:
<Hops up and down> I can't reach! Can you get down off the table? Please?

*I may be dead, but maybe I can still help here* {possesses old forgotten suit of armor}

Hey, Rusty, over here! Let's play tag- you're it! {runs off at top speed away from lynora-Jill and Rusty}


Slaad-Barr wrote:
lynora-Jill wrote:
Oh, I hope that rust monsters can't climb!
Rusty the Poodle wrote:
<Hops up and down> I can't reach! Can you get down off the table? Please?

*I may be dead, but maybe I can still help here* {possesses old forgotten suit of armor}

Hey, Rusty, over here! Let's play tag- you're it! {runs off at top speed away from lynora-Jill and Rusty}

<Charges off after suit of armor>

Wait for me!!!!!


Slaad-Barr wrote:
lynora-Jill wrote:
Oh, I hope that rust monsters can't climb!
Rusty the Poodle wrote:
<Hops up and down> I can't reach! Can you get down off the table? Please?

*I may be dead, but maybe I can still help here* {possesses old forgotten suit of armor}

Hey, Rusty, over here! Let's play tag- you're it! {runs off at top speed away from lynora-Jill and Rusty}

Thank Jack, naked humans are gross.


*Breathes a sigh of relief and climbs down off the table*

I'm just going to go to my room and change before the rust monster comes back.


The Jackskunk wrote:
Thank Jack, naked humans are gross.

BOO!

Naked Jackskunk's are like, way, way gross-er.


Maelstrom Tapewyrm wrote:
The Jackskunk wrote:
Thank Jack, naked humans are gross.

BOO!

Naked Jackskunk's are like, way, way gross-er.

Hey, wanna go into my stomach again? Since that worked so well last time.


Rusty the Poodle wrote:

<Charges off after suit of armor>

Wait for me!!!!!

{see's lynora-Jill is now safe}

Oh, Rusty, I'm tired! You win; you caught me. {un-possesses armor and let's it fall to the floor}


Slaad-Barr wrote:
Rusty the Poodle wrote:

<Charges off after suit of armor>

Wait for me!!!!!

{see's lynora-Jill is now safe}

Oh, Rusty, I'm tired! You win; you caught me. {un-possesses armor and let's it fall to the floor}

Om nom nom nom!

I hope no one is going to miss this...


The Jackskunk wrote:
Hey, wanna go into my stomach again? Since that worked so well last time.

Nah, you're probably loaded up with anti-parasite potions, and I've still got a hangover from a group of drunken gnolls I just, er, left.

No one gives cookies to tapeworms anymore. {sighs}

Silver Crusade

Cultist of Jack wrote:
Come one and all and join the Cult of Jack. Welcome your new overlord and usher in the rise of the new Jack age. No poodles allowed.

What about rodents?


Blasted slaads. Ruining our schemes...

thumbs thru Acme catalog, looking for slaad repellent items


Chubbs McGee wrote:
What about rodents?

{crisply snaps to attention} Vood jou mind a leetle churgery to be upgraded zo a Meece golem?

Jou vood also be required to partake constantly of zee Hungry Jack product family und drink twice jour weight daily in beer.


Chubbs McGee wrote:
Cultist of Jack wrote:
Come one and all and join the Cult of Jack. Welcome your new overlord and usher in the rise of the new Jack age. No poodles allowed.
What about rodents?

NO! Only Jack rodents can be accepted.

What is going on here? Slaads, critters, all kinds of beings without Jack in their name.

Oh, the golem-anity!

Jackin'! Where are you?

heads to his room to get his hammer


Jack Hammer wrote:

NO! Only Jack rodents can be accepted.

What is going on here? Slaads, critters, all kinds of beings without Jack in their name.

Oh, the golem-anity!

Jackin'! Where are you?

heads to his room to get his hammer

Lookz like zomeone needz to remove the adamantine ztave from hez tookus.


Maelstrom Tapewyrm wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:

NO! Only Jack rodents can be accepted.

What is going on here? Slaads, critters, all kinds of beings without Jack in their name.

Oh, the golem-anity!

Jackin'! Where are you?

heads to his room to get his hammer

Lookz like zomeone needz to remove the adamantine ztave from hez tookus.

*Swallows Tapewyrm*

I swallowed a portable hole earlier, anything else I swallow goes into it. One sec...take cover.
*Swallows bag of holding*
BOOM


Awww... darn rusty, he gets distracted to easely...


The Jackskunk wrote:

*Swallows Tapewyrm*

I swallowed a portable hole earlier, anything else I swallow goes into it. One sec...take cover.
*Swallows bag of holding*
BOOM

{watches Jackskunk implode into nothingness} "That's terrific, Daffy! They loved it. They want more."


JH returns from his room and sets up a Taco Bar in the main room of the Clubhouse. He puts out buckets full of ice and bottled beer, and waits for the new game to begin. Jack-a-slaad is played very much like Whack-a-mole. If not Jack-a-slaad, then maybe some Slaad Croquet using his spiked hammer, 'cause everyone knows that slaads and croquet go together like salads and croutons.

JH makes sure that there is plenty of Gosling's Black Seal rum
and Barrit's ginger beer so that the festivities can begin.

"Acme, Rosie! How 'bout setting up some hoops on the lawn? Don't forget to add the landmines. Thx!"

Scarab Sages

Try a delicious Hungry Jack® meal tonight - your family will love you for it, and I'll make some money!


Jack Hammer wrote:


"Acme, Rosie! How 'bout setting up some hoops on the lawn? Don't forget to add the landmines. Thx!"

Yes, sir. Right away, sir.

*Whirs off to set up the croquet field.*


Rosie the Robot wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:


"Acme, Rosie! How 'bout setting up some hoops on the lawn? Don't forget to add the landmines. Thx!"

Yes, sir. Right away, sir.

*Whirs off to set up the croquet field.*

"Thanks Rosie!"

Pours a couple of Dark & Stormys while he waits for the thread crashers to pop their heads up from the cracks in the floorboards. Using the Power of the Taco he summons forth the Winds of Banishing in case they try to dodge his 'croquet mallet'.


Slaad-Barr wrote:
The Jackskunk wrote:

*Swallows Tapewyrm*

I swallowed a portable hole earlier, anything else I swallow goes into it. One sec...take cover.
*Swallows bag of holding*
BOOM
{watches Jackskunk implode into nothingness} "That's terrific, Daffy! They loved it. They want more."

Muahaha! But, secretly, that portable hole was inside another, bigger portable hole, which contained the blast!


The Jackskunk wrote:
Slaad-Barr wrote:
The Jackskunk wrote:

*Swallows Tapewyrm*

I swallowed a portable hole earlier, anything else I swallow goes into it. One sec...take cover.
*Swallows bag of holding*
BOOM
{watches Jackskunk implode into nothingness} "That's terrific, Daffy! They loved it. They want more."
Muahaha! But, secretly, that portable hole was inside another, bigger portable hole, which contained the blast!

Datz da 2nd biggest portable hole I've never sheen...*hic*


The Jackskunk wrote:
Maelstrom Tapewyrm wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:

NO! Only Jack rodents can be accepted.

What is going on here? Slaads, critters, all kinds of beings without Jack in their name.

Oh, the golem-anity!

Jackin'! Where are you?

heads to his room to get his hammer

Lookz like zomeone needz to remove the adamantine ztave from hez tookus.

*Swallows Tapewyrm*

I swallowed a portable hole earlier, anything else I swallow goes into it. One sec...take cover.
*Swallows bag of holding*
BOOM

Heh! Jackskunk swallows. Heh!

*hic*


Jack Hammer wrote:
The Jackskunk wrote:
Maelstrom Tapewyrm wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:

NO! Only Jack rodents can be accepted.

What is going on here? Slaads, critters, all kinds of beings without Jack in their name.

Oh, the golem-anity!

Jackin'! Where are you?

heads to his room to get his hammer

Lookz like zomeone needz to remove the adamantine ztave from hez tookus.

*Swallows Tapewyrm*

I swallowed a portable hole earlier, anything else I swallow goes into it. One sec...take cover.
*Swallows bag of holding*
BOOM

Heh! Jackskunk swallows. Heh!

*hic*

<lobs acorns at Jack Hammer from over in the Poodle thread>

Liberty's Edge

Rusty the Poodle wrote:
lynora-Jill wrote:
Oh, I hope that rust monsters can't climb!

<Hops up and down>

I can't reach! Can you get down off the table? Please?

I realise this is too late, but:

With a 40 foot speed, rust monsters have a +4 to jump checks. If you take a running start, you will succeed no matter what you roll.


Grey Squirrel wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:
The Jackskunk wrote:
Maelstrom Tapewyrm wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:

NO! Only Jack rodents can be accepted.

What is going on here? Slaads, critters, all kinds of beings without Jack in their name.

Oh, the golem-anity!

Jackin'! Where are you?

heads to his room to get his hammer

Lookz like zomeone needz to remove the adamantine ztave from hez tookus.

*Swallows Tapewyrm*

I swallowed a portable hole earlier, anything else I swallow goes into it. One sec...take cover.
*Swallows bag of holding*
BOOM

Heh! Jackskunk swallows. Heh!

*hic*

<lobs acorns at Jack Hammer from over in the Poodle thread>

After a dozen or so hits JH finally realizes it's raining inside the Clubhouse. He goes to get a ladder to check the roof.


Gark the Goblin wrote:
Rusty the Poodle wrote:
lynora-Jill wrote:
Oh, I hope that rust monsters can't climb!

<Hops up and down>

I can't reach! Can you get down off the table? Please?

I realise this is too late, but:

With a 40 foot speed, rust monsters have a +4 to jump checks. If you take a running start, you will succeed no matter what you roll.

I tried to run and jump one time. I dissolved an aircraft carrier. It wasn't pretty.


Rusty the Poodle wrote:
Gark the Goblin wrote:
Rusty the Poodle wrote:
lynora-Jill wrote:
Oh, I hope that rust monsters can't climb!

<Hops up and down>

I can't reach! Can you get down off the table? Please?

I realise this is too late, but:

With a 40 foot speed, rust monsters have a +4 to jump checks. If you take a running start, you will succeed no matter what you roll.
I tried to run and jump one time. I dissolved an aircraft carrier. It wasn't pretty.

That's the problem with eating aircraft carriers. You can't eat just one. Then you're clogged up for a month.


Soo hime thawed yua didunt aloe puddles inn hear, tub yua tell Crusty inn.
Poodles.


Puddle wrote:

Soo hime thawed yua didunt aloe puddles inn hear, tub yua tell Crusty inn.

Poodles.

I was providing a valuable service--getting chainmail bikini-clad maidens to take an armor penalty.


Could someone please tell me why my closets are empty...oh, crap!

*Runs back to her room*


lynora-Jill wrote:

Could someone please tell me why my closets are empty...oh, crap!

*Runs back to her room*

{in snooty British monotone, similar to Alan Rickman:} Message for you Lady Lynora-Jill {hands her sealed scroll:}

Dear Lynora-Jill,

If anything is missing from your closet, you might wish to ask Callous Jack.

Enclosed: 1 disturbing photo

Sincerely,
Ambrosia Slaad


Unseen Servant wrote:


Enclosed: 1 disturbing photo

I thought we burned all of those pictures.


Jack Hammer wrote:

[i]JH returns from his room and sets up a Taco Bar in the main room of the Clubhouse.

Woa, that's FoW!

8 tacos al pastor y de chorizo... y vaya poniendo unos 6 de tripita en el comal!


lynora-Jill wrote:

Could someone please tell me why my closets are empty...oh, crap!

*Runs back to her room*

JH shouts from the roof "Whazznt me! *hic* Might have sumtin to do wish it rainin acornz" the sounds of hammering echo thru the clubhouse


Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Unseen Servant wrote:


Enclosed: 1 disturbing photo

I thought we burned all of those pictures.

Oops. Sorry. I saw them in the fire grate and I assumed that you guys wanted them. Heh.


Rosie the Robot wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:


"Acme, Rosie! How 'bout setting up some hoops on the lawn? Don't forget to add the landmines. Thx!"

Yes, sir. Right away, sir.

*Whirs off to set up the croquet field.*

*beep*

yes sir!

Follows Rosie


Man, what's with all the non-golems? Sic 'em Poodle Jack!


GRRRR!

Begins chasing the various non-Jacks around the clubhouse


But, but, I was being helpful.

<Runs off to...somewhere>


"Did someone mention tacos and landmines? Reminds me of some work I did in the Americas. There was this poodle incursion...most people thought they were rats carrying the Black Death..."

He makes a plate of tacos and freshens his drink then wanders off, chuckling to himself.


In his drunken attempt at 'fixing' the hole in the roof that allowed it to rain acorns JH manages to create the hole himself. He crashes right thru the roof and lands in LJ's big comfy bed. He promptly passes out.


"Oh bother, is there someone around that can find out what all that racket is, coming from the roof?"


Jack Hammer wrote:
In his drunken attempt at 'fixing' the hole in the roof that allowed it to rain acorns JH manages to create the hole himself. He crashes right thru the roof and lands in LJ's big comfy bed. He promptly passes out.

<practices shooting hoops with acorns at the new big target>


Jack Hammer wrote:
In his drunken attempt at 'fixing' the hole in the roof that allowed it to rain acorns JH manages to create the hole himself. He crashes right thru the roof and lands in LJ's big comfy bed. He promptly passes out.

After checking to make sure that he was okay and realizing that he was merely very drunk, LJ looks up at the hole.

"Not really the spot I would have picked for a skylight, but I guess it works."

Picks up cellphone and calls Acme repair services.


JH stirs, and eventually wakes up.

"How'd I get here?" he sees the big hole in the ceiling. "That must be how all those acorns are gettin' in!"

"Lyn! Looks like you have Dire Squirrels nesting in your ceiling!"

Scarab Sages

Banana Flapjacks with Maple-Cinnamon Syrup

Ingredients:
BANANA FLAPJACKS
• 1 cup mashed bananas (about 2 medium)
• 2 cups Hungry Jack® Wheat Blends Complete Pancake Mix
• 1/3 cup Hungry Jack® Microwave Ready Butter Flavored Syrup
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1 1/2 cups water
• Crisco® Original No-Stick Cooking Spray

MAPLE-CINNAMON SYRUP
• 1 cup Hungry Jack® Microwave Ready Butter Flavored Syrup
• 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

• 1 can refrigerated whipped cream

Preparation Directions:
1. COMBINE mashed bananas, pancake mix, 1/3 cup syrup, vanilla, cinnamon and water in bowl. Stir just until blended. Heat skillet over medium-high heat or electric griddle to 350°F.
2. SPRAY cooking surface and pancake turner with no-stick cooking spray. Pour 1/4 cup batter for each pancake onto hot griddle. Cook about 1 1/2 minutes per side or until golden brown. Repeat process until all batter is used.
3. COMBINE 1 cup syrup and cinnamon in a microwave-safe container. Microwave on HIGH 1 to 2 minutes or until heated through. Stack 3 pancakes in the center of a plate, drizzle with syrup and top with whipped cream. Serve immediately.

Prep Time: 15 min
Cook Time: 15 min

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