Last one to post wins

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Sovereign Court

I don't know, I've been to the homestead of Grandpa Wonderbra and even though it's very nice, it was still quite a handful. Then again, he did have relatives around at the time (although some of them looked like werewolves, with one of females sporting a red hood).

*Holds up one of the glowing rocks and a portal opens up.*

I'm going to check out the reality of some evil scientists, magic masks and mutant bandicoots. I hear that there's a racing tournament being held soon and I think that I'll take part in it. I've even got a racing kart at the ready.

Guess you didn't hear that participants have to ride bareback.
They can't even use a harness to steer the animals (who were captured from the wild the day before).
The most important rule is all participants must be nude.

Well, that's the cherry on top of the cupcake, then. Sign me up!

Incidentally, Mummy, I do think it's rather inconsiderate of you not to let me know when you're torturing Alphonse.

Sovereign Court

*Stares into the portal then back at Belphegor.*

Nope, I intend to go to a different reality. Where a creature called "Crash Bandicoot" lives.

*Opens up another portal for Lady Blackmoor.*

Here is the reality that Belphegor was talking about, my dear lady, do have fun there.

Oh you were all busy... I just thought I had won.

Sovereign Court

Everyone is always busy, doing what they do best. And everyone thinks that they've won.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

I have won, if by 'won', you mean electrocuted, flogged and plucked bald by my wife and mother, then turned into an explosive gnome and fired from one of my own cannons at Orcus.

Papa used to pay a fortune for that sort of thing, though, so I probably shouldn't complain.

*Seethes with jealousy*

Sovereign Court

*A portal opens up and a racing kart speeds out of it through the air.*

Watch out, everyone, I'm going so fast I just can't stop!

*Crash lands onto Octave de Malodor, then drives away, smearing his corpse.*

So much for the preliminaries, now on to the main event!

Have to watch out for the blue shells.

Sovereign Court

Where he's been, there's anything but blue shells!


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Grandpa Wonderbra wrote:

... It looks like an ordinary back-scratcher but when one with the proper training uses it...

... well, that's why I thought of Goattoucher. He is someone who does have the proper training.

Not training, my good man: practice and research.

Not to boast, but training implies that someone exceeds me in my field enough to mentor me. This has not been the case for... well, some time.

That is true, dear GoatToucher. You are truly ahead of the game.

* hands GoatToucher the backscratcher *

Have fun.

Sovereign Court

Indeed, one need only ask the Avatar of Zon-Kuthon (wherever he is).

*Sees what has been posted after killing Octave de Malodor.*

And Dedrick, please don't scare Vidmaster7 (not that it would do anything). Yes, there's no blue shells, but there are nitro crates, bombs and missiles amongst other things that are used as weapons when kart racing in the universe of Crash Bandicoot (which is twinned with the Spyro universe of all things).

Crash and Spyro are int he same universe? huh... weird.

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They were separate universes at one point but this one individual in one of the alternate realities - Thanos I believe his name was - discovered some magical stones and placed them in a glove and snapped his fingers. The residual energies traveled through the dimensions and time and merged the two universes. Turned out to be better for both universes.

Sovereign Court

*A large, holographic image appears in front of everyone and the figure glares down at them.*

I am Emperor Velo the 27th! I rule over the entire galaxy of another reality (it was visited quite recently by an old man with extraordinary power and a vampire who competed in the Galaxy Circuit that I host to keep my subjects entertained. Having learnt of YOUR reality, now I bring the Galaxy Circuit to you, I am eager to test each of your skills in kart racing (I have seen what the vampire can do and it's impressive). I do hope you consider it, as winning the circuit will win your freedom. If however, for some reason, you refuse to race? Then your reality shall be... destroyed. But, hopefully, it won't come to that. Do you accept my challenge?

Emperor, why can't you spell 'cart'?

What's happened to your left ear?

How long did it take you to plait your beard?

Where are the other 26 of you?

Sovereign Court

I can answer those questions Pulg, seriously, don't invoke his wrath.

1. When talking about the vehicle you use to race with, it's kart with a K.

2. One does not become emperor of an entire galaxy without encountering problems.

3. He refuses to tell anyone the answer to THAT question!

4. They're all dead. Being his ancestors, the crown was always inherited.

Emperor of Mankind is a great example of number 2.

Liberty's Edge


*shows up, wearing a victory wreath made from faded Harriet Tubman dollar bills interwoven with slightly less-faded Muntadhar al-Zaidi New Dinars and hung with verdigris-tinted Jimmy Carter nickels and dusty Andrew Yang cred-discs, a long luxurious scarf synthesized from hagfish-slime, a coronet carved from black dwarf-matter, and a garish souvenir shirt from Lo'ihi, riding astride a beam of light that is only now flickering down from red to infrared*

That Cosmic Prix of yours? I already won last night, Your Penultimacy.

?rebmemer uoy t'noD

IS that dude^ from a space closet?

Liberty's Edge

What? No, that's silly.

Well you never know.

Sovereign Court

*The holographic image appears once again.*

Actually, Laser Clown of the 34th Century, you won the very first Galaxy Circuit that was hosted by my ancestor: Emperor Velo the First. The passage of time and space are irrelevant concepts to you. Just like how fun and excitement are irrelevant concepts to Vidmaster7. Now, who accepts my challenge?

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You will never be as great as King Friday the XIII!

Sovereign Court

King Friday the 13th? Are you mad Schism? He was the most terrifying, horrible, evil being to ever come into existence! Not only did he ransack your entire homeland, he also personally butchered your whole family whist making you watch! Then again, he was your father until you killed him.

Scarab Sages

No, you may be thinking of Korean Bandit-Emperor Jang-Galsaeg I, AKA "The Godfather of Seoul".

Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:
King Friday the 13th? Are you mad Schism? He was the most terrifying, horrible, evil being to ever come into existence! Not only did he ransack your entire homeland, he also personally butchered your whole family whist making you watch! Then again, he was your father until you killed him.

Pfeh. Amateur.

Sovereign Court

Aha, what do we have here?

*Stares intently at Dowager Comtesse de Malodor, judging her potential value as a racer.*

Powerful enough to command legions, yet willing and capable to take matters into her own hands.

*Emperor Velo the XXVII smiles proudly.*

Very much like myself, quite promising indeed.

*Dowager Comtesse de Malodor silently glares back in defiance.*

Such fire I see in your eyes, perhaps you will should enter the Galaxy Circuit?

*A look of contemplation crosses Dowager Comtesse de Malodor's face.*

Yes, you might even win it. Only Count Reiner Heydritch has accepted my challenge thus far.

Scarab Sages

*sigh* It's just not the same anymore without Message Board Troll...

*rams industrial blender over Emperor Velo the XXVII's head, sets it for 'Liquefy'*

...but one makes do.

Sovereign Court

*As IHIYC rams his blender into the head of Emperor Velo the XXVII, he gets a shock.*


*The head of Emperor Velo the XXVII promptly explodes.*

Hey! Watch where you are going and what you're doing you idiot!

*A small figure (the source of the voice) climbs out of the robotic body.*

Do you know just HOW LONG it took me to build this thing?!

*The figure, which resembles a regal (and more intelligent) version of Poog glares at IHIYC.*

Now YOU are going to repair it! And how did you get here anyway?!

Here is my current To-Read List:

Receptacle of the Shadow Lich
The Skeleton of the Shattered Basement
Undead Wanderer
Twilight of the Cruel Sarcophagus
The Relentless Shield
The Trumpet of the Space Judge
The Warrior of the Strange Pool
The Draconic Bard
The Pulsing Gloves
The Scroll of the Ancient Island
Invasion of the Reversed Assassin
Hills of the Crawling Scarab
Asylum in the Bloody Hostel
The Council in the Sadistic Harbor
The Library in the Unpredictable Haven
The Secret Egg
The Beach of the Psychic Concubine
Sentient Wanderer
The Crystal Sea
The Mechanical Pirate
From the Deep Ape

Here's mine.

Unknown Tower of Pongs.
Gloves of the Master Stoat.
Free Lee Kerslake!
Beneath the Frosting.
Walls of Thongrind.
The Mondegreen Conspiracy.
Blunted Fauchard.
Citadel of the Turnip Men.
I Blame Rush.

Scarab Sages

Paizo Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber

Got 200 books downloaded to my Fire to read.
Going to be busy.

Dark Archive

I see this thread is still going. Also I win.

Only for a little while however.

Scarab Sages

This is the thread that never dies!
It just goes on and on...french fries....

I really need to get that closet fumigated.

Scarab Sages

*inhales fumes...*

...YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP! YIP! 'Hey, lookit me, I'm Mickey Mouse!' HAHAHAHAHAAA!!!


Sovereign Court

You're not Mickey Mouse, IHIYC, if you were I'd be putting laxatives in your shrimps!

For those who don't know what I'm talking about, go back a few posts.

Sounds reasonable.

Sovereign Court

It does. But it also means I can't tour the seas and enjoy drinking the blood of holiday makers.

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Start opening Schloss Heydrich for tours, and let the holidaymakers come to you!

Sovereign Court

I did, but they always opt for the day option, with Comte de Malodor being the tour guide.

Tour guide seems like a fine job for a vampire. As long as the tours are at night anyways.

Mickey is a wimp!

Sovereign Court

Yes he is, which is what makes putting laxatives in his shrimps so funny.

And Vidmaster7, no-one takes the tour at night (even though it's cheaper). And because Comte de Malodor is the tour guide during the day, the number of people decrease with each visit.

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