Jack the Stripper's page

*puts on house music*

We are pretty good-looking aren't we?

I'm not nearly drunk enough to eat that.

Human entrails are kind of like applesauce, so I will take that as a yes.

Looks like it's been over a year....

S'mores Pancake Stack

Can I replace the marshmallow creme with human corpses?

Jack the Stripper does not recommend storing any leftover victims. Jack the Stripper recommends you use up the victims and eat them right away. If you can't eat them, find someone who will.

*comes back to the clubhouse*

*puts away his shovel and a stash of huge plastic bags*

Long day...

It's true. I do.

You would look good buried in my basement.

Murderer by day, stripper by night.

Or was it the other way around?

Bill Lumberg wrote:

It also helps if you look like a cop.

Does it count when it's a stripper dressed like a cop?

It counts double.

I'm not.

I have found... other uses... for egg beaters.

*finishes filling in the hole he dug in the yard*

Oh. I didn't see you standing there.

{calls up Brigadier General Jack D. Ripper, orders the targeting of Minis Maniac}

*funky techno music comes over the loudspeaker*

Allllll riiiiiiiiiiight!!!

*starts gyrating and stripping*

Spam? I read that as "stab."

Can someone help me clean up this mess?

*feeds on the pony*

*puts on loud dance music*

*strips*

*murders*

Well, I'm ready for breakfast.

*licks lips*

Moorluck wrote:

Mothman wrote:

Aberzombie wrote:

Mmmmm....women.

They're yummy.

They taste great AND less filling!

The All Women Diet!

Yes.

This place is dead.

Sorry, that's my fault. I'll try to scale it back a bit.

Hungry Jack wrote:

Hungry Jack® breakfast products – because breakfast is the most important meal of the morning.

Especially after staying up all night drinking! PARTY!

Or staying up all night doing... whatever...

*changes out of bloodstained shirt*

Pork, it's the other other white meat.

Pork tastes a little like human.

Hungry Jack wrote:

MMmmm.....tourists

It's mugging time!

*"mugs" a tourist*

*gives Callous Jack the tourist's spleen*

If Hungry Jack could bake a big cake, I can put a stripper in it.

It looks like you metallic Neanderthals are finally waking up from your latest drinking binge. I've been tied up here on this stupid "Jackapult" for over a week now! Ha ha, your juvenile hazing rituals are so very funny.

Now someone cut me loose so I can get down... I really have to go to the bathroom most urgently!!!

*eviscerates hippeh*

One hippeh. One peasant. Boy, times are lean.

Oh well, gotta make the best of it.

Probably best if we wait 'til dark for the fireworks show to begin. That greasy hippeh should flare up real good.

If you need any help... butchering...

What?!?! I'm not dead yet. How can I have a ghost.

Oh, yeah, one more thing...

** spoiler omitted **

I would eat your heart, if lawyers had such a thing.

Jack the Stripper wrote:

Hungry Jack wrote:

Hungry Jack® has been feeding families like yours for nearly 70 years. From the launch of Hungry Jack Mashed Potatoes in 1967 to the innovation of the reheatable microwavable Hungry Jack Syrup bottle in 1994, Hungry Jack has been gathering families around the table for good times, great food and that delicious Hungry Jack taste. That's why everybody’s happy when it's Hungry Jack™!

Jack the Stripper has been terrorizing neighborhoods like yours for over 120 years. From the evisceration of a Whitechapel prostitute in 1888 to the headless corpse found in the Thames later that year, Jack the Stripper has been brutally murdering vagrants for good times, great food, and that delicious extracted kidney taste. That's why everybody's happy when it's Jack the Stripper!

Psst...dude...you forgot the ®

*thinks about eating Hungry Jack's spleen*

Hungry Jack® has been feeding families like yours for nearly 70 years. From the launch of Hungry Jack Mashed Potatoes in 1967 to the innovation of the reheatable microwavable Hungry Jack Syrup bottle in 1994, Hungry Jack has been gathering families around the table for good times, great food and that delicious Hungry Jack taste. That's why everybody’s happy when it's Hungry Jack™!

Jack the Stripper has been terrorizing neighborhoods like yours for over 120 years. From the evisceration of a Whitechapel prostitute in 1888 to the headless corpse found in the Thames later that year, Jack the Stripper has been brutally murdering vagrants for good times, great food, and that delicious extracted kidney taste. That's why everybody's happy when it's Jack the Stripper!

Jack Hammer wrote:

Drink beer and play Peasant/Poodle Checkers. Those poodles are always jumping the peasants, and the peasants always want to be kinged.

Needs more violence...

You rang?

Celestial Healer wrote:

Studpuffin wrote:

@Porcelain Throne

Best.
Alias.
Ever.

I'm glad to hear it. I feel like half my aliases are only funny to me.

Like Jack the Stripper, who never gained much traction.

Jack the Stripper is hilarious. For some reason, it makes me think of the guy from Three's company too, though.

Come and knock on our door.....

You'll see that life is a frolic and laughter is calling for you......
Down at our rendez-vous,
Three's company, too!!!!!!

Mairkurion {tm} wrote:

Naked felicitations!

Were you singing it Marilyn Monroe style?

Chuck Norris once ate an entire birthday cake before someone told him there was a stripper inside it.

Violence never solved anything... unless you use a lot of it.

When I don't have a gig as a stripper, I go to London and kill harlots. I'm not sure what it solves, but I like it.

Why is the boss' brain in a jar?

Wait. I get it. It's floating in Black Seal Rum. Smart boss, bypassing all that piping and nourishing straight from the source.

If his brain is in a jar, what happened to his delicious limbs?

*starts burying his victims in Spanky's garden*

Jack the Stripper wrote:

Pun Ditz wrote:

Strippers? I'm an authority on that subject. Have you seen most of those outfits?! I mean, really. It is possible to find clothing from a boutique that is still easily removable. I know all about that too.

I'm interested in this post on so many levels.

Well, I can tell you all about it. And I will. First you find a friendly little boutique that specializes in the right clothing. They have the best selection. You know, it has to be able to hold up to multiple uses. Unless you really want to make it a special occasion. Then there's the girls. Gotta keep them from running amuck until you're ready to let them out. Keeps the mystery going, you know?

And remember, buying a size 3 does not make you a size 3, but buying a slightly smaller bra does tend to keep the girls pushed way up high. After all, who keeps the bra on very long anyways?

And for the guys? Keep the dino in check until it's needed. A tight thong usually helps restrict the blood flow. Work the abs, and for gosh sakes keep the body hair in check!

All these tips are useful when job hunting, a night out on the town, or for whenever. Live life to the fullest, you know?

Can I keep my serial killer hobby on the side?

Strippers? I'm an authority on that subject. Have you seen most of those outfits?! I mean, really. It is possible to find clothing from a boutique that is still easily removable. I know all about that too.

I'm interested in this post on so many levels.

My alter ego Jeff turned 40 this almost two weeks back and he would llke to know if Hungry Jack has any birthday recipes.

Oh wish him a happy birthday too.

*jumps out of a birthday cake shirtless, wielding a bloody knife*

I heard it's somebody's birthday!

wanders in to check out the new digs

G'morning, folks. I missed the strippers? Harumph!

You rang?

*hides bloody knife*

Jack the Stripper wrote:

Crimson Jester wrote:

Does it take two jacks to finish a sentence? Is that with or without the beers?

Does it take two jacks to hide this body?

That's not hypothetical - I could use a hand.

What the body does not have a spare hand it isn't using?

Heh heh heh heh heh...

Not anymore.

Does it take two jacks to finish a sentence? Is that with or without the beers?

Does it take two jacks to hide this body?

That's not hypothetical - I could use a hand.

lynora-Jill wrote:

Jack Hammer wrote:

A studio?

No wonder we're Angry Jacks.

We need a secret lab, weapons locker, new garage, smoke house, or better yet a brew house.

Sweetheart, in case you forgot, the studio is how we afford all of that stuff.

Oh, and the architect want you to please make up your minds on the design for the brew house or it'll never get built. ;P

If Jack the Stripper had a credit card swipe on his backside he'd probably make more money.

Did you try?

Lord President Moorluck wrote:

I move that this "presedent of tempura" get the hell outta my chair. This ain't no damn democracy, now bring in the strippers!

*strips*

This was my major back at Calhoun Tech.

Sorry, I would have come sooner, but I was too busy stabbing hookers in London.

"Oookay...this is new....what the hell...."

*sits down to watch the show*

I'll tell you what: I'll do a little dance if you help me bury this body.

Did somebody order a stripper?

*puts on funky music*